Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, based on characters from the comic book series Sabrina, the Teenage Witch (created by Archie Comics), first aired on ABC in 1996. It ran for seven seasons, ending in April 2003.
Shortly before her sixteenth birthday, Sabrina is sent to live her aunts, Hilda and Zelda, who tell her that she is a witch with magical powers that she must learn to control. Far from making her life easier, her magic usually only gets her in trouble, especially when she was influenced in casting the spell by the Spellmans' talking cat, Salem Saberhagen, a former warlock who still dreams of world domination.
- 1 Season 1
- 1.1 Pilot
- 1.2 Bundt Friday
- 1.3 Terrible Things
- 1.4 The True Adventures of Rudy Kazootie
- 1.5 Geek Like Me
- 1.6 A Halloween Story
- 1.7 Dream Date
- 1.8 Third Aunt from the Sun
- 1.9 Magic Joel
- 1.10 Sweet and Sour Victory
- 1.11 A Girl and Her Cat
- 1.12 Jenny's Non-Dream
- 1.13 Trial By Fury
- 1.14 Sabrina Through the Looking Glass
- 1.15 Hilda and Zelda: The Teenage Years
- 1.16 Mars Attracts
- 1.17 Sweet Charity
- 1.18 First Kiss
- 1.19 Meeting Dad’s Girlfriend
- 1.20 Cat Showdown
- 1.21 As Westbridge Turns
- 1.22 The Great Mistake
- 1.23 The Crucible
- 1.24 Troll Bride
- 2 Season 2
- 2.1 Sabrina Gets Her License (Part 1)
- 2.2 Sabrina Gets Her License (Part 2)
- 2.3 Dummy For Love
- 2.4 Dante's Inferno
- 2.5 A Doll's Story
- 2.6 Sabrina, the Teenage Boy
- 2.7 A River of Candy Corn Runs Through It
- 2.8 Inna-Gadda-Sabrina
- 2.9 Witch Trash
- 2.10 To Tell a Mortal
- 2.11 Oh What a Tangled Spell She Weaves
- 2.12 Sabrina Claus
- 2.13 Little Big Kraft
- 2.14 Five Easy Pieces of Libby
- 2.15 Finger Lickin' Flu
- 2.16 Sabrina And The Beanstalk
- 2.17 The Equalizer
- 2.18 The Band Episode
- 2.19 My Nightmare, The Car
- 2.20 Quiz Show
- 2.21 Fear Strikes Up A Conversation
- 2.22 Rumor Mill
- 2.23 When Teens Collide
- 2.24 Mom Vs. Magic
- 2.25 Disneyworld
- 2.26 Sabrina’s Choice
- 3 Season 3
- 3.1 It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Season Opener
- 3.2 Boy, Was My Face Red
- 3.3 Suspicious Minds
- 3.4 The Pom Pom Incident
- 3.5 Pancake Madness
- 3.6 Good Will Haunting
- 3.7 You Bet Your Family
- 3.8 And The Sabrina Goes To...
- 3.9 Nobody Nose Libby Like Sabrina Knows Libby
- 3.10 Christmas Amnesia
- 3.11 Sabrina And The Beast
- 3.12 Whose So-Called Life Is It Anyway?
- 3.13 What Price Harvey?
- 3.14 Sabrina And The Pirates
- 3.15 Mrs. Kraft
- 3.16 Sabrina, The Matchmaker
- 3.17 Sabrina, The Teenage Writer
- 3.18 Salem the Boy
- 3.19 The Big Sleep
- 3.20 Long And Winding Shortcut
- 3.21 Sandman
- 3.22 Sabrina’s Pen Pal
- 3.23 Sabrina's Real World
- 3.24 Silent Movie
- 3.25 The Good, The Bad & The Luau
- 4 Season 4
- 4.1 No Place Like Home
- 4.2 Dream A Little Dreama Me
- 4.3 Jealousy
- 4.4 Little Orphan Hilda
- 4.5 Spoiled Rotten
- 4.6 Episode LXXXI: The Phantom Menace
- 4.7 Prelude To A Kiss
- 4.8 Aging, Not So Gracefully
- 4.9 Love Means Having To Say You’re Sorry
- 4.10 Ice Station Sabrina
- 4.11 Salem And Juliette
- 4.12 Sabrina, Nipping At Your Nose
- 4.13 Now You See Her, Now You Don’t
- 4.14 Super Hero
- 4.15 Welcome Back, Duke
- 4.16 Salem's Daughter
- 4.17 Love In Bloom
- 4.18 Dreama, The Mouse
- 4.19 The Wild, Wild Witch
- 4.20 She’s Baaack!
- 4.21 The Four Faces of Sabrina
- 4.22 The End Of An Era
- 5 Season 5
- 5.1 Every Witch Way But Loose
- 5.2 Double Time
- 5.3 Heart Of The Matter
- 5.4 You Can't Twin
- 5.5 House Of Pi’s
- 5.6 The Halloween Scene
- 5.7 Welcome Traveler
- 5.8 Some Of My Best Friends Are Half-Mortal
- 5.9 Lost At ‘C’
- 5.10 Sabrina’s Perfect Christmas
- 5.11 My Best Shot
- 5.12 Tick-Tock Hilda's Clock
- 5.13 Sabrina’s New Roommate
- 5.14 Making The Grade
- 5.15 Love is a Many Complicated Thing
- 5.16 Sabrina, The Muse
- 5.17 Beach Blanket Bizarro
- 5.18 Witchright Hall
- 5.19 Sabrina, The Activist
- 5.20 Do You See What I See?
- 5.21 Sabrina’s Got Spirit
- 5.22 Finally!
- 6 Season 6
- 6.1 Really Big Season Opener
- 6.2 Sabrina’s Date With Destiny
- 6.3 What’s News
- 6.4 Humble Pie
- 6.5 Murder On The Halloween Express
- 6.6 The Gift Of Gab
- 6.7 Thin Ice
- 6.8 Hex, Lies And No Videotape
- 6.9 A Birthday Witch
- 6.10 Deliver Us From E-Mail
- 6.11 Cloud Ten
- 6.12 Sabrina And The Candidate
- 6.13 I Think I Love You
- 6.14 The Arrangement
- 6.15 Time After Time
- 6.16 Sabrina And The Kiss
- 6.17 The Competition
- 6.18 Driving Mr. Goodman
- 6.19 I, Busybody
- 6.20 Guilty!
- 6.21 The Whole Ball Of Wax
- 6.22 I Fall To Pieces
- 7 Season 7
- 7.1 Total Sabrina Live!
- 7.2 The Big Head
- 7.3 Call Me Crazy
- 7.4 Shift Happens
- 7.5 Free Sabrina
- 7.6 Sabrina Unplugged
- 7.7 Witch Way Out
- 7.8 Bada-Ping!
- 7.9 It’s A Hot, Hot, Hot, Hot Christmas
- 7.10 The Lyin’ The Witch And The Wardrobe
- 7.11 Ping Ping A Song
- 7.12 In Sabrina We Trust
- 7.13 Sabrina In Wonderland
- 7.14 Present Perfect
- 7.15 Cirque Du Sabrina
- 7.16 Getting To Nose You
- 7.17 Romance Looming
- 7.18 Spellmanian Slip
- 7.19 You Slay Me
- 7.20 A Fish Tale
- 7.21 What A Witch Wants
- 7.22 Soul Mates
- 8 External links
- Sabrina: Morning.
