Snakes on a Plane
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- Directed by David R. Ellis. Written by John Heffernan, David Dalessandro, and Sebastian Gutierrez. Starring Samuel L. Jackson.
Sit Back. Relax. Enjoy the fright.
- Enough is ENOUGH! I have had it with these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane! Everybody strap in! [extracts his gun] I'm about to open some fuckin' windows.
- Sean: So, how long you been working with him?
- Neville: Five years, one blown marriage each. He's the toughest son of a bitch I've ever met.
- Neville: We need weapons. Do you have any silverware or cutlery?
- Claire: We don't have any silverware. All we have are these--
- Neville: Sporks?
- Sean: Have you heard of Eddie Kim?
- Tiffany: Who hasn't? Oh! One time I saw on of those cheesy police show remakes where he killed a guy who was a witness against him by cutting out his eyes and feeding them to wild pigs. What have you got to do with him?
- Sean: I'm a witness for the prosecution.
- Tiffany: Oh. That's hot!
- Claire: I'm gonna miss these night flights.
- Grace: I like the passengers so much better when they're unconscious.
- [Grace hears a couple being killed in the bathroom but thinks they are having sex.]
- Grace: Mile High Club. Those were the days.
- [The screaming gets louder]
- Grace: [smiling] Wow, this guy is good.
- [Abruptly, the screaming stops]
- Grace: Well, maybe not that good.
- Neville: What was the first thing I said?
- Sean: Things have changed! The plane is full of snake--God, "Do as I say and you live!"
- Steven Price: Snakes don't attack, unless they're provoked. Something up there's making them go crazy, possibly some kind of drug.
- Neville: Well, that's good news: snakes on crack.
- Sean: It's getting hot in here.
- Neville: I'm from Tennessee, I hadn't noticed.
- Claire: I went through a pyromaniac phase when I was younger.
- Neville: You too, huh?
- [Sean reveals to the other passengers that the snakes are on the plane because he was going to testify against Eddie Kim.]
- Paul: Jesus Christ. We're all dead!
- Neville: Not me.
- Troy: It's not a video-game. It's a flight simulator.
- Neville: Is that PlayStation or Xbox?
- Neville: Brakes, Troy! Put your ass into it!
- Troy: Uh, this part ain't in the game!
- Neville: Is crashing part of the game, huh?!
- Troy: I don't know, man! I usually just hit 'reset' and start the level over!
- [Neville sees that they are about to collide with a building.]
- Neville: Oh shit, left! Left! Turn this big motherfucker left, Troy!
- Sean: What was the first thing you ever said to me?
- Neville: What the fuck does that have to do with anything?
- Samuel L. Jackson — Neville Flynn
- Julianna Margulies — Claire Miller
- Nathan Phillips — Sean Jones
- Rachel Blanchard — Mercedes Harbont
- Mark Houghton — John Sanders
- Byron Lawson — Eddie Kim
- Sunny Mabrey — Tiffany
- Todd Louiso — Price
- Kenan Thompson — Troy
- James Hibbert — Tim
- Bruce James — Ken
- David Koechner — Rick
- Bobby Cannavale — Hank Harris