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Shark Tale

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Shark Tale is a 2004 computer-animated film produced by DreamWorks Animation and distributed by Universal Pictures. It stars the voices of Will Smith, Angelina Jolie, Renée Zellweger, Jack Black, Martin Scorsese, and Robert De Niro.

Directed by Bibo Bergenson, Vicky Jenson and Rob Letterman. Written by Michael J. Wilson and Rob Letterman.
Behind every little fish is a great white lie. Taglines

Dialogue

[edit]
[First lines; DreamWorks with scene logos Boy throwing a fishing pole with a worm tied to the hook into the water. The worm looks up as he holds his breath, as a shark circles around him. The worm panics as he looks behind him to see...]
Lenny: Hi. I'm Lenny. [The worm faints] Oh, little buddy, did I scare you? I'm sorry. Wake up. Wake up. Okay, don't worry about it, I'm gonna get you out in a jiffy, you just keep holding your breath, little wormy.
Frankie: [offscreen] Yo, Lenny!
Lenny: Oh! I'm coming, Frankie!
Frankie: [offscreen] Well, move it, come on, Pop's waiting for us.
Lenny: [He finally unties the worm] There we go, and- Gotcha! Okay, you're free now, just go.[the worm slinks back up the line] Go on, buddy, cry freedom. [He turns to see Frankie scowling] AHH! Ugh, you almost gave me a heart attack!
Frankie: Lenny, what are you doing?
Lenny: Oh, I was just... [he grabs a bundle of flowers] picking you some flowers. [Frankie slaps them out of Lenny's hand] Hey, mom said it's not okay to hit. [Frankie smacks his shoulders] Aah!
Frankie: Mom's not here. [he swims away, humming the JAWS theme]
Lenny: Don't. Don't. Ugh, that song gives me the creeps.
Frankie: Whadda ya mean? It's our theme song.
Katie Current: [to the crew offscreen] Are they gone? Are they gone? Are you sure? [looks at the camera] Good morning, Southeast Reef! I'm Katie Current keeping it current! I just received confirmation that the sharks are gone. I repeat, the sharks are gone.
[All the fishes swim freely as the title "Shark Tale" appears]
The Shrimp: Yep. It's fake.
Clam: Fake?! I worked eight years on that!
Oscar: Hi, I'm Oscar. You might think you know, but you have no idea. [rap music] Welcome to my crib. The good life, the way the other half lives. Check it out, I got my 60" inch high-def, flatscreen TV with 6-speaker surround-sound, CD, DVD, Xbox, GameCube and PlayStation hook-up, and an 8-track player for days when you're feeling just a little... [beatbox] old school. [laughs] 'Cause even a superstar Mack daddy fish like me has to have the necessities.
Shorty 1: [appears] Yeah, like money!
[Camera zooms out to show Oscar standing in front of billboard ad]
Oscar: C'mon, Shorties, why you messin' with my fantasy?
Shorty 2: 'Cause you're so broke, your baloney has no first name.
Oscar: Yo, Crazy Joe!
Crazy Joe: Now that you live in a great penthouse, can I be your financial advisor?
Oscar: That's a billboard, Crazy Joe.
Crazy Joe: You live in a billboard? And they call me crazy! [laughs insanely while floating away with an umbrella]
Shorty 1: Hey, Oscar! Look who came to visit!
Oscar: [turns around and freaks out] YAAH!!!
[They shorties spray-painted the billboard with a pic of Oscar being devoured by a shark bursting through the penthouse floor]
Shorties: [laughing] Gotcha!
Oscar: No, don't do that! Shouldn't you kids be in school?
Shorty 2: Shouldn't you be at work?
Oscar: Right back at me, eh? Little smart mouth? Now I'm on my way and y'all stay outta trouble. [turns back to the graffiti] And clean that stuff up!
Shorty 3: See ya!
[The Shorties continue to spray paint the billboard]
Angie: Good morning. May I help you?
Whale: One wash and mouth, please.
Angie: Hot wax?
Whale: Please
Angie: Kelp Scrape. We're having a special, whaddya say?
Whale: Why not? It's mating season, and I'm feelin' lucky! [leaves]
[Phone rings]
Angie: Whale of the wash, and the price... [blissful sigh] Oh, my gosh. [camera pans to Angie doodling her crush on Oscar] May I suggest a barnacle peel? Removes lines and salt damage. Good.
Oscar: [enters] Hey, Ang.
Angie: OH, MY GOSH! [quickly hides her secret paper] Hi Oscar!
Oscar: Thanks for covering for me. [over the phone] Hey yo, Angie needs to get her freak on! Could ya hold for one moment please? Thanks, dawg! [hangs up]
Angie: Oscar!
Oscar: C'mon, Ang! Dance with me, mama! ♪You might not ever be rich!♪
Angie: Oscar! You're gonna get me fired!
Oscar: You? Fired? [scoffs] That can't happen, 'cause then I'd have absolutely NO reason to come to work.
Angie: [sheepishly] Oh, you don't mean that.
Oscar: 'Course I do. You're, like, my best friend.
[Angie gasps; then when Oscar's not looking, dramatically pretends to jab herself in the heart with her pen. When Oscar turns back to her, she quickly hides the pen with a sheepish giggle]
[A dark ship. The camera fades in, showing Don Lino feeding his fish]
Don Lino: [to his fish] How are my babies this mornin'? You miss me? You doin' good? Huh? Huh? [To Sykes] You see, Sykes, it's a fish-eat-fish world, [he drops a food pellet into the tank] you either take, or you get taken out. [The fish sprout razor teeth and devour the pellet as Lino closes the tank's lid]
[The record player gets stuck while Lino talks with Sykes]
Don Lino: Luca.