- Zelda: Good morning. Happy birthday, Sabrina.
- Hilda: And many more to come.
- Zelda: Many, many more to come. I, ah, got you a little something. [picks up a wrapped box and brings it over to the table]
- Hilda: Actually, that’s from both of us; I just forgot to sign the card.
- Zelda: [hands the birthday present to Sabrina] I hope you don’t already have one.
- [Sabrina opens up the box excitedly and pulls out...]
- Sabrina: [put out] A black pot? Actually, I don’t. Thanks.
- Zelda: It’s a cauldron.
- Sabrina: Wow, even better. I can, um, put my pens in it...
- Zelda: That’s not what it’s for. Sabrina, we have something to tell you. You see there are two realms, the natural and the supernatural and it turns out the immutable laws of physics-
- Hilda: [interrupting] You're a witch.
- Sabrina: [surprised] What do you mean, I’m a witch?
- Hilda: You’re a witch.
- Zelda: Now you're not alone. I’m a witch, Hilda’s a witch, your father’s a witch...
- Sabrina: [skeptical] And I suppose my mom’s a witch too?
- Hilda: I always thought so.
- Zelda: Actually, your mom’s mortal. You see, that’s why you’re here; so that we can teach you to use your magic.
- Mr. Pool: I’m Mr. Pool. [coughs] And I know you were hoping I was going to spend the day mispronouncing your names, but instead lets jump straight into biology, huh?
- [Zelda places a large, old, leather bound book in front of Sabrina]
- Zelda: Here is a present from your father.
- Sabrina: An old book, a black pot - Doesn’t anyone shop at The Gap anymore? [reading the cover] "The Discovery of Magic"... Why’d he give me this? [opens the book to a page depicting a picture of a bearded man in a top hat, labeled Edward beneath it] That’s why! This old magician looks just like my dad.
- [The picture turns to look at her]
- Edward: Surprise! [Sabrina gives a little start] It is your dad! Happy birthday, Sabrina!
- Sabrina: [amazed] Wow, Hallmark has gone really high tech! Can he say anything else?
- Edward: I’m not a hologram, honey - I’m just in a different realm.
- Sabrina: A different realm? I thought you were at the Toronto Midway Motor Lodge.
- Edward: [to his sisters] Zelda, Hilda, didn’t you explain to her she’s a witch?
- Hilda: [to the book] She doesn’t believe us!
- Sabrina: [exasperated] Not this again... [closes the book] Look, I know you went to a lot of trouble to set this joke up, so... Ha-ha-ha, now it’s over?
- Hilda: No. It’s just beginning. You are a witch.
- Zelda: With real magical powers, and now that you're sixteen, you can use them. [bemused] And you wanted something from The Gap..
- Sabrina: So, what are you saying? that I’m not who I think I am? You’re not who I think you are? And my father lives in a book?
- Hilda: Oh, finally, she gets it!
- Sabrina: This is insane, I’m going to my room. [gets up and heads for the door] Come on, Salem.
- Salem: Can you wait till I've finished my milk?
- Sabrina: [stops, shocked] Did the cat just talk?
- 'Salem: Yes, and get this stupid hat of my head.
- Sabrina: [horrified] Oh my God! [runs away]
- Zelda: I think we’d better let her father handle this... Ted?
- [The book levitates of the table and goes after Sabrina]
- Edward: [voice muffled by the pages] Sabrina, open me up!
- Sabrina: No!
- Edward: We have to talk, young lady! Open me up this instant!
- Sabrina: No! I don’t want to talk to a book. Oh God, I’m talking to a book! [opens the book] I can’t be a witch! Witches don’t exist!
- Edward: Honey, I know this is hard, but you just have to accept it. You’re not like other kids - you’re special.
- Sabrina: I don’t wanna be special, I wanna be normal!
- Edward:I understand, but... that ship has sailed.
- Sabrina: None of this makes sense. I mean, all these years, I thought you were travelling with the Foreign Service!
- Edward: I am; It’s just a lot more foreign than you thought.
- Sabrina: And Mom? Has she really been digging for fossils in Peru?
- Edward: Yes, she is.
- Sabrina: Then I wanna go live with her.
- Edward: You can’t. You see, there’s a rule: If you set eyes on your mother in the next two years, she’ll turn into a ball of wax.
- Sabrina: What?!
- Edward: It’s the way they discourage Mortal-Witch marriages.
- Sabrina: So, is that the reason you and Mom got divorced?
- Edward: No.
- Sabrina: [hopeful] So, d’ya think maybe you could get back together?
- Edward: No - that’s another ship that’s sailed. [Sabrina deflates] You’re going to be fine. Just take some time, and think about all this. And, if you ever need me, I’m in the index.
- Sabrina: I’m a witch and I still have to go to school?
- Zelda: M-hm.
- Sabrina: Unfair. [deviously] Hey, maybe I’ll turn Mr. Pool into...
- Hilda: Now! Now! Be careful pointing your finger at people, it could be way too dangerous!
- Sabrina: You're pointing at me, so isn't that dangerous?
- Hilda: [smiles] I have the safety on, of course.
- Sabrina: I hate being a witch! I just turned the most popular girl in school into a pineapple!
- Hilda: Why?
- Sabrina: Because it’s the only thing you taught me how to do!
Hilda: Relax, I can fix this. [takes the pineapple and grabs a knife] Chunks or rings? Zelda: Hilda, there are other ways.
- Hilda: Wedges?
- Zelda: Sabrina doesn’t know how to seal her spells yet, so... [Hilda reluctantly puts down the knife and stands back] "The popular girl is not a fruit." [the pineapple morphs back into Libby] There, all better.
- Libby: What am I doing in your house?
- Sabrina: [unconvincingly] You... came over for a visit.
- Libby: Ha, I would not'! You did something to me, you sent me somewhere - It was small and it smelled like Hawaii!
- Sabrina: [apologetic] Look, Libby, I’m sorry, I didn’t-
- Libby: Oh, not as sorry as you will be! You’re an even bigger freak than I thought, and the whole school’s going to know about it! [runs away]
- Hilda: See? My way, she’d be on a tooth-pick.
- Sabrina: It’s over! My life is over! I mean, it’s not just over, it’s over, over!
- Zelda: Oh stop, Libby can’t hurt you. She’s just one person with a crazy story.
- Sabrina: She’s a cheerleader - nobody has more credibility. I mean, the only way to make this better is to turn back time, and you said a witch can’t do that!
- Zelda: A witch can’t, but collectively we do have powers that a single witch doesn’t. It’s a union thing.
- Sabrina: [hopeful] So, it’s possible?
- Zelda: You can appeal to the Witches Council, but they only grant time reversal in extreme cases.
- Hilda: Like for two months, a bunny ruled all of England.
- Sabrina: [confused] When?
- Hilda: See?
