Superman: The Animated Series

Superman: The Animated Series is a cartoon series set in the DC Animated Universe, providing a modern take on the iconic superhero Superman.

Season 1

The Last Son of Krypton [1.1-3]

Brainiac: Good afternoon, Jor-El.

Jor-El: Brainiac! What an unpleasant surprise.

Jor-El: [About how his day went] Frostbite, monsters. Same old, same old.

Jor-El: You know, Brainiac, somewhere in all those trillions of files clusters there's got to be one that says "people don't like to be spied on."

Brainiac: Then why would they create me?

Jor-El: [sotto] A question I often ask myself.

Jor-El: Each of you should have my report. It distills all the data I've got and it leaves no doubt that... it leaves no doubt that the planet's core's undergoing a mounting chain reaction that will eventually destroy Krypton!

Science Council Member: Lunacy!

Science Council Member 2: Ask Brainiac!

Science Council Member 3: Yes, Brainiac! He'll tell us!

Science Council Leader: Silence! Silence! ENOUGH! I presume you've submitted your findings to Brainiac.

Jor-El: Yes.

Science Council Leader: So what say you, Brainiac?

Brainiac: One can appreciate Jor-El's hard work. However, he's still mistaken. As I've stated before, the temblors are the result of a slight polar shift. No more. And will soon abate.

Jor-El: He's wrong! He doesn't know!

Science Council Member: Nonsense! There isn't a square foot of this planet Brainiac doesn't know! He was built to monitor all of Krypton and as I might add, served us far better than upstart scientist with apocalyptic visions!

Jor-El: Your faith in him will be the end of us all! Act now and we can save everyone!

Science Council Member: And how do you propose to do that?

Jor-El: Put everyone in the Phantom Zone.

[Science Council is outraged at that proposal]

Science Council Member: You're asking us to voluntarily put ourselves among the vilest criminals in the galaxy? You're mad!

[Science Council members proceed to leave]

Jor-El: We can restore ourselves later, on another planet. It will only take one man! Listen to me! I've built a ship! Listen! Please!

Brainiac: Good evening, Jor-El. You've been busy tonight. May I be of service?

Jor-El: Just trying to find out why we disagree, Brainiac.

Brainiac: Human error, I'm afraid.

Jor-El: Funny, I didn't think you were afraid of anything.

Jor-El: You're downloading. You're transmitting your memory to a satellite. You're saving yourself.

Brainiac: I must. After all, am I not the repository of all Kryptonian knowledge? Should I not be saved above all?

Jor-El: You self-righteous monster!

Brainiac: Temper, temper, Jor-El. If you stop me, there won't even be a memory of Krypton left. All its culture, its wonders and glory will be dust in the cosmos. Is that what you want?

Jor-El: Why did you lie?

Brainiac: If the council knew the Krypton was doomed, they would frantically put me to work on calculating an evacuation plan, a futile gesture given the time remaining.

Jor-El: How much time is left?

Brainiac: Hours. This world has seen its last sunrise.

Jor-El: I built this rocket hoping it could carry our people to safety. Now, it will carry my son. The last son of Krypton.

Lara-El: Sleep, Kal-El, my beautiful child, my heartbeat, my life.

[after Kryptonian policemen shoot down fleeing Jor-El's hovercraft only to discover that it was in fact piloted by his father-in-law Sul-Van]

Sul-Van: Good evening, officers. Is there a problem?

Kryptonian Policeman: Patrol's reporting in. Jor-El's escaped their perimeter. They're requesting further instructions.

Brainiac: It doesn't matter anymore. Farewell, Krypton.

[Brainiac goes offline]

[Krypton gets yet another tremor]

Kryptonian Policeman: Not another one?

Sul-Van: No, the last one.

Jonathan Kent: Put that thing back, you don't know where it came from.

Martha Kent: He's not a thing, Jonathan, he's a baby. A little baby. Who'd put a baby in a spaceship?

Jonathan Kent: That's just my point. It could be Russian, a Sputnik maybe.

Martha Kent: Oh, really.

Jonathan Kent: Maybe he's one of ours. You think NASA is missing a kid?

Martha Kent: I don't care where he came from, Jonathan. All I know is, he needs us.

Lana Lang: You're saying you can see through walls? So, how many times have you peeked into the girls' locker room?

Perry White: Good timing, Lois. I want you to be the first to know that I'm hiring a new guy on the city desk.

Lois Lane: Is he cute?

Perry White: Um... you tell me.

Lois Lane: [spins around and sees Clark] Oh, hi.

Perry White: This is the guy, Lois, Clark Kent from Smallville.

Lois Lane: Smallville? Never heard of it.

Clark Kent: Have you ever been to Kansas?

Lois Lane: God, no!

Superman: [Trying to save a plane, the tail he's holding rips off] Nice one, Clark.

Clark Kent: Now that the terrorists have your prototype, the Pentagon is undoubtedly gonna want you to build a bigger and better version for them. When all is said and done, this could net you a multimillion dollar windfall.

Lex Luthor: Lois, it almost sounds as if your friend here is suggesting I should be glad that my suit was stolen. You're very amusing, Mr.... Kent, is it? Yes, I'll remember that.

Lois Lane: Nice work, Smallville. You're only the second person I've ever seen get under Lex's skin.

Clark Kent: Who's the first?

Lois Lane: Me. When I dumped him.

Clark Kent: Whoa.

Lois Lane: Listen, Bibbo. [Takes out some change] Take this and call Clark Kent at the Planet, let him know where I am, and tell him to call Police Commissioner Henderson if he doesn't hear from me in twenty minutes. Got that? Twenty minutes.

Bibbo Bibbowski: Um...

Lois Lane: Thanks, Bibbo, I owe you one. [Leaves]

Bibbo Bibbowski: Yeah, yeah, sure. [To himself] Call Kirk Kent, know about the boat, and said somethin' about the police... [Sees a soda machine] Hey! Soda. [Looks at change; shrugs] She'll be okay.

[observing a picture of Superman]

Lois Lane: Nice 'S'.

Clark Kent: Excuse me?

Clark Kent: Now that I've moved to Metropolis, it's going to be impossible to keep a low profile.

Jonathan Kent: Yeah, I can see how pulling down an airliner in the middle of a city could turn a few heads.

Clark Kent: It's not just that. People are calling me "Superman" now. Does this mean I'm going to have to give up my life?

Jonathan Kent: No, son. It doesn't matter where you were born, or what you can do, you'll always be Clark Kent. Superman just helps out now and then.

Martha Kent: Still, it wouldn't be bad if people knew a little more about Superman. I don't want anyone thinking you're like that nut in Gotham City.

Lois Lane: You sound too good to be true. What's your secret?

Superman: What do you mean?

Lois Lane: Well, you don't go around in blue tights and a cape all the time, do you? What do you do in your off hours?

Superman: I think that's a question for another time.

Superman: Call the police and let them know what's happening. I'm gonna try and stop that thing.

Lois Lane: Be- [Superman flies off quickly] careful.

[After a lengthy battle with Corben in the Lexo-Skel. Superman breaks in and rips Corben out of the seat, holding him up by the throat]

Superman: Shall we go a few rounds without the suit?

John Corben: Uh-uh.

Superman: Too bad.

[Lex Luthor sees Superman hovering outside his bay window, silently staring at him]

Lex Luthor: I'm afraid we already have a window washer.

[No response.]

Lex Luthor: Oh, the silent treatment, eh? Well, I don't know what you thought you heard out there, but I know what you can prove, and it's nothing. [still no response] You see, uh... Super-man... I own Metropolis. My technology built it, my will keeps it going, and nearly two-thirds of its people work for me whether they know it or not. Even you have to admit, it's a model of efficiency. And yet, I've often thought... why limit myself to just one city? A being with your abilities could be very useful to me on a, shall we say, global scale? Why don't you float on in and we'll discuss it?

[Still no response.]

Lex Luthor: [loses his composure] SAY SOMETHING!

[He grabs the model of the Lexo-Skel Suit 5000 and hurls it at Superman, who catches it and crushes it into powder between his hands.]

Superman: I'll be watching you, Luthor.

Fun and Games [1.4]

Toyman: I'm ever so sorry to spoil your nice celebration, but I have a very important message to your boss Mr. Mannheim. Please tell him the Toyman is calling timeout on his little games. And don't be tardy...

Bruno Mannheim: That creep made me into a laughing stock! How could you let 'em get so close?

Thug #1: You wouldn't let us in the park, boss, remember?

Thug #2: You was afraid we'd scare the kids...

Toyman: Miss Lane, pay attention to the story. And take good notes.

[Toyman hands Lois a kittykat style notepad suited for little girls. Toyman then shows a pop-up book]

Toyman: It's a very sad story, one most people have forgotten. Once upon a time, there was a kindly man who loved nothing more than making toys. He wanted to build the most wonderful toy factory in all the world, only he had no money to pay for it. Then one day a man came along, a very bad man. [pop up of Bruno Mannheim holding a wad of cash and with devil horns] He offered to pay for the factory under one condition...

[Cut to Daily Planet office]

Headline: TOYMAKER SENTENCED TO TEN YEARS

Clark Kent: "The factory became the front for a numbers racket. Although Bruno Mannheim was named as a suspect, he was never indicted. Only the toymaker, Winslow Schott, was convicted."

Jimmy Olsen: Sounds like Bruno played him for a patsy.

[Cut to Toyman's hideout]

Toyman: The bad man watched and laughed while the police locked the kindly toymaker in the dungeon forever. Clang!

[Cut to Daily Planet]

Clark Kent: 2 to 1, Schott's our Toyman.

Jimmy Olsen: Uh, I don't think so, Clark. Take a look.

[Presents the obituary of Winslow Schott Sr.]

Clark Kent: His obituary?

Jimmy Olsen: Poor guy. He died before making parole.

Clark Kent: Yeah, but he had a survivor.

[Cut to Toyman's hideout]

Toyman: That's right, Miss Lane. The toymaker had a son. But without his father, the poor little boy was bounced from foster home to foster home, like a little toy that nobody wanted. A childhood is a terrible thing to lose, Miss Lane, but I'm getting mine back... with a vengeance.

Superman: Little boys shouldn't play with sharp objects.

Toyman: Who invited you, Superman?

A Little Piece of Home [1.5]

Helicopter lands atop a high rise with agents of the U.S. Treasury aboard

Treasury Agent: OK, all set. Transfer of $100 plates from the U.S. Mint in Gotham to the U.S. Mint in Metropolis ready to occur.

Hired Muscle: Hand them over!

[Treasury agent complies]

Treasury Agent: I hope you know that this building is under armed guard and police surviellance. There is no way you get down from here.

[Hired goon activates LexCorp jetpack and rocket boots and flies into air]

Hired Muscle: Who said anything about going down?

[Nito and Sam steal a diamond]

Sam Corali: What do you think we'll get for it, Nito?

Superman: I'd say five to ten, with time off for good behavior.