Luca: [moves the needle; the record player plays "Baby Got Back" by Six Mix-a-Lot; Luca quickly moves the needle again and it cuts off] Hey, Boss, big butts! [chuckles]
Don Lino: [facepalming] Oy vey.
Don Lino: I bring you in here, look you in the eye, tell you what's what, and what?
Sykes: What?
Don Lino: What "what"?
Sykes: "What, what" nothin'. You said "what" first.
Don Lino: I didn't say what first. I asked you what.
Sykes: No, you said "And then what?", and I said "What?"
Don Lino: [confused] No, I said "what what", like what, what?
Sykes: [pausebuster] You said "what" first.
Don Lino: [annoyed] Now you're making fun of me?
Sykes: [hastily] No, no, no, no, you misunderstood!
[His sons arrived]
Frankie: Sorry we're late, Pop. Lenny had an accident. He was born.
Lenny: [sarcastic laughter] You're a comic genius.
Sykes: Look, all I'm saying is the kid ain't exactly no killer.
Don Lino: My Lenny is a killer! Ya hear me? A cold-blooded killer! Look at him!
[Lino and Sykes both notice Lenny obliviously spinning around on his chair; Frankie shakes his head]
Sykes: Huh?
Don Lino: [more annoyed] That's it! That's IT! You are OUT!
Sykes: [shocked] What?! [inflates; high pitched] Whaddya mean I'm "out"?!
Don Lino: You're fired! [pushes Sykes; Sykes screams and lands on a picture across the room] And on top of that, you're gonna have to start paying me!
Sykes: [high pitched] For what?!
Don Lino: So nothing happens to that little Whale Wash of yours.
[At the Whale Wash]
Oscar: [while shoveling the slime off the whale's tongue] Welcome to Oscar's crib. 60 foot slime-covered tongues, canker sewers, swimming cavities and plankton-encrusted teeth when I'm feelin' a little old school!
Pontrelli: Oh Oscar, stop your moaning! It could be a lot worse.
Oscar: Sure. I could have this job, and look like you! [laughs] Good one, huh? [sudden rumbling] Uh-oh...indigestion...SHE'S GONNA BLOW!
[Workers start scattering]
Knuckles: Wait! Headphone guy's still in there!
[Headphone Guy is cleaning the whale, oblivious to the rumbling]
Oscar: I GOT YOU, HEADPHONE GUY! [he and Headphone Guy brace themselves on the whale's uvula]
[The scrubbers peak when...the whale lets out a small belch, sending some slime onto Oscar. The worker's laugh]
Oscar: [groans as he rubs the slime off him] Still think it could be worse?!
Pontrelli: Yeah! I could look like you!
Oscar: Funny! Well, see if you laugh at THIS! [throws slimeball at Pontrelli, who ducks with a laugh, and it hits instructor Johnson, causing him to stagger around and accidentally hit a button that sprays soap in the whale's eye, causing the whale to scream in agony] SOAP IN THE EYE! [presses emergency buttons; the grabbers grab the screaming whale very tightly; quickly cleans the whale's eye] It's alright. I'll get you a free hot wax and all that. Carry on, Big Baby.
Whale: Thanks, Oscar. [swims away]
Sykes: Now I have to pay Don Lino protection, so everything you owe me, you owe him!
Oscar: How do you figure that?
Sykes: Simple - the food chain! [pulls out chart] On top there's Don Lino, there's me, there's regular fish...
Oscar: And that's me!
Sykes: No. There's plankton, there's single-celled amoebas...
Oscar: And then me!
Sykes: I'm getting there, I'm getting there...There's coral, there's rocks, there's whale poop, and then there's you.
Oscar: That's messed up.
Sykes: So if Don Lino's squeezing me... he's squeezing you!
Oscar: What? [the chart suddenly pulls up, catching Sykes in the chin]
Ernie: Easy, boss. Find a happy place.
Sykes: There is no happy place with him around! [agitated he puffs up; higher pitched] I'm SERIOUS!
Oscar: AH! Alright, look! Just give me another chance-! I-I'm begging you, Sykes please! Please!
Sykes: [high-pitched] All right. [deflates] 'Cause I like you, I'm gonna give you 24 hours to pay up.
Oscar: All of it? How am I supposed to do that?
Sykes: That's your problem. Bring me 5,000 clams to the track tomorrow, or else.
Oscar: Or else what?
Sykes: The boys will explain. [exits his office]
[Ernie and Bernie approach Oscar while grinning and laughing in a threatening manner; cut to black as they sting him as a warning]
Oscar: [offscreen] Unpleasant.
Oscar: [voiceover] He was the #1 tongue scrubber. Every year for 25 years. To me, working at the Wash, was the coolest job in the ocean. But then I learned something I will never forget.
Male Fish Student: [in memory] Oscar's dad's a tongue scrubber!
Fish Students: [in memory] Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber! Tongue scrubber!
Don Lino: [to Lenny] What do you mean you don't understand? What's there to understand? We've been over this 1,000 times. I don't want to have to say it again. You know, you're giving me agita, you know that? I don't know what else to say. Lenny, you see something, you kill it, you eat it. Period. [to the waiter] Thanks. [to Lenny] That's what sharks do. That's a fine tradition. What's the matter with you? Your brother, Frankie, here, he's a killer.
Frankie: Thanks, Pop.
Don Lino: He's beautiful. He does what he's supposed to do. [to Frankie] Wipe your face. [to Lenny] But you...I'm hearin' things. You gotta understand when you look weak, it makes me look weak.
Lenny: I know.
Don Lino: I can't have that.
Lenny: Pop, I'm sorry.
Don Lino: Lenny. Lenny. Look at me. Look at me. This handing over the business is for you. It's for the both of you. A-And you're acting like you don't even want it. [Lenny shrugs] I need to know you can handle that. [sighs; He spots some shrimp in a glass, and glances back at Lenny] Alright, alright. [picks up the shrimp] Right here in front of me now, eat this.
