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Main Character Quotes
- If I hadn't pushed her out of the way she would have die...aaaaaaah!
- I think I have...superpowers!
- I'm looking seriously over the city...in a squatting position.
- I met a guy at Craigslist.
- Those are Celine Dion lyrics!
- [to Jill] I realize, we can never be together.
- Why yes. This is, healthy cough blood.
- Good. You're a hard-working fine young man. Let's hope you're not brutally murdered, too!
- Are you frickin' insane?!
- No, crazy is hearin' voices, talkin' to cats, datin' Paula Abdul. I am not crazy; I...am a visionary!
- I just shat my pants.
- I met a girl at Craigslist.
- [last words, before being killed by his hourglass bomb] Oh, fuck.
- With great power comes hot bitches.
- Look at you, eatin' junk food, wearin' fake beards.
- You did surgery on me?
- I can't breathe; you're kneelin' on my balls!
- And once a month you'll bleed from your vagina!
- Don't forget about the bitches.
Major Character Quotes
- Watch where you're going in slo-mo, dipshit!
- I'll drive.
- That's a lie. I think of suicide every single day.
- Hey anyone want to get high? I have some hash with me. White guy in the dreads, you know what I am talking about? Can I get a what-what? Holla! I've got a stiff pole for your sweet hole. Anyone? Anyone? Pussies!
- You have an incredible ass!
- [before falling down after Albert pushed him] Shiiiit!...
- No, it's not your dead wife.
- Yes, you see, we confused you with one of our sex-change patients, but don't worry, we didn't remove your penis. We did, however, cut off your testicles, but since your wife's dead, you won't be needin' 'em!
- Yes I know... [while fainting]
- How do I know that baby's even mine?!
- Squatting on a glass table...two girls...one cup...you know what to do!
- We have people who can walk through walls. And we have people who think they can walk through walls!
Minor Character Quotes
- Because he can do this!
- Make a costume, shit-head! I swear, they're gettin' dumber and dumber every year!
- How's that feel, Invisi-Bitch?!
- Dude, you're on my gargoyle.
- What are you doing?
- Get a blanket or something!
- Holy shit!
- Get the fire extinguisher!
- Aah, stop you idiot!
- Lance Landers: Ah, Rick Riker. How are your parents?
- Rick: They died violently nine years ago.
- Lance Landers: But, otherwise okay?
- Mental Hospital Patient: [on phone] No, you listen to me! This is the Empire City Times, not some two-bit rag. I want that story on my desk by the end of business tonight or you're fired! [Presses button for another line] Wilkins, I've got tomorrow's editorial: When you sleep with someone, you're sleeping with everyone they ever slept with! Does that make you gay? Yes, yes it does! [hangs up phone and turns to Rick] Who the hell are you?!
- Rick: Hi i'm Rick Riker, I was wondering if you had a job opening for--
- Mental Hospital Patient: Job?! JOB!? How dare you come in here and ask me for a job! I've turned down millions of saps like you, and i'll turn down a million more. I'm the editor-in-chief! I can start fires with my mind. I know the mayor of Venus! Hamburgers can see the future! Rosie O'Donnell is-[carried out of the office by two men]
- Editor-in-Chief: Sorry about this. We share the building with a mental hospital.
- Dr. Whitby: [about Aunt Lucille] She can't walk, she can't talk. She has no control over her bowels.
- Rick: That's terrible!
- Dr. Whitby: I know. I went ahead and set up a MySpace account for her under "Crazyshitmachine" [Rick looks at him, appaled]. She already has 40 friends.
- Professor Xavier: Hello, Rick.
- Rick: Who are you and how do you know my name?
- Professor Xavier: I'm a psychic.
- Rick: Prove it.
- Professor Xavier: Think of any number between one and a million and I'll tell you what it is.
- Rick: Nine.
- Professor Xavier: Not out loud, dumbass! Come with me, you dumb son-of-a-bitch.
- Chief Karlin: The lady was badly hurt.
- Interviewer: How was she hurt?
- Chief Karlin: Badly!
- Drake Bell as Rick Riker/Dragonfly
- Sara Paxton as Jill Johnson
- Christopher McDonald as Lou Landers/Hourglass
- Leslie Nielsen as Uncle Albert
- Kevin Hart as Trey
- Marion Ross as Aunt Lucille
- Ryan Hansen as Lance Landers
- Robert Joy as Stephen Hawking
- Brent Spiner as Dr. Strom
- Jeffrey Tambor as Dr. Whitby
- Tracy Morgan as Professor Xavier
- Regina Hall as Mrs. Xavier
- Pamela Anderson as the Invisible Girl
- Simon Rex as Human Torch
- Craig Bierko as Wolverine