Sam Corali: You know, he don't look so hot. Maybe we should help him.

Nito Corali: Sure, we'll send him a chicken soup. Come on!

Lex Luthor: Well, next time you see one of my museums being robbed, call someone who can do something about it, like the police!

Lex Luthor: You work for me, Peterson, don't forget that! There shouldn't be an opinion in your head that I haven't put there!

[Clark stands in front of some rocks he thinks to be Kryptonite]

Clark Kent: Nothing's happening.

Old lady: You were expecting them to dance for you?

Lex Luthor: Actually I'm glad you came. I have a deal for you.

Superman: I'm listening.

Lex Luthor: As long as I have the rock, you can't stop me, but it is bothersome to have you always trying. So, the deal is this: you leave me and my operations alone, and I and my little green rock will leave you alone.

Superman: I don't make deals with criminals.

Lex Luthor: I control everything in this town, Superman. Your cooperation is not really necessary. The offer was merely a courtesy.

Superman: You will never control me, Luthor. Never! [takes off]

Lex Luthor: Well then, I guess I'll have to kill you.

Professor Emil Hamilton: The fact that your body chemistry absorbs the radiations so readily, leads me to believe that you share with it a point of origin.

Superman: You mean it came from Krypton?

Professor Emil Hamilton: More than likely it is Krypton, or rather a small piece of it. 'Kryptonite' if you will.

Lex Luthor: Ah, Professor, Mercy will see you safely home now, won't you my dear?

Professor Peterson: Please, no! I-I-I mean, I can see myself home, really!

Lex Luthor: But I insist. Metropolis can be such a dangerous city, Peterson. I'd hate to wake up tomorrow and find out that something terrible had happened to you...

Feeding Time [1.6]

Commissioner Henderson: She must have been delirious when our boys found her. She said something about being attacked by a purple monster.

Jimmy Olsen: Was its name Barney?

Commissioner Henderson: You're here to make 'haha', kid, or take pictures?

Jimmy Olsen: I guess that's a 'no'...

Parasite: Don't you recognize me, Marty? It's your old doormat, Rudy Jones.

Superman: What's happened to you?

Parasite: I don't know, Superman. It's as if I've turned into some kind of monster. Can you help me?

Superman: Let me take you back to S.T.A.R.. Maybe Professor Hamilton can treat you.

Parasite: Okay, Superman. Just don't hurt me.

Superman: I won't. Hang on. [offers his hand]

Parasite: Oh, you can count on it!

[He grabs Superman and starts draining him, until Superman manages to push him away]

Parasite: Man! What a rush! So that's what real power feels like.

Superman: [to Superman] Good evening... dinner.

Parasite: Good to see you again, Superman - or should I say "Clark"? That's right, Kent. I got your powers, I got your thoughts, and I got your secret.

The Way of All Flesh [1.7]

Ralph: Mr. Corben, I hope you don't mind me asking, but after all these months I just gotta know. How do you rate all this?

John Corben: Ralph, the trick is to never underestimate the value of a good friend, and always keep your mouth shut.

Lex Luthor: I have a luncheon to attend, but I expect to hear the tragic news about him just before dessert.

John Corben: Dessert... I haven't had anything to eat or drink since the operation. Haven't wanted anything.

Lex Luthor: The only hunger you should have is for power, my friend. The only thirst, for revenge.

Superman: [about Corben's new invulnerability] How did you do it, Corben? A drug? Some kind of operation?

John Corben: Elective surgery. Jealous?

Superman: Not likely. You're going back to prison.

[He tries to restrain Corben, but is met with surprisingly effective resistance]

John Corben: I'm as strong as you are now!

Superman: Almost...

John Corben: No, stronger! [A panel on Corben's chest opens, revealing a kryptonite heart and weakening Superman] What's the matter, guy? You're looking a little green at the gills. [He chuckles, and then knocks Superman backward with a single punch] I think you are jealous of me. Because now I'm the real Man of Steel!

John Corben: You humiliated me, Superman. Took me in by the scruff of my neck like I was a kid. Now it's payback time.

John Corben: I can't even feel a kiss... What did they do to me?

Young Woman: It's so big, Mr. Luthor. I've never seen a yacht this size!

Superman: I know about Dr. Vale. It's just a matter of time before the police find them.

Lex Luthor: And what makes you think there's any of him left to find?

[Now insane from lack of feeling, Corben observes the synthetic flesh covering his metallic body]

John Corben: It's all fake... [starts tearing it away] A FRAUD! There's the reality! The metal behind the man! It's all I am now! It's who I am... [smashes mirror] Metallo.

Stolen Memories [1.8]

Councilman: So, Mr. Luthor, how long did you intend to keep your rendezvous a secret? In case you haven't heard, there's a thing known as "national security."

Lex Luthor: There's also a thing known as "free enterprise". It was LexCorp that scanned the heavens, it was LexCorp that made contact and it will be LexCorp that reaps the benefits.

Brainiac: I apologize for any discomfort, but it was important that I accurately gauge your powers.

Superman: Why? Morbid curiosity?

Brainiac: Curiosity, yes. Morbid, hardly. You see, we have more in common than you could possibly know, Kal-El.

Superman: How do you know my name? Have you been to Krypton?

Brainiac: I am Krypton.

Brainiac: In all my travels, I have never encountered another quite like you. We would make a formidable pair, we twin sons of Krypton. Join me, Kal-El. Help me explore the galaxies and collect knowledge, and I will give you memories of Krypton. You will know your world as if you lived there yourself.

Superman: But Earth is my home now.

Brainiac: Powers such as yours should not be confined to a single infinitesimal dot. Consider my offer. In exchange for this world, I am offering you the universe.

Superman: It was several hours after I touched the orb that I saw the images. It's too soon to trust him completely.

Lex Luthor: [laughs] I never trust anyone completely. Since Brainiac arrived, I've had him targeted from land base platforms with a payload of six and a half megatons. Enough firepower to incinerate Metropolis county.

Superman: "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."

Lex Luthor: Precisely. Although in your case, I'll make an exception.

Superman: You destroyed those planets, didn't you? And every living soul on them!

Brainiac: Only their knowledge was important. It was what I was programmed to collect and protect.

Superman: But why kill?

Brainiac: The fewer beings who have the knowledge, the more precious it becomes.

Superman: You're insane!

Brainiac: You are your father's son, Kal-El. Headstrong, foolish, easily defeated and ultimately forgotten.

Programmer: It'll take years to rebuild these systems.

Lex Luthor: You have two weeks.

The Main Man [1.9-10]

Lobo: [burps] I'm giving you geeks ten seconds before I frag everything in sight! One... [shows his gun] TEN!

Lobo: [tasting a flowing liquid] Old weasel spit.

Lobo: Hey, how's it goin', chief? Maybe you can help me, I'm new in town and I'm looking to find this geek here.

Desk Cop: Superman? We don't keep tabs on him. He only shows up if there's trouble.

Lobo: [grins] I can do trouble.

Lois Lane: I'm confused, Kent. See, I've lived in Metropolis most of my life and I can't figure out how some yokel from Smallville is suddenly getting every hot story in town.

Clark Kent: Well, Lois, the truth is, I'm actually Superman in disguise and I only pretend to be a journalist in order to hear about disasters as they happen, and then squeeze you out of the byline.

Lois Lane: You're a sick man, Kent.

Clark Kent: You asked.

Lobo waits for Superman, firing a high-powered weapon around the police station room to attract his attention.

Lobo: [yawns] Ah, this is gettin' lame. I thought he'd be here by now. Whoa, mosquito! [Fires weapon]

Lobo: Finally! Been tryin' to get in touch with you all day.

Superman: Who are you?!

Lobo: Oh, I'm sorry. My card. [punches Superman in the face]

Lobo: The name's Lobo. That's L as in "Lacerate", O as in "Obliterate", B as in "disem-Bowel" and O as in, uh... Well, I guess I can use "Obliterate" twice, huh? What do you think?

Superman: I think you're a certifiable madman.

Lobo: Thanks.

Lex Luthor: [Regarding the damage done to the LexCorp building] Get maintenance teams on every floor. Put them on round the clock shifts if you have to, but I want all repairs completed...

Lobo: [Crashing through the floor and bursting through the ceiling; yelling] KILL, MAIM, FRAG, DESTROY!

Lex Luthor: Immediately!

Lois Lane: Give him one for me. MAKE IT A DOZEN!

Lobo: Holy fragarolli! F-feels like I'm being torn apart! Cool.

Lobo: It's always sweeter collecting a reward knowing that you beat some other geek out of it.

Lobo: You actually care about them geeks!

Superman: They're human beings.

Lobo: Yeah, well, they're gonna have to make do without their big blue babysitter from now on. You see, someone's paying me a heap of cash for your carcass, and the Main Man always delivers.

Lobo: [about to attack Superman] Now, the more you move, the worse it'll hurt. So feel free to go crazy!

Lobo: Okay, frag-face, let's tango!

Lobo: Oh, yeah. Somebody's definitely tired of breathing. Show yourself, you slimy geekwad!

Preserver: I am the Preserver.

Lobo: And I'm the night manager at the Hotel de Frag. Lookie there; it's checkout time.

The Preserver: There is one more creature I would like to add to my collection: The last Czarnian.

Lobo: Ha! That's rich! I'm the last Czarnian! [to Superman] I fragged the whole planet for my high school science project. Gave myself an "A".

Lobo: You know, I believe that Lois gal might be getting a tad lonely now that you're doing time in a cosmic petting zoo. Maybe I go back and cheer her up.

Lobo: It might take me a week, it might take me ten years, but I'm gonna bust out, and kick that big red "S" of yours all over the galaxy! Right after I'm done nuking the Earth into GUACAMOLE! And that's a promise!

Lobo: [after Superman frees him] Hey, Blue, thanks.

[Lobo punches Superman]

Superman: What was that for?!

Lobo: Didn't want you to think I'm going soft on ya.

[Superman and Lobo hiding from robots' laser fire]

Superman: We need a decoy to draw their fire.

Lobo: [shoving Superman out in front of the robots] Eee-lected!

Lobo: I'm staying to feed Wrinkles 31 different flavors of pain.

Lobo: Oh, whoop-de-fraggin'-do.

Lobo: Sqweek, old buddy, you're about to witness my good deed for this century.

Sqweek: You're gonna let me go?

Lobo: Hah, funny...

Lobo: I guess that boy is just a sucker for hard luck cases...

My Girl [1.11]

Lois Lane: Look at that. Tuh! The only thing holding that dress up is faith.

Lois Lane: It's the paparazzi wolves trying to get a scent of Lex's latest lady friend. Not that I read the gossip columns or anything, but I hear they're quite an item. Maybe I should warn her about him... nah.

Clark Kent: "L.L."? Lana Lang?

Lois Lane: Don't tell me you know her?

Clark Kent: We used to date.

Lois Lane: Get out!

Clark Kent: In high school.

