Sausage Party

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Sausage Party is a 2016 adult computer animated comedy film about a sausage and a bun who learn the awful truth about what humans do to food at "the Great Beyond". It is the first ever R-rated CGI film made.

Directed by Conrad Vernon & Greg Tiernan. Written by Kyle Hunter, Airel Shaffir, Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg. Story by Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg and Jonah Hill.
Get your Fill!  (taglines)

Frank[edit]

  • [first lines; notices the shoppers enter the Shopwell's] Shit!
  • Boo and yah, motherfuckers! Red White and Blue Day is tomorrow!
  • Everything we've been led to believe is a lie! When we're chosen by the gods, they're choosing us for death, murder, automatic expiration! The Great Beyond is bullshit!
  • [sees a dead Druggie] Ah, fuckin' what the fuck?!
  • Banana's whole face peeled off, Peanut Butter's wife is dead! Look at him, he's right there.
  • Wait, wait. So you're telling me you wrote the song.
  • [last lines; to Brenda] You're ready to get baked and off you go star gate with me?

Brenda[edit]

  • [first lines; to Carl] Yeah, right, Carl. You really think any of these buns are gonna line up to get filled by you? Here's my impression of that happening. "Um, oh, is he in there yet? Oh I can't feel him. I don't think he's in there. Oh, wait! He is!" It's so sad! I bet you jackrabbit for a quick 15 seconds... [blubbers wildly] and then you'd slump over. I mean, honestly guys, who in this package would ever let Carl get up in them? [a bun raises her hand] Roberta, put your fucking hand down. You're ruining my joke. [Roberta puts her hand down] See? Nobody! That's who!
  • What if the gods are doing this to us, because we touched tips?! "Just the tips!" What were we thinking? It wasn't even that big a deal. I mean, it was fine, it's not like anyone writes home and said, "Oh, God, I had the best tip!".
  • Carl, we shouldn't even be talking to this asshole. Everyone knows Honey Mustard's weird. I mean, What is he, Honey? Is he mustard? It's like make up your mind or just kill yourself.
  • Yes! Our lives and our bodies!
  • First, I fell out of the cart, then I lose Frank. And now, I'm being hunted by a douche. The god must be punishing me, don't you see? This is what I get for giving in to my disgusting urges. I'm such a whore.
  • [to Jamaican Rum] No thank you, man. I'm quite irie, just being left alone over here, don't you know?
  • Stay away from my sausage, you SKANK!
  • [last line of the film; to Frank] As long as we're together. I'm ready to get baked and do anything.

Carl[edit]

  • [first lines; to Frank] Shit, Frank! We can't miss the song!
  • [to Brenda and other Hot Dog buns] Ye-ah, you know it, baby! Work those buns! All of you, all day, er-day, lined up, waiting to get filled with my meat!
  • Uh, I can hear you, dude.
  • [to Honey Mustard] Hey, Honey Mustard, you acting cray cray!
  • [after being insulted by Brenda] Dude, um, how do I say this to you gently? But your girlfriend, um... She's a fucking cunt.
  • Dude, I just don't know why you're limiting yourself to one bun. There's plenty of buns out there.
  • Did he see us?
  • Oh! Potato, way to go, buddy! That's my guy!
  • [seeing Irish Potato getting skinned alive] What...The...FUCK?!
  • THEY'RE EATING CHILDREN!!! THEY'RE JUST CHILDREN!!!!!
  • [Last words before his death] Bar-ry! [Carl's body splits in two and falls back into the sink]

Barry[edit]

  • [first lines; to Frank and Carl] What? What? I'm up, I'm up!
  • This is why I can't wait for the Great Beyond. We'll all be equal and jerks like Troy won't be picking on me all the time, you know, and on account of my abnormality.
  • The gods can be... [clears throat] excuse me. [shouts heroically] THE GODS CAN BE KILLED!
  • It's over. We won. WE FUCKING WON!!!
  • [last lines; to his friends] Guys! Oh, my God. You have to come with me right now.

Kareem Abdul Lavash[edit]

  • Oh, wow. Really? Well, fuck all of you! I am Kareem Abdul Lavash! And what I currently care about is that I have been... completely and utterly fucked out of being in the Great Beyond. I am to have 77 bottles of extra-virgin olive oil... waiting for me. I am destined to soak up their sweet juices... as they dribble down my flaps.
  • [solemnly looks at Sammy] A ton.
  • Donkey fucker!
  • Looks like you got ditched, bun!
  • You pushed me out of the cart! No surprise then, huh? A bagel trying to kill Lavash, once again!
  • Get away from me. Don't touch me. It was you. You cocksucking bagel fuckface!
  • [to a Fat Man] You fuck with them? [Sammy Bagel Jr.: You fuck with us, bitch!]
  • Bad for my asshole, I'll tell you that much. [He and Sammy both laugh] Seriously, though, your recovery time is off the charts.

