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Red vs. Blue: Reconstruction

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Red vs Blue: Reconstruction is a 2008 video season, and is a chapter in Rooster Teeth's Red vs. Blue saga.

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Trailer

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A memo to the Chairman of the Oversight Sub-Committee from the Director of Project Freelancer:
Dear Chairman,
I write today in response to your committee’s request for more information about our program and the suspected incident at Outpost 17-B. No doubt by now you have reviewed the video logs transmitted by our Recovery agents dispatched to the region. I am sure you have seen the empty bases, the barricades constructed by the survivors, the cryptic warning left on the wall, the battles that apparently took place between team members that had turned on each other. And of course...the ship.
While we cannot say for certain, I share your concern we have an unfortunate post-project scenario taking place. However, I take exception to your assertion that we were warned this was a possibility. I would like to remind the sub-committee members that anything is possible; some things are probable; this is what is. And my agency, as it always has, will continue to deal with what is...until it is no more.

WE ARE THE META
- message carved into the wall of Outpost 17-B

Chapter 1

[edit]
What surprised me most about mankind during the Great War was not our ability to adapt to new areas of conflict...
but our willingness in victory to so quickly return to the old.
To the Director of Project Freelancer, from the Oversight Sub-Committee Chairman:
Dear Director,
I want to thank you in advance for your openness in response to our sub-committee’s request for more information. We were...disappointed that your Recovery force reported a total loss at Outpost 17-B. We had hoped there would be at least one soldier there that could shed some light on the situation. I know that your agency has enjoyed a high degree of freedom with very little scrutiny for the past few years. It is not our intention to disrupt such a...progressive military program, but instead to find a way that we can work together in a manner that befits all our responsibilities. I am certain that you agree. And we look forward to making this review process as painless as we possibly can.
The Counselor: I know this has been difficult for you, Walter. We’re going to do everything we can to help you. Please, follow these men to your new quarters. You’ll be with us as long as absolutely necessary. You have my word.
The Counselor: We think the best place for you to start would be the Omega’s last known location. The soldiers there have the most experience with that program.
Washington: I see. So I should contact these experts -
The Counselor: We do not like the term "experts."
Washington: Because nobody really knows what our program is doing?
The Counselor: Let’s just say that the term "expert" is a little too...complimentary in this particular case.

Chapter 2

[edit]
A response from the Director of Project Freelancer
Dear Chairman,
While I am obligated to assist your investigation, I ask that you not waste my time with irrelevant questions. My agency is normally unconcerned with such minute directives as troop reassignment. Except, of course, in the most critical of matters.
Sister: Cause if you're a cop, you have to tell me. That's totally like a law or something.
Washington: I'm not a cop and that's not a law.
Sister: If you're not a cop, then how do you know if that's a law or not?! BUSTED!
Washington: Anyway now that you're here by yourself, what do you do in your free time?
Sister: I have raves here every night, I charge five dollars per entry. Last night... I made ten bucks!
Washington: Okay, I'm gonna leave now, good luck with your empty base and your raging insanity.
Sister: Yeah what ever, good luck on being a cop! COP!
Sarge: I think there's going to be some kind of uprising, I can hear them over there every night with their tribal drums. Boom, Chicka, Boom, Chicka, Boom, Chicka, Boom!
Sister: Don't tell him anything until you talk to a lawyer. You have rights.
Washington: I'M NOT A COP!
Sarge: Hey, beat it you little tramp! You see why I can't leave?

Chapter 3

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Dear Director,
Due to your…busy schedule, we have begun interviewing members of your staff. I’m certain you will let us know if this bothers you.
Our debriefings keep coming back to a single subject at Outpost 17-B: can you explain to us what this “Meta” is, and what your plans are to deal with it?
(After he "accidentally" kills Jones)
Caboose: Be careful.
Luitenant Miller: You'll understand soon enough.
Caboose: You wanted to see me principal Miller?
Luitenant Miller: Where's the guy I sent to get ya?
Caboose: Oh him, Yeah um... he let me out, and then somehow shot himself in the back somehow. Uh, but we don't think it was anyone's fault... Everybody agrees it was an accident.
Luitenant Milller: Jesus! would someone go check on him. Caboose, this here is special agent Washington, from Blue command, he has something fantastic he needs to talk to you about.
Caboose: Command... Oh no... they never have good news. Did somebody die? was it my mom is she dead? Or my dad, did my dad die again? Oh no...
Washington: What is this, I don't...
Luitenant Miller: (Laughs) You see, he's yours now. No take backs.
Caboose: Is it my brother, was my brother killed? That's it isn't it- my brother is dead!
Washington: What no... nothing like that!
Caboose: Oh good because I don't even have a brother! How sad would it be to not have a brother and to lose a brother all in the same day!
Washington: No one died!
Soldier: (Comes up) Jones is dead sir!
Washington: Ok no one besides him.
Caboose: Once again nobody's fault. (Whispers) Psst, I think the new guy did it.
Washington: Private Caboose, you were stationed at Blood Gulch, right?
Caboose: Yeah...that was fun.
Washington: And our records indicate that you were infected by an aggressive artificial intelligence program at one point: the Omega AI. Is that correct as well?
Caboose: Yeah...that wasn’t as much fun.
Washington: Okay, well, I need you to come with me. I’m investigating a critical issue, and you seem to be the only person with the knowledge and experience necessary to help me...and I just realized how ridiculous that sounded once I said it out loud. Nonetheless,I need you to come with me.
Lt. Miller: Can I have a word with him first sir?
Washington: Sure, I guess.
Lt. Miller: Now Caboose, I know we didn’t always get along…
Caboose: (excitedly) I got tied up!
Lt. Miller: Right. And all these mistakes, I know it’s not your fault. You seem like a good kid. You’re just a little...confused.
Caboose: Yeah...he is…
Lt. Miller: But I wanna give you a piece of advice. This guy looks like a tough customer, and you’re bound to get into some situations that maybe you’re not prepared for.
Caboose: Right. Like a rodeo.
Lt. Miller: Now if that happens, if you find yourself in danger, or in a situation where you think something bad is going to happen to you, I want you to remember just one thing: never, ever, come back here.
Caboose: Okay.
Lt. Miller: No, I need to know that you understand. I need to hear you say it.
Caboose: (gravely) Don’t ever go backwards.
Lt. Miller: Okay, I guess that’s as close as we’re gonna get.

