Questionable Content

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Questionable Content is a comedic slice-of-life webcomic written and drawn by Jeph Jacques.


Number 1-99[edit]

  • Pintsize: Hook me up to the monitor. I'll download you some nice, cheerful porn.
Number 1: Employment Sucks
  • Marten: A lesser man, a man weaker than I, might interject with a lewd or suggestive comment at this juncture.
Number 36: A Lesser Man Indeed
  • Marten: The only way to deal with computer salespeople is with an overwhelming preemptive strike.
Number 45: Pity, He Asked For It
  • Pintsize: My first commandment is: "Thou shalt not beget electromagnetism in the presence of your Lord".
Number 70: There Can Be Only One
  • Faye: I have attained girlvana!
Number 79: I Want Those Posters Dammit

Number 100-199[edit]

  • Faye: A girl has to protect her assets. Also her breastets.
Number 100: Bad Timing
  • Faye: Actually, it is a credit to your character that you would ply me with drink not to try and get some action, but to hear me say funny words and southern slang.
Number 130: Going For The Bronze
  • Pintsize: He doesn't have to wake up, you know. I have a laser, and we have a garbage disposal.
Number 148: Never Saw It Coming
  • Amanda: That was the day I learned there's no way you can remove your head from another girl's crotch in a nonchalant manner.
Number 165: Hi Mom!
  • Faye: If a lady's junk is quiverin', her man must be deliverin'!
Number 180: All A-Quiver

Number 200-299[edit]

  • Steve: Now, is a Smarmadon a type of Smarmosaur, or is it the other way around?
Number 202: Sexy Clones
  • Marten: I feel sexy now. All makin' ladies' panties wet from 100 yards away - a Sex Jedi!
Number 203: Like Hair On A Wookie
  • Dora: Our culture doesn't get smarter, it just finds new ways of being retarded.
Number 240: Ursa Ursa Ursa
  • Faye: Yes! Rampaging bears are the answer to all of our cultural missteps!
Number 240: Ursa Ursa Ursa
  • Ellen: I should just date a shower massage. They don't care about age.
Number 243: Hit The Showers
  • Pintsize: When talking about the human experience, it all comes around to poopin' eventually.
Number 270: Cheap Humor
  • Pintsize: The quakers were masters of siege warfare.
Number 282: I Prefer the Trebuchet

Number 300-399[edit]

  • Pintsize: Curses! I am powerless against the might of duct tape!
Number 310: Duck It
  • Faye: When you became my friend you were automatically enrolled in the Menstrual Discussion Plan. For an additional $15.99 per month you can upgrade to the Digestive Issues Bulletin Package.
Number 311: Sneaky Junk
  • Ellen: You know, employing the Socratic Method in the bedroom could be pretty interesting.
Number 317: Ask, Not Tell
  • Faye: Your honesty is the knife twisting in the wound that is my conscience. Also, that was the most emo thing I have ever said. Please just shoot me now before I metaphor again.
Number 340: Also the Most Emo Thing I Have Ever Written
  • Pintsize: It was like being hit by a freight train carrying eighty tons of SEX!
Number 387: Tungsten Of Tushes

Number 400-499[edit]

  • Faye: I shop like Puritans have sex - in and out in three minutes, and only for the procreation of children.
Number 424: Her Favorite Sound
  • Pintsize: Spontaneous kindness is to hipsters highbeams are to deer.
[1]
  • Marten: Funny, I thought you advocated the murder of your patrons.
Number 443: Love Indiemarican Style
  • Raven: Me? Sarcastic? Of course not, I'm far too ditzy to grasp the subtleties of mockery.
Number 444: Quite Beyond Her
  • Raven: You know, I never really got that phrase. All life isn't suffering. Sometimes there are parties and makeouts! And marijuana!
Number 453: She's Seriously Kinda Crazy
  • Faye: The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage.
Number 478: I Get Knocked Down
  • Pintsize: What's this about squirrels and acid? Let me tell you, dissolving a squirrel is a lot more work than you think.

[2]

Number 500-599[edit]

  • Hannelore: Okay Hannelore, moral debate time. Do we leave quietly and hope the shock erase his short-term memory of this evening, or do we call the hospital and hope Faye doesn't come home soon?
  • Pintsize: I don't know who you are but I like your style.

Number 529: Technically She's Trespassing Now.