- Sabrina: Salem, do you think the council will grant the time reversal?
- Salem: I'm the wrong witch to ask. They weren't very lenient with me. Sentenced to a hundred years as a cat. And for what?
- Sabrina: I don't know. For what?
- Salem: Oh, like any young kid, I dreamed of world domination. Of course, they really crack down when you act upon it.
- Sabrina: Wow. No wonder you're so possessive of the sofa.
- Salem: Mmm. It would've been glorious. Mean. It's the firm, but just "Emperor of Earth". Trust me, being a house pet wasn't even "plan B".
- Sabrina: Come on, it's not that bad. You take 5,000 naps a day.
- Salem: I can't go dancing. I can't play squash. The sound of the can opener is the only thing that makes me feel truly alive.
- Sabrina: Salem? Would you like your rubber mouse?
- Salem: ...Please.
Sabrina: I love being a witch! I don’t know what made the Council change their minds, but I got to do the whole day over again, and now the teachers think I’m smart, the jocks think I’m cool- Oh, and I’m going to the movies with Harvey and Jenny Saturday night. Woo-hoo! I’m normal! Gotta go tell the cat! [runs up the stairs]
- Hilda: [shakes her head, bemused] Teens.
- Zelda: What about them?
- Hilda: Just in general.
Sabrina: Hey, it worked! I pulled a rabbit out of a hat. Rabbit: Hey, put me back! My wife Renée is about to give birth. Sabrina: Oh, sorry. [puts him back in the hat] Hilda: Relax, that happens a lot with rabbits.
Zelda: Every time he makes a date with Hilda, he breaks it. Hilda: He did that once or twice... or maybe a thousand times... bu,t may I remind you that every time that Drell has canceled, he has always sent me a lovely token of his affection. Zelda: Yeah, he always sends a pot-roast. Sabrina: A pot-roast? Hilda: Flowers wilt! Say it with beef.
Jenny: I think Libby and her friends are talking about us. Sabrina: No, they’re not. Don’t be so paranoid Jenny. Jenny: Paranoid? They’re pointing at us and laughing. Sabrina: Oh, you're right. Well, just ignore them... [beat] Are they still doing it?
Harvey (to Sabrina and Jenny): Hey, I’m going to the pizza place tomorrow night to force down eight slices, do you guys wanna watch?
(Libby and C.C. come down the hallway.)
Libby: Hi Jenny, hi Sabrina.
(They walk on giggling together)
Sabrina: Hey, is there something funny about our names?
Libby: Not Jenny’s.
Jenny: Everything Libby says is a lie. Sabrina: Hey, maybe we can retaliate by spreading lies about her. Jenny: What can we say? That she’s actually nice and sweet?
Sabrina: (Reading) "Jiffy Truth, one hundred percent refined truth, trace amounts of harsh reality. For best results, sprinkle on something sweet as the truth can be bitter." Hilda: It is great stuff, it makes you reveal your true feelings. Oh, which reminds me: Zelda, the postman has a crush on you.
Libby: Harvey, you would not believe what I just heard. [without waiting for an answer] Okay, I’ll tell you: That’s not Sabrina’s real nose! Harvey: It’s not? Libby: Don’t you get it? She had surgery. Harvey: Why? What’s wrong? Libby: [rolls her eyes] Never mind.
Mrs. Bogzigian: Get your pans. Now, did you know that Richard Nixon’s favorite snack food was the Bundt? Oh, he’d eat it secretly, and then deny it, but if you listen closely to those tapes...
Guidance Counselor: Let me give you the truth, Ricky. You kids come in here and talk about your futures, your dreams—but what about me? You think I wanted to be a guidance counselor? Heck no, I was born to play the blues. (takes out harmonica and sings) I got no future and neither do you, your SAT scores are four-thirty-two. Welcome to loserville!
Principal Larue (over PA system): Attention students, this is Principal Larue. I just wanted to announce that as soon as I finish this yummy bundt cake, I’m going to the movies, like I do every Friday afternoon—and I’m payin’ for my popcorn with petty cash. Thank you.
Hilda: Okay, which look do you think Drell will like better, tough chick or...damsel in distress?. Tough chick or...damsel in distress? Zelda: Isn’t there something in the middle? Hilda: Like a tough chick in distress?...Ooh, I like it. Zelda: I hate it. Oh, why don’t you just wear what you wore last time Drell stood you up? Hilda: He is not going to stand me up...Were you cooking something, Zelda? Zelda: Oh no! Drell did it again. He sent you a... half a pot-roast? Hilda: That just means he’s going to be a little late. He’s so thoughtful.
Jenny: So this is nice, just the two of us. Harvey: Yeah, no Sabrina. It’s great. Jenny: It is? Harvey: Sure, now we can order onions. Sabrina hates onions.
Sabrina: I lied to you when I said I didn’t mind Harvey and you coming here alone. I do mind and I know you guys might be soul mates but... Jenny: We’re not soul mates. Sabrina: You're not? Jenny: No. I mean, Harvey's really cute and he’s really nice, but you can’t build a life on that. Sabrina: I’d be willing to give it a shot. Harvey: (Calling over) Are you guys talking about me? Both: Yes. Harvey: Come talk about me over here.
Hilda: I’m standing Drell up! I’m going to give him a taste of his own pot-roast. Zelda: Oh Hilda, that’s perfect! Those self help books are really paying off. Hilda: I know. Now walk me to my bedroom before I change my mind.
Salem: Oh, I wish my fur had an elastic waist band...
Zelda: Sabrina, you should never be embarrassed by the truth. Sabrina: Oh yeah? Then why did you change out of your dress?
Principle Larue (over PA system): Attention students, this is the real Principle Larue. Last Friday some prankster broke into my office and impersonated me. I, of course, was at the district office all day working to make your school a better place. Thank you. (feedback) Do you think they bought that? Huh...? Oh no!
(After Sabrina and her aunts arrive in Drell's office)
Drell: Sabrina, why don’t we begin by you explaining to us why we’re here?
Sabrina: I don’t know.
Drell: Stop me if something sounds familiar. Athletic injury, fixed election, altered immutable laws of physics.
Sabrina: Oh that.
Hilda: You didn’t?!
Sabrina: I was just trying to help people.
Drell: "Help" is a four letter word, like "Dumb" and "Move". Am I right?
Sabrina: Well, first all the people I helped were happy but now only one is and he’s happy enough for all three of them though. So...
Drell: (Interrupting) Now, I should explain to you that when I say "Am I right?", IT’S A RHETORICAL QUESTION! Because I’m always right.
Sabrina: Salem, you're back. How was jail?
Salem: Not bad, there’s a guy in solitary convinced Alan Derchowitze appeared to him as a talking cat. I told him I’d call the governor and plead his innocence.
Sabrina: See? I told you it was nice to help people.
Salem: Are you kidding? I’m not calling.
(After Mr. Pool has lost his knowledge of how to make gold)
Sabrina: Mr. Pool, do you have a minute?
Mr. Pool: Yes, a lifetime of them. And they are suddenly going by very slowly.