Lenny: [whimpers] Oh, gee, thanks, Pop. Here's the thing. I'm on a diet. And I read an article about these shrimps, they're not good for ya. I tell you. You know how many calories are in one of those shrimps? A lot.
The Shrimp: [to Don Lino] It's true. It's true and the other thing is, my sister had a baby and I took it over because she passed away, and then the baby lost its legs, and its arms and now he's nothing but a stump, but I still take care of it with my wife and it's growing and it's fairly happy, but it's difficult 'cause I've been working a second shift at the factory to put food on the table, but all the love and I see that little guy's face makes it worth in the end. [mini pauses] True story.
[Lenny wipes his tears with a sniff]
Don Lino: [sighs] I'm not asking you anymore. I'm telling you. Eat it!
The Shrimp: No, have mercy!
Lenny: Pop, please...
Don Lino: Eat!
The Shrimp: No eat!
Lenny: What are ya...No!
Don Lino: Son, eat the shrimp! Please!
Lenny: No, please.
Don Lino: Lenny! Eat, eat, eat!
Lenny: PUT THE SHRIMP DOWN! [grabs the other shrimp and lets them all go] Go now. No one's looking. Get out of here. You're free now, go on. Go. Go.
The Shrimp: Thank you. You're a good person. [glares at Lino, cracking his knuckles with a punches, then gestures to some other shrimp] Come on, fellas. [they all left with him]
[Don Lino is angry]
Frankie: Pop, I can handle the reef. It's not a problem.
Don Lino: No. No. We're gonna do this as a family. Frankie, I want you to take Lenny out, and show him the ropes.
Frankie: Oh, come on, Pop.
Don Lino: [to Lenny] Son, you're gonna learn how to be a shark. Whether you like it or not.
[Upon hearing about Lucky Day at the Seahorse Racetrack]
Oscar: [excitedly] Top of the Reef, here I come! [stops himself] No, no, remember what Angie said. Remember what Angie said. What did Angie say?
[In Oscar's fantasy]
Angie: Dreams can begin small. You just have to...bet it all! BET IT ALL!
Announcer: And Lucky Day wins!
[Oscar imagines himself living the high-life, then it cuts back to him holding the money. It cuts back to him slamming the money on the table]
Oscar: 5,000 ON LUCKY DAY TO WIN!
Bet-taking Fish: That's 2,000 to 1. That would pay a million clams!
Oscar: [takes his ticket] Well I guess that makes me, Oscar...The Millionaire.
Lola: Clearly I made him mistake.
Oscar: No, no wait Lola.
Lola: Look, deep down, I'm really superficial. [pulls Oscar close as if to kiss him] And don't get me wrong: you're cute, but... [whispers as she pushes him away] you're a nobody. [leaves]
[Oscar became stunned]
Ernie: [pretending to be Lola, puts mustard and ketchup on a hot dog on a stick so it looks like a face] Oscar, you're cute, but you're a nobody.
Bernie: [pretending to be Oscar, also put mustard and ketchup on a hot dog on a stick so it looks like a face] Wait. Lola. Come back. I'm not a nobody. I'm a wiener!
[They both laugh, much to Oscar's annoyance]
Sykes: Your unbelievable. You're in trouble up to you gills, and still you're asking for more? Now, go on! Get in here!
Announcer: The horses are lining up the post. [the bell rings and the seahorses rush out] And they're off! Out of the gates, it's Fish Fingers followed by Sea Biscuit and Salmonella. [Lucky Day can't open the gate] The long shot Lucky Day seems appears to be having trouble getting out of the gate.
Oscar: What?!
Announcer: Only a sucker could've bet on that horse!
Oscar: [to Sykes] No, no, no. Don't sweat it, man. He does this all the time. He's just playin'.
Announcer: [Lucky Day busts through the gate] But what's this? Lucky Day's gone crashing his way through the gate! And he's off and running! Down the straightaway, it's Sea Biscuit, Fish Fingers and Lucky Day.
Oscar: Please, Lucky Day, go fast. Go fast.
Announcer: Coming up the far turn, it's Sea Biscuit by a length, and Lucky Day well behind the pack. [Lucky Day catches up with the other seahorses] And here comes Lucky Day coming up from behind! He's passing, Yellowtail, Salmonella, and coming up on Fish Fingers!
Oscar: See? See? Who's your fish now? Go!
Announcer: Around the final turn, here comes Lucky Day! Lucky Day's done caught up to Fish Fingers! They're head-to-head! Neck-and-neck! [Lucky Day takes the lead] Lucky Day's pulling ahead!
Oscar: Sweet! I'm gettin' tired just thinkin' about all that money! [Sykes laugh]
Announcer: Look at Lucky Day go!
Oscar and Sykes: [singing] We're moving on up! To the East Side!
Announcer: Absolutely amazing! This looks to be Lucky Day's big day! It's Lucky Day! [Lucky Day speeds up to fast and accidentally punches himself with his tail, causing him to tumble] Ooh, what happened?! Lucky Day is down!
Oscar and Sykes: We're moving on up! [they both embrace]
Sykes: To the East Side!
Oscar: [sees what's happening on the track] NOOOOOOOOO!!!
Announcer: [as the other seahorses pass Lucky Day] And here comes Fish Fingers, followed by Sea Biscuit, Yellowtail... and Fish Fingers wins.
Sykes: What happened? Let me see.
Oscar: Wait, wait, wait! I just wanna hold you.
Sykes: Hey, Oscar, get outta my way. Let me see. [sees that Lucky Day has lost]
Announcer: What a sad day for Lucky Day.
Oscar: Uh, remember your happy place, Sykes.
Announcer: And that's why they call him the long shot.