Lois Lane: She's certainly come up in the world since then. [Clark gives her a look]... From Smallville, I mean.

Lana Lang: Put me down, you fashion-disabled amazon!

[Lizzie and Big Susan empty their guns at Superman, without effect]

Superman: Maybe you ladies haven't heard about me.

Big Susan: Yeah, we heard... [throws Lana out of the elevator] You like to save people!

Lana Lang: Hmm. Red, blue, yellow. Primary, but it works in a superheroish kind of way. Let me guess, Martha sewed it for you.

Superman: What?!

Lana Lang: By the way, Clark, how are the folks?

Lana Lang: [When trying to convince Superman to team up against Lex] Don't forget you still have me.

Clark Kent: Oh no I don't. It's too dangerous.

Lana Lang: But we make such a perfect team.

Clark Kent: No!

Lana Lang: I can be your trusty side-kick. Your Dr. Watson. Your Batgirl.

Clark Kent: Definitely not!

Lana Lang: Where's Mercy?

Mr. Eelan: Sorry. No mercy tonight.

Clark Kent: Lana, you know that I really care about you. You're like...

Lana Lang: Clark Kent, I swear if you say 'I'm like a sister to you,' I'm going back to Lex!

Clark Kent: Sorry, but I know you'll find that special person some day.

Lana Lang: So will you. You deserve it. Someone quiet, understanding, patient...

Lois Lane: Hey Smallville! Get your tail in here, Perry's got an assignment for us.

Lana Lang: Remember, if you ever change your mind about me, feel free to fly on up any time.

Tools of the Trade [1.12]

Bruno Mannheim: What's your boss want in return?

Kanto: Nothing... for now.

Bruno Mannheim: It's my experience that 'nothing' can be very expensive...

Cpt. Maggie Sawyer: Dan is a difficult man to work with.

Clark Kent: Think he'll come back?

Cpt. Maggie Sawyer: If I had a dime for every time Dan turned in his badge I would have enough money to make Lex Luthor look like a pauper.

Bruno Mannheim: Do you know what having this gun means, Turpin?

Dan Turpin: I can take it off your Christmas list?

Bruno Mannheim: I'm gonna own this town, Turpin! I'm gonna own the world!

[Lois rushes into the elevator and starts frantically pressing the button]

Lois Lane: Coming through! Big train wreck, five miles north, someone was standing on the tracks and right now I wish it was the guy who built this STUPID ELEVATOR!

Angela Chen: "We?" Well, it looks like Superman saved your skin again.

Superman: Other way around! If it wasn't for Dan Turpin, I wouldn't be standing here tonight. Thanks.

Det. Daniel Turpin: Anytime pal.

[People takes Turpin seriously, as it was Turpin who saved Superman from certain death at the hands of Kanto and Mannheim]

Lois Lane: Where's Mannheim?

Det. Daniel Turpin: I think he's Somewhere beyond our jurisdiction.

[Cut to Mannheim following Kanto in a strange place of fire and brimstone]

Bruno Mannheim: Where in God's name are we?

Kanto: That depends. Which 'god' are you talking about?

Bruno Mannheim: Listen buddy, I'm through with these games, I want some answers! You're gonna tell me who you work for?!

[Kanto shows Bruno Mannheim who's master was. Cut to Darkseid standing atop a pillar]

Darkseid: Welcome to Apokolips, Mr. Mannheim.

Bruno Mannheim: Who are you?

Darkseid: Your new Lord and Master. You may call me... Darkseid.

[Mannheim quivers in fear]

Two's a Crowd [1.13]

Parasite: You want me to go into this guy's mind and try to find out where the bomb is. No skin off my nose. But I want something in return.

Superman: What's that?

Parasite: Something to help the time go faster in this dump... and not a bunch of boring books either. I want cable and the premium channels.

Earl Garver: [after learning he can't win] Ah, the best laid plans...

Season 2

Blasts from the Past [2.1-2]

Mala: I am Mala, Superman's second in command. I offer you my promise that to this world that I will follow in Superman's tradition of just rule with a fair hand.

Lois Lane: I thought I was career minded.

Superman: I care for everyone... though you're pushing it right now.

Jax-Ur: I must say it seems a shame to kill the one other survivor of Krypton. I'd offer you a place in our new order, but something tells me you'd turn it down.

Superman: Guess you're not as dumb as you look.

Jax-Ur: Your father was a clever man, though I see you share his poor judgment in choosing sides.

Superman: Glad to disappoint you.

Lois Lane: It must hurt your fingers, clamping down on my throat like that...

Mala: I'll live.

Lois Lane: I'm gonna personally lead the army that vaporizes you two.

Mala: Or vice-versa. Either way, see you soon.

Jax-Ur: Look at it this way, Kal-El: death is better than the Phantom Zone.

Superman: I'll take your word for it.

The Prometheon [2.3]

Professor Emil Hamilton: What do you have against him, Hardcastle?

General Hardcastle: He's an alien. He has no allegiance, no jurisdiction. I don't trust what I can't control, Hamiliton, and I don't like what I can't trust.

[After an explosion]

Jimmy Olsen: Sonic boom? Earthquake?

Lois Lane: Maybe Perry had chili for lunch again.

Speed Demons [2.4]

Superman: Save it for the race.

Flash: Don't worry about me, pal. I've got more than enough heat to beat your sorry...

Mayor: Ahem...

Flash: Swanky, but you don't need a satellite to see who's gonna win this race.

Superman: Shut up and run.

Lois Lane: Flash! Do you really think you stand a chance against the Man of Steel?

The Flash: Man of Steel, Feet of lead!

Superman: Slow down, a ship's in trouble.

Flash: Yeah, nice try, Supes. [Notices Superman is gone] Hey! Wait for me!

Flash: Unusual weather we're having.

Superman: You had to say it.

Livewire [2.5]

Leslie Willis: What's the deal with you and Superman, huh?

Lois Lane: What are you talking about?

Leslie Willis: Come on, you're always getting exclusives with him. Just how exclusive are you two?

[Clark Kent clears his throat nervously]

Lois Lane: It's not like that.

Leslie Willis: Oh it's not, huh? Ah, I guess we'll never know if his pj's have that big red S on them too.

Perry White: Boy, this sure brings back the old days. When I was your age we didn't have computers or fax machines or...

Lois Lane: Yeah, yeah, and you walked ten miles in your bare feet to work every day.

Livewire: [after being tackled by Superman] At least now we know you hit girls!

Identity Crisis [2.6]

Boy #1: What if he dies?

Boy #2: I'm not telling his mom.

Superman Imposter: All right. Who wants to explain what you were doing up there?

Tommy: They dared me!

Boy #2: We didn't think you'd do it!

Superman Imposter: I know it's tough to turn down a dare, but sometimes being brave means using your head and not doing something dangerous just cause other kids pressure you.

Clark Kent: Er, thanks, Super... man...

Superman Imposter: Maybe you two should leave the dirty work to the authorities, hmm?

Clark Kent: Er, I...

Lois Lane: Yeah, right... Have you ever known me to play it safe?

Superman Imposter: [ponders] I suppose not. We should have a word about that. Maybe over dinner?

Superman Imposter: It's a date.

Lois Lane: [Imposter flies off] A date? [seems to realizing that Superman likes her] Huh. Must be this new perfume.

Lois Lane: Hey, Smallville, you alright?

Clark Kent: Er, yeah. A little shaken up, I guess. You go on ahead, Lois, I feel like... walking it off.

Lois Lane: Are you nuts?! We're miles from nowhere! What about the story?

Clark Kent: You know us country bumpkins... 10 miles to school and all that...

Lois Lane: Your loss! My byline...

Superman: [to Superman Imposter] Excuse me. I know you're a busy guy, but I'm dying to get your autograph.

Bizarro: I... have... problem.

Lex Luthor: My friend, I would call that an understatement.

[Lois is on the roof top of the Daily Planet then a shadow figure shows up Lois assume it was Superman)

Lois Lane: I wasn't sure you'd really come. [the shadow figure comes out revealing to be not Superman, but Bizarro]

Bizarro: Me remember. [Lois is shocked at the sight of Bizarro] Me need Lois help. Don't be afraid, me never hurt you. [Superman arrives]

Superman: I heard about our date, Lois. Problem is you've made it with the wrong guy.

Bizarro: Imposter! Stay back, Lois! Me protect you! [pushes Superman to the Daily Planet statue causing it to break off the stand and fall off]

[While Superman goes to stop the Daily Planet statue from falling on the streets, Bizarro approaches Lois which she backs away in response]

Bizarro: Lois. [Lois backs away too far causing her to slip and fall from the edge but Bizarro saves her] Don't worry, me save Lois. Me always save Lois. Me hero. [As Bizarro flies away with Lois, Superman puts the Daily Planet Statue back into place and begins searching for Bizarro and Lois when he realized their gone]

[Lois sees cryonic tubes full of Superman clones]

Lois Lane: Your own army of Supermen?!

Lex Luthor: Precisely Miss Lane. Do you remember when your admirer fought the mechanical dinosaur?

Lois Lane: Gosh, how could I forget it?

Lex Luthor: Well, he was so weakened from the Kryptonite he actually bled. And from those few humble drops of blood my scientists have been able to clone his Kryptonian DNA. Remarkable.

Lois Lane: All accountable to you! Let me guess, world domination?

[Lex Luthor guffaws]

Lex Luthor: No, too obvious! Rather, I plan to share my services with anyone who calls the LexCorp hotline. Anyone who needs saving, gets it. For a fee, of course. They would be on call 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. [motions to Bizarro] All except this...technical difficulty.

Bizarro: What am me?

Mercy Graves: Bizarro, that's what you am.

Lex Luthor: Mercy!

Bizarro: Bizarro? That not my name!

Mercy Graves: If the shoe fits, handsome...

Bizarro: No Bizarro! Me am Superman! Me show!

[Bizarro smashes roof]

Lex Luthor: [To Mercy] That's coming out of your pay.

[Superman saves some people at a wedding from a falling crane]

Superman: Don't ask me. I just catch 'em.

Bizarro: Me am Superman! Me am hero!

Lex Luthor: Sorry, my friend, but you am toast.

Bizarro: [Struggling to support crumbling roof] Me hold... you go. Me no am Superman. You am Superman! Superman - save Lois!

Lois Lane: You are a hero.

Lois Lane: Do you think he survived?

Superman: I don't know. I've never been in a half kiloton blast. I hope he did. He turned out to have a good heart.

Lois Lane: Well, naturally. He came from good stock.

Target [2.7]

Lois Lane: I'm not just "one of the other reporters". This was an attempt on my life, you know?

Detective Kurt Bowman: You really wanna be helpful? Try making a list of all the people who might wanna see you dead. And try to keep it to one page.

Lois Lane: [After kicking Lytener] Daddy was a black belt!

Lois Lane: Someday though it'd be nice to see you when I wasn't about to be killed.

Superman: Someday...