(Caboose and Washington are leaving the base to go track down other members of the Blood Gulch teams)

Caboose: I’m hungry...I’m thirsty...I need to go to the bathroom again…

Chapter 4

[edit]
Dear Chairman,
Rest assured, we have the situation under control. While the Meta is proving to be an elusive enemy, our Recovery agent is already closing in on it. I expect this incident will reach a conclusion soon, and I will be able to return to my research...hopefully without further interruption.
Washington: And you’re sure this is where we can find this guy?
Caboose: I think so. We all found out our new orders at the same time, he tried to hide his from me so I would not know where he was.
Washington: Really? I can’t imagine why.
Caboose: I said it was like a game of Hide-and-Seek, and he said that that was right, he was going to hide from me. And the only way he could win is if he dies without ever seeing me again.
Washington: And he knows about Freelancer as well?
Caboose: Oh, yeah, he knows the most. He knows all about your AI game. He dated Tex!
Washington: Agent Texas?...Um, how could a person -
(interrupted by a rifle shot narrowly missing them)
Washington: FUCK! Sniper! Get down!
Caboose: Huh?
Church: Okay, that was your warning shot! The next one is going right between your eyes!
Washington: Private Caboose! Get down!
Caboose: Wait a minute...
Church: Alright! I warned ya! SAYONARA, BIATCH!
(Narrowly misses Caboose)
Church: OH COME ON WHAT THE FUCK?!
Washington: Caboose...!
Caboose: I know that voice! Church! Church, it’s me, your all-time best friend!
Church: Caboose?! Caboose, is that you?
Caboose: Yes, Church, it’s me! (a rifle round misses him) I have missed you so much! (as Church starts shooting at him some more) It has been so long! Did you miss me?
Church: Fuck! I missed him!
Caboose: I knew you did!
Washington: Open this gate.
Church: Uh, no can do, bud. See, this is a secure facility: nobody in, nobody out. Sorry, I guess you’ll have to come back…never.
Washington: (sarcastically) Oh no, then I guess we’ll have to just walk through the huge hole in your secure wall.
Church: (pause) Fine. I’ll open the fucking gate.
Washington: How long have you been here?
Church: How long? Um…what day is today?
Washington: Today is Tuesday.
Church: I’ve been here fourteen months.
Washington: What? Over a year? By yourself? Alone?
Church: Yeah, it’s been, um…it’s been great. Just, it’s been great, really great.
Washington: You really are an odd group of people.
Church:: Did he just say "Omega"?
Caboose:: Yeah, and some other words too.
Church:: (referring to the Meta) Stop it? If it's hunting Freelancers I want to start a fanclub for it, build it a website.
Washington: C’mon, let’s move out.
Church: Move out? Hey, at what point in this conversation did you think that we were buddies or somethin’? I’m not going with you.
Caboose: Yes! You are not in our buddy club!
Church: Shut up Caboose, and what did I tell you about that armor when we had to pick new suits?
Caboose: You told me to upgrade.
Church: That’s not an upgrade! This is Mark VI Armor, that’s Mark V. This is an upgrade!
Caboose: In a Top Ten list, five is better than six!
Church: We’re not a Top Ten list!
Washington: How do you ever get anything done if all you ever do is argue with each other?
Church: We don’t! That’s part of our charm! Quit fucking it up!
Caboose: Blue versus Red battles. No one says Red versus Blue, it sounds stupid when you say it backwards.
Caboose: Yes! This will be the greatest road trip ever!
Church: If you say anything positive, I will fucking kill all three of us right now.
Caboose: Okay. I will be very depressed about how awesome this will be!