The True Adventures of Rudy Kazootie
(When Sabrina and Salem go into the kitchen and see the baby she's watching)
Sabrina: Okay, now what do I do about this?
Salem: Dear lord! You picked up a guy at the bus station!
Sabrina: No, it’s the baby I’m baby-sitting for. He’s fourteen months old, something happened to him.
Salem: Do I smell teen witchery?
Sabrina: Salem you’ve gotta help me. We’ve gotta change him back before his parents come home and prosecute.
Salem: What do you want me to do? I’m a cat, go talk to your aunts.
Sabrina: They’re at my school, I can’t bring him there. Can you watch him?
Salem: I suppose...
Sabrina:' Thanks, I owe you one.
Rudy: (When Sabrina puts Salem on the table) Horsey! Ride Horsey!
Salem: Get him off me! Get him off of me!
Sabrina: I’ve found all kinds of great stuff. It’s er, not brand name but I’m sure it tastes fine.
(She hands over a selection of candies and puts some cans of soda on the coffee table.)
Harvey: (Reading the wrappers) ‘Schnickers’? ‘N and N’s’? ‘Butterthumb’? Where do these people shop?
Sabrina: I don’t know, but if you're thirsty there’s ‘Popsi’
Harvey: Do they have ‘You-hoo’?
Sabrina: No, but they have ‘Hey, over there’
Harvey: I think I’ll just have a diet Popsi.
Mr. Pool: Welcome parents', I’m Mr. Pool. You may look at me, a man in his prime, and wonder why is he teaching high school biology. Well, it’s because I believe that science is the foundation upon which we build our future. That and I tanked my MCAT’s...
Sabrina: Salem, what are you doing?
Salem: Er... nothing.
Sabrina: It looks like you're playing with a ball of yarn.
Salem: I have urges, Sabrina.
Sabrina: Look, can we deal with your issues later, I’ve got a bigger problem.
Salem: My yarn!
Geek Like Me
Sabrina: Libby caught me coming out of Science Club.
Zelda: You went to Science Club? Oh, that’s wonderful!
Sabrina: No, it’s not! Now Libby thinks I’m a complete geek!
Hilda: I knew this would happen; it’s Zelda’s influence. I begged you to watch TV with me so you’d be normal.
Zelda: Oh, be quiet!
A Halloween Story
Libby: I don’t think so. Come on Harvey, let’s hit the floor.
Harvey: [grabs her arm] Actually, Libby, I don’t dance.
Libby: Excuse me? This is a dance, guess what we do here?
Harvey: Well you see for me, dance is sort of a metaphor.
Libby: For what?
Harvey: I don’t know, something else?
Harvey: Do you wanna head over to the Slicery and to play a little foozball?
Sabrina: [enthusiastic] Yeah, I love foozball! [beat] Sorry, I've been hanging out with Chad too long...
Third Aunt from the Sun
Hilda: (to Sabrina) How can you choose the Pleasure Dome over High School?! Wait, that didn't come out right...
Zelda: Thank goodness that she left. Now we can talk about the first millisecond after the big bang. See I think-
Ethan: (interrupting her) LOVE ME!
Ethan: I’m sorry. It’s just that we finally get rid of your weird sister, and all you can talk about is the big bang? I came here tonight hoping for more than science. I wanted you to look into my eyes and see something other than rods and cones. I love you Zelda. Don’t you realize that?
Zelda: You never said anything.
Ethan: I’ve been playing footsie with you all night!
Zelda: That was you?! I thought it was the cat!
Sweet and Sour Victory
Zelda: What's all the noise?
Hilda: Everything okay?
Sabrina: No! My trophy won't shut up.
Hilda: Well just tell it to... Huh?
Sabrina: It keeps calling me names. I don't know what's happening.
Zelda: I take it you decided to compete in Kung Fu?
Trophy: Yeah and she won. Cheater!
Zelda: That explains it. The trophy is speaking your guilty conscience.
Sabrina: You told me to decide for myself, and I did!
Trophy: And you decided wrong.
Sabrina: How do I get it to stop yapping?
Hilda: Well, you could put a teeny weeny sock in his mouth, or you could clear your conscience.
Sabrina: (to the trophy) OK, I was gonna run you under hot water but now you get nothing.
A Girl and Her Cat
Sabrina: Salem, were you in my closet again?
Salem: Yeah. So?
Sabrina: You ruined my favorite Christmas sweater!
Salem: Yeah. So?
Sabrina: It meant a lot to me!
Salem: Then you shouldn’t have hidden your diary under it.
Sabrina: You were reading my diary again?
Salem: Yes and it’s duller than dish water...
Zelda: Stop it, you two! It’s Christmas eve and I don’t want any more arguing. Salem, you owe Sabrina an apology. [Salem says nothing] Now!
Salem: I’m thinking of how to word it.
Hilda: Try ‘I’m sorry’
Salem: Somehow that just doesn’t feel right.
Sabrina: Forget it, I don’t have time for this. I’ve gotta meet Harvey at The Slicery but now I’ve gotta change, thanks to you.
Salem: Er, since you thanked me, can I ask a favor?
Sabrina: Excuse me, cat? You want a favor?
Salem: Yeah. Can I tag along to The Slicery? I’ve got a touch of cabin fever and I'd really like to....
Sabrina: (Interrupting) Are you insane? I wouldn’t bring you to The Slicery if you were the last person-slash-cat on Earth! (Storms off)
Salem: Man, what’s her problem?
Hilda: You are so self centred, even for a cat.
(Thinking of a way to get Salem home)
Sabrina: Can we focus? Okay we have five witches and a newt, we should be able to do something?
Hilda: I’ve got it; We all hide inside a giant wooden horse!
Zelda: Hmm, that worked so well the last time.
Sabrina: What if I use my magic to pop into the house and grab Salem?
Zelda: Too risky, if the little boy sees you you're caught. How will you explain it?
Sabrina: I wouldn’t, I’d just knock him down and run out of there as fast as I could.
Hilda: Oh, good plan! (Zelda pokes her in her ribs) Bad plan.
(Opening the bedroom door)
Jenny: Sabrina? (Walks over to Salem and pats his head when she notices him) Hey kitty, do you know where the linen closet is?
Jenny: I know it’s snooping, but all that talk about towels made me wanna check theirs out. (Walks over to the nearest door)
Jenny: I found it! (Opens the closet and goes inside)
Salem: Meow! (Sabrina comes up the stairs) MEOW!
Sabrina: What’s up Salem? (As the linen closet sends Jenny to the Other Realm)
Salem: Jenny just got sent to the Other Realm.
Sabrina: You're kidding! (Opens the door to see if Jenny is still there)
Salem: No, and I’m glad. Now everything can go back to normal.
(After going through limbo)
Sabrina: I don’t see Jenny.
Hilda: Good, ‘cause I see Drell.
Drell: Oh, hi ladies. Glad you didn’t catch me doing anything silly.
Hilda: Er, actually we were just looking for someone.
Zelda: But she doesn’t seem to be here, so we’re sorry to disturb you.
Drell: Wait! Maybe I, er, have seen her. Is her name Jenny?
Drell: Does she have green eyes?
Drell: Is she a vegetarian?
