Spaceballs: The Animated Series
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Revenge of the Sithee
- Skroob: Someday soon, I plan to be president of planet Moron. And you are going to help me.
- Outlet Mall: Why would I do that?
- Skroob: Because I, too am a Sithee.
- Outlet Mall: Really?
- Skroob: Yes. But for now... I'm a closet Sithee.
- Pannekin Crybaby: I figured I'd find you here in the bottomless pit room.
- Outlet Mall: Why?
- Pannekin Crybaby: 'Cause big confrontations always happen next to big bottomless pitts.
- Outlet Mall: Hm. They do, don't they?
Grand Theft Starship
- President Skroob: From now on, I want all our evil plans to stop at phase one. We've got an enlarging ray, wonderful, maybe we could do other stuff with it, I could use it late at night, who knows...
- Dark Helmet: Eh, I'm sorry, it only works on ants.
- [Lone Starr and Vespa are tied to the front of a tank]
- Lone Starr: Uh, I know this is usually your line, but I think we're doomed.
- Princess Vespa: Then there is only one thing left to do: scream.
- Lone Starr: What good is that gonna do?
- Princess Vespa: [stutters] Well, I, eeh, I don't know, but it always works for me.
Lord of the Onion Rings
- Yogurt: Then we shall be the fellowship of the Onion Ring. But this is a dangerous mission. So we'll need indecipherable codenames. Barf, your name will be Barf Baggins. Lonestarr, you'll be Lone Staragorn and Vespa...
- Princess Vespa: Can I be her most royal highness the incomparably beautiful?
- Lone Star: Oh please.
- Yogurt: You'll be Vesparwen.
- Barf Baggins: It was Lone Staragorn. He tried to take the Onion Ring from me.
- Vesparwen: Lone Staragorn, get a hold of yourself!
- Lone Staragorn: I am the leader here, I should be the one to wear the ring.
- Vesparwen: Oh yeah? I'm the girl here and if there's any jewelry to be worn, I should be the one to wear it.
Watch Your Assic Park
- Lone Starr: Skroob, this time I've gone too far.
- President Skroob: Oh please, sissy. Do you know how many evil plan's I've had that have been way worse than this?
- Lone Starr: Well you won't succeed. Not if I can help it.
- President Skroob: Oh yeah? And what are you gonna do about it?
- Lone Starr: I'm gonna blogg about it.
- President Skroob: Helmet, what the hell's Lone Starr doing here?
- Dark Helmet: Eh, He's won fan of the day, sir.
- President Skroob: Fan of the day? So you're saying it's a coincidence he's here?
- Dark Helmet: The episode had to start somehow.
- President Skroob: Prepair our contamination suits. Make sure yours is very tight. So no disease can get in. I want to see every... curve...
- Commanderette Zirco: Very well, sir.
- Lone Starr: You've reached Lone Starr and Barf. I'm out rescuing Princess Vespa, and Barf is probably on the can. You know what to do after the beep.
Hairy Putter and the Gopher of Fire
- Prof, Yogurtdore: I'd like to dispell the recent rumors about me. I'm one hundert per cent kosher in the sausage department if you get my drift.
- Prof. Snapple: Under my direction, you will keep your shafts stiff, your heads down and get ready to watch your balls fly far. Very far.
The Mighty Meteor
- President Skroob: The Mighty Meteor? You gotta be kidding. I can barely see it. Helmet, what the hell is this, a model?
- Dark Helmet: I'm afraid it's the real McCoy, sir.
- President Skroob: The Real McCoy, why is it so small?
- Dark Helmet: Budget cuts, your Scroobness. We've spent all our money fighting unwinnable wars. This meteor is all we can afford.
- Barf: I'll get the duct tape.
- Lone Starr: No, Barf. I think it's time...
- Barf: No, no, don't say it, don't say it!
- Lone Starr: ...for a new van.
- Barf: Ah, you said it! Have you no heart? This, this van is vintage. It's, it's, it's got history.
- Lone Starr: It's got pizza from 1983 under the seats. Point taken.
Spaceballs of the Caribbean
- Princess Vespa: This is terrible!
- Lone Starr: I know, without my Schwarz...