Oscar: Yo, that was crazy, right? Who knew? I mean, everything's set, it's a lock, we good to go, we in the money, and he trips underwater. Who in the halibut trips underwater? And by the way, on what?
Sykes: That's it! That's it! I've had it! [puffs up; in a higher pitch] Ernie, Bernie, I want you to find the deepest, darkest hole in the ocean, and when you do, dig deeper, and put him in it! [invertedly pops a fish's balloon, causing her to scream]
[Oscar is tied and gagged and thrown into a whale's mouth]
Sykes: Sorry, kid. It's nothing personal. It's just business.
[Oscar is bound and gagged with seaweed while Ernie and Bernie stings him for fun]
Ernie and Bernie: [singing]
Don't worry
About a thing
'Cause every little thing
Is gonna be all right.
Ernie: This is how you sing it, Oscar.
Bernie: Yeah.
Ernie: Sykes, he like you, mon.
Bernie: He say take it easy on you.
Ernie: But Sykes is not here. [laughs]
Bernie: True.
Bernie: Ernie, let me ask you a question.
Ernie: Yeah, mon? Go on.
Bernie: Why is it that me locks can sting other people, but they do not affect me or you? [zaps Ernie, who screams] Ernie! I didn't mean it, Ernie! I didn't mean it, mon! [Ernie laughs and points at Bernie] Ernie, you made a joke! Good one, mon! Respect!
Ernie: Respect!
Bernie: Bloodfire!
[Frankie and Lenny are swimming out of Lino's shipwreck]
Lenny: Frankie, you know I can't do this!
Frankie: Word's gettin' around, the other day at the restaurant, you know how fish talk. Biddi-bip, biddi-bop, this-that, the other, then how you doin' Boom! Forget about it, ya dead.
Lenny: Okay, seriously, I can't understand wise-guy, so you're gonna have to be specific.
Frankie: Oh specific? You want specific? [smacks him] Be a shark for once in your life!
Lenny: Ow! [downhearted] Oh, what am I gonna do?
Frankie: [apologetically] Oh, Lenny, look, we do a couple practice runs, badda-bing, badda-boom, Pop's happy, you're a shark, life goes on, capisce?
Lenny: Okay, okay I capisce.
Frankie: Whoa Bingo. Right there You see TV Dinner. Don't get easy on this.
Lenny: Come on Eye of the tiger Frankie I can do this. What if I can't do this.
Lenny: Frankie!
Frankie: Lenny... [coughs] Lenny, is that you?
Lenny: I'm here, Frankie.
Frankie: Come closer.
Lenny: Yes, what is it?
Frankie: I'm so cold.
Lenny: That's just because we're cold-blooded. [Frankie slaps his brother] OW!
Frankie: [last words] Moron. [dies]
Lenny: Frankie, no. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [sobs] This is all my fault! I'm so sorry, Frankie! How am I ever gonna explain this to Pop...? Oh, no! [swims away and passes Oscar, who squeaks and lands in front of the now-deceased Frankie]
Oscar: [finds Frankie dead behind him, thinks he's alive, and starts screaming crazily] Watch it! Back up! I'm crazy! I be tripping! [makes karate moves and noises until he accidentally kicks Bernie]
Bernie: Ow! What the...?!
[Oscar, Ernie, and Bernie all scream loudly; Oscar hides behind the dead Frankie]
Bernie: [protesting] Don't hurt us! We're sorry! It was all Ernie's idea!
[Ernie nods, then looks at Bernie angrily. Then they were surprised]
Ernie: Oscar? Did you kill that shark?
Oscar: [looks down at Frankie's body before having an idea] Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Exactly how it looks; that's how it is.
Bernie: What happened.
Oscar: Oh, you… you wanna know what happened.
Bernie: Yes, Mon.
Ernie: You're standing on top of a shark, Mon.
Oscar: I'll tell you what happen.
[Cut to the outside of the Whale Wash, as Oscar tells lies to the fish about killing the shark]
Oscar: Big ol' shark comes at me. Seventy-five, hundred feet long, with razor-sharp teeth. I say to him, "You coming at me like that? You come at the O like that?"
Angie: Hey, do the muscle thing! The muscle thing!
Oscar: Oh, right. So I say, "You see this guy?" [points at right bicep] "Well, he has a brother who lives right over here." [points at left bicep] "And I think it's time for a little..."
Oscar and Angie: Family reunion!
[Everyone cheers]
Don Feinberg: He come out of nowhere, this guy. Calls himself... [turns around with a flourish] The Sharkslayer!
Don Lino: [behind him] Ira, over here...
Don Feinberg: [turns to face Lino, makes the flourish again] The Sharkslayer!
Don Lino: Where do I find him?
Don Feinberg: He lives on the South Side. That's all we could dig up. [to the other sharks] Any other requests?
Don Lino: Hey, Luca.
Don Feinberg: [offscreen] How about that Titanic?
Other Sharks: [offscreen; groaning] Oh, please no! Not again!
Don Lino: [to Luca] Get Sykes. He knows that Reef better than anybody. I want to know all about this guy. I want to know what he does. I want to know where he eats. I want to know where he sleeps. He pops a gill, I want to know about it. Who is the Sharkslayer?
Oscar: You know, Ang...Where I am now, this whole new life I got, and all my dreams coming true... In a weird kinda way, I never could have done it without you.
Angie: Oh, sure you could. Well, probably not.
Random Fish: [enters the penthouse while panicking] SHARKS! THE SHARKS! ON THE- ON THE EDGE OF THE REEF! THEY'RE GREAT WHITES!
[Everyone panics]
Oscar: EVERYONE, GO HOME! SPEND THE LAST FEW HOURS Y'ALL HAVE WITH EACH OTHER! [everyone stops screaming and looks at him with a pause] Oh...! I mean...that's how it used to be around here...but not since Oscar came to town!