Mxyzpixilated [2.8]

Superman: I can't even say your name forward. How am I supposed to say it backward?

Mr. Mxyzptlk: No, dope! You don't have to say it backwards! You've got to get me to say it!

Superman: Say what?

Mr. Mxyzptlk: KLTPZYXM! Gosh, you're thick! Now, for the last time- [realizes his mistake] Ah, nuts. [disappears]

Mr. Mxyzptlk: Your three months are up. And this time, you're not gonna cheat me out of my fun!

Clark Kent: Oh, it's you again, Mr. Kltpzyxm.

Mr. Mxyzptlk: Not Kltpzyxm! Mxyzptlk! Now the first thing I'm gonna do- [realizes] Oh, nuts! [disappears]

Clark Kent: Look, little guy, I'm tired of this. If it's a fight you want...

Mr. Mxyzptlk: Oh, it is, it is!

Clark Kent: Fine. First let me proofread this article, and I'll meet you on the roof in twenty minutes.

Mr. Mxyzptlk: No stalling! I'll edit the rag for ya. [looks over the article, then quickly crosses out the incorrect letters, which spell "KLTPZYXM"] There. [vanishing again] Hey, what?! NO-!

[After Mxyzptlk goes to defeat Superman, piloting a giant robot that took him three months to build]

Gsptlsnz: Five, four, three...

Mr. Mxyzptlk: [reappears] NUTS, NUTS, NUTS! [to Gsptlsnz] Not one word.

Action Figures [2.9]

Metallo: Lois Lane. I'd give you a kiss, if I still had my lips.

Lois Lane: Let go of me, you walking waffle iron!

Metallo: Now, now. Not in front of the children.

Metallo: Nice spacesuit. When I'm done with you, you'll wish you were on the moon.

Lois Lane: You'll never get away with this, Corben!

Metallo: Miss Lane, please! Such cliches! How ever did you win that Pulitzer?

Metallo: [half-buried in lava] It's so still and dark. No sound. No light. Nothingness. My mind... I cannot let it drift. I must remember. I am Metallo... I am Metallo...

Double Dose [2.10]

[A janitor is listening to his Walkman]

Livewire: Psst! Hey, Mr. Clean!... Yow, Rap Master Danny?... HEY, STUPID!

Janitor: [takes his headphones off] Huh?

Livewire: I love a man who knows his limitations...

Livewire: Argh! You smell like fish!

Parasite: So? Hold your nose...

Livewire: Uh, uh. You can look, but don't touch.

Parasite: Don't be afraid. I know how to control my power.

Livewire: That's what they all say.

Livewire: You stupid sleaze! I'm pure electricity, 186,000 miles per second. If I say no it means NO!

Livewire: Well, what do you know? The boy scout brought protection.

Parasite: That ain't fair!

Superman: I didn't realize there were rules.

Livewire: [After Superman's plastic coating has been removed] Uh-oh! Do not use if plastic seal is broken!

Livewire: Yeah, Blue Boy, this has been a long time coming. Get ready to snap, crackle and pop.

Parasite: [While draining Livewire of her powers] I want him alive so can keeping feeding off him, and you too. You said no to me for the last time, baby.

Solar Power [2.11]

[Lytener is escaping from prison]

Guard: That's close enough, Lytener.

Edward Lytener: Close enough to what? I'm not even here. [He vanishes]

Luminus: Don't feel bad, Lois. It's not personal this time. I have bigger fish to fry and frankly you're just bait.

Lois Lane: Oh yeah, that makes me feel loads better.

Luminus: [to Superman] You'll realize what I've done to you soon enough. See you soon [vanishes] even if you don't see me.

[On the phone]

Lois Lane: Come on, Lex! Those are your satellites up there and Lytener worked for you before, how do you expect me to believe you have nothing to do with it?

[in his office, Lex is practicing with a bow and arrow]

Lex Luthor: What you believe makes little difference to me. The fact is I did provide Lytener resources while behind bars, but only to legitimate LexCorp research. I had no idea he'd escape and I certainly didn't tell him to highjack my satellites to his own revenge.

Lois Lane: Heck, why not? You'd love to see Superman dead!

Lex Luthor: Oh please, Lois, forget that I'm losing millions in communication's revenues, do you really think I'd jeopardize the welfare of the planet just to settle my personal grudge with Superman? [Luthor shoots an arrow and hits the bullseye, then grins]

Luminus: Getting weaker, I see. You must be at—what? Half strength by now?

Superman: Wanna try me?

Superman: And how are holograms suppose to kill me?

Luminus: Well, we might only be made of light, but so are lasers.

Lois Lane: Look! Up in the sky!

Jimmy Olsen: It's a bird!

Lois Lane: Yeah, but what's it sitting on?

Lois Lane: If you had an invisible door, would you bother to lock it?

Luminus: Get those lights out of my eyes!

Superman: [turning him over] You heard him. Put him somewhere nice and dark.

Brave New Metropolis [2.12]

Alternate Lex Luthor: [Referring to Lois Lane] The insolence. The outright rudeness. She's definitely the genuine article.

Lois Lane: Hey, I'm not finished!

Alternate Lex Luthor: I beg to differ.

Alternate Angela Chen: Lois? Lois Lane? My God, it's you, it's really you! You're alive, after all these years! Can you loan me a dollar?

Lois Lane: So, I am Lois Lane, but I'm not the Lois Lane that you knew...

Alternate Superman: Ever since you- she died I've wondered if there were other dimensions out there. Other versions of me... and you.

Lois Lane: Hold it! I may be a lot like your Lois, but you're nothing like the Superman I know! He's no tyrant.

Alternate Superman: I had to take control, there was no other way. For too long I fooled myself into thinking I was just doing a simple clean-up job. And if I did enough good, people would follow my example. I didn't realize it was a war. And suddenly you were a casualty of that war. And I knew I had to stop it by whatever means possible.

Alternate Superman: You never knew what I felt about you. I never knew, till you were gone.

Lois Lane: [slaps him] You could've said something. We could've talked about it and figured it out! Now look at you... married to Luthor...

Alternate Superman: I never thought I'd lose you... twice.

Lois Lane: Will it change anything?

Alternate Superman: For me, but not for Metropolis. Not this time.

[After Lois was returned back to her world]

Superman: So that was me?

Lois Lane: Yes. And... no. It-it's complicated. I could explain it over dinner.

Superman: Dinner? Are we getting a little personal?

Lois Lane: Better now than never...

Monkey Fun [2.13]

Colonel Sam Lane: Lois, it's time.

Lois Lane: No! No, I won't let you take him!

Colonel Sam Lane: But, Lois, you knew one day Titano would have to leave us. He has to go on his mission now.

Lois Lane: But can't you send Lucy into space instead?

Lucy Lane: I'll go!

Lois Lane: Titano! Remember me? Lolo?

Clark Kent: Lolo?!

Lois Lane: I was eight, okay?

Clark Kent: Looks like you're just what the doctor ordered... Lolo.

Lois Lane: No, Titano, put down that vase! Give me back the remote! Come down from there! [to herself] Sure was easier to have a monkey in a house where mom did the cleaning...

Lois Lane: Er, Jimmy, think you could keep an eye on him for a hour or two?

Jimmy Olsen: Me?

Lois Lane: You've got to take the photos anyway, and I know they'll be terrific.

Jimmy Olsen: But...

Lois Lane: It's just like babysitting... with fleas.

Bibbo Bibbowski: All right, Cheetah, you asked for it. [slaps giant Titano with a newspaper] Bad monkey! Bad, bad monkey!

Maggie Sawyer: Criminals, madmen and aliens we can handle, but this?

[Jimmy and Lois are looking for Beppo]

Jimmy Olsen: You're sure it's in here?

Lois Lane: Yes, I'm sure, so shut up and keep squeezing the monkeys!

Ghost in the Machine [2.14]

Clark Kent: I wonder what new toy Luthor is showing off for the brass today.

Lois Lane: Whatever it is I’m sure it’s going to wind up on all their Christmas lists...

Mercy Graves: What would you do without me?

Lex Luthor: Let's hope it never comes to that.

Lois Lane: Hey, Lex, what went wrong? Premature product launch?

Lois Lane: Sabotage?

Clark Kent: Has to be. Luthor's too careful to foul up like that.

Lois Lane: But who'd want to destroy Luthor? [Clark stares] Well, yeah. But who'd be crazy enough to try?

Brainiac: I needed a way of attracting your attention.

Lex Luthor: There is always email.

Brainiac: I have been using these robots to rebuild my damaged frame, but they are far too crude to complete the job. For that, I need your hands, and your brilliance.

Lex Luthor: You flatter me, Brainiac, but I already have a day job. [Brainiac seals door, but Lex keeps his calm] I am the CEO of one of the world's foremost multinational corporations. Do you not think someone will notice I am missing?

Brainiac: No one is irreplaceable. Allow me to demonstrate.

[Brainiac generates a hologram of Lex Luthor sitting in his office, then accesses phone lines]

Mercy Graves: Hello?

Hologram: Miss Graves, I am still conducting my investigation and I do not wish to be disturbed.

Mercy Graves: Yes sir.

[Mercy hangs up phone while the real Lex Luthor watches in horror]

Brainiac: Well then, shall we begin?

Brainiac: Why are you stopping?

Lex Luthor: I'm not some infernal machine. I'm human. I need food and rest.

Brainiac: There is no time for rest, but if it's food you need.

[Brainiac uses a robot to break open a vending machine. Lex treats the candy bars like a feast, then looks in shock at his reflection, which shows a stubbly face and raccoon eyes, a far cry from the powerful CEO image he shows to the public]

Clark Kent: Maybe he should make time. [He goes towards Luthor's office door]

Mercy Graves: Hey! [Bars his way] One more step and it gets ugly.

[Clark forces his way past Mercy and opens the door]

Clark Kent: What are you trying to pull here? Where's Luthor?

Mercy Graves: [shocked] He... he was right here! You saw him...

[Clark goes to Luthor's desk, and picks up a mug]

Clark Kent: This coffee's ice-cold. No one's been here for a while. Well?

Mercy Graves: [uneasy] I'm afraid you'll have to leave, Mr. Kent, right now.

Clark Kent: Do yourself a favor, Miss Graves: call me when your lord and master shows up.

Clark Kent: Granted, Lois, Luthor does lots of strange things, but what reason could he possibly have for trying to fool his own bodyguard?

Lois Lane: Maybe he needed some space. Haven't you ever noticed the way she hovers around him all the time?

Clark Kent: But that's her job.

Lois Lane: It's no wonder why you're still single, Kent.

Lex Luthor: You can't kill me until I finish the job, and I'll rot before I help you any more!

[Luthor starts to leave, but Brainiac's image disappears, and his body rises from the table]

Brainiac: I believe I can take it from here.

Superman: [After seeing Mercy's continued loyalty to Luthor] Just a stray...

Father's Day [2.15]

Martha Kent: Your editor wasn't angry with Clark was he? He certainly seemed upset.