- Princess Vespa: No, I mean Barf's hogging all my eyeliner.
- Barf: Frankly it looks better on me, sweetie.
- Princess Vespa: [sighs] Bitch.
- President Skroob: The immaterial has become... immaterial.
- Marlene: What does that mean, Scroobie?
- President Skroob: Well, it simply means that the non-material stuff has coalesced into the star vapor of...
- Marlene: I believe it means the supernatural has become irrelivant, thus playing on two meanings of the word immaterial.
- President Skroob: You know some men get turned on by brainy talk. I don't. So shut up.
- Agent Double O Sven: You expect me to talk?
- Fishfinger: No, I expect you to fry.
- Agent Double O Sven: Eh, don't you mean die?
- Fishfinger: And that, too.
- Badjob: But first we need to butter you up.
- Fishfinger: Heh. Heh. Soon you'll be filler in my fish fingers. You're cheaper than cardboard.
- Agent Double O Sven: But why use me as filler when you can use me as bait?
- Fishfinger: What do you mean, chum?
- Agent Double O Sven: Well, I could lure all of Yogurt's agents here. You know, Double O Gunther and eh... Double O everyone else.
- Yogurt: Oi, this Pizza stinks. Yente, where did you order it from?
- Yente: From Pizza the Hutt.
- Yogurt: Oh, tastes like cardboard.
- Yente: That's because you're eating the cardboard. The Pizza's on top.
- Yogurt: I was right, I was right. There's something wrong. How do you know?
- Yente: How do you know?
- Yogurt: Are you deaf? Don't you hear that ominous music?
- Yente: Ach, we hear that same verkackte music every week.
- Princess Vespa: What is it about long, hard, tubular things that I find so fascinating?
- Dot Matrix: Talk about your Freudian ship.
- Dark Helmet: How long can a Mawg hold it's breath?
- Lone Starr: As long as the suspence builds.
- Vinnie: I highly recommend you pay me protection money, Lone Starr.
- Lone Starr: Protection? Protection from who?
- Vinnie: Protection from me.
- Lone Starr: [chuckles] I don't need protection from you.
- Vinnie: Oh, yes you do. When I get angry, I break heads. And when people don't cooperate with my extortion...
- Lone Starr: You get angry?
- Vinnie: No. When people don't cooperate with my extortion I get depressed.
- Lone Starr: I see... and, and when you get depressed, you get angry?
- Vinnie: No. When I get depressed, I get hungry.
- Lone Starr: And when you get hungry you get angry?
- Vinnie: Shut it, Dr. Phil, whould ya? When I get hungry, I start eating and when I start eating I get fat. And when I get fat...
- Lone Starr: Then you get angry?
- Vinnie: No, then my doctor gets angry. Because he's already told me a thousand times my cholesterol is too high. And when my doctor gets angry, that's when I get angry. I don't like disappointing him. So just pay me a million starbucks.
- Dot Matrix: [judging Druidian Idol] You know, you've got a very unique voice. You should be in silent films.
- Lone Starr: Eh, I think my ears bleeding.
- President Skroob: What misguided being told you had any singing ability whatsoever?
- Contestant: My zebra, sir.
- President Skroob: You're zebra's an asshole.
- President Skroob: Holy shit, I'm becomming Mothball! I will destroy Spidermawg for there is no way he can stop the all powerful Mothball!
- Commanderette Zircon: Okay, a moth versus a spider. This is gonna turn out real well.
- Mothball: Not so fast, Spidermawg.
- Spidermawg: Who the hell are you?
- Mothball: I am Mothball. Half moth, half ball.
- Spidermawg: Yeah, I gathered that from your name.
- Mel Brooks as President Skroob / Yogurt
- Daphne Zuniga as Princess Vespa
- Joan Rivers as Dot Matrix
- Tino Insana as Barf
- Rino Romano as Lone Starr
- Dee Bradley Baker as Dark Helmet
- Rudy De Luca as Vinnie / Fort Lox Checkpoint official
- Julianne Grossman as Charlene / Marlene / Darlene / Yente / The Unsinkable Old Fat Lady / Commanderette Zircon / Princess Harley Van Patten / Pannakin's mother / Robohooker / Jasmine / Telephone Operator