[Everyone cheers as Oscar pretends to growl with the grunt while stepping in the elevator. And as soon the elevator doors closes, Oscar begins sobbing and wailing all the way down]
Oscar: [to himself] Phew, that was close.
Lenny: [appears behind him] Super close. [in fear, Oscar looks up to see him above] Don't panic. [Oscar looks down, and is about to scream but his mouth is covered] Shhh! He could be anywhere!
Oscar: Who?
Lenny: The Sharkslayer...
Oscar: [laughs] The Sharkslayer is not here.
Lenny: Tchee-he-ha-ha. Yes, there is!
Oscar: [mockingly] Tchee-he-ha-ha. No, there is not! Trust me on this one!
Lenny: Get a hold of yourself, man! This is no time to act crazy!
Oscar: Hey, you're the one acting crazy, crazy!
Lenny: [sighs; slaps himself] You're right. I'm sorry. I haven't been myself since the...the, uh...Don't cry. [cries in anguish]
Oscar: No, no, it's not all that. Just relax.
Lenny: It's my fault...kinda...not really...but still. My brother...
Oscar: You just need a little time, man. Look, the...things'll work out.
Lenny: You think?
Oscar: Yeah. So, look, I'm gonna take off...And you should just go home, Okay?
Lenny: Okay.
Oscar: Hey, good luck, dawg.
[Lenny laughs uproariously]
Oscar: I am the Sharkslayer; Oscar the Sharkslayer!, that's what people say.
Lenny: [coming to a realization] Wait. You mean you...?
Oscar: Uh-huh.
Lenny: When the anchor... [gasps dramatically before smirking] Oh, you're a liar!
Oscar: What? [scoffs] Please, I didn't lie! [Lenny gives him an "Oh, really?" glare] Alright, I lied. But it was a little lie!
[Both Oscar and Lenny are sneaking through Southside drain unseen]
Oscar: [whispers] Alright, Lenny. follow my every move, and don't make a sound.
Lenny: [whispers] You got it. [echoes] Oh an echo. [a little louder] Echooo! Now batting for the Southside Sharks #15- [Oscar slaps him] Ow! It's not okay to hit!
Lenny: Gee, if Pop knew that, he'd ice you for sure.
Oscar: [chuckles] "Ice?" What's he, the Godfather or somethin'?
Lenny: Yeah.
Oscar: [still chuckling] Whaddya mean "Yeah?"
Lenny: Yeah, he is. [Oscar realizes this and gulps in fear as the background spins behind him] Hey. Are you alright?
[Then the background drops backwards to the ground, and the shark from Oscar's right gobbles him up. We pull back as it was revealed to be the video game that Ernie and Bernie are playing]
Bernie: Oh, man. I told you.
Ernie: I'm doing it.
Bernie: X, circle, X X, double left square, right trigger, down, square, square.
Ernie: Oh, double square! Respect.
Bernie: Respect.
[Sykes is talking to Lino over the phone]
Oscar: Sykes.
Bernie: Hey, Oscar.
Oscar: Oh! Hey, Sykes.
Sykes: [to Oscar] Hey, hey, hey. There he is, my brother, my player, the Sharkslayer!
Oscar: Yeah, whatever, Sykes, listen...
Sykes: [to Lino over the phone] And another thing: from now on, you're gonna have to start paying ME protection!
Oscar: Sykes, the deal is off. That shark I killed was Don Lino's son.
Sykes: I know! Ain't it great?
Oscar: Not if he finds out!
Sykes: What do you mean, "find out"? I've got him on the phone right now! [Oscar's eyes widen in fear] That's right, Lino. I've got the Sharkslayer right here in front of me.
Oscar: [throat gesture while shaking his head] Mm-mm! Mm-mm!
Sykes: [over the phone] And he's gonna slay you, and all your sharks.
Oscar: Sykes, shut up! SHUT...UP!
Sykes: Hey, hey, that's good. That's good, I like that! Shut up, Lino! Ha! SHUT UP! [Oscar groans] What? Oh, kid, he wants to talk to you.
Oscar: [whispers] No. I'm not here. I'm not here!
Sykes: Yeah, he's right here. [hands Oscar the phone]
Oscar: [quiet high-pitched voice] Hello?
Don Lino: [furious] "Shut up"? "Shut up"?! You don't tell ME "shut up", I tell YOU "shut up"! [as he talks, beeping is heard on the other side of the phone] What? Hello?
Luca: Yeah, how ya doin'? Lemme have a pie with everything on it. Anchovies, meatballs, mushrooms-
Don Lino: [startled and annoyed] Luca!
Luca: Oh, hi, Boss. What are you doin' workin' at a pizza joint?
Don Lino: GET OFF THE PHONE!
Luca: But I'm hungry! [reluctantly hangs up]
Don Lino: [shakes his head in frustration, then returns his attention to Oscar] My guys are comin' for you, Sharkslayer! They're gonna tear you FIN FROM FIN! [slams the phone down, leaving Oscar frozen with horror]
Sykes: [still oblivious to Oscar] C'mon, now who's your puff daddy, huh? Who takes care of you, huh? Huh? [turns to Ernie and Bernie play the Sharkslayer video game] C'mon, you two. We've got work to do. [turns off the TV]
Ernie: Aww! Mon, I was winning!
Oscar: [unsuccessfully tries to get Sykes' attention as the latter makes his way to the elevator] Sykes, Sykes, hold - Look, you've got it all wrong!
Sykes: They're gonna write songs about you, kid. [sings] Oh, the shark bites...
Oscar: Sykes!
Sykes: With his teeth, dear.
Oscar: Sykes, please!
Sykes: And then Oscar...
Oscar: Sykes!
Sykes: Kicked his butt.
[The elevator closes in Oscar's face]
Oscar: Sykes! Sykes, man! [attempts to open the elevator] Come on!