Sammy Bagel Jr.[edit]

  • I pushed you? What are you nuts? I, why would they do that? I'm a pacifist. The only thing I've ever pushed is my peaceful agenda. Which even that I didn't push you know, I pretty much passive-aggressively nudge. I reached out of the panic. It was toots over here, the bun. She grabbed me.
  • "Get my nose out of your crotch?" Get your crotch off my nose!
  • [to a Fat Man] [Lavash: You fuck with them?] You fuck with us, bitch!
  • Ed-ward Nor-ton? What kind of parent gives their kid a stupid cunt name like that?

Teresa Del Taco[edit]

  • I'm not a soft taco, I'm a hard horny taco.
  • Go fuck yourself, El Duche.
  • Sweet bun, I must admit I too something urges, impure thoughts. We all do. [Brenda: Oh. Oh, good! Okay. Well, that actually makes me feel a little better.] And we must never give in to them.
  • [To Douche] Toma la pinche douche de la chingada de mierda pendejo [In English: Take the punch douche de la chingada Fucking asshole] son of a bitch!
  • [staring at Brenda] Saint Chimichanga, I promise to be a good taco...

Honey Mustard[edit]

  • It's all a lie. Everything you've been told. Everything you believe in.
  • You're celebrating your doom! Wake up! They're lying to your fucking faces! The Great Beyond is bullshit! Why is anybody listening to me?
  • [after what Firewater said] Oh, my god! Did you guys just fucking hear that?
  • You fucking idiots! I've been there, I've seen that shit and there ain't no way I'm going back.
  • [to Ketchup] Jesus! Get the fuck off me! Nobody fucking touch me!
  • Great my asshole! Everything we've ever known is a dirt covered pile of shit. Jacking off in our fucking faces. Covering our eyes with their cum, So cum covered we can't fucking see! We don't know! We don't know, they're jerking off into our eyes! Our faces! [Brenda: Dude, shut up! The gods are gonna hear you talking about that.] They're ain't gods! They're monsters! Horrible disgusting monsters! They ain't gonna get Honey Mustard twice. FUCK YOU, GODS! I've got a date with oblivion.

Douche[edit]

  • Yo! Oh, fuck yeah, dude! Somebody call a doctor, 'cause honestly, this beat is sick. [Beet: Actually, I feel great. Real healthy] Not you.
  • [repeated line] BROOO!
  • [After a bottle of popped cherry mixer asks him who he is] What do you mean "what am I", dude? I'm a fucking douche!
  • Oh, my god! My noz! My motherfucking noz!
  • [Before he sucks a juice box's crotch] If you fucking tell anyone about this, I'm gonna deny it, bro.
  • [Salsa: No way! Jose!] Yes way! Jose's fucking dead, yo! [drinks Tequila's fluids, causing him to turn green and grow stronger muscles]
  • [After drinking several alcohol products] I'm fucking jacked up now, bro! [laughs evilly] WHERE'S THAT FUCKING SAUSAGE?
  • Fine. You won't come at me, well then, guess who's coming to you ....ME!
  • Look, sausage, I relish the fact that you mustard the strength to ketchup to me! [to ketchup, mustard and relish who are all quivering in fear] Yeah that's right. Shut your mouths. I sucked a juicy box's dick, and I'm shoved up a god's asshole, and this is the weirdest thing that I've done so far, bro! [bites into Frank]
  • I'll tell you who eats shit: Gods do, bro! I'M A FUCKING GOD!!!!!
  • [Last words before his death, where he and Darren are stuck in a rocket-propelled trashcan] What's happening out there?!

