SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron

SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron was a TV cartoon produced by Hanna-Barbera Productions. The show, which ran for a total of two seasons (13 episodes first season, 13 second season, plus an "SKIQ" episode and a special bonus episode at the end of the second season), centers around the adventures of two fighter pilots, Jake Clawson (alias: Razor) and Chance Furlong (alias:T-Bone), as they defend their home, Megakat City, from various criminals.

Season 1

Bride Of The Pastmaster

T-Bone: Incoming!

[A spike penetrates the left wing of the Turbokat. Razor immediately makes a choking sound.]

T-Bone: Razor! Talk to me, buddy! Are you hit?

Razor: No... [Razor coughs some more, then hacks up a small furball that hits the cockpit window.] Furball. Aaww, T-Bone too? [T-Bone makes a choking sound and coughs some more, then hacks up a big fur ball that hits the front window.]Are you hit too?

T-Bone: No. [coughs, then hack up another furball.] My furball too.

Razor: It looks like we've got work to do.

T-Bone: Well, now that you’ve got that off your chest, what about the crude dude?

Razor: Ugh, T-Bone, What is this that thing?!

T-Bone: Monster of the week!

---

Razor: From the looks of that sword, I'd say we landed in the Dark Ages.

Chaos In Crystal

Rex Shard: What's the matter? I thought diamonds were a girl's best friend!

Callie: I don't like the setting!

Enter The Madkat

David Litterbin: [on TV]My audience must think I'm crazy to have you as my guest tonight.

Lenny Ringtail: [on TV] Hey, you'd be crazy not to! After all, I'll soon be writing a book called "Madkat and Me."

Chance: Can you believe that? He sure is crazy.

Jake: Yeah. Like a fox.

Chance: Like a fox, alright. [flips the channel.]

Jake: Chance, what are you doing?!

Chance: What do you think? I'm watching "Scaredy-Kat!" Now this is funny!

Jake: Ha! I don't really think so!

Chance: No! don't change it! [Jake flips the channel back.]

Jake: Aaaawww, Too bad, Chance, Looks like I can watch my favorite show David Litterbin, and you can watch his own show for a next year.

Chance: [exasperated] What?! A next year?! Oh man! (face palms hardly)

---

Mayor Manx: Ah, nothing like a quiet round of golf. No visitors. No phone calls.

---

Madkat: How about trying that again for higher stakes? Like your kingdom!

Mayor Manx: Uh, anything you say!

[He sinks the putt again.]

Madkat: Nice job, but I still win...[he grows to the size of a giant ball]...because MY BALL IS BIGGER!

The Ghost Pilot

[Chance helps Jake lift a barbell off him after the barbell nearly chokes Jake.]

Chance: What's the matter, too proud to ask for help?

Jake: A few more seconds and I might have been as extinct as the Red Lynx!

The Giant Bacteria

[The SWAT Kats are chasing a villain, Morbulus, who evades one of Razor's shots.]

T-Bone: How'd you miss him, sureshot? Er, hotshot?

Razor: That guy must have eyes in the back of his head!

[The SWAT Kats fly in for a closer look at Morbulus. Razor does a surprise take upon seeing him.]

Razor: Whoa! He does have eyes in the back of his head!

T-Bone: No excuses.

Razor: (mocks) "No excuses.", Huh? (hits T-Bone with a cloth) Okay, big fella, get goin'!

T-Bone: Aye aye, Captain!

---

T-Bone: What'll it be, Razor? Dunk or delivery?

Both: Dunk!

---

Razor: Let's see if he has eyes under his head!

The Metallikats

[Razor and T-Bone are being pursued by a heat-seeking missile]

T-Bone: Guess it's time for "Plan Z"!

Razor: [facepalms] Aw, T-Bone, I hate "Plan Z"!

T-Bone: No other choice, kiddo.

Razor: (mocking) No other choice. (angry hits T-Bone) You're the kiddo, for the crisis crying out loud!

T-Bone: Apologize... prepare for engine shutdown!

Razor: Engine's cold... launching decoy missile!

[The SWAT Kats launch a decoy missile, which the heat-seeker locks onto and destroys.]

Razor: Great job, T-Bone! What a team! Where are these woods anyway?

T-Bone: We're not out of the woods yet... the engines won't restart!

Razor: [groans] This is why I hate "Plan Z." (growls)

T-Bone: Your good at launching that Decoy Missile. But.... (laughs) Oh boy, Feral likes that cartoon, Scaredy-Kat! Because, he is smiling that he should get up and dan - (Razor angrily hits him again) Ouch!

Razor: What did you say?!

T-Bone: I said your decoying stuff. Apologize. Who cares?

---

Mac Mange: So sue me! How was I supposed to know that was your sister's car back there?

Molly Mange: You always hated my side of the family! Sometimes I don't even know why I married you!

Metal Urgency

Mac Mange: Wow, Molly, that Feral hates the SWAT Kats even worse than we do!

Molly Mange: Why shouldn't he, Mac? Those fighter jocks make him look stupid at least once a week!

My Fair Kitty

Razor: It's Feral. [radio vio] Hey, Commander. Looks like me and T-Bone took care of these cutie kitties. We are definitely okay!

