Return to Zork

Return To Zork is a 1993 adventure game published by Activison and developped by Infocom.

Wizard Trembyle

• "Hey! I sense movement. I've been talking a long time! I need a new battery! Can you hear me!? A new battery!"
• "This used to be called the Valley of the Sparrows. It's had a name change recently."
• "I sense we're near the lighthouse. Ask that old fool how the Road to the South is."
• "That old bore! Did you hear the joke about the appetite of the boar in the Forest of the..."
• "What year is it? Oh, yeah! The Great Diffusion was 1247. That was 400 years ago. My birthday's coming up soon."
• "Oh no, not a test."
• "That guy's so drunk, even his plants are potted."
• "Their eysight isn't that good, but..."
• "Uh-oh. We're near Canuck's house. I've known Canuck for a long time. I'll see you later."
• "That's not the way I remember it. Rooper had to turn him into a duck in self-defence. Canuk's Whacko... now he's Quacko! Ha-ha-ha!"

E. Rufus Rooper

• "Ah, the sweepstakes winner! I've been looking forward to... no! No! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllpppp!"
• "Ah, the master strategist. You'll have to teach me the finer points of Survivor."

Lighthouse Keeper

• "It's a good thing you knew the password. It's not safe out there."
• "What's your problem, take it easy, will you? Everybody's on edge around here. Be calm. I'm calm. See how calm I am? I'm calm! (pause) I've been having dreams. Those dreams. Horrible dreams. Morphius. It keeps saying."
• "The Road to the South is impassable. Absolutely... impossible to pass! Impassable."
• "Thanks. I don't smoke." *coughs*
• "What was that?"
• "No, not more double negatives pal."
• "Not bad."
• "Don't you know how to do anything else? Maybe you could use a little de-caff."
• "AAAAAHHHHHooooooooooooooooooooooohhh...."
• "Phew! Hey, come back when you don't smell so bad! Ugh! Gas mask!"
• "Hmmm? I don't know how you did it, but you managed to get back here without the one thing I desperately need."

Guardian of Zork

• "We seem to be working at cross purposes. I must relieve you of all your belongings ...until you learn."

Mayor of Shanbar

• "I... beg your pardon? But you are a guest in our town! ACT LIKE IT!"
• "That's better. You've already got one foot in your mouth."
• "Have you been drinking with Boos Miller?"
• "I'll call the sheriff! I will. I'll lock you in a cell with a grue. STOP IT!"
• "I think that is highly inappropriate behaviour. I am a loyal public servant, if you don't think so. I suggest you express your opinion on election day!"
• "How many Implementors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? That's a hardware problem!"
• "Ugh, would you mind standing a little... further back?"

Mavis Peepers

• "Good work habits. I like that. First, we're going to have a little...pop quiz."
• "Uh-uh-uh!"
• "I'm so happy to have someone to ask this of. Would you be so kind as to record what happened to East Shanbar and what caused it? I can't go myself. I have to be here incase any of my students come back."
• "Oh. Do you think you have to go outside for anything?"
• "Get that out of here this instant!"
• "You can't sneak out of this classroom that way. I'm on to you!"
• "Aha-aaagh!"

Waif

• "Whoa, you scared me. Stay back."
• "Stay back! What do you want?"
• "Yeah, but what's it to you?"
• "Why do you want to know about me?"
• "Do I scare you because I'm dirty and alone?"
• "No! Don't hurt me with that!"
• "I escaped from the Cliffs of Depression."
• "My father gave that to me before I escaped. He said it was good luck. I want you to have it."
• "Oh, you've got a bonding plant! My father had one of those, but when he went to the cliffs, it wilted and he couldn't leave."
• "Oh, it's you again. Stay back, okay?"

Boos Myller

• "Who are you? ...Don't matter."
• "Want some rye? Course you do!"
• Toast:
  • "Here's to us."
  • "Who's like us?"
  • "Damn few!"
  • "And they're aaaaaaaaaalllllllll... deeeeeeaaaaadddd!"
• "I'm too...drive to drunk!"
• "What did you do that for? We were having a fun time!"
• "You keep that."
• "WHA?!! Was that you?"

Moodock

• "Nothing I can't do for yer..."
• "The name's Moodock. Moadikum Moodock."
• "You're not as dumb as you look."
• "Yar' see ya got sixteen squaaaarrs"
• "That wasn't very smart."
• "Two out of three, huh?"

Molly Moodock

• "Ooooh a visitor! Well how nice! Come on in!"
• "Ooooh pictures! I just looove pictures!"
• "That's my husband Moodock, he has a shop down the path 'round there, yep that's him."
• "That little 'Miss Know it all' feeds her cows her carrots so they can see better in the dark."
• "MOODOOOOOCK!"
• "Phew! Excuse me but I think you are little overripe. I mean, you really smell baaad!"
• "Your room's right upstairs, you're in Room 1."
• "Oh, back again? You want your same room back? It's still available."

Blacksmith

• "Come back later."
• "...oh, Oops! Huh, sold it to Ben Fyshin, huh. I made a mistake! Huh. Here, give him this!"
• "I know that language. Two zorkmids!"
• "One zorkmid, here! Can't read it now!"
• "Is that your sword? It's just so dirty when you brought it in here, you just don't recognize it."
• "Okay! Okay! I'll look around."
• (sniffs) "You STINK!"