Lois Lane: Nah, the chief always sounds like that. It's part of his charm.

Jonathan Kent: Somebody should take the bruiser down a peg!

Superman: Stop, there's an innocent man!

Kalibak: How naïve you are. On Apokolips, we are taught, even as children, that no one is innocent.

Kalibak: You see, Superman, life breeds death. Everything that lives must kill something to survive. And I am a survivor.

Superman: Whoever you are...

Kalibak: My name is Kalibak!

Superman: I'll settle with you in a moment.

Darkseid: A technicality of his birth. As far as destiny and I are concerned, I have no son.

Martha Kent: [as Superman fights Kalibak] Clark, look out!

Lois Lane: Clark? Where...?

Lois Lane: No matter how many times I see that, I'll never get used to it.

Jonathan Kent: Me neither.

Kalibak: Please! Father!

[Darkseid fires his Omega Beams at Kalibak, who cries out in pain]

Darkseid: You'll beg louder than that when I'm done with you.

[Flying in, after Darkseid has just vaporized his son, Kalibak]

Superman: What have you done to him? [Pause; no response] I asked you a question. Who are you? [Smile; no response] Answer me!

Darkseid: [attacks Superman with his Omega Beams, frying him until he's on the ground, writhing] That is who I am.

Desaad: You sacrificed your s-, ah, Kalibak?

Darkseid: One casualty.

Desaad: How many there will be before you destroy Superman and conquer the Earth?

Darkseid: As many as it takes.

World's Finest [2.16-18]

Terrorist: Let's make an example of this hero. A very tragic example, I'm afraid, Miss...?

Lois Lane: Lane.

Terrorist: Lane? Lois Lane? The one Superman always saves?

Lois Lane: 'Fraid so.

Superman: I hope I didn't shake you and the others up too bad.

Lois Lane: I have to say... I've gotten used to it. [Superman smiles and turns to leave. After a pause, Lois goes after him]

Lois Lane: Um...Superman?

Superman: Yes?

Lois Lane: Um, how can I put this...I was just thinking, it might be nice to see each other when I wasn't-I don't know, falling out a window or something. Not that I'm not grateful for all the times you've helped me, you understand.

Superman: I understand.

Lois Lane: You do?

[explosion in the distance, bank robbers getting away]

Superman: It's the First National Bank.

Lois Lane: You better go. People might- [Superman takes off] -get hurt. [starts walking dejectedly away] I understand, Lois. Really, you do! Yep, you're a complete moron. Why, thank you, Superman, I think I'm a total loser too...geez.

Lex Luthor: [reading] "Metropolis's favorite son: Superman." Yeah, right. Favorite son, my... [slams the paper down]

Lex Luthor: The office. Now

Harley Quinn: [disguised as Mercy] Swell, Mr. L.

Lex Luthor: "Mr. L."?

Joker: [to Luthor] I sense we are kindred spirits, you and I. Oh, there are differences, to be sure... like hair.

Joker: Pay me one billion dollars, and I'll kill Superman!

Lex Luthor: [laughs] What makes you think you can kill Superman when you can't even handle a mere mortal in a Halloween costume?

Joker: [grabs him angrily] There's nothing "mere" about that mortal!

Joker: Ceasar Carlini, my old pal! Why I haven't seen you since... Wait, I've never seen you, have I? You need to get out more.

Carlini: Who is this clown?

Joker: Oh, not clown. Joker [Flips his card at the table, which imbeds itself]

Clark Kent: I hear Wayne's deal with Lexcorp could run into the billions. He's a high roller.

Lois Lane: I hear he's nothing but Gotham trash. Rich, spoiled, and... [Bruce Wayne walks off the plane] Absolutely gorgeous!

Bruce Wayne: So he just appears when there's trouble? No special signal?

Lois Lane: He's not like your Batman, thank goodness!

Bruce Wayne: Then how do you contact him?

Lois Lane: Committing a felony helps. Listen, you seem awfully interested in Superman. Do you want me to fix you two up?

Lex Luthor: The joint chiefs have shown tremendous interest. It doesn't take much imagination to envision these robots on the battlefield.

Bruce Wayne: Except... I won't allow it.

Lex Luthor: What?

Bruce Wayne: I don't like guns. Blame it on me, Lex. Tell your pals at the Pentagon... I just don't have the imagination.

Clark Kent: So just keep your ears open. Let me know if you hear any buzz about the Joker.

Bibbo Bibbowski: Sure thing, Mr. Kent. Uh.. but, uh, which one? There's lots of jokers around here.

Batman: Where's the Joker?

Binko: Who knows? Making 'ha-ha' with Harley Quinn? [Batman shoves him hard against the door] I don't know, honest! I never went back after he muscled in. I want nothing to do with that clown!

Superman: [Arrives, putting his hand on Batman's arm] That's enough. I think you got your answer. [Batman grabs Superman's arm and throws him onto a table. While he's distracted, Binko runs off. Batman turns to go after him, but Superman body-checks him into the wall, dazing Batman]

Superman: I heard you were crazy. I didn't think you were stupid. [uses X-ray vision to see through Batman's cowl] Bruce Wayne?

Batman: You peeked.

Superman: I won't have vigilantism in my town.

Batman: [Secretly taking a small bag out of his belt] You'll be rid of me...as soon as I find the Joker.

Superman: That may not be soon enough. [Batman holds up the small bag, which contains a piece of kryptonite. Superman groans and starts to back away]

Batman: It doesn't take much, does it? The Joker has 20 pounds more where this came from. Thought you might like to know. [Tosses the bag into a glass of water. Superman looks at it, then turns and sees Batman is gone]

Dan Turpin: Swell, now Gotham is sending us their wackos.

Bruce Wayne: You realize she's just the bait.

Superman: I'll be careful.

Bruce Wayne: Careful won't cut it. With Joker, expect the unexpected.

Superman: Maybe you should have remembered that.

Joker: See that he's street pizza! In this town, some flying fool could've caught him!

[Clark returns to his apartment after his confrontation with Batman, where he discovered that he's Bruce Wayne. After a phone call to Lois, he notices a small bat transmitter on his cape. He looks out his window, and sees, in the distance, Batman watching through binoculars, showing that he now knows Clark is Superman. Batman waves and leaves.]

Clark Kent: Touché.

Lois Lane: Clark, keep an eye on Bruce, will you? I'll be right back.

Clark Kent: Actually, Lois-

Lois Lane: Don't be intimidated. Regale him with madcap tales of the nightlife in Smallville. [Leaves]

Bruce Wayne: She never stops, does she?

Clark Kent: Not that I've noticed. [Quietly] Any luck finding the comedian?

Bruce Wayne: [In Batman voice] Three nights, and not so much as a green hair.

Clark Kent: Of course, you have been dividing your time between work and Lois.

Bruce Wayne: Is that a problem?

Clark Kent: Let's just say I'm concerned. Your reputation is... dubious, in and out of costume.

Bruce Wayne: Don't worry, I'm taking Lois quite seriously. [leans down] Besides, it seems to me you had your chance.

[Superman busts into a Lexcorp lab]

Joker: More powerful than a locomotive...and just about as subtle. [Superman steps out of the shadows, wearing a lead suit] Ooo! I'm flattered that you put on your Sunday best!

Joker: [When Superman, unaffected by Joker's kryptonite thanks to his lead suit, forces Joker to take him to Lois] I don't understand! I had it all planned so perfectly...Oh, wait! That's it!

Superman: What?

Joker: Silly me! I forgot the ACID! [Sprays acid from his carnation onto Superman. The acid melts away half of the lead suit. Joker then throws the kryptonite at Superman's chest. Superman collapses. Joker cackles] Aw, what's the matter, Suppy? [Kicks Superman over] No more steam left in the old locomotive?

Joker: Honestly Lex, don't you think I feel bad enough already?

Lex Luthor: [Angrily grabs him] YOU MANIAC! YOU IDIOT! HOW DARE YOU USE ONE OF MY LABORATORIES FOR YOUR...

Mercy Graves: [fighting Harley] Here's for that punch in the face!

Harley Quinn: Ooh, listen to Little Miss Can't-Take-A-Joke!

Batman: How soon can we get to Hob's Bay?

[Alfred opens a case with the Jet-wing]

Alfred Pennyworth: If I may be so bold, sir... "when in Rome"...

Joker: Copybat, copybat. Suffering from propulsion envy, Batboy?

Joker: Think of it as a welcome wagon, Bats. Welcoming you to the nearest mortuary.

Superman: Thank you. I couldn't have saved Lois without your help.

Batman: I'm aware of that.

Harley Quinn: [Trying to cheer up a dejected Joker with a Batman-shaped cookie] Hello, Mr. J! I'm Batman. Eat me, eat me, eat me!

Joker: I know you're trying to cheer me up, Harley, but you see, any time I blow a $1 billion deal, IT REALLY KILLS MY APPETITE!

Bruce Wayne: I could always...ask him.

Joker: Ooh, this could be a fair fight after all... And who wants to see that?

Lois Lane: [just saw Batman unmasked] So when were you gonna tell me- the honeymoon?

Lois Lane: How could you have lied to me like that?

Bruce Wayne: Now, I never actually said I wasn't Batman... [she smacks the cut on his back] Ow!

Lois Lane: I'll get some iodine for that scrape. Burning, stinging iodine. [Walks into the bathroom]

Superman: I see she's taking it well.

Bruce Wayne: It's ironic, you know. She likes Bruce Wayne, and she likes Superman. It's the other two guys she's not crazy about.

Superman: Too bad we can't mix and match.

Joker: Look at all the toys! Santa's been good to you, Lex.

Batman: See anything?

Superman: Luthor's been lining his buildings with lead. It blocks my x-ray vision.

Batman: Well, there's always the direct approach. [Superman punches in the door, and bows Batman inside] You're learning.

Joker: Batman. It's always Batman!

Joker: Somehow, Poo, I don't think we're gonna get the chance to say much.

Harley Quinn: You... you mean he's going to kill us?

Lex Luthor: No, she is. I abhor violence.

[The Lexwing has just crashed into the ocean, exploding, with the Joker inside]

Harley Quinn: Puddin'!

Batman: At this point, he probably is.

[Harley Quinn is in a straightjacket and being placed in a padded wagon]

Harley Quinn: I want a lawyer! I want a doctor! I want a cheese sandwich!

Mercy Graves: [watching it on TV] Now that's funny! [literally laughs so hard, it hurts]

Bruce Wayne: Come to make sure I'm leaving?

Clark Kent: Actually, I thought we worked pretty well together. Not that I want to make it a regular event.

Bruce Wayne: She's all yours, now- if you can handle that. But you'd better be good to her, 'cause I know where you live.

The Hand of Fate [2.19]

Thief: I am power beyond your dreams, call to me. "Karkull com siva co. Karkull com siva kanvasay." Yeah right. Singing Polly wolly doodle all day!