Feral: Yes. I know.

T-Bone: [radio vio] And you helped the Mayor that he did the assignments!

Feral: I heard that!

Razor: Woo! Man, looks like we sure did have an awesome time, T-Bone.

T-Bone: No doubt. I would call you a hot-shot.

Razor: And I can call you a sure-shot. Deal?

T-Bone: Deal!

Razor: Mmm..We like that!

T-Bone: That oughta flip their problem!

Night Of The Dark Kat

T-Bone: This baby's pretty darn fast for a street machine.

Callie: Yeah, I have a couple of good mechanics who keep her tuned up.

T-Bone: Too bad you can't keep the Turbokat running this fast, Razor.

The Pastmaster Always Rings Twice

T-Bone: Thanks Razor, but I could've taken care of 'em!

Razor: Just making sure the cement machine gun was operational! [He walks over and pats the exhibit that he just encased in cement] Whoa... exhibits are getting kinda lifelike...

---

Callie: [over radio] SWAT Kats! You only have one minute to blast the Pastmaster out of the City Hall clock tower!

Razor: Who says you can't fight City Hall?

The Wrath Of Dark Kat

[Razor is trying to disarm one of Dark Kat's bombs in mid-flight.]

Razor: Piece of cake, just remember, always cut the red wire! [He pries open an access panel, only to discover that ALL the wires are red.] Dark Kat, you miserable psycho!

T-Bone: What a deadly psycho!

Season 2

A Bright And Shiny Future

Jake: Cool it pop! Just calm down over here. Allow me to introduce myself, It's me, Jake, Jake Clawson. And my best buddy but a faithful assistant, Chance.

Pop: Well well well, You must be Jake Clawson! [chuckles] Good call! So if you are Jake Clawson. then who's next?

Jake: Now it's your turn to introduce that Pop, [giggles] Go ahead, my Chancey-boy, Just say something and try it!

Caverns Of Horror

Taylor: I'm telling you, Mr. Conklin; we're not going back down!

Tiger Conklin: I pay you to mine agricite, Taylor! Now get back down there and dig, or pack up your stuff and get out of here! And that goes for the rest of you, too!

---

Ann Gora: And if they do find anything, Kat's Eye News will be there to cover it. Are you reading me, Jonny?

Jonny K.: Loud and clear.

Ann: How's the picture?

Jonny: Crystal. And what if you get caught sneaking around down there?

Ann: Hey, you can't break a story without breaking a few rules! Gotta go!

---

Razor: [to Felina] So cool it down, mink! You sure are one stubborn she-kat!

T-Bone: [offscreen] I've heard that!

Cry Turmoil

[Razor knocks out a female guard, gags her and ties her to his Ejektor Seat]

Razor: I was raised to always offer my seat to a lady.

---

T-Bone: Hey, what took ya?

Razor: Didja have to kick me so hard?! [happy] T-Bone, I missed you so much.

T-Bone: [happy] And I missed you too, Razor. Now let's get it a slip!

The Deadly Pyramid

T-Bone: Would you have really married that little creep just to save us?

Callie: Let's just say I'm awfully glad I didn't have to make good on my offer!

The Dark Side Of The SWAT Kats

Razor: Dark Kat is our friend... Feral and the Enforcers are our enemies... and we're wanted for every crime in Megakat City! Something's screwy...

T-Bone: Yeah! Ever since we got hit by the lightning, the world's gone crazy!

Razor: You're right, T-Bone! The lightning must have hit the dimensional radar and somehow thrown us into a quirky alternate dimension!

T-Bone: Alternate? Hold it, hold it! Are you telling me that somewhere in this world are a couple of evil SWAT Kats?

Razor: You got a better theory? Any ideas you could do? So why don't you go and I find that detonator if they don't catch us and Feral isn't mad anymore so he can give us a nice reward to thanking him?

T-Bone: A better theory? We're negative... so why don't I just find us a nice big storm cloud so we can get hit by lightning again and get out of this screwy dimension, huh? With our evil counterparts?

Mutation City

Jake: So tell me. Why are you in a bad mood for losing a game? And what's the matter with ya nagging with all of this behavior like that?

Chance: [sad] Because, I'm a bad sport, and I'm out of a different shape. If I don't get a goal at the obstacle course, I'm just a slowpoke! I did all the drowning to pretend!

Jake: Come on. Give it a rest, Chance. You gotta be calm, be cool, and be confident of like I'm suppose to do.

Chance: You're right.

Jake: Come on, Chance. We shall get some more training to do.

Chance: [sighs] Fine. I will.

---

Jake: That's why I am so awesome, and you've got it! [Jake kicks a punching bag that Chance is holding.] You are a one macho kat!

Chance: Come on, bud, can't you kick harder than that?

Jake: Oh, you mean more like this?

[Jake takes a running start and launches a strong karate kick that knocks the punching bag -- and Chance -- over backward.]

Chance: [momentarily dazed, hands the bag to Jake] My turn!

[A beeping alarm gets the kats' attention.]

Jake: Later... that's Callie!