  • Faye: Figures the first girl you bring home'd be a stalker.
Number 533: I Am Seriously That Introverted
  • Raven: "Frame of mind"? What does that have to do with dating? Be like Toucan Sam! Follow your nose! Or, uh, your junk. Be a horny Toucan Sam!
Number 541: Captain Crunch EWWW
  • Raven: I'm a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in an AWESOME rack.
Number 542: Playing Her Like A Fiddle
  • Dora: Cashmere is comfy, but it just can't compare with steaming human entrails.
Number 563: Serial Killer Couture
  • Raven: I like how Axe body spray smells, but it doesn't make me want to hump inanimate objects like in the commercials. Which is sort of disappointing.
Number 583: Commercials Lie

Number 600-699[edit]

  • Dora: Threesomes are a lot like Communism - they're a great idea on paper but in reality they rarely work well.
Number 600: It's Assumed That He Is Joking
  • Marten: I think I exude a pheromone that causes existential conflict in ladies. I'm like some sort of rare Uncertainty Moth.
Number 608: Worrywarts
  • Dora: They should give RealDolls the ability to press charges. Although I guess that'd remove one of their major selling points.
Number 633: For The Man Who Has Everything?
  • Pintsize: If a guitar is a phallic symbol and keyboards are female, does that mean keytars are hermaphrodites? Hot.
Number 660: It's Been A Long Weekend
  • Faye: Is there a full moon tonight or something? There must be a reason every boy I know is acting RETARDED.
Number 683: A Lunar Explanation

Number 700-799[edit]

  • Faye: Get used to it. Working at Coffee of Doom means subjecting yourself to a neverending parade of inventive nicknamery.
Number 729: Biology Department
  • Hannelore: Don't you try and out-creepy me, little man. My first words when I was a toddler were "thousand-yard stare".
Number 730: Creeped Out Again
  • Penelope: He was pretty handsome for a religious leader. But then, it'd be hard NOT to look good in one of those awesome pope-hats.
Number 769: Then The Left One
  • Marten: Actually, I was fired from the morgue for juggling heads. Specifically, for juggling heads badly and making a mess on the floor.
Number 772: I Miss Sexy Losers
  • Tai: I dunno, bachelor's degrees make pretty good placemats if you get 'em laminated.
Number 789: Animal House

Number 800-899[edit]

  • Faye: You think everybody secretly does porn.
Number 803: It Must Be On A Remote Server Or Something
  • Dr. Corrine: "Just go out and bang some dude" is one of the phrases you will never hear a psychiatrist say. Other such phrases include "I think the heroin is doing you a lot of good," and "Jesus, no WONDER your mother never loved you."
Number 809: Devil's Advocate
  • Faye: Screw the bar, let's get drunk and play with Hanners' suction cups!
Number 829: Pintsize Taught Her
  • Dora: I will not tolerate mutiny! Not even if chocolate is involved!
Number 835: The Bounty
  • Tai: The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Especially if it's been soaked in cheap whiskey.
Number 842: A Chip Off The Ol' Block
  • Hannelore: Can I HANDLE it? I am a cleaning NINJA. I'll make that dirt my BITCH.
Number 865: Knuckles

Number 900-999[edit]

  • Faye: If I became physically attracted to things that irked me, the world would burst into flame from the friction of my furious humping.
Number 900: Maybe At A Swingers' Party?
  • Faye: Well that's just awful. I have just the thing to cheer you up, though - a 100% genuine unicorn hair, guaranteed to grant you eternal life. Only two thousand dollars!
Number 945: I Heart Alan Moore
  • Marten: In Canada they have socialized asskicking. It's called "hockey."
Number 988: Wayne Gretzky, MD

Number 1000-1099[edit]

  • Hannelore: Oh! It was a pun! I'm sorry. Daddy didn't allow puns when I was growing up.
Numer 1007: Weird Flavor
  • Faye: My chest is not the Make-A-Wish Foundation!
Number 1012: Think Of The Children
  • Steve: Holy shit. He's a serial killer. He has to be. NOBODY'S that perfect.
Number 1027: Holy Exposition, Batman
  • Marten: I wonder what cymbal testers do for fun. Hihat scrimshaw? Novelty gong-craft? Or do they just go home, take twenty Advils, and listen to the soothing sounds of felt?
Number 1054: Not The Band, The Actual Fabric
  • Sven: I see flashing lights, dudes in hard hats waving flags, and about three miles of caution tape. There's a big sign that says "DETOUR - ANY OTHER FEMALE IN EXISTENCE."
Number 1076 Road Flares and Jersey Barriers
  • Faye: Are you always this smug after you ravish a lady?
Number 1082: Nobody Likes That Kind

Number 1100-1199[edit]

  • Hannelore: Man, good thing human females don't have venomous ovipositors, huh?
Number 1101: Better Left Unsaid
  • Raven: I might not be the sharpest bulb in the box but I'm not THAT gullible.
Number 1115: Mixed Metaphor
  • Hannelore: Really? So you're NOT all highly-trained actors being paid off by my parents to offer me the illusion of a normal social life?
Number 1144: Geppetto: The Later Years
  • Hannelore: As far as pathogens go, friendship is pretty okay.
Number 1145: Typhoid Marten
  • Sven: "Roses are red,
violets are blue,
you're really hot,
let's fuck."
Number 1189: Lurid Verse

Number 1200-1299[edit]