Lola: Maybe I can help.
Oscar: Ooh. Hey Lola what are you doing here just popping out sometime places.
[Oscar sneaks back to the storage room]
Angie: [suddenly appears at the storage room door] Hello, Oscar.
Oscar: [screams; then catches his breath] Angie! Hey! W-what are you doin' here?
Angie: [innocently] What, Oscar, forget something?
Oscar: W-W-Well, I-I-I—

Angie: Maybe your forgot... [slams the door, revealing Lenny behind it'] ...your shark?!

Lenny: [sipping the soda] Hi.
Oscar: Uh...SHARK! SWIM, ANGIE! I'LL COVER YA! GO ON WITHOUT ME!
Angie: Oh, stop it! Your pet shark told me everything!
Oscar: [shocked] Dang, Lenny?! Why?!
Lenny: Don't look at me, I don't know! I like her!
Angie: [friendly] Thanks you too. [then furiously to Oscar] WHAT were you THINKING, bringing him here?!
Oscar: Well...I'm still working out the kinks...
Angie: Kinks?! You LIED! Everybody thinks you "slayed the shark!" How could you lie to me, Oscar?! ME?!
Oscar: Don't take it personal, Angie! Come on, I lied to EVERYBODY! [Angie glares at him] All right, I totally betrayed you, but before we work this out, I got a small thing to take care of.
Angie: Oh, yeah? What's that?
Oscar: SHARKS are COMING to GET ME!
Angie: And they should! What did you expect? You just take credit for killing a shark and then everything would be fine and dandy for the rest of your life?!
Oscar: Uh...yeah. But don't worry. Me and Lenny, we're gonna take care of this...
Lenny: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's with the "we"? I don't want any part of this!
Oscar: Hey, too late now, veggie boy. They'll be looking for you, too!
Lenny: Point taken. What's the plan?
Angie: Oscar, here's the plan. You tell the truth. [to Lenny] And you, go home.
[Oscar and Lenny both stare at each other and then they both laugh]
[Oscar is pretending to battle Lenny in front of the fish city]
Oscar: Do you hear them, Lenny?! They are going crazy, man! They love us!
Lenny: They love you. They hate me!
Oscar: [shocked] What?!
Lenny: Can we switch sides? Maybe I can be the Fishslayer! They'll never see it coming!
Oscar: Come on, man! Look. You sell this, you'll never have to go home again! You could start a new life! [Lenny nods his head understandingly] Now gimme a growl!
Lenny: Okay. [purrs; he then clears his throat and roars loudly in Oscar's face] Like that?
Oscar: That was...pretty good!
[At the Whale Wash]
Sykes: [on the phone, while watching Oscar slay Lenny on TV] I don't think you understand how huge my client is. Turn on your TV right now!
[Lenny accidentally eats Oscar; at the Whale Wash]
Sykes: [still on the phone] Turn off the TV! Turn off the TV!
[Back to Lenny]
Oscar: [from inside Lenny's mouth] Don't...swallow.
Lenny: Oscar?
Oscar:: No, it's Pinocchio. OF COURSE IT'S ME! Why did you do that?!
Lenny: I'm sorry...
Oscar: No, "sorry" is when you step on somebody's fin at the theater! Yeah, that's "sorry"! "Sorry" is when you say "Hey, when's the baby due?" and it turns out the person's just FAT! No, this is as far away from "sorry" as you can possibly get!
Lenny: Oscar, I think I'm gonna puke...
Oscar: Oh, no, no, no, no...Lenny, just open up, nice and easy. [Lenny opens his mouth very slowly as he pretends to free himself in front of the crowd] ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?! [the crowd cheers] YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! [the crowd cheers again] YOU HAD ME AT HELLO!
[The crowd cheers again; at the Whale Wash]
Sykes: [still on the phone] Turn on your TV! What are you doing turning off your TV?! Turn it back on!
[Both Oscar and Lenny perform "The Flying Fish" as Oscar throws Lenny, who screamed, at the lights]
Lenny: [falls down to the abyss with a slow motion scream, then normal] CURSE YOU, SHARKSLAYEEEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! [then swims next to the pipe, screams once more, then notices the echo, and snorts]
Oscar: [rolls his eyes, then swims upwards; to Luca and the other sharks] And you tell Don LAME-o that I don't never, ever, ever, ever, never ever want to see another shark in this reef again! EVER! [they swim away in fear] Remember this name: OSCAR THE SHARKSLAYER!
[The crowd cheers]
[After Angie sees Oscar kissing Lola]
Angie: PRIVATE?! The entire reef saw you do it!
Oscar: Hey, whoa. Somebody's in a bad mood. C'mon, Ang, lemme see that smile. Show me the smile, baby—
Angie: Knock it off!
Oscar: Eh...What has gotten into you?
Angie: ME?! Oh, I swear, something I wanna take you big dumb dummy head and just... [punching her hand] Nnnyyyhh!!!
Oscar: Ang, Ang, what is the problem?
Angie: Problem?! There's no problem! I don't have any problem! Miss Perfect is the one with the problem!
Lenny: Um, hey, you guys.
Oscar: What you got against Lola?
Angie: Not my lips. That's for sure.
Oscar: Okay. What's going on?
Lenny: I'm gonna stay out of this one.
Oscar: Look, Why would you even care about Lola anyway.
Angie: I don't!
Oscar: Ya don't.
Angie: No!
Oscar: No what?!
Angie: I don't know!
Lenny: Hey guys, you wanna get...
Oscar and Angie: NO!
Angie: Just tell me, Oscar, 'cause I'm curious - why do you think she's interested, huh? Do you believe she would even be with you if you weren't the rich and famous sharkslayer?
Lenny: Oh, you guys, please don't fight.
Angie: Are you that blind?!