Drell: Does she have a segmented body and ears on her thorax?
Drell: Wanna bet? (Pulls out a jar with Jenny as a grasshopper in it)
Rulebearer: Mortals without concious knowledge of the realm may walk in and out of it freely.
Zelda: But Jenny already has concious knowledge
Sabrina: So we get rid of the concious part
Hilda: We knock her out?
Trial By Fury
Hilda: What’s going on? I heard an explosion! Oh, you're just making soup.
Sabrina: No, I’m stirring up a little revenge for Mr. Rothwell.
Hilda: What happened?
Sabrina: It was so humiliating. He made me take the test in front of the whole class.
Hilda: Like some sort of zoo monkey?
Sabrina: Yeah. (With sign language) Co-Co hate teacher man! (Back to acting normal) Anyway I know I flunked. So I’m giving him an expanding butt until I can find the perfect revenge spell.
Mr. Rothwell: There were fifteen questions. The first five were worth forty points, the next five worth forty-five and the last five were worth fifteen. Sabrina got two of the biggies, three of the middies and one of the babies for a grand total of forty-five points. What percent of a hundred?
Hilda: Oh! I-er... Fifteen questions, one hundred points, thirty-two... I have no idea!
Mr. Rothwell: Forty-five percent! Jeez, no wonder she failed.
Hilda: [gasps] But I didn’t have a chance to study for this meeting!
Sabrina Through the Looking Glass
Sabrina: Great. Great, great, great, great. (Zelda, Hilda and Salem look at her funny) I was being sincere!
Salem: Orioles? I didn’t know you were a baseball fan.
Hilda: I’m not, I’m a Brady Anderson fan. He is hot, I love those side-burns.
Salem: Yeah, I may be a house pet but I totally see it...
Hilda: Oh, I know what I want; Flan! (conjures some up) It’s so wiggly!
Salem: I don’t know whether to eat it, or attack it.
Zelda: Now, we'll empty our minds.
Hilda: That, I can do.
Salem: (Seeing Sabrina's wart) Who's your new friend?
Hilda and Zelda: The Teenage Years
- Sabrina: Are you kidding? I’d love to meet the Violent Femmes. When? Where?
- Harvey: Well they’ll be signing CD’s at Music City in Boston tonight at midnight.
- Sabrina: Midnight! That’s perfect. I have no conflicting plans. But I still have to ask my aunts.
- Harvey: Just tell them what I told my parents. It’s an astrology field trip.
- Sabrina: Don’t you mean astronomy?
- Harvey: Wow, they’re paying even less attention than I thought.
- Sabrina: This’ll be so much fun. You, me and the Violent Femmes.
- Libby: (Turing around from the next table) You’re going to see the Violent Femmes?
- Harvey: Yeah.
- Libby: You have to let me come with you. (Moves to sit down by Sabrina) I will do anything to meet Gordon Gano. You know I hate this word but... Please? The more the merrier.
- Sabrina: (After Harvey gives her a look) All right, you can come.
- Libby: Thanks! This is so great. I love the Violent Femmes.
- Gordie: (Overhearing their conversation) You’re going to see the Violent Femmes? Can I come too? (He sits at their table beside Harvey)
- Libby: No! Jeez Gordie, you can’t just invite yourself along.
- Sabrina: I thought you just said ‘The more the merrier’?
- Libby: Twist my words, why don’t you.
- Harvey: Look. It’s my car and I say any Femmes fan is welcome. So Gordie, you’re in.
- Gordie: Cool!
- Harvey: Cool!
- Sabrina: Cool!
- Libby: Shotgun!
- Harvey: You have to let us in. I mean, talk about Violent Femmes; If they don’t meet the band, there will be four extremely violent femmes, and I’m the one who has to drive them all back to Westbridge along with one love-sick dude. Do not make me do that. You know what I’m saying, you’ve been there right?
- Door guard: [considers] Hartford, Led Zeppelin, 1973. Go on in
Harvey: Hey, Sabrina.
Sabrina: Louis the fifteenth.
Harvey: No. What are you doing over vacation?
Sabrina: Oh, I’m going skiing with my aunts.
Harvey: Out West?
Sabrina: Actually...North. How about you?
Harvey: I’ll be here. In fact I was hoping you’d be here too so maybe we could do stuff.
Sabrina: Really? I wish I had known. I love doing stuff.
Sabrina: Wow! Awesome photo of Elijah Wood!
Nana: Oh, he’s my little honey.
Sabrina: You know him?
Nana: Noah Wyle introduced us.
Sabrina: You know Noah Wyle?!
Nana: Only through Christian Slater.
Sabrina: I love Christian Slater! How do you know these people?
Nana: Well, when you get to be my age, you know just about everybody.
Hilda: I’ll take that as a compliment. So how was your date with Rick?
Zelda: Oh, not so good. I’m starting to feel really weird about the age difference. I mean normally I don’t care about these things but Rick keeps bringing up stuff that makes me feel old.
Hilda: Like what?
Zelda: Oh, he keeps talking about how he can’t wait for the turn of the century. Big deal, I’ve done that five times!
- Sabrina: Salem, what are you doing?
- Salem: Nothing!
- Sabrina: You’re in a chat-room again pretending to be a woman aren’t you?
- Salem: I like the attention
- Harvey: Oh! I’ll grab the cat. We can make him chase the light reflected off my watch.
- Sabrina: No! Er... He’s not allowed in the living room. Very bad shedding problem.
- Harvey: Really?
- Sabrina: Better if he just stays here and minds his own business.
(They leave through to the living room.)
- Salem: (To himself) Like I don’t have anything better to do than spy on her. [beat] Wait, I don’t!
- Sabrina: I passed, why is Harvey still a frog?
- Zelda: There's one final detail; To change him back, you have to return to the scene of the kiss and kiss him again.
- Sabrina: [disgusted] I have to kiss a frog? That is so gross!
- Zelda: Teenagers; they'll jump through flames, but ask 'em to kiss a frog...
Meeting Dad’s Girlfriend
As Westbridge Turns
The Great Mistake
Sabrina : I can't believe this, I'm missing The Smashing Pumpkins!
Salem : Bummer T. Jones III.
Sabrina: Whoa! Do you know what's just dawned on me? You guys had lives before I got here. This is amazing, we have a lot of catching up to do. So, were you ever kids?
Hilda: Yes, although it was back in the fourteenth century. There were no phones, no TV's, things were very different
Hilda: Oh no, she's gone again.
Sabrina: No I'm not, I'm on the bed.
Hilda: How'd you get over here?
Sabrina: Salem carried me in his mouth.
Salem: It took all my self control not to eat her.
Witch Cop: Does this belong to you?
Hilda: Sabrina, what's going on?
Witch Cop: I caught her over Brooklyn flying with a full bag and trailing a lot of dust. That warrants an emissions citation but when I attempted to pull her over she took off.
Sabrina: I was looking for a well lit area.
Teacher: Nobody had a witch card. Every single card said towns person. I didn't create the witches, you did.
Sabrina: Harvey, climb up my hair!
Harvey: You're okay with that?
Sabrina: Yeah, just don't split any ends.