Ben Fyshin

• "You looking for something? Just got boats here. Two zorkmids."
• "Hey, that's cheap!"
• "Well, I've got one ready!"
• "You know, that reminds me of a special knot called the... cow-hitch."
• "Oh, hiya, sailor!"
• "I don't want to have to do this..."
• "She's a witch. I had a fight with her a while back. I don't know what about."
• "Appreciated."

Rebecca Snoot

• "Huh?"
• "Hold it right there. I've got a few questions to ask you. I'm warning you!"
• "See if you can figure this out."
• "See you later."
• "Okay, you're all right. But next time, try to use the door. I know you're on our side."
• "There you are! Dad always said that milk is good for your eyesight."
• "Vultures are good for one thing and one thing only - their talons. They make great boomerangs."

Angus Pugney

• "You lying thief! I hope the Guardian will be gettin' yer for that!"
• "Go away! I haven't got anything for yer. I've only got one milk cow, and she only eats carrots! So just go away?!"
• "Ah. It's alright. Just take what you need and go away! and you can take that ludicrous box out there too. I didn't order it, and I do not want it. The missus didn't order it, *and she doesn't want it. And the cow don't need it either, so just take it and go."
• "Please...leave me alone..."
• "Oh! I know that one. Four jokes and learned essays upon them. It's by Bisboz. No, I canna read dat. I don't have the tongue. I just talk like ev'ryone else."

Witch Itah

• "Oh hello. The potion's not ready yet. But you could use a cup of tea. Frogs have to boil down just a bit. I used too much water. (chuckle)"
• "Some guest!"
• "Most people wouldn't dare smile at a witch. But it's so special of you to smile at me like that!"
• "Bored, are you? A walk in the bogs will cure that."
• "It's wise to take care. One wrong move can cost you dearly."
• "Oh... for me?"
• "I must take your boat. Why don't you take that stick so you can navigate the bogs? Thank you. You're such a dear!"
• "Have you ever tried to milk a cow with cold hands?"
• "These little darlings! They're so useful... and so are their by-products."
• "Let me see... Oh, it's in zorkmid script. Do you know why most Zork jokes are one...line...long? So Flatheads can remember 'em!"
• "Ugh, get out of here. I only use fresh ingredients for my potion."

Fairy

• "You big...fat...orc!"
• "I'm a fairy!"
• "So we meet again. It was brave of you to get past the hunter. I could've handled him myself though. We were just playing around."

Tree Spirit

• "Nature conservation is your on-ly hope... for a - future. Treat us kind-ly."

Canuk

• "Ahhh...thank you. I was getting tired of eating bugs and fish. I found some really juicy grubs down by the brushes."
• "You've been travelling a long time. Is there anything you need help with? Maybe I can...shed some light on your path."
• "(evil voice) Fool! Yozozzo!"
• "That's (evil voice) illumynite. (normal voice) Oh, pardon. Pardon me."
• "(evil voice) Why don't you take that to the Cliffs of Depression? They might know what it is."
• "Oh, you came back! Please sit down. No-one visits me anymore."
• "I built that with some friends of mine... Trembyle, Moodock, and Rooper. Rooper turned me into a duck. Why did he turn me into a duck?"
• "Oh, I know there's a piece of the disc in that bottle. I put it there myself. I can't get it. I'm too old. But, I can shrink you so you can go inside and get it! (evil voice) Yes! Go on! (normal voice) By the way, the spell will only last 20 minutes."
• "Twenty minutes! (evil voice) Twenty minutes. (laugh)"
• "(evil voice) You! I'm not falling for that stupid reflection trick again! Yozozzo!"
• "Oh, you've got a pet vulture. (evil voice) They're all mine! MINE! Every mindless ONE of them! (laughs)"
• "Rooper...rooper turned me into a duck. Why'd he turn me into a duck?!"

Cliff Robberson

• "Okay, so you think you can make me laugh? Go ahead. Make me laugh."
• "You sound like my mother!"
• "Don't worry, they're not deaf, just quiet."
• "If you think you can do it, do it right."
• "Get out of here! You only have a few seconds left. Look at your bonding plant. Come back later."
• "Game's over for you."
• "Oh. Not only do your jokes stink. But so do you."

Holy Woman

• "You have the true sword - let me bless it."

Troll King

• "Invader! So, you've made it this far! You may have killed my brother trolls, but you won't... kill... me."
• "I wonder what powers you possess! You're not match for me."
• "First you kill my brothers, and now you want to be friends?!"
• "Hmmmmm... Perhaps you're already stoned. Let me see. (laugh)"
• "Daah!"
• "No! Spare me! I'll give you this necklace. It's got magical powers. Magical powers!"
• "Don't... hurt... me!"
• "I got the Dwarven sword! I'm a troll! A troll! I'm leader of the trolls! And there's no... comparison! Whoo! Ha-ha-ha!"
• "You're afraid? There's no reason for you to be afraid."
• "THAT'S PATHETIC!! FIGHT LIKE A TROLL!!!"

Dwarves

• "How many rocks of illumynite do we have... left?"
• "Keep those lines straight!"
• "Just who do you think you are? You're outnumbered!"
• "Munch, munch... looks right..."
• "Phew! Would you get out of here!"

Morphius

• "I am... Morphius."
• "You will play the Wizard Trembyle. I, will be Canuk."
• "You'll make quite a statue! (laugh)"
• "Are you... giving up?"
• "Do you... forfeit?"
• "You cheated! I... never lose! I never lose! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."