The bitch hit me with a toaster! I love a girl with spirit.
[confronted by the ghost of his old boss] No, you are a hallucination, brought on by alcohol. Russian Vodka, poisoned by Chernobyl.
I'm not crazy. It's Christmas Eve! It's, it's the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we, we, we smile a little easier, we, w-w-we, we, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be! It's a miracle, it's really, a sort of a miracle because it happens every Christmas Eve. And if you waste that miracle, you're gonna burn for it. I know what I'm talking about. You have to do something. You have to take a chance. You do have to get involved. There are people that are having, having trouble making their miracle happen. There are people that don't have enough to eat, and there are people that are cold. You can go out and say 'hello' to these people. You can take an old blanket out of the closet and say, 'here.' You can make 'em a sandwich, and say 'Oh, by the way, here!' I get it now! And if you, if you give, then you, then it can happen. Then the miracle can happen to you. It's not just the poor and the hungry, it's, it's everybody that's gotta have this miracle! And it can happen tonight for all of you! If you believe in this pure thing, you'll, the miracle will happen and then you'll want it to happen again tomorrow! You won't be one of these bastards who says, 'Christmas is once a year and it's a fraud.' It's not! It can happen every day! You've just got to want that feeling! And if you like it and you want it, you'll get greedy for it. You'll want it every day of your life, and it can happen to you! I believe in it now. I believe it's gonna happen to me now. I'm ready for it! And it's great. It's a good feeling. It's, it's really better than I've felt in a long time. I'm, I'm, I'm ready. Have a Merry Christmas, everybody.
Ghost of Christmas Past: [after driving harmlessly through a van] GO BACK TO JERSEY, YA MORON! [laughs]
Ghost of Christmas Present: Sometimes, you have to SLAP them in the face just to get their attention!
Earl Cross: All day long, I listen to people give me excuses why they can't work... 'My back hurts,' 'my legs ache,' 'I'm only four!' The sooner he learns life isn't handed to him on a silver platter, the better!
Frank: I am the youngest president in the history of television for a reason: I know the people.
Elliot: Well, uh... granted but the people already wanna watch the show.
Frank: That isn't good enough! They have got to be so scared to miss it! So terrified! Now if I were in charge, and I am. [laughs. IBC Executive laughs along with him but Frank looks at him and he shuts up] Perhaps I can help you. Here's the kind of thing I would have done. Grace, cue it up.
[Frank stands in front of the screens. Thunder sounds and ominous music start playing]
Scrooge Promo Announcer: Acid rain.
[Images and sounds of people screaming; Frank makes a screaming face]
Scrooge Promo Announcer: Drug addictions.
[Shows a guy groaning and shooting up on heroin. Scene changes to a jet taking off]
Scrooge Promo Announcer: International terrorism.
[Jet blows up in midair. Scene changes to a guy pulling a shotgun out of a car]
Scrooge Promo Announcer: Freeway killers.
[Guy with shotgun fires]
Scrooge Promo Announcer: Now more than ever...
Frank: [Speaking along with announcer] It is important to remember the true meaning of Christmas.
Scrooge Promo Announcer: Don't miss Charles Dickens' immortal classic Scrooge. Your life...
Frank: [Speaking along with announcer] ... might just depend on it.
[Promo holds on the image of a nuclear explosion. Frank takes a sip of coffee and looks at the executives]
Frank: Not bad, huh?
Frank: Grace, put yourself down for a towel, too.
Grace: What about my bonus?
Frank: Towel and a facecloth.
Lew: I was a captain of industry, feared by men, adored by women.
Frank: ADORED? Come on. let's be honest, Lew. You PAID for the women.