Zelda: I couldn't help but notice your jacket. Who is the Termite King?
Harvey: My Dad. That's his company.
Zelda: Which would make you the Termite Prince!
Harvey: And that's why I'm leaving the area when I go to college.
Stuart: Stuart Clarkson here. You have a legal emergency?
Sabrina: A troll has asked for my hand in marriage.
Stuart: Did you sign a contract?
Stuart: Did you read the contract?
Stuart: Have a nice wedding.
Sabrina Gets Her License (Part 1)
Sabrina: Is it time for the test?
Quizmaster: Are you kidding? You are not ready. This is a warning. You haven't cracked this hand. I mean, not even the knuckles. Hey, I liked that one.
Hilda: Let me guess, you failed your first try?
Sabrina: I'll get it next time.
Zelda: I'm sure you will. But unfortunately, there's a penalty.
Sabrina: No dessert?
Sabrina Gets Her License (Part 2)
Sgt. Slater: Spellman, Spellman... Why is that name so familiar? Hilda Spellman... Hilda Thorn-In-My-Side Spellman! Don't tell me you're related to Hilda Spellman?
Salem: Give me five! (Sabrina holds up her hand)
Salem: (looks at his paw) I can't!
Sgt. Slater: Unauthorized leave. Upsetting a fellow recruit. De-activating your De-activator. Feeding a canine officer a non-food substance.
Sabrina: Hey. He picked that fight, not me.
Sgt. Slater: Oh yeah? That’s not what he said.
Sabrina: I’ve got to get this de-activator off.
Salem: I’ll pick it with my dew-claw. It’s essentially the same lock that’s on your diary
Hilda: I’m so glad we spent our small fortune on a briefcase.
Salem: So fire it up and whip me up some hospital grade catnip.
Dummy For Love
Valerie: You'll never guess who just asked me out! Kirk!
Sabrina: Should I still guess?
Cupid: Look, I have to be honest with you. It’s more than that, it’s against my principles.
Salem: Is it because I’m a cat and she’s a woman?
Cupid: No it’s because you're a cat and she’s Sherry Lewis.
Salem: But I could make her so happy. Besides she’s gotta be tired of that whiny lamb. Not even a lamb, it’s a sock!
Cupid: You sicken me.
Salem: Get a real job... and some pants.
Witch Yenta: I have to go. I have to meet someone...
Zelda: Your old boyfriend?
Witch Yenta: No, my therapist
Hilda: She seems so happy. Oh, remember how we used to stay up Friday nights telling each other about our dates?
Zelda: We haven’t done that in ages.
Hilda: I know. We haven’t done that in ages because we haven’t had dates in ages.
Zelda: Oh well, at least we have each other. Oh my heavens! I’m living with my sister! I've gotta call that yenta!
Hilda: I remember the first time a boy gave me a star... Next thing I knew three wise men were at the door.
A Doll's Story
Valerie: I was just invited to a party.
Sabrina: At seven o’clock?
Valerie: Well I wasn’t exactly invited but people saw me hear about it and didn’t warn me to keep away. D’ya wanna come?
Sabrina: Gee I’d love to, since they went to so much trouble not to ban us, but I can’t. I’m baby-sitting my little cousin.
(Amanda and Salem are playing on the see-saw. She is gently pushing Salem up and down)
Amanda: UP... and down... and UP... and down... and UP... and down... and UP...!
(Pushes her end of the see saw sharply, catapulting Salem across the room)
Salem: I HATE MY LIFE!!!!
Sabrina, the Teenage Boy
Zelda: I wish you would learn that it’s never a good idea to turn yourself into a boy.
Hilda: Oh, there was no harm done! Except for those four cheese-steaks I ate.
Salem: FREEZE! Don’t squirt that perfume unless you want to be a boy who gets beaten up.
Sabrina: Man, that was close.
Salem: It’s not enough to look like a dude, you have to start thinking like a dude. Have you picked a name yet?
Salem: We’re back to getting beaten up here...
A River of Candy Corn Runs Through It
Hilda: I am so glad. I hate flying during the holidays. The traffic getting back from the Universe is always vacuum to vacuum.
Sabrina: You mean Halloween might actually be fun this year? Not that Grandpa’s game of "Find My Teeth" isn’t without it’s charms...
Harvey: My Mom and Dad say I’ve got to take my little brother and his friends trick or treating.
Sabrina: You're kidding! Did they just spring this on you?
Harvey: Yeah! They just now reminded me that they told me about it two weeks ago.
Valerie: How do we get to be friends with those guys?
Sabrina: I think we’d have to fill in a form. Do you know what I’d say to Asher if he talked to me?
Sabrina: (Weakly) Hello.
Valerie: That would take guts
Salem: A couch who's allergic to cats? Finally, someone whose life is more pathetic than mine!
(Hilda and Zelda are meditating and the phone rings)
Zelda: I hear bells... Have I reached Nirvana?
Hilda: It's the phone...
Zelda: [disapointed] Oh...
Hippie Driver: Did that cat just talk? Or am I picking up his thoughts telepathically? Salem: You're right. You can read my mind. And now you're sensing my great need to stop in Philadelphia for a cheese-steak. Hippie Driver: I’m communicating with animals! This is so radical. Salem: Just drive, Woodstock boy.
- Racine: Lord have mercy, look at the number of towels!
- Boyd: It’s like there’s one towel for each person!
- Great Grandma: Oh Racine, I know you're unhappy, but it was fair. Now, Hilda and Zelda got the Magic Book, and you got what you chose: all my money.
- Sabrina: They got all of great grandma’s money?
- Hilda: Yep, and they bought a mansion and a jet, and several butlers...
- Zelda:' Don’t forget tiaras for Maw Maw.
- Hilda: ...And then, all the money was gone.
- Racine: We didn’t just spend it, [proudly] we invested some of it!
- Boyd: Yeah, who knew chihuahua racing wouldn’t take off.
- Hilda: Uh, everyone?
To Tell a Mortal
Sabrina: Why didn't you guys tell me that there's a rule that on Friday the 13th I can tell a mortal I'm a witch?
Hilda: Oh the one where you can tell anyone you want and they can know for a whole twenty-four hours?
Zelda: We didn't want you to know.
Oh What a Tangled Spell She Weaves
Hilda: You really have to get it exactly right the first time; otherwise, there may be side effects. I remember one time I was making rum balls and I got tired, so I made a make everything round spell. Well, let's just say you can thank me for Columbus Day.
Sabrina: So I can’t decide whether I shoot for (a) The computer and the mountain bike, (b) The computer and the ski jacket or, (c) All of the above.
Harvey: Boy, I’d hate to be there if you got a savings bond...
Little Big Kraft
Mrs. Quick: Mr. Kraft, the students need lunch and they need it now.
Mr. Kraft: (Digging into his pocket) Well, I have two roles, a jaw breaker, (He pulls the gum from his mouth and holds it up.) and some ABC gum and I’m willing to share.
Five Easy Pieces of Libby
Libby: Well I’ll be using me as shorthand for us. I’ve already got the floral design in my head.
Sabrina: Oh, well I’m glad your butt is working. Oh I’ll be using butt as shorthand for your head.