[Jake tosses the punching bag back to Chance without looking. It lands in his face.]

---

Razor: T-Bone, if you drown... I'm gonna kill you!

The Origin Of Dr. Viper

Dr. N. Zyme: Purvis, where do you think you're going with that? And what are you doing with my notes?

---

Dr. N. Zyme: Oh, who's there? Is that you, Purvis?
Dr. Viper: Not anymore! Jussssssssssst call me Viper! Dr. Viper! [laughs manically]

Dr. N. Zyme: What are you doing, Purvis?
Dr. Viper: The name isssssssssss Viper! And I'm going to do a little experiment in the biology lab!

Razor's Edge

Razor: [walking the street] Hmm.. Something tells me that I couldn't recognize that T-Bone who's all feeling so lonely and vain. [yawns] All I wanted is T-Bone who's on the edge as I am. [lie down and hands behind head and look up in the night sky] It's a longest story that T-Bone won't help me for anything. Meanwhile, Dark Kat keeps trying to take over the Megakat City and devastates everything. Sometimes I wonder if T-Bone brings a neutral cause as he thought it could be. The most reason why is that I'm so toughest easiest than I thought. Even if Callie was here. She's always on a bright side if she wants to. She didn't believe me. She is soo dreamy. But it all happens that I'm in a vain mood. Since I didn't do anything wrong. I'm so innocent, I think I'm always come to prepare my own day. Unless I'm thinking about something new.

SWAT Kats Unplugged

Jake: Looking good, buddy... one more coat and we're all done!

[Jake walks over to a paint can and tries to pry the top off with a screwdriver.]

Chance: Hey, What's the matter, pal? Can't invent a gadget for opening a stuck paint can? Here, let me help you...

[Jake walks offstage. Chance makes a fist and slams it down hard on the handle of the screwdriver, sending the lid flying into the air. It makes a SPLAT sound offstage as it lands. Chance catches the screwdriver, then looks surprised. The camera then cuts to Jake, who was hit with the paint end of the lid, and whose face is now covered in paint.]

Jake: [sarcastically] Now why didn't I think of that?

Chance: Oops.

Jake: [hits Chance with a lid] Try again!

Chance: [who was hit with the paint end of the lid, and his face is now covered in paint.] Why me.

---

[Commander Feral is being interviewed by Ann Gora on TV, complaining about the damage that the SWAT Kats did, when offstage we hear and see paint being sprayed on the TV.]

Jake: Hey, Chance! What are ya, doing?

Chance: [holding spray gun, smirking] Oh, that Feral! Good thing we had some paint left over, Jake.

Jake: [exasperated] Aw, Chance! Next time you get upset at the TV, why not try turning it off?

---

[Jake's angry sees that Chance is writing on a chalkboard.]

Jake: And most importantly thing is that you don't wanna mess with me ever again! You got me?! [hits Chance]

Chance: Oof!

Jake: [smirks] Me? Ha! I knew this Feral is good at charging us, and I'm happy about stopping this hyena.

Chance: I'm upset that I did turning it off, I'm unhappy now. [upset sarcastically] Now what did I think of that? (sighs)

Volcanus Erupts!

Chance: Sure you don't want a souvenir of Volcanus, buddy?

Jake: Souvenir? Ha! Are you kidding? Just thinking of Volcanus makes me do a slow burn!

Chance: Volcanus? What a slow burn, Mr. Jake! Suit yourself.

When Strikes Mutilor

Razor: Awesome job, T-Boy!

T-Bone: Great shot, partner!

Razor: Lousy shot... I'll be buffing out the dings for weeks!

T-Bone: And you said that you'll be buffing out the dings for weeks If when that darn ship hits, our too big planet is gonna go ka-blooey!

---

Grimalken: Perhaps I can help.

Razor: Who are you?

T-Bone: And what's with the facials?

Grimalken: Captain Grimalken. This ship really belongs to me and my crew, but Mutilor stole it for his space-pirating purposes.

Razor: Looks like we could work together and we still haven't got enough minutes, (checks a time of his watch) Oh, just look at the time.

T-Bone: Looks like we can help each other! Stand back! We're getting you out of there!

---

T-Bone: There! We made it without a scratch!

[A bullet from an enemy's gun hits the Turbokat.]

Razor: See what'd I tell ya- Oh, I wish you hadn't said that!

T-Bone: I wish you hadn't said that too!

Cast

Barry Gordon: Jake Clawson (Razor), Fango, various male characters

Charlie Adler: Chance Furlong (T-Bone), various others

Tress MacNeille: Deputy Mayor Callico "Callie" Briggs

Jim Cummings: Mayor Manx, The Sergeant, Katscratch, various others

Gary Owens: Commander Ulysses Feral

Candi Milo: Ann Gora

Mark Hamill: Jonny K.

Rob Paulsen: Hard Drive, Al the Pilot

Brock Peters: Dark Kat

Frank Welker: Doctor Viper, various others

Neil Ross: Mac Mange

April Winchell: Molly Mange

Keene Curtis: The Pastmaster

Lori Alan: Lt. Felina Feral

Ed Gilbert: various characters

Michael Bell: Captain Grimalkin