Small Time Crooks
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- Written and directed by Woody Allen.
They took a bite out of crime. taglines
- It was a really tragic story, because my husband, Otto, was dyslexic, and the only thing he could spell correctly was his name.
- I met a wonderful man downstairs. He seemed to like me. He said I reminded him of his wife who's dead. But I assume he meant when she was alive.
- Ray: I'm no genius, believe me, I'm no genius.
- Frenchy: Yeah, you don't have to sell me.
- Ray: I gotta get some air. I'm going up on the roof.
- Frenchy: Don't jump! You're too valuable as a dishwasher.
- Ray: For God's sake! For some reason you're always shooting down my dreams.
- Frenchy: Because you get the kind of dreams people get after putting opium in their brownies.
- Ray: Today Benny got bit by a rat. We had to give him a rabies shot.
- Frenchy: Who, the rat?
- Denny: Ray really is a genius, Frenchy.
- Frenchy: Compared to you, this chair is a genius, Denny.
- Ray: What would you say if I told you that you were married to a very brilliant man?
- Frenchy: I'd say I'd have to be a bigamist.
- Ray: What the hell are you gonna do with a flower shop?
- Benny: Burn it down.
- Ray: What do you mean, "burn it down"? You're still burning stuff down for insurance?
- Benny: I burn everything. That's how I sent two kids through college.
- David: So, you can see the difference between this Tintoretto and the earlier Byzantine painting we looked at? What would you say is the most significant difference?
- Ray: Me? I'd say the frame's bigger here.
- Ray: I get a bad vibe about this guy, David. It's my street instinct, but I just don't trust him.
- May: Yeah, I know why. Because he's younger than you are, handsomer than you are, he's much taller than you are, he's smarter than you are, he's much more exciting than you are...
- Ray: May, don't feel obligated to pull any punches with me. I can take it.
- Benny: You know what I say? She gets a share, but not a full share.
- Tommy: I'd go for that. Yeah.
- Denny: Yeah, what if we each get a fourth and she gets, like, a third?
- Benny: What are you? Nuts? Then she'd be getting more than us!
- Denny: How do you figure?
- Benny: Where are you gonna get four fourths and a third? Can't you add?
- Denny: I don't do fractions, all right?
- Denny: Did you get your share?
- Tommy: My share of what? Oh, oh, yeah. I got it. I sold some stuff.
- Denny: What did you sell?
- Tommy: A rented car.
- May: Then the lights begin to flash. Little pinpoints of light. Then my tongue turns black and I can't swallow.
- Dr. Henske: Really?
- May: The diagnosis is Parkinson's, but they think it could be the Ebola virus, or mad cow disease.
- Frenchy's Lawyer: You've lost it all, Frenchy. Or should I say, you've been swindled out of it all.
- Frenchy: You mean I got...?
- Frenchy's Lawyer: Nothing, Mrs. Winkler. You have nothing. No... no house, no bank account, just a couple of large, outstanding loans which we feel you can best deal with by filing for bankruptcy.
- Frenchy: Bankruptcy? Bankruptcy? I'm not up to the B-words yet!
- Frenchy: Hey, It was you who taught me how to open a safe.
- Ray: That was one of my fondest memories of our time together... What are you saying? You boosted this from David's safe? Frenchy, that's stealing.
- Frenchy: Not exactly. Look, it's a long story, Ray. Let's sell it, and I'll fill you in on the flight to Miami.
- Ray: Sweetheart, you are the greatest.
- Frenchy: Yeah.
- They took a bite out of crime.
- Explodes with big-time laughter.
- Woody Allen - Ray Winkler
- Tracey Ullman - Frances "Frenchy" Fox-Winkler
- Elaine May - May Sloane
- Elaine Stritch - Chi-Chi Velasquez Potter
- Hugh Grant - David Perrette
- Michael Rapaport - Denny Doyle
- Tony Darrow - Tommy Walker
- Jon Lovitz - Benjamin "Benny" Bukowski
- Brian Markinson - Officer Ken DeLoach
- George Grizzard - George Blint
- Larry Pine - Charles Bailey
- Kristine Nielsen - Emily Bailey