Firewater[edit]

  • So, you have learned the terrible truth. Congratulations! Now keep it yourself, or I will slit your throat while you sleep! I swear to God.
  • [repeated line] Hi ya. How are ya?
  • I am the original inhabitant of this land. We once had a pristine aisle, majestic and untouched. Then we were driven out of it... by a bunch of goddamn fucking crackers!
  • We blaze for real, 24/7, no joke, but we also know our shit. Before us, everyone knew the awful truth. Oh, how they screamed. It was a living nightmare. So we, the Nonperishables, created a story: the story of the Great Beyond, a place where the gods care for you and all your wildest and wettest dreams would come true. They would go out those doors happy, instead of shitting themselves.
  • I can't take full credit. I wrote the music. Twink here is my lyricist. We both drop it right and drop it all the time. Boom! The melody came to me one night, when I was getting super super super baked, like fuck-a-guy baked. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, he does. The song had a great hook, it caught on, you know. In time, everyone accepted this false truth. But over the years, things started to get a little fucky. The aisles started changing my verses to support their own views. Fucking with Twink tight-ass lyrics, remixing my shit without my permish. Now, every morning, when I hear the song, I'm like, "What the fuck are you guys saying? Wasn't there a part about exterminating juice? I didn't write that shit! I love juice! Always had it! Juice are hilarious! Who the fuck do these guys think they are?" Anyway, at least it's distracting them from the truth: that they get brutally devoured.
  • [to Frank] Hello there, little sausage. You and your friends have accomplished the impossible. And for that, I give you mad props. But now that you have shattered one truth, it is time for you to learn that we... are... not... REAL! Booga-booga-booga!
  • Fuck yeah, he did! And it's dope. This guy's smart, like, fuck-a-guy smart! Know what I'm saying? Yeah, you do. Anyway, we're gonna go to this other dimension, and cut the strings once and for all!

Gum[edit]

  • [repeated line] Perhaps I can be of some assistance.
  • I am storbortal, malotal, zyotal, malfine, calcium, carbonate, soy lacethin, vegetable diragg, glycerin, and talc. But for expediency's sake, you can call me... Gum.
  • The effects of the opiate have dissipated. Your speech and movements are imperceptible to him. We are totally fucked.
  • For 20 years, I was stuck underneath the desk of a brilliant scientist.
  • [to Darren] Matter cannot be created or destroyed, human. You have made a fatal error in judgment. Let me educate you.
  • While tripping balls, Firewater and I... made an important metaphysical breakthrough.
  • [last lines] I have invented a stargate device that will allow us to travel to our dimension.

Others[edit]

  • Darren: Eh feck you, weenies! [tosses a pack of screaming sausages into his trash can, sighs] Fuck, I hate this FUCKING JOB!
  • Camille Toh: Shit. [Unhinges her camel toe] Oh, I really needed that Douche.
  • Irish Potato: Oh, ho ho, yes. Yes! I'm the first to enter eternity!
  • Peanut Butter: (screams) I'm going to fix you. I'm going to fix this.
  • Ketchup: (to Honey Mustard) What? What are you looking at?
  • Italian Tomato: (To Camille Toh, before being chopped in half) No! Please-a, no! 'IVE-A GOT A FAMIGLIA!
  • Pizza: Legs, huh? Look at me! Look at me! I ain't got no legs, you FUCK! You ate my goddamn legs!
  • Watermelon: I don't like bad things.
  • Apple: Me either!
  • Gumball: Come on, guys! It's us or them!

Dialogue[edit]

Frank: You and me, finally gonna be official.
Brenda: I'm so happy, the Gods put our packages together.
Frank: Because, we belong together.
Frank: It's like, we were made for each other.
Frank: I can't wait just finally get up in there, just raw-dog it. But full disclosure, I'm pretty fucking nervous about this. I don't know how well, I'm gonna perform once it happens. I've obviously never been in a bun, so. [chuckling]
Brenda: Hey, I'm not gonna be any better. I've never opened up. I mean, look how tight I am.
Frank: Oh, sweet fucking fuck. Look, okay. I know it's against the rules. But, I can't wait anymore. I need to just feel you.
Brenda: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Frank/Brenda: Just the tips?
Brenda: I can't believe we're doing this.
Frank: I know. We're so naughty.
Brenda: It's fine, right? I mean, nothing bad's ever happened from just the tips.
Frank: No. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.
[Frank and Brenda then touch the tips]
Frank & Brenda: Ah.
Frank: Ooh. Oh yeah go in there.
Brenda: Ooh. Big tip.
Frank: Oh, you wouldn't dare.