Chapter 5

[edit]
Dear Director,
We can all understand that a shift from autonomy to oversight can be a difficult adjustment for anyone but especially someone of your standing. In that spirit we have attempted to accommodate your brief explanations to our serious inquires. Nonetheless, I feel compelled to inform you that even our trust has its limits.
Guard 1: Sorry sir, those are my orders. No one can approach the crash site. You can't come in. Sorry.
Washington: I need to see that ship. Check my clearance if you need to.
Guard 1: I know sir, but it won't matter. They said I can't let anybody in. Anybody.
Washington: I have order from Command, private.
Guard 1: So do I. These came from the Director himself. (looks away for a moment) Look sir I would like to help you, I really would, but this investigation thing...uh...apparently, they've started talking to people within the Recovery Force. Now everything's getting locked down. If you get Command to call me and tell me different, I can let you in. Until then, there's nothing I can do. Like I said, you're cleared to use Red Base if you want to make some calls. That facility has already been swept."
Washington: Fine. I understand. ("walks away")
Washington: We have a problem.
Caboose: I hope it isn’t a math problem…
Washington: They’ve got the crash site locked down.
Church: Oh great. You couldn’t have found that out on the radio? We had to walk here?
Washington: They said we could use this base if we want.
Church: (sarcastically) Wow. The empty concrete base? Is it our birthday?
Caboose: I want cake.
Church: Can we find somewhere nicer to hang out? Hey, maybe there’s like a cool nightclub nearby that you can’t get us into either. That would be awesome.
Caboose: What do you think he’ll do for a distraction?
Church: Who knows? Probably like, you know, make a noise, or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.
(a massive explosion flings debris across the canyon)
Church: (as sirens wail in the distance) Or he could do that.
Caboose: I think he’s better at distractions than you are.
Church: Yeah.
Washington: Ok, come on out, but come quietly.
Church: Ok, lets go.
Caboose: Um, yes, I don't want to. Uh, you see I am scared of the thing that I don't know what it is.
Church: (stepping into the grav-launcher) Oh, don't be a baby, how bad can it BEEEEEEEEE- (Church bounces across the map until he hits a Warthog) This is fucking bullshit!
Guard 1: You just say something?
Guard 2: ...What?
Washington: (angry whisper) I said quietly, what part of quiet don't you understand?
Church: What part?! How about the part where I got thrown eighty feet in the fucking air, by the god-damn throwing thing!!
Washington: One of the survivors told us the Blues got here first and offloaded the bodies and equipment. Then they started to get infected.
Caboose: Infected? What were they doing with the bodies?
Church: Gross, shut up.
Caboose: No really, what were they doing with the bodies?
Church: So where’s your AI?
Washington: I don’t have one… Not anymore. It’s a long story, but it’s why I was chosen for this job.
Church: Okay, okay, I knew I heard your name before. You’re that guy who went nuts, right?
Washington: I didn’t do anything. My AI…lost control of itself.
Church: Riiiight. It just happened to do it while it was inside your head.
Washington: Right.
Caboose: We have a lot in common, Agent Washington.
Washington: No, we don’t…And don’t ever say that again.
Command: Recovery Command calling Recovery One, Level Zero.
Washington: I have you Command, Level Zero. Go ahead.
Command: We have a beacon, Wash, pulling the data now…stand by for ID and coordinates…
Washington: I received it here too, standing by.
Church: What was that?
Washington: That was my recovery beacon. Means an AI somewhere is in jeopardy, and I have to find it before…something else does.
Command: Coordinates locked, transmitting now…
Washington: Receiving coordinates for recovery target. Do we have an ID?
Command: Affirmative. It is from the AI Delta and -
Washington: Agent South.
Command: Roger that, Agent...South Dakota…battle reports look bad, yeah, she’s in trouble, Wash.
Washington: (flatly) Yes. Yes she is.

Chapter 6

[edit]
Dear Chairman,
The Meta is nothing more than an entity seeking to increase its power in these confusing days after the war. From my perspective, that seems to be a very common occurrence at the moment.
Washington: (spots South) Don’t let her get away!
Church: Her? Isn't she a Freelancer like you?
Washington: Yes! Just don’t let her leave!
Church: Okay! Caboose...
Caboose: Hello!
Church: Hey, see that purple one? She’s on our team. You should help her.
Caboose: Okay! (Shoots south on purpose)
South: Son of a – (collapses)
Delta: Friendly fire!
Caboose: Um…she got in the way when I was trying to help her…
Church: (to Wash) Okay, we’re good!
(Caboose has just thrown a grenade into a wall directly in front of him)
Washington:: That was the worst throw...ever...of all time.
Caboose:: Not my fault. Someone put a wall in my way.
South: I ca-I can’t walk on my own.
Washington: Well I guess you better start crawling. If you think I’m leaving you here to escape, you’ve got another thing com–
Delta: Agent Washington, if I may: before you arrived, South attempted to turn me in to the Meta to save herself.
Washington: Really…
Delta: Much like she wounded you to escape in her previous encounter with it. And as I have learned on our travels, her brother North suffered a similar fate.
Washington: What a team player.
Delta: It is highly probable that she will turn on us again soon, and in her current physical state, she will only hamper our progress.
Washington: What are you suggesting?
Delta: …That we do not allow her to hamper our progress.
Washington: Okay. (draws pistol)
South: Oh come on, Wash…what are you gonna do, shoo–
(Washington shoots her in the head)
Washington: Yes. Good suggestion.
Delta: You're welcome.
Church: Dude, you guys are some cold motherfuckers.
Caboose: I just want everyone to know that I have no problems walking...and I take full responsibility for the grenade incident.

Chapter 7

[edit]
Dear Director,
Your program was granted the use of a single Artificial Intelligence unit for implantation purposes. Yet the department records clearly show multiple agents in the field with implants during the same timeframes. Surely this must be a logging error, and we anticipate a corrected document soon.
Washington: You don’t need to treat me like that. I’m not crazy, okay? I'm totally, completely sane…now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go blow up this dead body.
Delta: (while Washington is blowing up South's body) I believe that Agent Washington's sanity is well within reasonable expectations...for now.
Church: Wow, what a ringing endorsement. I am filled with confidence.
Washington: (about South's death) I told them Caboose did it. Apparently they already have a shortcut on the keyboard for reporting his teamkills –
Caboose: Ctrl+F+U.
Washington: I would have told them you shot her, but I wanted it to be believable.
Church: Hey, my aim is fine!
Caboose: Back to square one. Scary square.
Washington: I told you, she shot me in the back first!
Caboose: And we believe you. Even though we don't think that shooting a friend in the back occasionally is that big of a deal.
Church: (referring to the AIs) They copied them? Yeah, I like that. I guess if one is annoying, then twenty is going to be awesome!
Dellario: I just wanna know why we have wall duty for the third day straight and Tubbs pulls motor pool every time.
Burke: Not every time.
Dellario: Every time! Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, today!
Burke: Today is Wednesday, Dellario!
Dellario: Exactly! And where's Tubbs? Motor pool!
[Cut to Tubbs, who is seen sitting inside a Warthog]
Dellario: Look at him down there. What's he doing? Nothing.
Burke: So what, what're we doing?
Dellario: We're on guard duty.
Burke: He's on guard duty too.
Dellario: Yeah, but he gets to sit still while doing it. We have to walk.
Burke: [Scoffs] You worry too much.
Dellario: I don't complain too much Burke. You don't complain enough. I have to complain more just to keep up the average. You know what I mean? [Burke doesn't respond] Burke? Burke!? [Looks to his right and sees the Meta standing in Burke's spot, wearing red armor] Hey, Burke... where'd you get that helmet?
[The Meta kills Dellario]