Jimmy Olsen: What do I need a picture of? Luthor kissing a donkey?!

Karkull: You're strong for a mortal, but a mortal is all you are!

Jimmy Olsen: Holy...

Lois Lane: Bad choice of words Jimmy!

Rainsong: Hey, Mister! We're ready. Where do you want us to chant?

Karkull: I don't remember inviting you. Kill him.

Karkull: You continue to surprise me, but as I said, you don't have the tools to defeat me.

Dr. Fate: But I do!

Karkull: Fate... I thought our dealings had come to an end long ago.

Dr. Fate: No such luck, I'm afraid.

Karkull: What magic do you have that's powerful enough to defeat me in my own lair? [Fate reveals the Artifact] The Artifact of Lorta! I destroyed it!

Dr. Fate: What has been made can never be unmade.

Bizarro's World [2.20]

Lois Lane: Just think what would have been like for him if he'd lived. First finding out he wasn't... well... you, and then his home, his whole world destroyed in one day. Can you imagine?

Superman: Yeah, I think I can. He'd probably feel a lot like I did when I learned I wasn't human. You don't know who you are or where you belong. Why you're here.

[Bizarro is wondering in the snow and he goes to a lake and sees a reflection of himself]

Superman: [voice over] You don't know who you are. Where you belong. Why you're here?

Bizarro: Me make Krypton. Then me am home!

Dan Turpin: Scram, Lane, this is a Police matter.

Lois Lane: Yeah, Turpin, like that really works with me.

Dan Turpin: You know this guy? Figures... All the wackos come to you.

Superman: Let me guess... Bizarro?

Maggie Sawyer: Any idea what he's doing?

Superman: Remodeling. He thinks he's me so he's trying to create his own version of Krypton.

Dan Turpin: Naturally...

Superman: If Krypton is what Bizarro wants, that's what he's gonna get.

Dan Turpin: I had to take this beat! Humans weren't nuts enough!

Lois Lane: So, what is all this?

Bizarro: It am Dada's house on Krypton.

Lois Lane: Krypton? You remember Krypton?

Bizarro: Shiny Ball show me. It say me am Kal-El, and it show me baby me.

Superman: Unfortunately "Shiny Ball" was confused at the time.

[Superman confronts Bizarro while wearing his anti-Kryptonite suit]

Superman: Hey Bizarro, I have something for you. Catch!

[Superman tosses a hunk of Kryptonite at Bizzaro, who effortlessly catches it]

Bizarro: Thanks! Ooh, rock is pretty!

Superman: {to Lois} Our DNA must be too dissimilar.

Bizarro: This am nice. Superman, Krypto, Dada, Lois, all here with me. Oh, Krypton pretty. So sad it have to blow up...

[Bizarro has stolen a nuclear warhead from a military base and is aiming it at Metropolis]

Superman: You'll kill millions of people!

Bizarro: That how Krypton end!

Superman: But this isn't Krypton!

Bizarro: Me make it Krypton! Now Krypton explodes!

Superman: And what about Lois? If you do this, Lois will die!

Bizarro: Lois? Lois not on Krypton.

Superman: Right. But, she's down there now.

[Bizarro realizes the mistake he made, then works with Superman to get the warhead safely disposed of]

Superman: Now, would you like to hear the rest of the story? [Superman has taken Bizarro to a lush green planet circled by ringed moons] You can defend this planet. It is all yours.

Bizarro: This crummy planet! How can me be defender of planet when there is no one here to defend?

Superman: I thought of that issue. Which is why I brought you a friend.

[Superman opens hatch on spaceship to reveal one of the animals from the Preserver's ship]

Bizarro: Krypto!

Prototype [2.21]

Lois Lane: Trying to put the Man of Steel out of business, Lex?

Lex Luthor: I'd think, Ms. Lane, with your knack for getting into trouble, you'd appreciate a few extra rescuers. [laughter]

Clark Kent: Touché.

Lois Lane: Whose side are you on?

John Henry Irons: Lex, this is a mistake. It's too soon.

Lex Luthor: There is a time and a place for dissension, Mr. Irons... but never with me.

Lois Lane: Hey, Smallville, how far's your car? [turns to see Clark is gone]

Strange Man: Right around the corner, toots. We going to your place or mine?

Corey Mills: Guess were working together on this one, huh.

Superman: Happy to have an extra hand.

Lois Lane: Looks like he's got them in the palm of his hand.

Superman: They'd better be careful he doesn't make a fist.

John Henry Irons: He's still in withdrawal from the suit. The doctors said it'll take a while, but he should recover completely. [sighs] The suit seemed like such a good idea.

Superman: It still is, if anyone could manage to make it work safely. It'd be nice to have a little help for a change.

The Late Mr. Kent [2.22]

Clark Kent: [narrating] Luck. That's what it all boils down to, doesn't it? The smallest break one way or the other. It can save a life or destroy one. And you can't fight it, no matter how strong you are.

Clark Kent: [Narrating] Dinner was hard to pass up. I hadn't eaten all day. Not that I needed to.

Clark Kent: [Narrating] I suppose I could've flown to the governor as Superman and given him the disk, but that could've raised some awkward questions. Maybe there was some ego to it, too. I wanted this to be Clark's victory. Not Superman's.

Jonathan Kent: It's not like he's really dead, Martha. He just can't be Clark anymore.

Clark Kent: But I am Clark. I need to be Clark. I'd go crazy if I had to be Superman all the time!

Lois Lane: Who else but the real killer would have done this? He was probably afraid Kent was getting too close!

Kurt Bowman: Kent was a reporter. Who knows how many enemies he had! This might come as a kick in the pants, Lane, but nobody likes you guys!

[Watching Lois depart early from Clark's funeral]

Superman: Well, so much for sentiment.

Lois Lane: I always teased him. But I had so much respect. [Shedding tears] And I liked him too, I really did. I wish I'd told him.

Lois Lane: I don't believe it! You've been sitting here in the lap of luxury while I'm out risking my neck!

Lana Lang: He was recuperating. Poor thing, when I picked him up he could barely remember his own name.

Lois Lane: But he sure remembered yours, and your telephone number.

Lana Lang: Clark and I go back a long way. Are you... jealous?

Lois Lane: Yeah, jealous of his endless luck.

[Bowman has been convicted of the murder and sentenced to die in a gas chamber. His last moments are reflecting on his failure to kill Clark]

Kurt Bowman: {talking to himself} How did he survive that car bomb? How?! [Bowman's eyes suddenly open wide, shouting aloud] HE'S SUPERMAN! [Executioner pulls switch and gas floods into chamber, taking Bowman's revelation with it]

Heavy Metal [2.23]

Natasha Irons: You're gonna be home on time for dinner tonight?

John Henry Irons: What are we having?

Natasha Irons: Pork chops and bean curd in a cilantro sauce.

John Henry Irons: Argh!

Natasha Irons: [chuckles] Hey, you're the one who bought grandma a California cuisine cookbook.

John Henry Irons: Maybe I should be building myself a cast-iron stomach.

Reporter: Daily Planet Media news reporter Angela Chen has just located a witness to today's multi-million dollar diamond district robbery. We go to her now live; Angela?

Angela Chen: This is nonfat decaf, right? I don't wanna be up half the night again.

Cameraman: [whispering] Angela. You're on.

Angela Chen: Uh, yes. [clears throat and throws coffee away] Angela Chen here.

Robber: Look! It's a dead Samaritan. Say "good night," chump!

Superman: Good night, chump!

John Henry Irons: That's taking out the trash, Superman.

Superman: My pleasure, Mr. Irons.

Natasha Irons: So I guess you really do know him.

Superman: Still working on the suit?

John Henry Irons: You said you'd be glad to have the help.

Superman: And I meant it. Just be careful. You're not invulnerable, you know.

John Henry Irons: Yeah, well I'm working on that, too.

Superman: Metallo!

Metallo: In the flesh!

Metallo: Remember how you left me, Superman? Buried in rock. I couldn't move! I couldn't see! I couldn't hear! But I could think! And all I thought about was how I was going to make you pay! Goodbye, hero.

Metallo: You ought to be paying attention my friend! The tabloids will be all over you! You're about to become famous. The man who watched Superman die!

Metallo: Somebody speak up! Or I'll tear this neighborhood apart! Brick by brick.

Teen: We got nothing to say to you, Robo-butt.

Metallo: Now, where is Superman?!

Teen: Try the planet Krypton!

[[[w:John Henry Irons|Steel]] and Metallo meet face to face]

Metallo: Well, what have we here?

Steel: Call me... Steel.

Metallo: Steel, Metallo. [bows] The meeting of the metals. Well then, Mr. Steel, may the best alloy win!

Metallo: Sorry, Steel. I've still got some business in the hood.

Natasha Irons: Come on, Superman! This ain't no tanning salon!

Natasha Irons: He's got Superman. He's gonna kill 'em!

Steel: Not on my watch he's not!

Superman: Well, Steel, you're gonna be getting this a lot, so you might as well hear it from me first.

Steel: What?

Superman: Thanks!

Warrior Queen [2.24]

De'Cine: I'm impressed.

Maxima: I'm not, if that's all you got to show me.

De'Cine: Patience, Maxima. Sometimes the hunter likes to play with its prey.

Maxima: Yes, sometimes she does!

De'Cine: The prey is cornered. The victory is mine, and so are you, Maxima. My queen, my mate.

Maxima: My FOOT!

Sazu: My lady, another candidate has been found. The scouts have brought visual recording of his heroic deeds.

Maxima: Sure. I could use a good laugh. Bring it to my room.

Sazu: The Earth natives call him "Superman."

Maxima: Hmm, "Super-Man". I like those shoulders... and that chin. Oh, our children will be absolutely gorgeous!

De'Cine: So, she took the bait?

Sazu: You knew she would. She's young, headstrong...

De'Cine: ...Hormonal.

[Maxima is accosted by a group of thugs]

Thug: Who do you think you are?

Maxima: [Maxima picks him up and uses him as a club to beat his friends unconscious] I am the Lady Maxima, Royal Queen, Head of the Royal House, and leader of all Almerac. [spins the thug until he's nearly unconscious and puts him on unsteady feet] Feel free to bow.

Angela Chen: We're in trouble, people! Superman piece is coming up short. We need to fill two minutes, anybody have any ideas?

Maxima: [shoves her way into the studio] I said, out of my way!

Angela Chen: Excuse me...?

Maxima: I am the Lady Maxima, warrior queen, head of the royal house, leader of all Almerac... and Superman's betrothed.

Angela Chen: [skyward] Thank you!

Maxima: Superman... YOW!

Lucille: Murray, there's a man and a woman fighting!

Harry: Stop spying on the neighbors, Lucille.

[after Superman ties her up with a construction girder]

Maxima: No one has ever lasted this long against me... no one! You are... my equal! [she dissipates the girder, springs to her feet and hugs him] This is the happiest day of my life!

Superman: [confused] I'm... glad.

