Small Soldiers

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Small Soldiers is a 1998 American science fiction film.

Directed by Joe Dante. Written by Gavin Scott, Adam Rifkin, Ted Elliott, and Terry Rossio.
Big Trouble Small Soldiers Taglines

Chip Hazard[edit]

  • We are the Commando Elite. Everything else is just a toy!
  • You got a lot of guts. Let's see what they look like.
  • I love the smell of polyurethane in the morning!
  • Are you scared? We’re all scared. You’d have to be crazy not to be scared.
  • There will be no mercy!!!

Archer[edit]

  • Alan, even if you can't see something, it doesn't mean it isn't there.
  • Greetings. I am Archer. Emissary of the Gorgonites.

Ralph Quist[edit]

  • Imagine a microchip sophisticated enough to control the guidance systems of ballistic missiles. Imagine it can be used to instantly upgrade any system that it's plugged into, like a smart drug for machines. Then imagine it can learn. [...] Whatever the core programming, the X1000 enhances it from within. So if you've got a problem, it's in your software.

Dialogue[edit]

Gil Mars: Y'know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of commercials that show us 4x4 trucks popping up to the top of Mt. Rushmore and parking on top of Abraham Lincoln's head, okay? I'm sick of shampoo commercials that try to convince women that they can look like Claudia Schiffer after one cycle of rinse and repeat. What if these toys could actually talk? What if they could walk? What if they could actually kick ass? I'm talking about toys that are so smart, when kids play with them, they play back. Toys, in short, gentlemen, that actually do what they do in the commercials.
Irwin Wayfair: Well... that's an interesting idea.
Gil Mars: Forget about this "batteries not included" crap. We're gonna stick in a lifetime Globotech lithium cell, keep these things running forever! That'll piss off the guys at Eveready.

Ms. Kegel: [after being told the product will be ready in three months] Alright, then. Now, these are your security cards. These will give you unlimited access to all top-secret GloboTechnology. And these are your individual secret passwords. Please take a moments memorize them now.
Irwin Wayfair: [sees his password and chuckles] Mine's Gizmo.
Ms. Kegel: [snatches Irwin's password; annoyed] I said "Secret."

Archer: Greetings. I am Archer, emissary of the Gorgonites. What is your name?
Alan: I'm Alan. Now, shut up. I gotta do my homework.
Archer: Greetings, Alan-Now-Shut-Up.
[Alan does a double take at Archer's remark]

Nick Nitro: Falling in, sir. [falls to the ground, and the evil Commando Elite walk towards Nick Nitro]
Brick Bazooka: Outta the way!
Nick Nitro: [weakly] It's...only a flesh wound, sir.
Chip Hazard: Rest easy. You've done your job.
Nick Nitro: [last words; weakly] Did...we win? [groans, and dies]
Chip Hazard: We will. [sniffles] Nick Nitro's battery has run out, but his memory will keeping going and going and going. His death will be avenged! [Brick Bazooka sniffles and cries] Commandos, secure the perimeter! Tap all communications! Roll some armor! We got us a war to win. If it launches, lacerates or detonates, I want it mobile and I want it "lethile!"
Commando Elite: Sir, yes, sir!

Alan: Halt! Who goes there?
Archer: Greetings. I am Archer, emissary of the Gorgonites.
Alan: Awfully polite for a monster.

Archer: Alan, friend of Archer, defender of all Gorgonites, Keeper of Encarta.
Alan: "Keeper of Encarta"? You were using my computer? If I find a virus in there, you're headed for the microwave.
Archer: Beware: There will be no mercy.
Alan: [incensed] Are you threatening me?
Archer: The Gorgonites must be free. There will be no mercy.
[scene switches to Stuart Abernathy's toy store where Chip Hazard stands in front of a US Flag made from puzzle pieces]
Chip Hazard: Soldiers, no poor sap ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by being all that he can be. Damn the torpedoes, or give me death! Eternal vigilance is the price of duty. And, to the victors go the spoils. So remember: you are the best of the best of the few and the proud. So ask not what your country can do for you, only regret that you have but one life to live! The war against the Gorgonites will be won!
Slamfist: [notices] Uh-oh.
Chip Hazard: Commando Elite, let the first shot be fired! Search out the Gorgonites and frag 'em all!

[Fimple residence. Chip Hazard stumbles upon a bunch of Gwendy Dolls, causing the evil Commando Elite to see them]
Brick Bazooka: Bombshells, sir!
Kip Killigan: Fully posable! [he and Brick Bazooka laugh]
Brick Bazooka: Hello, Dolly!
[whistle]
Butch Meathook: Mmm-mmm! Sweet stuff! Hubba, hubba.
Link Static: R&R, sir?
Brick Bazooka: Request a three day pass, sir.
Chip Hazard: Denied! [Brick Bazooka groans] Gentlemen, this is the new army. Those are reinforcements. Bring me the head of Nick Nitro. Move! [Nick Nitro's body is brought to him] Soldier, your memory will live on. [pulls Nick Nitro's head off and begins cannibalizing it, to the evil Commando Elites' discomfort]
Butch Meathook: Damn!
Link Static: Oh, criminy!
Butch Meathook: I think I'm gonna hurl.
Chip Hazard: [reaching Nick Nitro's microprocessor chip] A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
[In a scene akin to a certain classic film, the chip is used to electrify and animate the Gwendy Dolls]
Brick Bazooka: [laughing] It's alive! It's alive!
Gwendy Doll: [walks to Chip Hazard] Hi there! Cannon Fodder Gwendy reporting for duty, sir! [salutes]
Chip Hazard: [salutes] Carry on, soldier.

Taglines[edit]

  • Big Action! Big Trouble! Big Movie! Small Soldiers!
  • The few, the proud, and the small.
  • [from theatrical trailer] GloboTech Defense Systems. In a secret lab, the world's most advanced military microprocessor has been created. But the Cold War is over. For GloboTech to survive, new markets must be found. Now, all that power has been placed into the brain of a fighting machine unlike any known to man. They made it strong. They made it clever. They made it... small. They made... a mistake.

About Small Soldiers[edit]

  • We found out what it really takes to make a great toy, to make it stand out on the shelf. We learned how the joints of toys worked, all the mechanics that go into them. The whole thing was an education; and we helped to create a toy line that was extremely successful for Hasbro. In fact, ultimately, sales for the Small Soldiers toys out-performed the film.

Cast[edit]

Voice actors[edit]

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
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