Stay Tuned (film)
Stay Tuned (1992) is an American film directed by Peter Hyams. The film is about Roy Knable (John Ritter) selling his soul for the ultimate satellite system, and along with his wife, Helen (Pam Dawber), are transported into a cable version of hell.
- [about TV hell] Screw up in here, and you're dead meat.
- [on the Star Trek-like show] Greetings, Captain Roy. Our remotes are synchronized. So wherever you go, I go. Enjoy the attack.
- [to Roy about being on TV] You wanted to live in a TV fantasy? Well, you got your wish.
- [assessing her situation] Dynamite!? He's going to hit me with a train and blow me up? Roy!!!
- Crowley: [to Roy and Helen] We did it! We beat Spike! Oh, I would have given an arm and a leg to see this! In fact, I already did!
- Pierce: [after Spike is caught in the TV] I get his parking space.
- Helen: (after being brought to the 1930's club) Where's my husband?
- Murray Seidenbaum: What are you worried about him for? I ditched my wife five channels ago. She happened to meet the business end of a fifty-ton reptile. And I can tell you, I don't exactly miss dried meat loaf. This is great here. Great. I don't ever want to get out. Outside, I was Murray the Doormat. In here, Boss Seidenbaum.
- Crowley: Nice disguise. Interesting concept. Diagonal boobs. Can you fix that thing?
- Roy: I thought the wolves got you!
- Crowley: Oh yeah? Lemme tell you about wolves. Vicious? Extremely. Goes without saying. But not that bright. While those dumb bunnies were fighting over a couple of my appendages, I managed to escape.
- Executioner: [announcing the execution] By order of the court...
- Crowley: Looks like Spike's gonna make his quota after all. I'm sorry, Mrs. Knable.
- Executioner: I deliver the soul of the Marquis de Knable to its rightful owner!
- Spike: [back at HQ] Finally, he's mine!
- Helen: [as a mouse] Couldn't be any worse, huh, Roy?
- Roy: Helen? Oh, my God! We're cartoons! Boy, this is strange.
- Helen: Strange? I'm an animated rodent wearing high-heeled running shoes. The word strange is somehow lacking! [hearing a door open, they run into the mouse hole]
- Roy:: At least we're safe here. Nobody ever dies in cartoons, right?
- Helen: Let me get this straight. We've been sucked into some kind of TV world?
- Roy: Are you saying that that salesman was...
- Crowley: Mr. Spike? Mephistopheles of the cathode ray, big brother to the ungrateful dead.
- Spike: [on HV One News] This just in... Helen Knable has been kidnapped and taken to Channel 1. We take you there live.
- Helen: [tied up to the dynamite wagon] Roy, I don't know where you are, but get your butt back here!
- Spike: Unfortunately, her gutless failure of a husband won't lift a finger to save her. Isn't that right, Roy?
- Roy: No!!
- [After switching to another station while being pursued by Spike, Roy trips over a familiar looking couch in a familiar looking apartment. Two familiar looking women, one brunette and the other blonde with ponytails, enter the apartment to the familiar theme of a familiar (and very popular) 70's TV show. They immediately mistake Roy for their roommate who (plausibly) lives with them (since they look exactly alike)]
- Blond woman and brunette woman: Where have you been?
- Roy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!