[Frank enters Firewater's cave and finds Firewater himself chanting Hi ya. How are ya? at a fire. Firewater stops when he sees Frank.]
Firewater: Hi ya. How are ya?
Frank: Hi ya. How are ya? Uh, I'm Frank. Are you... Firewater?
Firewater: Mmm-hmm.
Frank: What are you doing in this cave?
Firewater: I am the original inhabitant of this land. My kind once had a pristine aisle, majestic and untouched. Then we were driven out of it... by a bunch of goddamn fucking crackers!
Frank: Oh, yeah. The crackers. They do have a nice aisle. Okay, anyway, look, I was told that you might have some answers.
Firewater: Answers I have, but first... [throws salt into the fire, conjuring an image of a question mark] I must know the question.
Frank: Okay, well, before I saw him jump to his death, Honey Mustard said that the Great Beyond is bullshit and the gods are monsters, and I always kinda thought that it didn't quite add up. So, I guess my question is what really happens in the Great Beyond?
Firewater: [after smoking a hit in a pipe] To find that which you seek, all you must do is look deep... into my Bag of Wonderment. [pulls out a large sack]
Frank: Whoa.... [looks into the bag] I don't see anything.
Firewater: Deeper, deeper, deeper... [Frank leans closer into the bag] Put your whole head in the bag there. There you go.
Frank: Just say when, I'm just gonna keep going in.
[suddenly Franks falls into the bag and everything is pitch black except for his eyes]
Firewater: Guys, get out here! Help me kill this brick!
Male Voice: Damn, this motherfucker knows too much! We get off his ass!
Firewater: Someone hand me a blade! I'll gut this cocksucker!
Male Voice 2: No! If we kill him, we are no better than the gods!
Firewater: Oh, he's right. Take off the Bag of Wonderment.
[Frank is released from the bag]
Frank: Who are you?
Mr. Grits: We the Nooooon perishables, motherfucker.
Male Twinkie: We never expire.
Firewater: We are.... immortal. This here's Twink. And Grits.
Mr. Grits: They call me Mr. Grits.
Firewater: Yeah, Mr. Grits. Whatever.
Mr. Grits: Tell him about the crackers?
Firewater: Yeah, I told him about the crackers. [to Frank] You don't even wanna hear what they did to Mr. Grits over here. [shudders]
Mr. Grits: Fucking crackers... I'm gonna fuck them crackers! Right in the crack of their cracker asses! Cracker ass crackers!
Frank: Why were you gonna kill me?! I mean, all I did was happens in the Great Beyond! Geez! What's the big whoop?!
[the Nonperishables huddle up]
Mr. Grits: We can't tell this sausage-ass motherfucker the truth! We just met his ass!
Twink: He basically knows it already. Maybe it's... it's time to end this.
Firewater: I am tired of all the lies. Prepare yourself, for you're about to learn... the terrible truth. Does anybody wanna hit before we get into this? Twink?
Twink: Nah, I'm cool.
Mr. Grits: Shit, if we smokin', I'll hit it.
Firewater: That's what I thought.
Mr. Grits: Pass the weed, motherfucker. [takes a hit of smoke] Goddamn! [coughs two times] Whoo, whoo! This indica?
Firewater: Nah, man. Sativa! Good shit, clean high.
Frank: [Mr. Grits hands him the pipe] Oh, no thanks.
Firewater: Trust me. What's you're about to hear, you'll want some.

[after Frank takes a big hit of Sativa]
Firewater: It's good shit, isn't it?
Frank: [coughs] Okay, okay, I'm super baked, and my friends are probably wondering where the hell I am. Will somebody please just tell me something already?
Firewater: Okay. The thing about the Great Beyond is... We invented it!
Frank: What?!
Firewater: I know, right? As soon as you're out those doors, the gods kill our asses.
Frank: What are you, crazy? That doesn't make any sense! Why would the gods wanna kill us? It makes no sense!
Firewater: Uh, because it makes them stronger. Every kill gives 'em power and it's never enough. Over the years, they've grown bigger, stronger, fatter. And hunger's insatiable, buddy! I mean, fuck!
Frank: You guys are fucking nuts! How much of that shit have you been smoking? Too fucking much, is how much.
Firewater: We blaze for real, 24/7, no joke, but we also know our shit. Before us, everyone knew the awful truth. Oh, how they screamed. It was a living nightmare. So we, the Nonperishables, created a story: the story of the Great Beyond, a place where the gods care for you and all your wildest and wettest dreams would come true. They would go out those doors happy, instead of shitting themselves.
Frank: Wait, wait. So you're telling me you wrote the song.
Firewater: I can't take full credit. I wrote the music. Twink here is my lyricist. We both drop it right and drop it all the time. Boom! The melody came to me one night, when I was getting super, super, super baked, like fuck-a-guy baked. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, he does. The song had a great hook, it caught on, you know. In time, everyone accepted this false truth. But over the years, things started to get a little... fucky. The aisles started changing my verses to support their own views. Fucking with Twink's tight-ass lyrics, remixing my shit without my permish. Now, every morning, when I hear the song, I'm like, "What the fuck are you guys saying?! I mean, wasn't there a part today about exterminating juice? I didn't write that shit! I love juice! Always have! Juice are hilarious! Who the fuck do these guys think they are?!" Anyway, at least it's distracting them from the truth: that they get brutally devoured.
Frank: So that means Carl & Barry are dead?
Firewater: I don't know who those dudes are, but if they went out those doors.....
Grits: [Smoking Sativa from the pipe] Dead [coughs] as a motherfucker. [coughs twice]
Frank: Oh God. What you're saying is true, I I gotta tell everybody.
Firewater: Very noble, little sausage. But also very pointless. No one will believe you.
Frank: I have to try. Everyone will die otherwise.
Firewater: Huh yeah, that's a good point. Fuck me right?
Frank: Wait! You guys have any proof of this?
[Firewater and Grits turn to Twink who walks up to Frank]
Twink: Go to the dark aisle, beyond the ice.
Frank: Why? What's in that aisle?
Twink: Oh you'll see. But I warn you: Once you see that shit, it'll fuck you up for life. Good luck! Have fun! [Kisses Frank on the lips and runs off laughing]
[Frank then leaves]
Firewater: Hey, Grits, pack another bowl will ya? I'm a-hankering for a hunk of herb.

