Road to Utopia
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- Yeah? Well, I ain't afraid to die. I just hate being killed, that's all.
- If those hoodlums ever get off that boat, we'll be smiling ear to ear... with our throats!
Sal Van Hoyden
- [singing] You wouldn't dare be too bold, would you? And think that my hand was to hold, would you? And you wouldn't play on my sympathy, then take advantage of me... would you? You shouldn't be quite so near, should you? Or whisper those words in my ear, should you? You can't get romantic; that, you know, takes two. But darling, if I would... would you?
- Chester Hooton: Everything is cold! My nose is an iceberg.
- Duke Johnson: Iceberg? That's a glacier.
- [Chester has the hiccups]
- Duke Johnson: Can't you suppress it somehow?
- Chester Hooton: Frighten me.
- Duke Johnson: I can't, I haven't got a mirror.
- Duke Johnson: Experience is the best teacher.
- Chester Hooton: Oh, experience is the best teacher, huh?
- Duke Johnson: Naturally, and I'm a Ph.D.
- Chester Hooton: Yeah, a pin-headed dope.
- Chester Hooton: Am I dead?
- Duke Johnson: I can't tell, you always look that way.
- Sal Van Hoyden: Don't be facetious!
- Chester Hooton: [confused] Oh, keep politics out of this!
- Duke Johnson: Chester, you'd better face it - the cards say "Alaska!"
- Chester Hooton: No wonder - it's a cold deck!
- Bing Crosby — Duke Johnson/Junior Hooton
- Bob Hope — Chester Hooton
- Dorothy Lamour — Sal Van Hoyden
- Hillary Brooke — Kate
- Douglass Dumbrille — Ace Larson
- Jack La Rue — LeBec
- Robert Barrat — Sperry
- Nestor Paiva — McGurk
- Robert Benchley — Narrator