Chapter 8

[edit]
Dear Chairman,
I understand your concern that increased activity will bring increased risks. However, our failsafes are simple but foolproof: a dead or dying agent’s beacon automatically notifies our Recovery team, and we will be on the scene immediately to secure all the military’s property.
Washington: Look, there’s our cycle. The Meta must be here.
Church: (sarcastic) Yeah, because no one else in the military would have a standard-issue motorcycle just like that.
Caboose: Also, the piles of dead bodies might have been a clue.
Washington: Just keep your heads down and your eyes open. I'm going to advance on that wall, you two get Delta and move up on the other side.
Church: Okay.
Washington: Don't use the radio unless it's absolutely necessary.
Church: Okay.
Washington: And don't make a move until I do.
Church: (annoyed) Okay!
Washington: And no screw-ups this time!
Church: (angrily) OKAY! Are we gonna sit here on the beach all day, or we're gonna go get this thing!?
Washington: We only have one chance of this before he gets back to full power. I can't take any chances that you guys are going to botch this.

Chapter 9

[edit]
Dear Director,
I feel that you are avoiding the question: if this target was already in possession of an AI unit, how was he able to secure an additional unit from Agent South? Would not that verify, as we indicated earlier, that your program now runs experiments with more than one Artificial Intelligence? If so, where did these additional AI come from? And more importantly, how did your agency procure them?
Grif: Don't you think it's ironic that you're about to shoot us because we don't have enough ammo?
Red Soldier: Any last words?
Grif: Yeah: you guys suck!
Red Soldier: Ready, aim...
Simmons: Killed by our own men, couldn't see this coming.
Simmons: Sarge?
Grif: Yeah, what?
Sarge: What in hell are you two doing?
Simmons: We're being executed by our own men, sir.
Sarge: Well cut it out, I need you guys to come with me. Command has a secret mission for us.
Red Soldier: Who the hell is this guy?
Sarge: Ahh, what is this? Insubordination? Hi-yah! (smashes the soldier in the face) Come on you two, let's get a move on. Where's your commanding officer?
Simmons: He's right there. (motions toward Grif)
Sarge: Where? Behind Grif?
Simmons: Sergeant Grif is our CO, sir.
Sarge: Your Sergeant has the same name as Grif? That's a disturbing coincidence.
Simmons: No no, listen to me. Grif is our commander, he was promoted to Sergeant when you refused to relocate with us.
Sarge: But who's in charge?
Simmons: Sergeant Grif!
Sarge: Okay, see, I hear you saying words, but it's like they don't match up in a way that makes sense... Did you have a stroke?
Simmons: Grif is a Sergeant! He's the same rank as you now!
Sarge: That's what I'm talking about, where is he?
Simmons: He's right there! (motions toward Grif again)
Sarge: ...So, he's invisible?
Grif: Dude, I don't think he's physically capable of understanding what you're telling him.
(the Red soldier gets back up)
Red Soldier: Does this mean we get a new Sergeant now? Awesome, cause this one sucks!
(Sarge smashes the soldier in the back of the head)
Sarge: Yah! Never talk that way about a superior!
Grif: Did Sarge just call me superior? I heard it! Simmons is a witness.
Simmons: I don't even want to get involved...
Sarge: What the hell's goin on in this base?! Insubordination! Invisible Sergeants!
Simmons: Shotgun!
Grif: I outrank you, get in the back.
Simmons: Fuck!

Chapter 10

[edit]
Dear Chairman,
Our records in this matter are impeccable, and I will refer you to them. It is true that we were granted the use of only one AI, yet with special permission to conduct our experiments. That is all we were allowed to do, and that is all we have done. Of course, I am sure that you will agree, that the core mission of any scientific endeavor is to find creative solutions to…unexpected problems.
Washington: Where did these guys come from?!
Church: I HAVE NO CLUE!
Washington: Do you think they are working with the Meta?
Church: Working with them? These guys don't do much work of any kind, so, no.
Washington Look, there's Caboose!
Church: Is he dead?
Washington ("dodges explosion") Ungh! Hold on! Let me pull up the Biocom, check his pulse rate!
Church: Uh...you can monitor our vitals?
Washington: I can check on the whole squad during combat, keeps me up to date! It doesn't work on you for some reason.
Church: Yeah? Uh...sure there is a perfect, logical, explanation for that...
Washington: We need to get to him! My HUD says that he's alive, but hurt.
(Church quickly fires his rifle at Caboose)
Church: How about now?
Washington: Stop that...And you missed him.
Church: Fuck! Sun was in my eyes.
Washington: (amplified) Red Team! Attention, Red Team! Cease fire! Cease fire!
Church: Hey, how’d you do that megaphone thing with your voice?
Washington: It’s a voice amplifier. It’s standard issue, all our suits have one.
Church: They do?
Sarge: What do you want?
Grif: Yeah, what do you want?
Sarge: Shut up Grif!
Grif: That’s “shut up Grif sir!”
Washington: (amplified) We are not your enemy. My name is Agent Washington. I am part of a special task force –
Church: (amplified) Testing, test- holy shit, it does work! This is badass!
Washington: (amplified) Stop that!
Church: (amplified) Agh, don’t use that thing right next to me! You’re killing my ears, you douche!
Sarge: Oh no! We’re not falling for that again!
Washington: (amplified) I am a special agent, from Command!
Church: (amplified, Wash slowly turns towards him, unamused) And this is the voice of God! Give up your evil ways! Join the Blue Te- (Wash smacks him) Ow! Hey, c’mon, seriously, you’re gonna break it!
Sarge: Ah, yeah. If you’re Command, then you’d know our secure codeword, wouldn’t you?
Washington: What? Oh, right. Hold on one second. The codeword is… (incredulously) "codeword?"
Sarge: Aw, dammit…
Simmons: Sir, what did I tell you about that?!