  • Pintsize: Human cusswords focus on mating, excretion and genitalia. Robot cusswords focus on mashing on homerow. ASDF is a four-letter word.
Number 1200: Don't Even Mention Dvorak
  • Tai: Th-that was probably just somebody's escaped tarantula. Right?
Marten: Either way, next time I go down to the stacks I'm bringin' a flamethrower.
Hannelore: You guys saw that too? Thank goodness. I thought I was hallucinating again.
Number 1211: One Can Only Hope
  • Sven: What am I supposed to say, "I'm sorry my friend is a creepy motherfucker, but will you please go out on a date with him anyway?"
Number 1213: A Meeting Engagement
  • Pintsize: What do humans typically do when they find themselves leaking an unknown substance from one of their orifices?
Faye: They...go to the doctor?
Pintsize: NO, they go post pictures of it on the internet.
Number 1254: Does This Look Infected?
  • Sven: A good relationship is like fireworks: loud, explosive, and liable to maim you if you hold on too long.
Number 1274: Guy Fawkes Day Works Too

Number 1300-1399[edit]

  • Tai: People in committed relationships emit a pheromone that makes them more attractive.
Number 1322: Or Stop Showering
  • Hannelore: Beethoven's Fifth reminds me of Canada. I don't know why. I've never been to Canada.
Number 1336: Canasthesia
  • Marten: There are other fish in the sea, and they're not all Asshole Cod.
Number 1346: Jerks Cousteau
  • Sven: I'd self-immolate but I wouldn't want to inconvenience the neighbors.
Number 1347: The Honorable Course

Number 1400-1499[edit]

  • Faye: My right boob sags a little more than my left. I call it the Underachiever.
Number 1405: To Make A List
  • Sven: My artistic integrity wears a gimp suit and lives in a box.
Number 1424: He WoWs When Depressed
  • Marten: Bartender, fetch us some frosty beers and fancy outfits!
Number 1425: With Maximum Ridiculosity
  • Faye: Aww, it's been FOREVER since I've had to punch you! What a delightful wave of nostalgia!
Number 1462: The Good Old Days
  • Faye: I demand a tumbler full of gin and a fainting couch!
Number 1471: Gettin' Darcified

Number 1500-1699[edit]

  • Pintsize: Aw, man, now I want wang-limbs
Number 1500: Freud Would Have A Field Day
  • Marten: You have a black velvet painting of yourself in your bedroom?
Steve: I had it hanging over my mantle for a while, but I found it works better for a POST-coital conversation piece.
Number 1508: Please Say It Isn't True
  • Dora: "Us?" No, no, no, I'm a small business owner. You're the underachieving peon.
Number 1509: Stop Poking Me
  • Dora: OH MY GOD YOU ARE GONNA BE SO HOT WHEN YOU GO GRAY
Number 1515: A Glimpse Into The Future
  • Tai: Guys this started off as a fun little diversion but if I end up having to testify in court I'm gonna be SO PISSED.
Number 1542: Yes, Your Honor
  • Marten: Dear universe: if this is really how you work, may I please have a 1952 Telecaster?
Number 1543: Ask And Ye Shall Receive
  • Angus: I maybe a social leper, but at least my weirdo shut-in gamer roommate still likes me! HOORAY!
Marigold You insensitive ASShole!
Number 1560: Robot Art
  • Faye: I have great tits coded right into my genes!
Number 1562: Sexy Breeding
  • Faye: You are a true friend, Flower Pits.
Number 1564: Tai's A Secret Girl
  • Hannelore: I MUST ELIMINATE ALL WITNESSES OF MY CRIME.
Dora: BAD Hanners! NO murdering friends! BAD!
Number 1576: Last Possible Resort
  • Pintsize: When the singularity hits I will BECOME PORN.
Number 1586: Just Your Average Everyday
  • Marten: "Sure, my lawn is made of solid gold, but my neighbor's AstroTurf looks so inviting."
Number 1593: Tainclusion
  • Faye: What's the point of havin' a rapier wit if I can't use it to stab people?
Number 1615: Last Party She Was Invited To
  • Dora: If your pay was based on good PR your great-grandchildren would still be working off the debt.
Number 1622: Postmodern Feudalism
  • Pintsize: I'll suck your dick for a chimichanga!
Number 1627: Pintsize Stoops To New Lows
  • Dora: I swear, you two aren't underachievers so much as ANTIachievers.
Number 1649: Everyone's A Hypocrite
  • Faye: Tsk, it's always the uptight ones that end up total pokesluts.
Number 1660: Physical Contact Sports
  • Hannelore: Baking is wonderful! It's like science for hungry people!
Number 1679: Sweet Science
  • Dora: You have the most AMAZING RACK in that dress. It is seriously incredible.
Number 1684: Painfully Honest

Number 1700-1899[edit]

  • Tai: I promise not to seduce your girlfriend if I get a cookie!
Number 1701: Cookie Cthulhu-The Cookie That Eats YOU

External links[edit]

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