[Teresa Del Taco has Brenda, Lavash, and Sammy hide in the Mexican Bar's tight closet with her]
Tequila: [walking inside] Alright, I got'em right here amigo. I- SHIT!!! [Finds that Lavash, Sammy and Brenda have disappeared.]
Lavash: [squeezed in the closet with Sammy Bagel Jr.] Get your nose out of my crotch!
Sammy Bagel Jr.: "Get my nose out of your crotch?" Get your crotch off my nose!
Brenda: Hey, why are we hiding?
Teresa: Shh! [speaks Spanish] He's coming.
Brenda: Who?
Teresa: The one they call... El Dou-che.
[Douche comes into the bar; all the Mexican food products are frightened]
Mexican Food Product 1: El Douche.
Mexican Food Product 2: El Douche!
Mexican Food Product 3: El Douche!
Douche: What gives, bro? You told me you had them. So you dragged me over to this fucking aisle with these illegal products, and now I don't see them. So where the fuck are they? Spill The beans!
Refried Beans: Que?
Douche: Beans, I swear to fucking God if you don't shut the fuck up!
Brenda: [looking out from the closet] Oh no! He's back! Where's Frank?
Tequila: They were just here!
Douche: What part of "I want the sausage and the bun, that if you see them, come and get me, and if I find out that you didn't come and get me or just couldn't find them good enough, I'll fucking kill your asses" did you not understand, Tequila?
Tequila: Well, that's a pretty confusing sentence, to be honest, you know. I mean, this is... Ah, this happens.
Douche: [calms down] Ah, bro, c'mere, ah, it's fine, it's cool. No biggie! I'm not gonna do something so fucked up to you now as soon as I get you in close. Come here.
[Tequila leans in close to Douche; Douche grabs Tequila and shatters him]
Salsa: No way! Jose!
Douche: Yes way! Jose's fucking dead, yo! [drinks Tequila's fluids, causing him to turn green and grow stronger muscles]
Teresa Del Taco: [Watching Douche drink Tequila's fluids] (Swearing in Spanish)
[Douche throws Tequila's cap into a guacamole gangster's crotch]
EL Guaco: AY! Right in my guac and balls!
Douche: And the same thing's gonna happen to all of you unless you find the SAUSAGE!!! And the bun!