Chapter 11

[edit]
Dear Director,
Do your “creative solutions” include the circumvention of the safety protocols that every member of the military must follow?! If they do not, then I fail to see how an enemy has managed to secure not one, but several of your experimental AIs. The protocol is not a guideline, dear director! It is doctrine! And no one is above its rule.
Grif: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
Church: (laughing at Grif) Oh my god! That guy got fucked up!
Grif: (behind the crashed warthog) What the hell was that?!
Church: Aw, he lived? That’s bullshit…
Sarge: Grif! If I’ve told ya once, I’ve told ya a thousand times: ya gotta pay attention in battle! You can’t let yourself get distracted by-oh crap flying jeep... (dodges another hurled warthog)
Simmons: What is that thing?
Church: You guy's remember Tex.
Simmons: Yeah the girl who kick our asses all the time.
Church: Yeah well this thing is like, eight of her.
(Church is inside Caboose's mind)
Caboose's mental image of Agent Washington: What is this place?
Church: This is Caboose's mind, so everybody here is pretty much as Caboose sees the world. That means everyone's gonna be either really happy or make no sense whatsoever.
"Washington": I see. That's valuable information. I will take that information, and I will keep it in a special folder marked "Secret." Everyone knows that that is the best security there is.
Church: I see...
"Washington": Don't tell anyone I told you that.
Church: Okay, I won't.
"Washington": If you tell someone, the whole world could explode, and everyone would die, and the whole world could explode.
Church: Really?
"Washington": Yes. Those orders came from the President of Earth himself.
Church: Actually, you act a lot like you do on the outside.
"Washington": I would like to think that's because I present myself in a very clear and consistent manner. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to scare some people who are just trying to help me, and then go fight monsters and robots from the future. Freelancer Power, activate!
Delta: Unfortunately, I have been taken by the Meta. This is merely a memory I left in Caboose's mind to help you along your way.
Church: Then how are you talking to me?
Delta: I am not. I merely used logic to determine what questions you would ask and in what order. Then I left the appropriate responses.
Church: Oh, reall-
Delta: Yes, really.
Church: Okay. I like cheeseburgers.
Delta: Stop trying to test me.
Church: Empire State Building.
Delta: Seriously, stop. I left this memory in case you found it. Please tell Agent Washington that memory is the key.
Caboose's mental image of himself: Memory is the key.
Church: "Memory is the key?" What does that mean?
Delta: Wash will know.
Church: Okay, seriously, does it have to be a riddle? Can't you just tell me what you want me to do? How hard would that be? (to "Caboose") I bet this is your fault somehow.
"Caboose": I just work here.
Church: (to Delta) Well, if you're in the Meta, then why don't you just help us from the inside?
Delta: Church, I have to be objective. The next time you see me...I may not want you to help me.

Chapter 12

[edit]
Dear Chairman,
I too hold the protocol in the highest regard. The doctrine kept us all safe during the Great War. If you are insinuating, sir, that we have violated it in any way, or if we were derelict in our duty to the military – well then I suggest that you be direct, and tell me exactly how we did so.
Washington: Stop it! I can’t stand this. No more bickering. You have to be the most immature soldiers I have ever met!
Grif: Your face is immature!
Church: I have a message from Delta.
Washington: Delta? Why didn’t you tell me?
Church: Oh come on, seriously?
Washington: How did you get in contact with him?
Church: He left a message for me inside of Caboose’s head. Actually, for me to give to you. I guess he figured out I would get in there and find it.
Washington: How did he know that? Did he know what you are?
Church: Well I didn’t tell him. But he seemed pretty smart, maybe he just put two and two together –
Caboose: Four!
Church: That wasn’t a test.
Caboose: Yes it was I won A+.
Church: Where are we going?
Washington: Delta was right. Memory is the key.
Church: But what does that mean?
Washington: It means that only one thing remembers everything about these AI and were they come from. It will know how to stop them. We need to unlock the Alpha.
Church: The Alpha?
Washington: And that means we're going home...we're going to Command.
Doc:: Hey guys I'm here? Anyone? You guys suck. Stupid windmill.

Chapter 13

[edit]
Dear Director,
Our rules are not designed to outlaw every possible infraction that may take place. However, the spirit of the law is clear: blatant disregard for the safety and well-being of our citizens, in any form, will always be a punishable offense, regardless of how well or by whom that offense has been justified.
Washington: Ugh, I knew this plan wouldn’t work.
Church: We all knew this plan wouldn’t work. None of our plans ever work.
Caboose: That’s why we carry guns.
Washington: (as Sarge, sarcastically) We can get a car, no problem! We’re better with vehicles than the Blues, let us handle this!...(normal voice) Why did I even listen to them?!
Church: I told ya not to…
Washington: Yeah, well, I already stopped listening to you three bases ago.
Caboose: Well that’s not very –
Washington: And I never started listening to you.
Caboose: (watching the Reds and the guards’ dueling Warthogs) Aw man…that jeep has a really big gun…
Church: Don’t get any ideas.
Washington: (sighs) Well, I guess I’d better get down there and save them…really starting to hate this part of the job…
Caboose: Well at least you’re getting a lot of practice at it!
Washington: (wearily) Don’t patronize me.
Church: Y’know, if you let one or two of them die, we can probably all squeeze into one car. Just sayin’, you should think about it.
Caboose: Oh and if enough of us die, we could all fit on a motorcycle!
Grif: Everyone hang on, I'm gonna try something!
(Grif drives toward a high cliff)
Sarge: Grif, what are you doing?!
Grif: Hang on, I think I can make this jump!
Simmons: Are you out of your mind?
Grif: Yeah fuck this! BRAKES!
(Grif halts the Warthog, the pursuing Freelancers end up flying off of the cliff, allowing Simmons to shoot and kill them)
Recovery agent 1: Well, looks like the hornet's gonna get em now.
recovery agent 2: Yeah too bad they blew up our jeep though.
Recovery agent 1: And killed two of our friends...
Recovery agent 2: Oh...Yeah,