Finger Lickin' Flu
- Sabrina: I'm too weak to lie, I didn't wear my mittens.
- (Zelda feels Sabrina's forehead)
Sabrina And The Beanstalk
The Band Episode
My Nightmare, The Car
Fear Strikes Up A Conversation
When Teens Collide
Mom Vs. Magic
- Sabrina: Aren’t you trespassing on government property?
- Quizmaster: No, I’m here to inform you that you can expect a very big Witch Exam sometime soon.
- Sabrina: It doesn’t involve changing the earth’s orbit, does it? Because the last time I tried that, a little thing called [[w:El Nino}El Nino]] happened.
- Quizmaster: Well, I can’t tell you when, but I can tell you where.
- [Mr. Kraft walks towards them, writing in a clipboard]
- Mr. Kraft: [to himself] Oh boy, I don’t know why they can’t just accept the misery that should be their lives. [Quizmaster snaps his fingers] Class trip to Florida!
- Sabrina: [delighted] We’re going to Disneyworld!
- [the students cheer with her]
It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Season Opener
Boy, Was My Face Red
The Pom Pom Incident
- Mounty: Freeze!
- Hilda: As if we can do anything ELSE in this weather...
- Mounty: Before I let you go, I have to ask you a few questions about the Mortal Realm to prove you live there - standard procedure
- Zelda: Fire away! I DO have three P.h.D's!!
- Mounty: What are the names of the Hanson brothers?
- Zelda: Who??
- Hilda: Isaac, Zachary and Taylor
- Mounty: What actor from Marcus Wellby just married Barbara Streisand?
- Zelda: Ooh, ooh... Robert Young!
- Hilda: James Brolin
- Mounty: Sports. Who's the best ----
- Hilda: ...Michael Jordan!
- Mounty: Correct, you can go!
- Hilda: Yes!! (Hi-fives Zelda, both attempt to leave)
- Mounty: (holding Zelda back) Oh, not you
- Zelda: But -- but, but...
- Mounty: You didn't answer one question, there's no WAY you live in the Mortal Realm
- Zelda: But I DO! I know who wrote Pride & Prejudice! I know who discovered the Uranium Isotope!
- Mounty: No one in the Mortal Realm knows those things!
- Zelda: (being dragged off by Mounty) HILDAAA!!!
- Hilda: I'll help you, Zelda! Go back to the bar and wait for me - you'll be okay! Tonight's ladies' night and... you'll be the only lady!
Good Will Haunting
You Bet Your Family
And The Sabrina Goes To...
Nobody Nose Libby Like Sabrina Knows Libby
Sabrina And The Beast
Whose So-Called Life Is It Anyway?
What Price Harvey?
Sabrina And The Pirates
Sabrina, The Matchmaker
Sabrina, The Teenage Writer
Salem the Boy
- Sabrina: Salem?
- Salem (as Gordy): Speaking. Man, standing rocks!
- Sabrina: Well, that was really nice of you to ask Valerie out. Well, to get Gordy to ask Val- Well, whatever just happened was really nice.
- Salem: I thought I might in service while I'm here. It's just my way of saying (rubbing his head on Sabrina's shoulder) thank you, thank you, thank you.
- Sabrina (before being thrown to the lions during Rome's national anthem): Hey, it's Rolan and Salem!
- Zelda: Oh, thank Zeus!
- Rolan: I'm sorry I ducked out on you, [indicates Salem] but I had to talk Charlie Powermooger out of taking down Microsoft.
- Salem: I couldn't resist power, (weeping) but I'm weak. I'm sorry, Sabrina. I didn't want to hurt you; I just wanted to rule you. (Sabrina makes a weird face; Salem faces the Witch Judge) Your Honor, I'm ready to be a cat again.
- Witch Judge: Sabrina, once again, you dodged the bullet (Sabrina smiles) That´s the name of the lion, "Bullet"
- Sabrina: Thank you guys! If you´re excuse me I think I´m gonna faint... (she faints)
- Hilda: (To Caligula) No! She doesn´t need mouth to mouth!
The Big Sleep
- Salem: (refering to Mr. Tobias) Let's destroy everything that's dear to him. Let's indoctrinate him into the cathedral of agony.
- Zelda: I'm going to write him a very stern letter.
- Salem: [sarcastic] You're a regular Mad Max aren't you.
Long And Winding Shortcut
Sabrina’s Pen Pal
Sabrina's Real World
- [Sabrina has been sent out to deal with a rampaging dinosaur]
- Sabrina: Okay, I'll just engage it in friendly conversation and maybe it'll go away. What language do giant lizards speak? Of course, Japanese. [casts a spell on her throat, making her speak Japanese] Takor, aday Toyota noya shin chah domo masu? ["So, what do you think of the new Toyotas?"]
- Dinosaur: [speaking French] Je ne comprends pas. Je parle français. Est-ce distillateur l’ère Mésozoïque? ["I don't understand. I speak French. Is this still the Mesozoic era?"]
- Sabrina: [to herself] A French dinosaur. I only wish this was the strangest thing I've ever encountered. [casts another spell on her throat, making her speak French] Vous êtes dans la chance. Ils ont un centre ville de festival de viande. Un bon nombre de sauces crèmes. ["You're in luck. They're having a meat festival downtown. Lots of cream sauces".]
- Dinosaur: Non possible! ["No way!"]
- Sabrina: Possible. ["Way."]
- Dinosaur: Merci, porc Américain culturelement illettré. Au revoir. ["Thank you, culturally illiterate American pig. Toodles."] [stomps away]
The Good, The Bad & The Luau
No Place Like Home
Dream A Little Dreama Me
Little Orphan Hilda
Episode LXXXI: The Phantom Menace
Prelude To A Kiss
Aging, Not So Gracefully
Love Means Having To Say You’re Sorry
Ice Station Sabrina
Salem And Juliette
Sabrina, Nipping At Your Nose
Now You See Her, Now You Don’t
Welcome Back, Duke
- Annabelle: Who better to be my maid of honor than the person who fixed the rift between my daddy and me?
- Sabrina: Well besides a sister, college roommate or life long friend, I can't think of anyone...
Love In Bloom
Dreama, The Mouse
The Wild, Wild Witch
The Four Faces of Sabrina
Harvey: I'm gonna leave you on the dance floor looking like a fool!
The End Of An Era
Every Witch Way But Loose
Heart Of The Matter
You Can't Twin
- Zelda: Mother's maiden name?
- Sabrina: Becker.
- Hilda: Favorite dessert that doesn't involve chocolate?
- Sabrina: There isn't one. How long is this going to go on?
- Zelda: Until we make absolutely sure you're the real Sabrina.
- Hilda: Say "Woo hoo."
- Sabrina: Woo hoo.
- Salem: Imposter! J'accuse!
- Sabrina: Back off furball or I'm gonna tell aunt Zelda about the time I caught you in her lingerie drawer trying on her lacy red...
- Salem: It's Sabrina!
- Jezebelda: Well well well, look what the cat dragged in.
- Katrina: It's horrible to see you too.
- Jezebelda: Did you gain a little weight?