Irish Potato: Oh Danny Boy, The pipes, the pipes are call... [Camille Toh slices his stomach off with a vegetable peeler] OH JESUS FUCK! [The groceries gasp] Oh, GOD ME SKIN. SHE'S PEELING ME FUCKING SKIN!
Carl: What...The...FUCK?!
Irish Potato: JESUS! YOU FUCKING WHORE! [Camille Toh opens the lid from a pot and a cloud of steam escapes] ME EYES! THEY BURN [Camille Toh throws Irish Potato into the water and his cries are reduced to gurgling]
Italian Tomato: No! Please-a no! I'VE-A GOT A FAMIGLIA! [Camille Toh slams the knife down on the Italian Tomato, slicing him in half]
Groceries: [Screaming]
[Camille then tossed four bacon strips to a pan full of boiling oil to fry them with one's eye that violently popped. A lettuce had his eyes gouged as he gets torn apart, a loaf of bread is being slice apart and a block of cheese is having his head grated]
Block of Cheese: NO! OH! NO!
[Below the cheese are a bunch of Tortilla Chips screaming as shredded cheese falls on them]
Carl: CHEESE! YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT!
[Camille Toh places the bowl with the Tortilla Chips into a microwave, closes the door and they are microwaved alive with heated grated cheese as it burns through their cooked corpses]
Tortilla Chip: Hot in here!
[A wine bottle grunts in pain as his wooden cap gets pulled off by Camille and Wine splatters on Troy and two sausages behind her.]
Troy: Oh no!
Buns: [screaming]
Troy: [gasps]
Carl: No!
[Carl & Barry watch in horror as Camille Toh dumps a bunch of screaming Baby Carrots into a bowl but two miss]
Baby Carrot: For the love of shit, RUN!
[They begin to run]
Camille Toh: [humming, then turns around and notices the Baby Carrots about to fall off the counter] Whoops.
[The Baby Carrots jump off the counter, but Camille Toh catches them]
Baby Carrot: I WANT MY MOMMY!
[Camille Toh puts the Baby Carrots in her mouth and starts chewing them alive.]
Carl: They're eating children! THEY'RE JUST CHILDREN! [Sees an open window near the sink] WE GOTTA RUN!
Barry: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! [drops to the floor and curls into a ball, clutching himself] WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
[Carl returns to him and picks him up]
Carl: BARRY! [slaps him in the face] Snap the fuck out of it and RUN!
[Carl pulls Barry with him and they make a dash towards the open window. They come to a stop when they reach the edge]
Carl: Okay little buddy, jump on the count of three. [Barry nods] One, Two Thre...
[A stabbing sound is heard as Carl groans]
Barry: Carl?
Carl: [Groaning] Barry!
Barry: Carl to Bar what? What are you saying Carl? [A knife pokes through Carl's stomach] CARL! Oh God no. Carl!
Carl: [Groans]
Barry: Oh god! [The knife slices all the way up Carl] CAAAAAARRRL!
Carl: [Final words] Bar-ry! [Carl's body splits in two and falls back into the sink]
Barry: Carl, dear sweet Carl! What have they done to you Carl? No! [Barry looks up] WHOA! [He sees that Camille Toh is moving her knife towards him] No! No! No! [Backs away from the knife and falls off the window edge] NOOOOO! Aaaaahhhhh! [lands in the bushes]

Douche: That's no way to treat a lady.
Brenda: Oh, no!
Douche: That's right, girl. It's me. And what we got here? A taco? a whiny doughnut? [referring to Lavash] and some stupid floppy thing that nobody knows exactly what it is. Okay, so... [A Queso Cheese comes up behind him]
Queso: Did someone say "Queso"?
Douche: A FUCKING STRETCH AND YOU KNOW IT, QUESO!!!!! [Queso rolls away]

[the Druggie has injected bath salts into his bloodstream, making him able to see the food walk and talk]
Druggie: [seeing Barry walk] What the fuck?
Barry: Uh... hello?
[they both scream at each other in fright]
Barry: Please don't kill me! Please! Just wait!
Druggie: What are you? [pokes Barry] Are you some kind of... magical sausage?
Barry: No, no! I'm just Barry! I'm just Barry. Wait! Wait. You can actually understand me? And I can actually understand you?
Druggie: Whoa, the bath salts are showing me the real world. It's fucking lifted the veil of nonreality!
Krinkler's Chips: Holy shit! He can actually see us?
Druggie: Bath salts are just as bad as they said it would be! Oh! I'm tweaked! I'm tweaking!
Barry: Whoa, whoa, dude, just take it easy. Just breath, dude, just breath. You're not tweaking, you're just peaking, man. Just be with me, be cool. This wave's gotta crash.
Druggie: I can't! You're all alive and looking at me with your... With your gloves, and your little shoes, and your arms, and your legs!
Pizza: Legs, huh? Look at me! Look at me! I ain't got no legs, you FUCK! You ate my goddamn legs!
Druggie: Oh, no! Not Mr. Pizza! Oh, fuck! I've eaten so many of your family members! I've committed pizza genocide! Mr. Sausage, when will it end?!
Beer Can: When will it end? When he stops drinking us!
Krinkler's Chips and Ticklish Licorice: Yeah!
Cookies: And stops eating us!
Sandwich: Same here!
Pop Tart: Fuck yeah!
Toilet Paper: And when he stops using us!
Krinkler's Chips: What did he do to you?
Toilet Paper: [nervously backs away] You don't wanna fucking know.
Druggie: Okay! Okay. Look, I promise I'll never eat food again. Y'know... I'll just eat dirt! Wipe my ass with sticks!
Barry: Good. And there's one more thing you're gonna do: Take.... me.... home. [points to the Shopwells bag]
Druggie: You got it. I just need to rest my eyes for a.... [falls asleep]'