Chapter 14

[edit]
Dear Chairman,
Sir, while I appreciate your concern, allow me to correct you in one area: I value all our subjects’ well-being. But I revere above all else our ability to continue as a species – our ability to survive. And no committee, no bureaucrat will ever convince me otherwise.
Washington: (solemnly) We’ve all lost people, Church. What’s important is that you remember her…And what’s even more important is that you don’t slow me down while I’m in the middle of a mission!
Sarge: Alright, we’ve talked about it, and we figured out what we want.
Washington: Alright, let’s have it.
Sarge: We want you to demote Grif.
Washington: Done.
Grif: WHAT?!
Simmons: Another wasted opportunity…
Washington: Congratulations, you are now Private Grif again.
Sarge: Got anything lower?
Washington: Private…junior Grif?
Sarge: I was thinking something with an insulting adjective, or maybe a demeaning adverb, or…
Washington: How about…Minor Junior Private Grif, Negative First-Class?
Sarge: Heheh, I like the way you think.
Grif: You do realize you just doomed us to certain death just so you could insult me, right?
Sarge: Heh, if we do get killed at least we’ll go out on a high note. Well, everybody but you. But that’s to be expected: you haven’t had a high note in five years! (muttering) Why break the goddamn streak…

Chapter 15

[edit]
Dear Director,
Please do not attempt to recast this investigation as some sort of personal vendetta. Our questions to this point have been fairly standard - your reactions have not. As such, we have secured all of your records and logs by the authority granted to us by the UNSC. Now we shall see exactly what it is that you have to hide.
Sarge: Sacrificing himself for his CO! What a good soldier. Why can’t you two be more like him?!
Grif: What, brain dead?
Simmons: I would sacrifice Grif for you, sir!
Sarge: I know you would, Simmons, but it’s just not the same thing.
Simmons: (disturbingly eager) No, but seriously, I would. Just give me the word. I’ll do it right fucking now, let’s go, bring it!

Chapter 16

[edit]
Dear Chairman,
I imagine this investigation of our programs is providing you with the attention that politicians crave so much. How very predictable. What has surprised me most about mankind during the great war is not our ability to adapt to the new arenas of conflict, but instead, our willingness in victory to so quickly return to the old.
Washington: Church, I need you to listen to me. Delta was the logic! He was able to figure out things before anyone else. It's why he left a message for you in a way he knew only you could find, and in a way that let me see you getting it.
Church: What are you saying?
Washington: I'm saying I know what you are, even if you don't, why you can seemingly live without a body.
Church: What?
Washington: It's why they stuck you in some useless, backwater canyon where no one ever goes, then why they transferred every person in your outpost to a different base than you. It's why you always agreed with everything Delta said, why you didn't feel anything when Omega got inside your head, and why you can jump from person to person the way it can. Church, there is no such thing as ghosts. You're one of them, you're an AI, you...are the Alpha.

Chapter 17

[edit]
Dear Director,
It is now clear that your agency and its primary program, Project Freelancer, have abused the trust and freedoms that the Oversight Sub-Committee has provided. Your abuse of the Alpha AI will now become the subject of a criminal investigation. I’m sorry, doctor, but you have seen the end of my patience.
(Simmons continues his efforts to break into Headquarters’ files)
Sarge: What are you finding out, Simmons?
Simmons: Looks like all the Blue records are here, I just don’t have the access to delete them. I’m trying to work around that right now.
Grif: Ooh, try hacking the mainframe.
Simmons: This isn’t a mainframe system!
Grif: How ‘bout cracking it, will cracking work?
Simmons: Grif, shut up! Stop making suggestions when you have no idea what you’re talking about!
Grif: Well, if you want help –
Simmons: I don’t want help.
Grif: - maybe you should explain what’s going on, and I can make an educated suggestion.
Simmons: Educated? Okay, fine. This computer is a dedicated interface for a highly-developed security protocol. The information that we’re accessing is stored on a separate database with its own dedicated hardware. That system has its own distinct layer of security. From what I can tell, the two systems verify their identity by trading randomly-generated 2,056-bit encryption keys. I’m trying to spoof one of those keys now. So Grif, I’m all ears: any suggestions?
Grif: Aw yeah, I’ve seen that before. You should try uploading a virus to the mainframe.
Simmons: Jesus…
Grif: I find viruses that feature a laughing skull work the best.
Simmons: Shut the fuck up and let me work!
Church: …you’re a fucking idiot.
Washington: That’s not the reaction I expected.
Church: You think I’m a computer program.
Washington: How is that hard to believe?
Church: Uh, how ‘bout because I’m a person? That I have been my whole life? That I have memories from when I was a kid? And I don’t remember being a calculator, dude!
Washington: AI are programs based on an actual human mind. You were bound to have some residual memories…they’re just not yours.
Church: Oh, you’re so full of shit!
Washington: And after what you’ve been through it’s not hard to imagine –
Church: Aw…give me a break, dude!
Washington: Okay, fine. I guess you being a spirit makes more sense.
Church: Fuck yeah it does, it’s way less geeky, asshole!
Washington: A spirit.
Church: Yeah, that’s right!
Washington: A ghost.
Church: Boo, motherfucker!
Voice on Radio: Hello?! Come in, Command! Do you read, Command? Why isn’t anyone answering?!
Grif: (to Simmons) Uh, what should I say?
Simmons: Who the fuck cares, just get rid of him!
Grif: (over radio) Um, hello, this is Command. Go ahead.
Voice: Finally! Hey, this is a distress call! We need help down here, ASAP! Mayday and all that shit!
Grif: Oh, yeah, sorry dude, there’s no one here to take your call right now.
Voice: What?!
Grif: …can I take a message?
Voice: Dude, that’s bullshit! You guys suck!
Grif: …is that the message?
Voice: No that’s not the message, asshole! Tell them we found what we’re looking for, and it’s under the sand. Send help now.
Simmons: (whispering) What the hell is he talking about?
Grif: (to Simmons) Who the fuck knows? (over radio) Under…sand…uh, okay. I got it. As soon as they get back, I’ll be sure to grab them and slip it to ‘em.
Voice: Yeah, slip it to them! Bow-chicka-bow-wow!
Grif: …what’d you say?
Voice: (breaking up) Oh shit, gotta go!
Grif: (to others) Is that who I think it was?
Caboose: (coming back into the room) Did someone just say something?
(as the alarm goes off)
Caboose: Does anyone else hear that?
Grif: Yes, we all hear it, Caboose.
Sarge: Simmons, did you do that?
Simmons: I don’t think so…I hope not…
Caboose: (looking out window) Uh, red guys? White guys are coming, and…they look mad. (a soldier shoots a grenade at the window) Really mad…
Simmons: Here, I got it! This is every bit of information about the Blues and their soldiers!
Sarge: Can you erase it?
Simmons: I can…but Sarge, maybe we should think about this for a moment. What happens if we delete the Blues?
Sarge: It means they never existed!
Simmons: But did you ever stop to think: what does it mean to be Red if there’s no Blue? If they never even existed what’s the point of having a Red Army if there’s no one for us to fight? Do you understand what I mean, it’s like flip sides of the same – (Sarge presses the button) - …coin.
Sarge: It means what it’s always meant: we rule, they suck. Don’t overanalyze it, pussy.
Grif: Oh my God. Where’s Caboose?
Simmons: Where did he go? (gasps) You don’t think deleting him from the computer somehow altered the fabric of reality and removed him –
Caboose: (stepping into sight) Hey guys! I was just trying to find the bathroom: Church always has me go before a big battle. He hates when I have to go then.
Simmons: Uh…oh.
Sarge: Did you want to finish your thought, Simmons?
Simmons: (quickly) Nah, that’s okay, I’m cool.
Grif: Come on dude, tell us more about the reality-bending computer. I’m hanging on your every word.
Simmons: (muttering quickly) I don’t wanna talk about it.
Sarge: How do we turn this damn alarm off? Maybe it’s one of those clap things…(claps twice, and the alarms shut off) There we go.