Oscar: At least she treats me like I'm somebody!
Angie: Yeah, but would she love you if you were nobody?!
Oscar: [angrily] NOBODY LOVED ME WHEN I WAS NOBODY!
Angie: [emotional] I DID! [Oscar is stunned; sadly swims her back on him] Before the money...And before the fame. [turns back to Oscar] Before the lie. To me, you were a somebody, Oscar. Now you're nothing but a fake. A sham. A con. You're a joke.
[Oscar felt hurt at Angie's words, Angie looked down]
Lenny: Here I come... [pops out from behind the curtains] Ta-da! [singsong] Sebastian the Whale-Washing Dolphin! [mimics dolphin clicks, but looks at them when calming down]
Oscar: Angie...
Angie: No, forget it! Just go! 'Cause I'm tired of hearing how everything you had in your life wasn't good enough. Including me.
[Oscar then sadly swims away]
Lenny: Angie?
Angie: Oh, honey, I'm...I'm sorry. Go...Go back and do it again.
Lenny: Hey, come on. [wipes her tears away] It'll be okay.
Oscar: [realizing he loves Angie more than Lola] You know, I don't think this is gonna work out.
Lola: [chuckles, but then stops] Wait. Are you dumping me? [Oscar sadly nods, but gasps as she gives him a livid glare] Let me explain something to you!
[Cut to inside]
Sykes: [dancing with a fish girl] We're gonna party like it's your birthday... [they suddenly hear a thudding sound and see Lola whacking Oscar against the windows with a thunk] Ha! Young Love! [he and the other partygoers laugh]
[Lola slams Oscar one more time and sulks away. Oscar slowly slides down, his saliva leaving an impression of a heart implanted on the window]
[The Four Tops: "I Can't Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch)"]
Lenny: Hey, Oscar!
Oscar: Hey, I can't talk. I gotta find Angie. I need to tell her...I love her!
Man: [singing] You come and you go...
Male Fish: Way to go, Oscar.
Bernie: Whale Wash you get a whale of a wash..
Ernie: [grabs the phone] And the price is...very very low. Considering how good the wash is!
Sykes: [annoyed] Look, look, look! For the last time, it's "Whale Wash: You get a whale of a wash, and the price - Oh, my gosh"!
Ernie: Got it. [phone rings] Whale Wash...
Bernie: [grabs the phone] Rhymes with "gosh".
[Bernie and Ernie laugh]
Sykes: [steamed] That's it! Get outta here! Go be useless somewhere else!
[Bernie and Ernie swim away]
Oscar: [answering the phone] Hello?
Luca: Is this the Sharkslayer?
Oscar: Yeah. Who's this?
Luca: Hi, this is Luca the Octopu...I mean...forget about it. Just listen up and follow these instructions, to the letter like. File cabinet, bottom drawer, there's a package... [Oscar opens the package to find the necklace he gave Angie...] That's right, tough guy. We got your girl. Now there's gonna be a sit-down.
Lenny: [whispers] Who is it?
Oscar: Shh.
Luca: Be there if you don't wanna see her sleeping with the fishes... [Oscar's confused] ...the DEAD ones! [Oscar became shocked] Now nod your head if you understand. [Oscar nods his head] Now tell me if you nodded your head.
Oscar: I nodded. [they both hang up] They got Angie. And they want a sit-down. I never meant for anybody to get hurt, especially not Angie. This is all my fault.
Sykes: That's a classic move. I've seen it a thousand times.
[As Oscar noticed Angie's love drawing on the clipboard]
Lenny: They take the thing you love the most, and then they use it against you.
Oscar: [after a moment of silence; determined] Look, we gotta go to that sit-down, and we gotta save her.
Lenny: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look, I wanna save Angie, too. But I can't just waltz in there and say, "Hi, Pop, I'm a dolphin!"
Sykes: [surprised] Lenny?
Lenny: "But my friend, the shark-scarer is a fake here now"
Sykes: Fake?
Lenny: Come on, we're gonna need a better plan than that!
Sykes: [laughs] This is not a joke, huh, Oscar? This is a joke. Because you know, I told Lino... [suddenly flashes back to his phone call with Lino]
Flashback Sykes: [over phone] Shut up, Lino! Shut up! [Don Lino growls]
[After flashback, Sykes inflates in a fit of panic]
Sykes: [in a high-pitched voice] Tell me you didn't make it all up, kid! Tell me that's not Lenny! Tell me you're a real Sharkslayer! Please!
Oscar: [sadly] I'm sorry, Sykes. I'm not. [his mood suddenly brightens as he remembers something] But the sharks don't know that.
[After Lenny "eats" Angie]
Oscar: Okay, new rules. Nobody, I repeat, nobody, makes a move without my OK. I am the Panama Canal, baby. From now on, everything [places a spoon on Giuseppe's nose] flows through me.
Giuseppe: Heh?! What'd he do?! What'd he do?! I can't see it!
Oscar: You don't lose a tooth, you don't grow one back without my okay, okay?
Mako Shark: [nervously] Okay.
[The swordfish sneezes, stuck to the table]
Oscar: If you sneeze, you don't wipe that boogie without my okay, okay?
Orca: [scared] Okay.
Oscar: And you don't say "okay" without my okay? Okay?!
[One of the whale faints, Lenny starts gagging]
Sykes: Oh-Oh. Okay, thank you all for coming. We gotta go.
Oscar: One more thing. What's with all y'all living in the Love Boat?
Sykes: Oscar...
Oscar: Y'all are supposed to be the mob. Get yourselves a real hideout.
Lenny: [gagging] Oscar?
Oscar: [to Lino] And take a good look, Lino. It's over. You're old school...!
Sykes and Lenny: Oscar!
Oscar: What?!
