Small Soldiers

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Small Soldiers is a 1998 American action/science fiction film written by Gavin Scott and Adam Rifkin, directed by Joe Dante and starring the voices of Tommy Lee Jones, Frank Langella, Ernest Borgnine, Jim Brown and Bruce Dern.

It was released on July 10, 1998 by DreamWorks and Universal Studios.

Small Soldiers was Phil Hartman's last theatrically released film due to his death several months before its release.


Ms. Kegel: [after being told the product will be ready in three months] Alright, then. Now, these are your security cards. These will give you unlimited access to all top-secret GloboTechnology. And these are your individual secret passwords. Please take a moments memorize them now.
Irwin Wayfair: [sees his password and chuckles] Mine's Gizmo.
Ms. Kegel: [snatches Irwin's password; annoyed] I said "Secret."

Archer: Alan, even if you can't see something, it doesn't mean it isn't there.

Archer: Greetings. I am Archer, emissary of the Gorgonites. What is your name?
Alan: I'm Alan. Now, shut up. I gotta do my homework.
Archer: Greetings, Alan-Now-Shut-Up.
[Alan does a double take at Archer's remark]

Chip Hazard: You've got a lot of guts. Let's see what they look like.

Chip Hazard: I love the smell of polyurethane in the morning!

Nick Nitro: Falling in, sir. [falls to the ground, and the Commando Elite walk towards Nick Nitro]
Brick Bazooka: Outta the way!
Nick Nitro: [weakly] It's...only a flesh wound, sir.
Chip Hazard: Rest easy. You've done your job.
Nick Nitro: [last words; weakly] Did...we win? [groans, and dies]
Chip Hazard: We will. [sniffles] Nick Nitro's battery has run out, but his memory will keeping going and going and going. His death will be avenged! [Brick Bazooka sniffles and cries] Commandos, secure the perimeter! Tap all communications! Roll some armor! We got us a war to win. If it launches, lacerates or detonates, I want it mobile and I want it "lethile!"
Commando Elite: Sir, yes, sir!

Chip Hazard: We are the Commando Elite. Everything else is just a toy!

Archer: Greetings. I am Archer, emissary of the Gorgonites.
Alan: Awfully polite for a monster.

Archer: Alan, friend of Archer, defender of all Gorgonites, Keeper of Encarta.
Alan: "Keeper of Encarta"? You were using my computer? If I find a virus in there, you're headed for the microwave.
Archer: Beware: There will be no mercy.
Alan: [incensed] Are you threatening me?
Archer: The Gorgonites must be free. There will be no mercy.
[scene switches to Stuart Abernathy's toy store where Chip Hazard stands in front of a US Flag made from puzzle pieces]
Chip Hazard: Soldiers, no poor sap ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by being all that he can be. Damn the torpedoes, or give me death! Eternal vigilance is the price of duty. And, to the victors go the spoils. So remember: you are the best of the few and the proud. So ask not what your country can do for you, only regret that you have but one life to live! The war against the Gorgonites will be won!
Slamfist: [notices] Uh-oh.
Chip Hazard: Commando Elite, let the first shot be fired! Search out the Gorgonites and frag 'em all!

[Fimple residence. Major Hazard stumbles upon a bunch of female dolls, causing the Commando Elite to hoot and holler at seeing girls]
Brick Bazooka: Bombshells, sir!
Kip Killigan: Fully posable! [he and Brick laugh]
Brick Bazooka: Hello, Dolly!
[wolf whistle]
Butch Meathook:Mmm-mmm! Sweet stuff! Hubba, hubba.
Link Static: R&R, sir?
Brick Bazooka: Request a three day pass, sir.
Major Chip Hazard: Denied! [Brick groans] Gentlemen, this is the new army. Those are reinforcements. Bring me the head of Nick Nitro. Move! [Nick Nitro's body is brought to him] Soldier, your memory will live on. [pulls Nick's head off and begins cannibalizing it, to the other Commandos' discomfort]
Kip Killigan: Damn!
Link Static: Criminy!
Butch Meathook: I think I'm gonna hurl.
Major Chip Hazard: [reaching Nick's microprocessor chip] A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
[In a scene akin to a certain classic film, the chip is used to electrify and animate the girl dolls]
Brick Bazooka: [laughing] It's alive! It's alive!
Gwendy: [walks to Chip Hazard] Hi there! Cannon Fodder Gwendy reporting for duty, sir! [salutes]
Major Chip Hazard: [salutes] Carry on, soldier.


  • Big Action! Big Trouble! Big Movie! Small Soldiers!
  • The few, the proud, and the small.
  • [from theatrical trailer] GloboTech Defense Systems. In a secret lab, the world's most advanced military microprocessor has been created. But the Cold War is over. For GloboTech to survive, new markets must be found. Now, all that power has been placed into the brain of a fighting machine unlike any known to man. They made it strong. They made it clever. They made it... small. They made... a mistake.

About Small Soldiers[edit]

  • We found out what it really takes to make a great toy, to make it stand out on the shelf. We learned how the joints of toys worked, all the mechanics that go into them. The whole thing was an education; and we helped to create a toy line that was extremely successful for Hasbro. In fact, ultimately, sales for the Small Soldiers toys out-performed the movie.


Voice actors[edit]

External links[edit]

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