Chapter 18

[edit]
Dear Chairman,
I don't give a damn about your committee and its opinions on my work! Have you forgotten, sir, that we were at war? A fight with an alien race for the very survival of our species? I feel I must remind you, that it is an undeniable and may I say a fundamental quality of man that when faced with extinction, every alternative is preferable!
Washington: What's the status up here?
Grif: Fucked up. About to die. Simmons is a nerd. The usual.
Grif: Hey Simmons, could you get back on that computer and change my affiliation from "Red" to "Freelancer?"
Simmons: Traitor.
Grif: Hey, gotta go with the winner.
Caboose: Um, could you change my job title to something more important like "astronaut" - oh, I know, "space marine!"
Grif: No way, he's not a computer.
Sarge: How can we be sure?
Caboose: Maybe we should ask him something that only a computer would know...
Simmons: Like what?
Caboose: What's nine times eight?
The Reds: Seventy-two.
Caboose: Oh my God it's spreading.
Washington: Project Freelancer had one last-resort failsafe: a high-powered E.M.P. that could wipe out all the AI in this facility. Now that the Meta is here we have the chance to take them all out at once and put this entire project out of commission.
Grif: What's an "E.M.P?"
Washington: It's an electro-magnetic pulse. Wipes out all computers and circuitry it touches. It will destroy the AI -
Simmons: Ohhhh, you mean an "emp."
Sarge: I was about to say, sounds like he's talking 'bout an "emp."
Washington: "Emp?" That's not how you say it.
Sarge: That's how normal people say it. "Emp."
Washington: No, they don't.
Church: I say it that way -
Washington: It's initials for Electro-Magnetic Pulse. That's E-M-P.
Grif: Right. Which spells "emp." Durrrr.
Washington: We don't have time for this, you're wrong.
Simmons: Why don't we take a vote?
Washington: A vote?! No, no vote, you're just wrong! There's no vote. It's E.M.P.
Caboose: Not very democratic...
Washington: Being wrong isn't a democracy.
Washington: Church and I will make our way down to the Director's lab while the rest of you escape.
Sarge: What if the Meta follows us?
Washington: No chance, there's no way he can pass up all of the AI in here. Put Epsilon in the car and lets get moving.
Church: I'm leaving. I'm going with them.
Washington: What?
Church: Wash I don't give a shit about any of this. I hate you, I hate the Freelancers, I hate everything about you guys. This isn't my fight, it's yours.
Washington: It's your fight more than anyone else's!
Church: I don't care what you say. No it isn't.
Washington: Church, you'll never get a shot at fixing all of this. I know you don't believe what I told you. But you have to ask yourself "What if I'm right". If I am or if you have any doubt, not finding out will haunt you for the rest of your life. Not just finding out about you, but finding out about everyone close to you as well. It's your choice. What's it going to be?