- Katrina: Did your legs get skinnier?
- Jezebelda: Is that a whisker coming out of your chin?
- Katrina: Is that a chin coming out of your other chin?
- Jezebelda: [fondly] Lord, I missed you girl.
- Katrina: I missed you, too. [they hug]
- Roxie: (after finding Katrina posing as Sabrina reading her diary) How far did you read?
- Katrina: Far enough to know you had a dream about Miles last night.
- Miles: Really?
- Roxie: Don't get too excited. You were dead.
House Of Pi’s
The Halloween Scene
Some Of My Best Friends Are Half-Mortal
Lost At ‘C’
Sabrina’s Perfect Christmas
My Best Shot
Tick-Tock Hilda's Clock
(Doctor pulls clock out of Hilda's stomach) Hilda: Wow,you'd think I'd remember swallowing that.
Hilda: I hate doctors! They poke you, and ask if that hurts. Of course it hurts, you just poked me!
Hilda: Sabrina, I do not want a birthday party, I do not want one on the beach, I do not want one with a sneach, I do not want one up in space, I do not want one any place! Sabrina: A party in Whoville?
Hilda: If I don't get that clock back today, I am gonna OFF SOMEBODY!
Sabrina’s New Roommate
Making The Grade
Love is a Many Complicated Thing
- Roxie: Miles, tell her that Valentines day is nothing more than a bogus holiday engineered by the greeting card industry.
- Miles: In cahoots with the flower companies and candy manufacterers. I have a hunch the Trilateral Commision is also involved.
- Sabrina: That's so cute, I never realized how much you two have in common.
Sabrina, The Muse
Beach Blanket Bizarro
Sabrina, The Activist
Do You See What I See?
Sabrina’s Got Spirit
Really Big Season Opener
Sabrina’s Date With Destiny
Murder On The Halloween Express
The Gift Of Gab
Hex, Lies And No Videotape
A Birthday Witch
Deliver Us From E-Mail
Sabrina And The Candidate
I Think I Love You
Time After Time
Sabrina And The Kiss
Driving Mr. Goodman
The Whole Ball Of Wax
I Fall To Pieces
Total Sabrina Live!
The Big Head
Call Me Crazy
Witch Way Out
It’s A Hot, Hot, Hot, Hot Christmas
- Leonard: Well, it looks like my posse has just baled on me. Say, do you buffalo gals wanna come out tonight?
- Sabrina: Er, I’m sorry, are you inviting us to a saloon?
- Leonard: No. I’ve got this condo for the holidays, and Cole and James just baled on me. I don’t suppose you ladies would be interested in a little winter getaway? Condo’s got a hot-tub.
- Sabrina: [to the others] That could be fun!
- Morgan: Excuse me, Sabrina, the last thing that we want to do is go freeze our butts off on some mountain.
- [The girls head for the door]
- Leonard: Mountain? No, no, the condo’s in Miami.
- [All three of them stop in their tracks]
- Sabrina: Miami?
- Roxie: Florida?
- Morgan: America?
- Leonard: Eighty degrees and sunny.
- [delighted, the girls form a conga-line]
- Girls: [singing] Going to Miami!
Going to Miami!
Going to Miami!
Going to Miami!
- Sabrina: [to Morgan] Okay, you go and distract Roxie.
- Morgan: Okay. [beat] How?
- Sabrina: Haven't you ever distracted anyone before?
- Morgan: Well, yeah, but I don't think Roxie's gonna fall for the "Ooops, my strape broke!" trick.
- Sabrina: It's worth a shot. [pushes her towards Roxie]
The Lyin’ The Witch And The Wardrobe
Ping Ping A Song
- Annie: That’s it? Nobody has a story idea?
- James: Annie, it’s been kind of a slow week. I mean, no rappers got arrested, no movie stars were hospitalised for “exhaustion”...
- Annie: Come on! A new trend, a new band, there must be a story we haven’t done?
- Sabrina: Okay, last night on National Superstars- [notices James and Cole sneering] ...Which I only watched because my roommates made me... They announced they’re gonna do their next show in Boston. I mean, maybe we could do a story on that?
- Cole: That show is so lame.
- [Sabrina joins in with the general mutters of agreement]
- James: Seriously, I cannot believe people watch that junk.
- [long pause]
- Cole: There’s no way Clay should have won, okay? Tania was so much better!
- Leonard: Tania was hot! Rosie O’Donnell hot!
- Annie: Okay, you all gotta get a life. [to Cole] Clay rocks.
In Sabrina We Trust
Sabrina In Wonderland
Cirque Du Sabrina
Getting To Nose You
- Harvey: Salem invited me. He said there would be food and fireworks.
- Salem: I have lighted the fuse. Now I just have to wait for the kapowie! Mwahawhaw
- Morgan: So, you're in the nuclear biz? I once dated a guy named Adam, but then we split!
- Shirley: [to Aaron, about Sabrina] I like her. I like her a lot. Even more than Brenda.
- Sabrina: Thank you. [to Aaron] Who’s Brenda?
- Aaron: Oh, no one. No one important.
- Shirley: [pointedly] His last fiancé.
- All but Sabrina: Harmony, Harmony, Gosh we're feeling' swell....
- Sabrina: I guess the musical notes on the label should have tipped me off. Well, at least we're not arguing anymore...
- All but Sabrina: Harmony, Harmony, Gosh we're feeling' swell!
Harmony, harmony, this is going' oh so well!
- Shirley: Imagine my delight
to meet you here tonight
and endlessly enumerate the reasons you're not right! My boy says you're the one,
when all is said and done,
you simply are not good enough to wed my perfect son!
- Aaron: It steams me seeing Harvey standing next to you.
It seems that Harvey's more than just an ex to you.
- Sabrina: Oh yeah? [takes a bite of crab cake with Harmony salt and sings] I love the ring, but, hey
I'd love to hear you say
How many other fiances you've dumped along the way!
- Morgan: Harmony, harmony, can't conceal the bile.
Harmony, harmony, this is gonna take a while!
- Roxie: [dances with Bob] Your power plants and toxic dumps are perilous.
- Bob: Your room-mate's confrontational and querulous.
- Sabrina: Perhaps it would be best
To not offend our guest
so zip your lip and give your hippie politics a rest!
Harmony, harmony, this was not my plan.
Now we're all meaner than when this stupid song began!
- All: There's nothing like a good old-fashioned melody
To put a little gloss on animosity!
Slinging mud with effervescent charm!
Drawing blood while singing arm in arm!
And all in perfect harmony!
- Bob: [goes down on one knee with arms out] In case you didn't hear it;
- All: Knock-down drag-out harmony!
- Sabrina: At the end of the day, the important thing to remember is that Aaron loves me, and I love Harvey.
You Slay Me
- Sabrina: So, you're my prince...
- Aaron: [not understanding] Not a prince, just a man who wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
A Fish Tale
What A Witch Wants
- Sabrina: Harvey?
- Harvey: I'm not really sure what this [Soul-stone] is, but something told me I would find the answer here.
- Sabrina [smiles] I think that I just found mine.
- Episode transcripts at TVTDB.com