Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a 1964 film in which Martians kidnap Santa Claus because there is nobody on Mars to give their children presents. It is considered one of the worst films ever made.
- Directed by Nicholas Webster. Written by Paul L. Jacobson and Glenville Mareth.
Blast off for Mars... with Santa and a pair of Earth kids! taglines
Santa Claus
[edit]
- Well, when Voldar "accidentally" left us in the airlock and then came up here and "accidentally" threw the door switch, we knew we had to get out of there in a hurry or that would be the end of us. Eh, uh, "accidentally," of course.
- [after being asked if he is going to use a rocket sleigh] No siree! We're going out the good ol' fashioned way. Prancer and Dancer and Donder and Blitzen, and Vixen and Nixon... oh, consarnit I get those names mixed up, but the KIDS know their names.
Voldar
[edit]- All this trouble over a fat little man in a red suit!
- If we take them with us to Mars, Santa's disappearance will remain a mystery. No one on Earth will ever know that Santa Claus was kidnapped by Martians.
Billy
[edit]- You'll never get away with this, you Martian!
Other
[edit]- TV News Announcer: Here's another UFO Bulletin: The Defense Department has just announced that the unidentified flying object suddenly disappeared from our radar screen. They believe the object has either disintegrated in space, or it may be a space ship from another planet which has the ability to nullify all radar beams.
- TV News Announcer: [News report after Santa's disappearance] And Mrs. Claus has positively identified the kidnappers as Martians.
- U.S.A. Military Official: We are going to forget the safety checks and go after those Martian Monkeys!
Dialogue
[edit]- Kimar: Dropo, you are the laziest man on Mars. Why are you sleeping during working hours?
- Dropo: I wasn't sleeping, chief. It's just that I haven't been able to sleep these last few months. I forgot how. So I was just practicing.
- Betty: What are those funny things sticking out of your head?
- Rigna: Those are our antennae.
- Betty: Are you a television set?
- Hargo: What's soft and round and you put it on a stick and you toast it in a fire, and it's green?
- Kimar: I don't know what?
- Hargo: A Martian mellow.
- Andy Henderson: What is this strange looking creature over here?
- Santa Claus: Oh, Winky made that. That's his idea of a Martian.
- Andy Henderson: A Martian? Wow-wee-wow! I'd hate to meet a creature like that on a dark night.
- Kimar: Santa, you will never return to Earth, you belong to Mars now.
- Santa Claus: Ho Ho, Hooo...
- Kimar: How are you feeling today? Tired?
- Santa Claus: Oh, no, I'm not tired. But my finger is.
Taglines
[edit]- Blast off for Mars... with Santa and a pair of Earth kids!
- Science-Fun-Fiction at its height!
- Santa Kidnapped by the Martians! Out-of-this-world fun 'n' action...as two Earth Kids are whisked away with him to Mars!
- In space-blazing COLOR
- Santa Brings Christmas Fun to Mars!
Cast
[edit]- John Call - Santa Claus
- Leonard Hicks - Kimar
- Vincent Beck - Voldar
- Bill McCutcheon - Dropo
- Victor Stiles - Billy
- Donna Conforti - Betty
- Chris Month - Bomar
- Pia Zadora - Girmar
- Leila Martin - Momar
- Charles Renn - Hargo
- James Cahill - Rigna
- Ned Wertimer - Andy Anderson
- Doris Rich - Mrs. Claus
- Carl Don - Chochem / Von Green
- Ivor Bodin - Winky