Chapter 19

[edit]
To the Director of Project Freelancer:
I write to inform you that, by the authority of this sub-committee, officers have been dispatched to place you under arrest, and we expect your full cooperation. Congratulations are in order, I suppose. When they write the new morality protocols for dealing with AI, I'm certain they will name entire sections of the doctrine after you. It seems that you will earn your place in history after all, dear director.
Grif: Finally, an order I want to follow: "run away and live."
Washington: Just run. When the E.M.P. goes off -
Caboose: You mean the "emp?"
Washington: Stop it.
Simmons: Sarge shouldn't we help him?
Sarge: We have our orders, Simmons. If Agent Washington wants to face him alone that's his business.
Simmons: Yeah but he doesn't want to face him alone. It's just that some people (Looks at Church) won't help him.
Sarge: That's his business too.
Voice Over Intercom: Agent Washington. Good to see you again.
Washington: Oh, hello. Are you somewhere nearby, Counselor? Somewhere I can say hello, in person?
Counselor: Sorry, Agent Washington, but we were more than prepared for this...eventuality. I'm afraid we will not be able to see each other in person today.
Washington: Well you'll excuse me if I don't stop to chat, I'm on a timetable.
Counselor: There's someone else who would like to speak with you...
Other Voice: Well hello, Agent Washington.
Washington: The Director himself, I should be honored. I should be.
Director: Yes, I realize it has been a while since we've spoke, David...may I call you David?
Washington: No, you cannot. You gave me my new name: the least you could do is use it.
(the Meta is trapped by a force field)
Director: Well, the prodigal son returns! Agent Maine, you've caused quite a few problems for us...you will not be leaving this time.
Washington: I think I've said that myself about twenty times the past two weeks. Good luck holding him.
Director: You would be surprised what we are capable of, even from this distance. I suggest you work with us if you expect to survive.
Washington: I'm sorry, did something about my actions indicate that I expect to survive?
Computer: Clearance verified. The fail-safe is now online. Awaiting activation.
Director: How did you get those codes?
Washington: You might be surprised what I know, Director.
Computer: Warning, this is a last-resort measure. Activating the fail-safe will destroy all electronic equipment in this facility, including this console. Please confirm.
Director: ...it was Epsilon, wasn't it? He inherited the memories, didn't he?
Washington: I've known about what you did since the moment you implanted it in me.
Director: Well then I am very sorry, Agent Washington...but Project Freelancer no longer has need of your services. Program: disable interior shield. (the force field releases the Meta)
Washington: What?
Director: ...Agent Maine, please kill Agent Washington. (Washington and the Meta draw their guns and Washington is shot in the chest)
Computer: Alert. Incoming Recovery beacon. Level zero. Immediate response necessary.
Director: Agent Washington, I feel this is one Recovery beacon you won't be responding to. Kill him, Agent Maine.
The Meta: Where's Alpha?
Director: The Alpha's not here! It has been moved far away! Attend to the matter at hand!
Counselor: Agent Maine, what the Director is trying to say is we can discuss the Alpha later. What's important, is that you prove that we can trust you again. We need to trust you before you can meet the Alpha. Wouldn't you agree?
Washington: (badly wounded) You know, Meta? ...Why wait? ...Why don't you meet him...right now?
(Church appears in AI form)
Church: Hi there.
The Meta: Its him. The Alpha...
Church: You know, I can see why you didn't want anyone else in your head. You got some pretty heavy stuff goin' on in there. I think you need to talk to a professional.
Washington: That's too bad...I just lost my job and we had great mental health coverage.
Church: How much time do you need?
Washington: As much as you can get me. When the E.M.P. goes off -
Church: When it goes off I'll be fine. It only affects computers, remember? And I'm a motherfuckin' ghost.
(merges into the Meta)
Director: What's goin' on?!
Counselor: Agent Washington, please, there is time. If you would just secure Agent Maine we could discuss this situation in a more civilized manner.
Washington: No. We can't. (hits button)
Computer: Thank you. Fail-safe initiated. Activating "emp."
Washington: "Emp?!" You have got to be fuckin' - (the E.M.P. goes off)
(The Reds' warthog is shut down by the EMP)
Grif: Oh shit, it's stalled!
Sarge:(To Caboose) Go, go, go!
Grif: Get Epsilon out of here, don't worry about us!
Caboose: Okay...I'm scared!
Simmons: Watch where you're going, idiot!
Grif: NO!
(Caboose careens over a cliff)
Caboose: AAAHHH!

Epilogue

[edit]
Dear Chairman,
I am disappointed by your decision to press charges, but I am not surprised. My only hope is that the courts will see matters differently than you have.
You see, I never had the chance to serve in battle, nor did fate provide me with the opportunity to sacrifice myself for humanity as it did for so many others during the Great War. Someone extremely dear to me was lost very early in my life. My mind has always plagued me with the question: if the choice had been placed in my hands, could I have saved her? The memory of her has haunted me my entire life, and more so in these last few years than I could ever have imagined. But given the events of these past few weeks, I feel confident that had I been given the chance, I would have made those sacrifices myself...had I only the chance...
Sarge: Men, I just got word from our new Command! They said that thanks to our brave efforts in bringing Project Freelancer to justice, we can have full use of these former bases to continue our training exercises, until such time as they need them for more official purposes...whatever the hell that means.
Simmons: Wow, that's great news, sir!
Sarge: We even got a shiny new jeep, courtesy of the UNSC.
Grif: Yeah, about that: Sarge, what the hell is - shotgun, by the way -
Simmons: (quickly) Shotgun! Fuck!
Grif: What the hell is the UNSC?
Sarge: I dunno. Never heard of it. Sounds made-up...
...I know that you disagree with my methods, and that others will as well. This is beyond my control. However, I cannot imagine that any court would be able to convict me, no matter how low their opinion of my actions might be. You must understand one basic fact for all this to make sense, my dear Chairman. These AI, they all come from somewhere. They are all based on a person. Our Alpha was no exception. And while the law has many penalties for the atrocities that we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors we inflict on ourselves.
So you send your men. They won't find themselves a fight. They'll only find an old man. An old man tired, but satisfied he did his duty. An old man weary from a mind more filled with memory than it is with hope.
Caboose: (With Epsilon in front of Tex's body) Okay, time to see if this works.
Sincerely yours, the former Director of Project Freelancer,
Doctor Leonard Church.
[edit]
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