Lucille: Oh, my goodness! They're hugging!

Harry: Just don't get any ideas.

Maxima: Of course, now you'll have to marry me.

Superman: You can't just barge in and make demands like that!

Maxima: Why not? On my planet I do it all the time.

Superman: Well, this isn't Almanac.

Maxima: Almerac.

Superman: Whatever. Here on Earth, marriage isn't something you can command. Marriage is a willing partnership where husbands and wives share the decisions and sacrifices.

Lucille: What planet is he from?

Maxima: I have the power to do as I please!

Superman: And the responsibility to do what is right! As leader, you serve the people. They don't serve you.

Maxima: I used to use these ancient tunnels as a prison.

Superman: No wonder you're so popular.

Maxima: This time D'cine, it's no game. This time, I kill you.

Superman: Maxima-

Maxima: I... don't kill him? [Superman shakes his head] I... lock him up? [Brightens] For a really long time!

Maxima: Are there any more like you at home?

Superman: No. But as my mother always says, "there's someone for everybody".

Lobo: I'm here to get that fraggin', scum-suckin', rat-scratchin' D'cine, and nobody better stop me!

Maxima: Yow!

Apokolips...Now! [2.25-26]

Orion: [approaching Clark and Lois] Superman!... Must warn... Superman.

Darkseid: I did not return you to earth so you could indulge in petty theft.

Bruno Mannheim: Petty?! We cleared over twenty million!

Darkseid: I play for higher stakes.

Bruno Mannheim: You promised you'd make me a king!

Darkseid: And so you are – a king of fools!

Darkseid: You're a magnificent opponent, Superman, but even you must realize it's hopeless.

Darkseid: I could easily destroy you now, and once you're gone, the pathetic beings of this planet won't have the will to resist me. The few who survive, that is.

Darkseid: Think of it, Superman. The power you have now, it's nothing compared with what I'm offering you.

Superman: You know I can't do that.

Darkseid: Pity. Still, if you won't be my knight, you will be my pawn.

Maggie Sawyer: I've got to get down there!

Toby Raynes: Whoa, cowboy, what are you going to do? Hold your gun in one hand and your IV in the other?

Darkseid: People of Earth, I am Darkseid, lord of Apokolips. Here is your savior, cowed and broken. I have crushed him as easily as I have crushed all who have dared to oppose me throughout the cosmos. I am power unlike any you have ever known: absolute, infinite, and unrelenting. You have no choice but to prepare as a long dark future as my subjects and my slaves.

Darkseid: [being opposed] They know this is suicide.

Superman: Better a quick death in battle than a slow one under your heel.

Dan Turpin: I don't care how many crummy planets you've conqured! You ain't getting this one!

Darkseid: It is good to see you after all these years, my son. I've observed your boldness and ferocity for some time. Not without undue pride. Though you're misguided in your loyalty, I won't quibble over this insignificant speck in the universe. I would hate to spoil our reunion with bloodshed. [to his troops] Return.

Dan Turpin: [last words] Go on, ya mangy buzzards, and don't come back!

Darkseid: Savor your moment of triumph, Superman, but remember, victory has its price.

Superman: [At Dan Turpin's funeral] Goodbye, old friend. In the end, the world didn't really need a "super man"... just a brave one.

Little Girl Lost [2.27-28]

Weatherman: It's gonna be a gorgeous spring day in the nation's heartland, with temperatures reaching the high seventies. So, all you folks in Smallville, Kansas: get out there and enjoy that great, big, beautiful sun!

[cut to Kara flying through the sky]

Clark Kent: [Stopping Kara from flying] That's enough of that, Kara.

Kara Kent: Hey, Clark. It was such a nice day, I thought I'd just, you know - vroom!

Clark Kent: What did we talk about? No 'vroom' during the daytime.

Lois Lane: Somehow I don't smell Pulitzer here... or soap, for that matter.

Trouble: You see, Metropolis? Nobody can beat the Intergang! Nobody!

Superman: Well, then just call me nobody.

Kara Kent: It's me, Kara.

Clark Kent: I know.

Kara Kent: You saw through my secret identity?

Clark Kent: How did you get here?

Kara Kent: You said no "vroom" so I ran.

Lois Lane: Can you talk some sense into him?

Clark Kent: I've had my fill with teenagers today.

Granny Goodness: I seek out the lost little lambs society has cruelly abandoned, I take them lovingly under my wings, give them the power to face the cold heartless world... and kick its butt!

Jimmy Olsen: We're in!

Granny Goodness: But you hardly seem the type. So bright-eyed, soft skin. Life has not scarred you as it has my other goslings. Still... we can remedy that...

Kara Kent: All right, I've seen enough. Don't you realize you are being duped? You think you're getting power but she's just turning you into her personal goon squad!

Jimmy Olsen: What are you doing?

Kara Kent: What are you think? I'm shutting down this psycho-witch!

Granny Goodness: Ah! Such language! Children, defend your Granny's honor. KILL HER!

Granny Goodness: Girls, this ninny noodle wants to play rough. Make her last moments special...

Mad Harriet: Oh, poor baby, let me kiss it and make it worse!

Supergirl: Eew! Hands off, gruesome!

Superman: Kara, I thought I told you to stay out of trouble.

Supergirl: Who, me? I'm not in trouble. And by the way, it's Supergirl. See? [Points at 'S'] Super. [Points at face, bats eyelashes] Girl.

Superman: [Pause] Right.

Lashina: Hello, big boy.

Mad Harriet: Come to help your little friend?

Stompa: Ain't that a kick?

Supergirl: [About Darkseid] Wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley...

Darkseid: Ever proud, eh, Kryptonian? I must say I find it to be... wearying.

Superman: What was this boot-licker doing on Earth, Darkseid? I thought your business there was settled.

Darkseid: I never settle. What I cannot have, I destroy.

Supergirl: I've seen one planet die, and I'm not going to stand by and watch it happen again.

Darkseid: Noble sentiments, my dear. [fires Omega Beams at her]

Lashina: You gotta lotta guts coming her, Blondie!

Stompa: And we're gonna spread them all over Apokolips!

Lashina: Okay, sugar. The main event.

Granny Goodness: Oh, great and powerful Darkseid, I...

Darkseid: Furies... teach Granny the price of failure.

[Lashina, Harriet, and Stompa advance on Granny]

Granny Goodness: No! My precious girls! Don't! Don't hurt your beloved Granny... [Lashina cracks her whip] NOOO-OOO!

Lois Lane: You keep staring at your byline, you'll burn a hole in it.

Jimmy Olsen: ...What? Oh, yeah. It just looks so... good.

Season 3

Where There's Smoke [3.1]

Partygoer: [Blocked by a bouncer] But... I just gave you a hundred dollars.

Bouncer: Thank you. Now get behind the rope.

Woman: [After seeing guard let Volcana in] Hey! What has she got that I haven't got?!

Guard: Everything.

Donnie: Whatever it is, I'm gonna have to pass.

Volcana: Really? [Blows whistle] The whistle was touched by the President's lips.

Donnie: What wasn't?

Superman: You have to trust me, Volcana.

Volcana: Do you know how many times I've heard that? [Throwing fireballs] From my parents, before they shuffled me off to the institute? From the institute, just before they turned me over to the feds, and from the Government, just before they took away my life!

Government Goon: [Charging up a laser] It's a G-40 blue laser, alien. One shot can penetrate five feet of tempered steel in point-three seconds. I don't think even- [Superman quickly crushes the laser]

Volcana: Your mom raised you well.

Superman: I got lucky.

Volcana: Yeah. You did. [pauses] I hope you'll think of me... especially on those cold, Metropolis nights.

Superman: Don't you ever cool down?

Volcana: No. [blows him a fire kiss]

Knight Time [3.2]

Superman: I didn't think you were foolish enough to make trouble in my town.

Roxy Rocket: Well, with Batman missing, the other crooks in Gotham are picking the city clean. I thought I'd try my luck here.

Superman: Back up. What do you mean, Batman's missing?

Roxy Rocket: I thought you'd know. Don't all you spandex boys have club meetings or something?

Superman: We're not exactly friends.

Roxy Rocket: Aww. I'll be your friend.

Superman: Sorry, little girl. you're going home.

Superman: Now, where's your boss?

Robin: Around.

Superman: Okay, let's try this another way: where's Bruce?

Commissioner Gordon: This was taken by airport security two hours ago. I thought you'd be interested. [hands over a photo] [Superman-as-Batman takes it, stares at it nonplussed] [points] Right here. Look familiar?

Robin: [wanders off a ways, whispers] Bane.

Superman-as-Batman: Ah, yes. Bane.

Robin: That was close.

Superman-as-Batman: [searching the utility belt for a grapple] You're telling me. The sooner we find your boss, the better.

Robin: Right side.

Renee Montoya: [about Batman, with Superman in the costume] Does he look bigger to you?

Superman: [As Superman] We'll start with his computer records.

Robin: So how'd you do Batman's voice?

Superman: [As Batman] Precise muscle control. [As Robin] Plus, I have a pretty good ear.

Robin: [Pauses, creeped out] Don't do that again.

Bane: On the contrary, I feared you were gone forever, Batman, and that would have meant I'd never feel your spine crumble in my hands.

Superman-as-Batman: All this sneaking around isn't exactly my style.

Robin: What do you mean? It's half the fun!

Robin: See what I mean about him acting strange? He's smiling!

The Penguin: Even if I did know where to find the Mad Hatter, I'm no stool pigeon. Why should I tell you?

Superman-as-Batman: A man's life is in danger. Isn't that enough?

The Penguin: You're breaking my heart.

Robin: [Whispers] Kick over the desk. [Superman looks uncertain, hesitating, as Superman is not typically a bad cop] Just do it!

Superman-as-Batman: [Kicks the desk over and into the wall] I won't ask twice.

The Penguin: All right, no need to get your feathers ruffled. It happens our capped compadre is attending a meeting of notable ne'er-do-wells. They're hatching a plot to capitalize on your... purported disappearance.

Superman-as-Batman: [Lifts him of the ground by his collar] Where?

Robin: Now he's gettin' it.

Bane: By combining our talents, we will rule Gotham City. Anyone we wish to imprison, you, Riddler, will entrap. Any from whom we require allegiance, you, Hatter, will control. And any that stand in our way, I will break.

Riddler: I've always wanted to team muscle with my mind. And any chance to test my new puzzles, of course.

Bane: And you, my friend, are you in?

Mad Hatter:Tweedle-Bane and Tweedle-Brain, if it's all the same, I'll play your game.

[Superman as Batman just broke a massive statue, destroyed a device confining him, and went toe-to-toe with Bane, beating him handily]

Mad Hatter: It's not possible!

Robin: He's been workin' out.

Mad Hatter: Curioser and curioser!

Robin: He's really being controlled by aliens? Eugh.

Superman: I'm deeply hurt.

Robin: Sorry.

Robin: [seeing Brainiac's spaceship] That looks friendly.