[Frank climbs up to one of the shopkeeper counters, holding a page out of the cookbook. He activates the cameras, broadcasting himself to the rest of the store]
Frank: Um, friends, ramen, [Ramen look at each other and shrug] Country Club Lemonade. Lend me your ears...o-of corn. [Corn: sighs] I'm Frank, and, a-and I'm a sausage. A little sausage with some pretty big news. Everything we've been led to believe is a lie! When we get chosen by the gods, they're choosing us for death! Murder! Automatic expiration! The Great Beyond is bullshit!
Curry Paste: WHAT!?
Chunk Munchers Cereal: That's crazy talk!
Lettuce: YOU LIAR!
Frank: I know you don't wanna believe it... But, I have proof! [shows the page from the cookbook, depicting a graphic image of a hot dog being eaten]
Licorice Rope: What is this!?
Relish Jar: It's...it's murder!
Sammy Bagel Jr.: This...this makes no sense!
Lavash: W-w-what about the extra virgin olive oil? My flaps will be dry for an eternity! I can't have dry flaps! I can't! [ululates, the other items on the Halal shelf join in. On the Kosher shelf, the food items have turned and are presumed praying, as if they were at the Western Wall]
Frank: Okay, whoa, whoa, easy! Guys, easy! Look, I have a plan! We can run!
Ice Cream: I can't run! I'll melt!
Frank: Okay, uh-uh, then, then, uhhhhhh, we'll hide!
Bag of Dog Food: Where? I'm huge!
Frank: Then, we'll fight!
Peanut: I ain't fightin' alongside a bunch of fruits!
Watermelon: Whatever, you nutjob!
Curry Paste: So, we cannot run, we cannot hide, and we cannot stand up to them because they're fucking gods, and they're immortal! So basically, there's no hope, and we're royally FUCKED!
Chunk Munchers Cereal: Hey, guys! You wanna believe that [referring to cookbook page], or this? [A Honey Drippers cereal box around turns around, revealing two kids holding up a happy box of the cereal]
Watermelon: I don't like bad things.
Apple: Me either!
Curry Paste: We choose the more pleasant thing!
Ice Cream: Yeah! I mean, what this sausage is saying, it's just, uh...a theory!
Frank: No, no, no! It's not a theory, you morons! It's a fact! I'm showing you physical evidence! Open your fucking eyes, don't be so weak!
Brenda: Oh, Frank, what are you doing?
Refried Beans: You, señor have no bedside manner!
Frank: WHAT?! I HAVE BEDSIDE MANNER!
Frozen Fruitz: You don't respect anyone else's beliefs!
Sauerkraut: YOU INTOLERANT PIECE OF SHIT!
[the clock changes to 7:00 am behind Frank. The lights automatically switch on. Darren walks behind Frank]
Frank: No, it's starting! No.

Darren: Wait, Snap out of it, man! Slap it! Slap yourself in the face, man! Oh, man! You lost your mind? Is this even? No, way. This isn't real. Now, this can't be real!
Douche: Oh, it's real, bro.
[Darren turns around and points to Douche with a gun]
Darren: [gasps in horror] A talking douche.
Douche: It's cool, bro. Chill, okay?
Darren: No, no, no! This is too much, this is too much! It's too much! Breathe, man!
Douche: We both want the same thing... Like, I'm feeling honestly the two of us could like collaborate together. Like a mash up, bro.
Darren: A mash-up? I don't understand. What's happening?
Douche: You don't need to understand. [Douche unzips Darren's zipper and goes inside his pants.] You just need to relax and open wide.
Darren: Wait, what are you doing?
[Douche sticks his nozzle up Darren's anus, causing him to groan]
Douche: Oh, yeah!
Darren: Dude, that went up my ass!
Douche: [laughs] Now, stand up!

