Road to Morocco
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It's a Harem-Scarem Riot of Song and Laughter! (taglines)
Orville "Turkey" Jackson
- [seeing the desert for the first time] This must be the place where they empty all the old hourglasses.
- Male Camel: This is the screwiest picture I was ever in.
- [after Mullay Kasim rides through town with his men yelling and firing their rifles in the air]
- Jeff Peters: Say fuzzy, who is that headstrong impetuous boy?
- Bystander: He is Mullay Kasim, the Desert Sheik.
- Turkey Jackson: What'd he come to town for, a manicure?
- Bystander: Oh, he loves the Princess Shalmar of Karameesh. He has come here to ask her to marry him.
- Jeff Peters: I'd hate to be around when he comes for a divorce!
- Turkey Jackson: A fine thing. First, you sell me for two hundred bucks. Then I'm gonna marry the Princess; then you cut in on me. Then we're carried off by a desert sheik. Now, we're gonna have our heads chopped off.
- Jeff Peters: I know all that.
- Turkey Jackson: Yeah, but the people who came in the middle of the picture don't.
- Jeff Peters: You mean they missed my song?
- Turkey Jackson: I hope she didn't hear that. The dead have a way of coming back you know.
- Jeff Peters: Get out, when they're dead they're dead.
- Turkey Jackson: Not Aunt Lucy, she was a Republican.
- Jeff Peters: We must storm the place.
- Turkey Jackson: You storm. I'll stay here and drizzle.
- Turkey Jackson: Aunt Lucy. I can see her now, lying on her dying bed, looking at you with those big, trusting eyes. 'Before I go, Jeff, promise me one thing,' she said. 'Promise me you'll always be a friend to little Orville,' she said. 'No matter what happens, you'll never leave the little jerk,' she said. 'Promise me, Jeff, promise me,' she said.
- Jeff Peters: Yeah, then she up and died before I had the chance to say no.
- Princess Shalmar: [about Jeff] Now, Orville, I want you to tell me the truth. Do you know him?
- Turkey Jackson: Well I used to but I kinda outgrew him, I don't dally much with riff-raff these days and he's a pretty raffy kind of a riff.
- Turkey Jackson: We're going to get married on... . uh... . when is the big day, Dream Thing?
- Princess Shalmar: When the moon, in its last quarter, silvers the blossoms of the almond tree. That's Tuesday night, about nine.
- Jeff Peters: Orville, where are you?
- Turkey Jackson: Right over here, behind these goosepimples.
- Jeff Peters: Turkey, from now on you're sacred.
- Turkey Jackson: What do you mean, sacred?
- Jeff Peters: You just became a full-blooded American idiot.
- Turkey Jackson: No, you do it! Who's gonna believe I'm an idiot?
- Jeff Peters: Will you look at the head start you got?
- Turkey Jackson: How do you figure on paying for all this?
- Jeff Peters: What are you, scared? You got red blood, ain't you?
- Turkey Jackson: Yeah, but I don't want to get it all over strangers.
- Jeff Peters: Go ahead, eat up, eat up son. I'll think of something.
- Turkey Jackson: These guys don't monkey around, they got knives, they're liable to try and get the food back the hard way.
- [after an Arab gives Jeff a pile of money]
- Turkey Jackson: How'd you get the spinach, old boy?
- Jeff Peters: Funny thing, a guy I've never seen before in my life gives me 2,500 Kolacs... . that's 200 federal diplomas, are you listening?
- Turkey Jackson: 200 skins? Why, what for?
- Jeff Peters: I sold him something.
- Turkey Jackson: Well you've got nothing to sell! We've already hocked your pivot tooth.
- Jeff Peters: It wasn't much, but it was all I had, and was he anxious to get it!
- Turkey Jackson: What did you sell him?
- Jeff Peters: Look, uh, Orville, I want you to keep very calm now. Don't get excited.
- Turkey Jackson: [grabbing Jeff, nervous] What did you sell him?
- Jeff Peters: You.
- Turkey Jackson: Oh, well, for a minute I - HUH? Me? Wait a minute, get that guy and give him those fish back! What's the matter with you, you can't sell me, I'm not a horse! It's just the way I comb my hair!
- Turkey Jackson: I can't go on! No food, no water. It's all my fault. We're done for! It's got me. I can't stand it! No food, nothing! No food, no water! No food!
- Jeff Peters: What's the matter with you, anyway? There's New York. We'll be picked up in a few minutes.
- Turkey Jackson: You had to open your big mouth and ruin the only good scene I got in the picture. I might have won the Academy Award!
- It's a Harem-Scarem Riot of Song and Laughter!
- Bing Crosby — Jeff Peters
- Bob Hope — Orville "Turkey" Jackson
- Dorothy Lamour — Princess Shalmar
- Anthony Quinn — Mullay Kasim
- Dona Drake — Mihirmah
- Vladimir Sokoloff — Hyder Khan
- Mikhail Rasumny — Ahmed Fey
- George Givot — Neb Jolla
- Leon Belasco — Yusef