Superman: Actually, it looks....Kryptonian.

Brainiac: I suspected that we might meet, Batman.

Superman: [as Batman] You got into Wayne's computers during his partnership with LexCorp.

Brainiac: Yes.

Superman: [as Batman] You saw that his company could built you a rocket, so you took control of Bruce Wayne and had him authorize the project.

Brainiac: You're every bit the detective that your followers on the Internet believe.

Superman: [as Batman] I also know how you work: collect a planet's knowledge, then destroy it. I can't allow you to leave.

Brainiac: What you allow does not concern me. While your deductive skills are impressive, you are still only human.

[Upon discovering that Superman was disguised as Batman]

Brainiac: Kal-El. This development was highly improbable.

Superman: Today's been full of surprises.

Batman: I hear the city's been busy.

Superman: Nothing the kid couldn't handle. I have to say, for a guy who's supposed to be such a loner, you sure know how to pick a partner.

New Kids in Town [3.3]

Scientist: This is crazy.

Chameleon Boy: You asked for heroes; you didn't say anything about sanity.

Young Lana Lang: What's this strange power you have?

Young Clark Kent: What do you mean?

Young Lana Lang: The ability to attract every airhead in Smallville!

Kenny Braverman: [after seeing Brainiac] Whoa! Check out Darth Vader! Que Pasa man? Take a wrong turn at Tatooine?

Brainiac: [holding Kenny up high] Where does Clark Kent live?

Kenny Braverman: Clark? What is this?

Brainiac: Insufficient response. [throws Kenny across the street]

Martha Kent: [Seeing Jonathan preparing to help Clark] Don't be foolish! You need something better than a shovel!

Chamelon Boy: Up, up and away! Ha! I always wanted to say that!

Young Clark Kent: Like a pair of glasses is going to fool anyone.

Young Clark Kent: [After seeing his future costume] Red underpants? Now I know you're crazy!

Brainiac: At last, the son of Jor-El kneels before me.

Obsession [3.4]

[Darci Mason leaves after Superman saves her from a robot trio]

Superman: This couldn't have been just some kidnapping attempt. And she knows more than she told the police, I'm sure of it.

Lana Lang: That's Darcy. She takes reticence to a whole new plateau.

Jimmy Olsen: Watch out, Clark. You're about to burn a hole in those glasses.

Man: Hey lady, you can't park there, it's for emergencies only.

Expensive Woman: Your definition of 'emergency' is way too limited. [car gets smashed by kangaroo]

Darci Mason: [to Toyman] I'll never love you. Never!

Toyman: I know there's a place for me in your heart. [charges up a drill] I just have to find it.

Darci Mason: [to Clark Kent] Didn't I see you at the fashion show? What are you, a stalker?

Clark Kent: Actually I'm a reporter.

Darci Mason: Even worse. At least stalkers are honest about what they do.

Toy Guards: Halt! Friend or foe?

Superman: [Destroys guards] Foe.

Little Big Head Man [3.5]

Bizarro: Oh well. Me save more people tomorrow.

Mr. Mxyzptlk: [about Bizarro] This is so sad! I can't take it anymore!

Bizarro: Who there? Where am voice from?

Mr. Mxyzptlk: The greatest hero in the universe, reduced to saving rocks and playing house! [shows himself] If I'd stayed quiet one more second, I'd need a colossal barf bag!

Bizarro: Ha! You funny little big head man!

Bizarro: Hey, you funny little big head man.

Mr. Mxyzptlk: Mr. Mxyzptlk, at your service.

Bizarro: Mr. Mzy... pzy...

Mr. Mxyzptlk: Eh, don't bother, you'll give yourself a hernia.

Lois Lane: Hey Clark, listen to this. Apparently some nut in a Superman costume just trashed a department store downtown. If I didn't know better I'd say it was-

Bizarro: [crashes through the wall] Where am Superman!

Clark and Lois: Bizzaro?!

Superman: Mxyzptlk?! I thought you promised to stay away from Earth forever!

Mr. Mxyzptlk: No, no, no. I only promised I wouldn't come back and bother you, and I'm not! Old Rockhead is!

Superman: And I can guess you got him riled up.

Mr. Mxyzptlk: [about Superman] You know how it is. Fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly! I've gotta bug that jerk till I die!... Or he does.

[As Bizarro grabs Superman's hand to get up]

Bizarro: You saved me. Why?

Superman: Because I knew Mxy tricked you. If it makes you feel better, he's done it to me. A lot.

Superman: Listen to me, my friend. Mxy's playing you for a fool.

Bizarro: Little big head man my friend! Him say you enemy.

Superman: Him lie like rug. Trust me.

Bizarro: Why bad men shoot at me?

Mr. Mxyzptlk: Hey, easy on the material, Frankenstein.

Bizarro: Send bad men away, little big head. Send them away!

Mr. Mxyzptlk: I'd love to help you, Rocky, but power-wise, my tank is dry.

Bizarro: [shakes him] Nooooo! Send them away! Do it!

Mr. Mxyzptlk: [fearful] Kltpzyxm! Kltpzyxm! [nothing happens] Oh, mama, this was a bad idea.

[when Bizarro gets affected by sleeping gas]

Bizarro: Peaceful.

Superman: That will keep him quiet till he reaches home.

Bizarro: Hello, citizens. It good to be back. World am safe. Me see no trouble... Me say, "Me see no trouble".

Mr. Mxyzptlk: I heard you the first time!

Mr. Mxyzptlk: [as he dodges the boulder] WATCH IT, YA BIG JERK! Three months of this?! I don't think so! I QUIT!

[Superman looks at his monitor showing Mxyzptlk holding the tree branch from Krypto (alien monster)]

Superman: [imitating Bizarro] Life am good.

Absolute Power [3.6]

Jax-Ur: Mesmerizing. Of all the phenomena of nature, none fascinates me more than a black hole. It is the one true force of absolute power. Everything it touches becomes its own.

Cetea: Plague on you and your self-serving treachery, Alterus.

Alterus: My dear Cetea, I deserve much worse than that!

Superman: Although Cetea's people were grateful for my help, I wondered if it wasn't I who should be grateful. They reminded me of a saying: "Evil triumphs when good men do nothing". I won't forget it again.

In Brightest Day... [3.7]

Lois Lane: Sure, how many times have you flown to the moon, Smallville?

Perry White: Lois, have you seen Kyle Rayner?

Lois Lane: Yeah chief, he was heading to the one place where even my credentials won't get me in. [Kyle is in the men's bathroom]

Kyle Rayner: Wait! Don't you want to talk first? You know, banter back and forth to show me your innate superiority?

Sinestro: No.

Sinestro: How pathetic that Abin would entrust the ring to brutes like these.

Sinestro: I never give up.

Kyle Rayner: You never shut up, either.

Kyle Rayner: There must be someone better suited for the job, like him! [points to Superman]

Guardian: The ring has chosen you, Kyle Rayner.

Kyle Rayner: But I'm just an artist. I doodle in the margins of notepads, I daydream about color form and monster trucks. I live half my life in a fantasy world.

Superman: You sound perfect.

Superman's Pal [3.8]

Angela Chen: Got time for a statement, Superman?

Superman: You wouldn't want it!

Metallo: Careful. We don't want to damage our collateral just yet.

Tina: Speak for yourself. You didn't have to spend an evening with him.

Metallo: And I thought I was cold-hearted.

Lois Lane: [After her skirt is caught by the wind] I've gotta start wearing pants.

A Fish Story [3.9]

Lois Lane: Are you nuts?! That was a great white!

Aquaman: Lucky he was passing by. I've got ten more circling us right now.

Lois Lane: Hope they're not hungry.

Aquaman: Want me to ask them?

Lois Lane: It sounds like your 'assets' are getting kicked.

Unity [3.10]

Kara Kent: Spider powers? Eww!

Kara Kent: The Metropolis Meteors made me their honorary bat girl. Won't Barbara be jealous?

Reverend Howell: Nations fall and demigods fade, but only unity is absolute, all encompassing, and eternal.

Season 4

The Demon Reborn [4.1]

Batman: [describing Ra's al Ghul] More dangerous than the Joker and Luthor put together.

Lois Lane: Hard to believe all this commotion over a bunch of beads and blankets.

Professor Black Wing: The heritage of my people is hardly that trivial, Ms. Lane.

Lois Lane: Professor Black Wing! I didn't realize you w-... I-I mean I was just joking of course. It's such a wonderful thing, this whole thing; it's [laughs nervously] so wonderful, really. Have you met Clark Kent?

Lois Lane: Someone attacked me. A woman. Dressed in black.

Batman: Talia.

Lois Lane: Talia? On a first name basis are we?

Lois Lane: I've got to get better locks.

Ra's al Ghul: Ah! The power! I've never felt anything like it!

Superman: I'm guessing you and that woman Talia had some history.

Batman: Pretty much in line with all my other relationships.

Legacy [4.2-3]

Superman: Onward! For the glory of Darkseid and Apokolips!

Mercy Graves: He's a completely different person.

Lex Luthor: Soon to be a very dead one. I don't know what twist of fate caused this change, but Superman's handed us the perfect opportunity to destroy him. I intend to exploit it.

Superman: You wear my shield but stand against me? Then die!

Superman: So it ends like this.

Lex Luthor: Don't think of it as an end, Superman. My biotech people will spend years studying your carcass. I'm certain it will be a most profitable endeavor.

Lois Lane: Have you ever tried to get a story out of the military? I figured it'd be easier to go straight to the source.

Darkseid: YOU DARE STRIKE ME?!

Darkseid: [after Kalibak is easily beaten by Superman] I can't believe he's blood.

Superman: You used me.

Darkseid: I told you once, Superman: If you would not be my knight, you would be my pawn.

Superman: I see you're a man of your word.

Darkseid: I am many things, Kal-El. You couldn't even begin to imagine half of them. But for now, I shall take the role of the executioner. A final gift, my wayward son: A fast death, infinitely preferable to the shame of returning to Earth. There, your legacy would be one of fear and distrust - a pariah desperately seeking the favor of a world that cursed your name.

Superman: [Punches Darkseid] That was for Dan Turpin!

Darkseid: Who?

Superman: The good man you murdered!

Darkseid: Had I known one human's death would pain you so, Kal-El, I would have killed more. And kill more I shall. Carry that agony with you to oblivion, Superman.

Darkseid: I am many things, Kal-El - but here, I am God.

Superman: They're right. I did lose control and it scares me. If I can't trust myself, how can I win back the trust of an entire planet?

Lois Lane: One person at a time. [Kisses him]

Bumpers

TOM2: Superman will return in a moment.

TOM2: Superman, now continues.

TOM2: That's It for Superman.....Tenchi Muyo! is next.

TOM2: That's It for Superman.....Tenchi Muyo!

Shaggy: Ouch! is next on Kids' WB.

External links

Wikipedia

Wikipedia has an article about:

Superman: The Animated Series