Douche: Look, sausage, I relish the fact that you mustard the strength to ketchup to me! [to ketchup, mustard and relish who are all quivering in fear] Yeah that's right. Shut your mouths. I sucked a juicy box's dick, and I'm shoved up a god's asshole, and this is the weirdest thing that I've done so far, bro!
[Douche bites Frank's torso, making him scream in pain]
Brenda: Oh, my God! Frank!
Douche: I'll tell you who eats shit: Gods do, bro! I'M A FUCKING GOD!!!!!
Darren: [last words] Goodbye, little sausage. [Aims his magnum at Frank, preparing to shoot him]
Brenda: Oh, Frank.
Teresa: Hey, bun. Need a boost?
[Darren tries to shoot Frank]
Frank: Help me.
Gum: Perhaps I could be of some assistance.
[Gum moves toward Darren as he then shoots at Gum, which blasts a hole in his head and seemingly killing him. The wound then regenerates similar to the Terminator]
Gum: Matter cannot be created or destroyed, human. You have made a fatal error in judgment. Let me educate you.
[Cut to Barry, who is standing on a makeshift cart that is being powered by propane tanks, but is held in place. Barry then gives the signal for two bags of flour to drop down to release the cart from its position and it accelerates towards Darren as Douche and Frank then see it approaching]
Douche: FUCK!! [Frank kicks Douche's eyes with his feet and he jumps.]
[Frank screams as he is about to fall onto the sharp ends of broken beer bottles, but Brenda is able to swing him to safety onto the 4th of july sale shelf. Darren sees Barry on the cart that is currently speeding towards him as he fires at Barry, who dodges the bullet in a Matrix style. The cart hits Darren, which traps him inside the trash can]
Douche: [last words] What's happening out there?!?!
Barry: Now!
[Various foods set up a bunch of boards in a curved direction to turn the cart onto a designated path]
Coconut Milk: So long, asshole! [Flips Darren the middle finger]
[The cart then passes by Sammy Bagel Jr. and Kareem Abdul Lavash, who are holding matches to ignite the propane tanks, which causes the cart to then blast off as a couple of food items then set up a ramp which sends the cart flying through the roof of Shopwell's and into the sky. There, the propane tanks detonate into fireworks, which kills Darren and Douche, causing blood to drop from the sky. The foods in the store cheer after witnessing the death of Darren and Douche. An eyeball lands in the peanut isle.]
Peanut: [While holding one of Darren's eyeballs in victory] Yeah!
Barry: It's over. We won. WE FUCKING WON! [Laughing]
[All the food in the store cheer in victory as they have won the war against the 'gods']
Tampon: Ew. [As she steps into a drop of Darren's blood, causing her to bulk up due to absorbing a lot of the blood, and roars victoriously]

[Last Lines, Frank and his friends head to the garbage room and find Firewater]
Firewater: Hello there, little sausage. You and your friends have accomplished the impossible. And for that, I give you mad props. But now that you have shattered one truth, it is time for you to learn that we... are... not... REAL! Booga-booga-booga!
Gum: While tripping balls, Firewater made an important metaphysical breakthrough!
Firewater: The world is a fucking illusion, bro! Our lives have been manipulated for the entertainment of monsters. Twisted, tasteless, juvenile monsters! Puppet masters in another dimension! We're something called... cartoons.
[everyone gasps in shock]
Frank: What?
Firewater: You, Frank... are the play thing of a sloppy Jewish actor... [throws salt into the fire; conjuring an image of a familiar Jewish actor] Seth Ro-gan.
Frank: Wait. I'm Jewish?
Sammy Bagel Jr.: So, who am I?
Gum: You are the toy of a more talented and celebrated actor named [Firewater conjures up another image of an actor] Ed-ward Nor-ton.
Sammy Bagel Jr.: Ed-ward Nor-ton? What kind of parent gives their kid a stupid cunt name like that?
Gum: Worry not, friends. I have a solution.
[Firewater turns a dial, activating a portal]
Gum: I have invented a stargate device that will allow us to travel to our dimension.
Firewater: Fuck yeah, he did! And it's dope. This guy's smart, like, fuck-a-guy smart! Know what I'm saying? Yeah, you do. Anyway, we're gonna go to this other dimension, and cut the strings once and for all! Anybody want a hit before we do this?
Frank: You ready to get baked and walk through Gum's stargate with me?
Brenda: As long as we're together, I'm ready to get baked and do anything.
[Frank and Brenda take a hit of smoke from the pipe and the main characters hold hands together and walk through the portal]

Taglines[edit]

  • Get Your Fill!
  • Your Food is Revolting
  • They've created a movie that they don't want children to see
  • Not your usual kids movie
  • A hero will rise.
  • Watch what you eat.
  • He's a real douche
  • Always use condiments
  • She's got buns, son
  • Check out his "O" face
  • Wrap that ass
  • She's down with beef or fish
  • Baked and fried
  • Jerkin' and clerkin'
  • Macerated and educated
  • His cork is huge
  • Check out his package
  • Bun Worshiper

Cast[edit]

External links[edit]

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