[Lenny makes a last gag and retches out Angie, a violin, a sidewalk sweeper, a radio box and a car license plate]
Lenny: The horror! THE HORROR! [one of the sharks eats the license plate; retches out a beach ball]
Oscar: [chuckles] Um, excuse me. [swims over to Angie] Ang, are you okay?
Angie: No, I am not okay! He ate me!
Lenny: I couldn't take it. The taste was killing me!
Don Lino: [sees Lenny] Lenny? Is that you? You're alive? [hugs Lenny] I thought I lost you. [noticed his disguise] What are you wearing? Huh? What is that?
[Dejected, Lenny takes off his black and yellow scarf, then scrubs his nose with his sponge and takes off the red rubber band. The sharks gasps in assortment]
Luca: Look, Boss, it's Lenny, he was wearing a disguise that can't make us recognize him, but now that Lenny wasn't wearing a disguise, we're all finally recognizing him.
Lenny: [still dejected] Hi, Pop...
Don Lino: [upset] Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?! Are you out of your mind?! Do you have any idea how this looks?!
Giuseppe: [whispers to another shark] This is the best sit down I ever been to.
Don Lino: What are you doing with this guy?! He took out your own flesh and blood, Frankie!
Lenny: But Pop, just listen...
Don Lino: But nothing! You never take sides against the family! Ever!
Oscar: Hey, Don. Lino, Sir. Listen, it's not his fault. This is between you and me.
Don Lino: What did I ever do to YOU?! You took Frankie away, and you turned Lenny into a dolphin! [turns angry] I'M GONNA GET YOU!
[Oscar shrieks, Don Lino starts chasing him]
Angie: Oscar, look out!
Lenny: Oscar, swim! [opens the door] Swim for your life!
[Don Lino gets wedged in a porthole while chasing Oscar]
Don Lino: [calling after Oscar] You're gonna regret the day you became the Sharkslayer!
Shrimp: [appears in another porthole] Well, well, well...look who's stuck in the porthole.
Don Lino: Huh?
Shrimp: You still hungry, big guy? Well, say hello to my little friends!
[A bunch of shrimps appear and attack Lino]
Ernie: Hello, Sykes' Whale Wash; And the price... [sees Don Lino chasing Oscar] OH MY GOSH!
Bernie: [not knowing] Hey, you got it right! [suddenly sees Don Lino also]
[They swim away in fear]
[The crowd is cheering for Oscar for trapping Lino and Lenny in the Whale Wash machines]
Oscar: [finally having enough] STOP! I AM NOT A REAL SHARKSLAYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRER!!!! [the crowd stops cheering and stares in disbelief, and Angie stops to look back] I lied.
Don Lino: [shocked] What?
Crazy Joe: [tearfully] And I'm not a real financial adviser!
Oscar: [awkwardly] Okay... [to Don Lino] It was an anchor that killed Frankie. I didn't have anything to do with it, and neither did Lenny.
Don Lino: [to Lenny] If that's true, why did you run away?
Lenny: Because you always wanted me to be like Frankie. I'll never be the shark you want me to be.
Oscar: [to Don Lino] What is your problem?! So your son likes kelp, so his best friend is a fish, so he likes to dress like a dolphin! So what?! Everybody loves him, just the way he is. Why can't you? Don't make the same mistake that I did. I didn't know what I had...until I lost it.
[Unnoticed by him, Angie looks moved in the background]
Don Lino: [close to tears] Will you get me outta this, so I can hug my kid, and tell him I'm sorry?
Lenny: [smiles tearfully] Oh, Pop.
[Oscar frees Lino and Lenny from the Whale Wash machines]
Don Lino: Come here, you. [hugs Lenny] I love you, son. No matter what you eat, or how you dress.
Angie: [appears] Oscar?
Oscar: [sees her] Angie? Oh, Angie. I wish I knew now what I knew then. I mean...I wish you knew...what I knew...before this...
Crazy Joe: You're blowin' it, man!
Oscar: Mind your business, alright?! It's emotional...and it's pressure! [turns back to Angie] What I'm sayin' is...I didn't need the Top of the Reef. Everything I ever wanted...was right in front of me the whole time.
Angie: But what about being a somebody?
Oscar: I'm a nobody without you. [Angie smiles. Crazy Joe pulls out his puppets making kissing noises] Not helping. [chuckles]
Angie: Oh. Come here, you big dumb, dummy head! [kisses Oscar]
Sykes: Come on, snap your fin. Snap it. You're not snapping it.
Don Lino: I'm snapping it, I'm snapping it!
Sykes: That's okay, a lot of great whites can't do it, yo.
Don Lino: Yo?
Sykes: Yo, what's up?
Don Lino: What's up with what?
Sykes: Yo-yo-yo, yo-yo-yo, yo-yo-yo-yo...
Don Lino: [threatening] Hey, you say "Yo" one more time, and I'm gonna yo you!
Sykes: [stops] I'm sorry.
Lola: [arrives at Oscar's former penthouse] Hello? Hello? Oscar? Listen, Baby, I know I was a bad girl, but you'd have to be crazy not to take me back.
Crazy Joe: [appears in front of Lola] Did someone say crazy?
Crazy Joe: Hey! You gonna eat the rest of your popcorn? [eats the popcorn, groaning] Too much butter! Hey! A nacho! [eats the nacho]
Crazy Joe: [flies up to the end credits] You're not even halfway done yet.
[Last lines; after the credits]
Mrs. Sanchez: [opens the window; to the viewers] What're you still doin' here?! Get outta here! Go home! It's past your bedtime! [shuts the window]
[Fades to black]

Taglines

[edit]
  • In Fall, A New School Will Rule.
  • The Story of What Happens When One Little Fish Tells a Great White Lie...
  • Behind Every Little Fish is a Great White Lie.
  • A New School's Gonna Rule...

Cast

[edit]
[edit]
Wikipedia
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