Talk:Barry Sanders (professor)

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"I think people mistake a sugar rush for thinking."

"Think about the kitty litter conundrum."

"We expect the President of the United States to have grace... holy shit, how am I going to finish this sentence?"

"[The President] is walking down Pennsylvania Avenue and steps in a big pile of Social Security." - On dog shit.

"Did you smoke before class?" - in response to a question involving the term, "I really got it"

"My girlfriend at the time... I later killed her" - About his girlfriend while at UCLA

"All I know is that a war is going on and there are strip clubs."

"It's hard to be racy in a Ford Focus."

"I'm an amazing magician on radio."

"I love dictionaries... why don't you marry one? Maybe I will." - All said to himself.

If I want to baptize everyone in this room... I did that one year, you know."

"What does thou want? Get out of thy fuckingist car!" - On using Middle English in a modern world.

"Okay, take Math in Many Cultures, shit, I don't care." - On no one laughing at his jokes.

"It's never good when the tallest guy in the class is not laughing... cause he can see you."

"The dean said we could only have thirty people in this class, so one hundred people are going to have to drop, I think we'll settle it by wrestling." - on his "Films of Hitchcock" class, enrollment 130+

"When I got to Canada it was 33 degrees below Celsius, and the first thing I did was ask someone, 'what's a Celsius?'" - on why he missed class

"One year I did essays [as the reading for the course]... until I found them under desks and such, and people would wrap fish in them." - on how work would be assigned.

"I hope this is mine... there might be a roofie in it. So if I start [starts violently shaking]" - On his cup of coffee

"People, please don't bring seals to class." - on someone sneezing

"Knitting is cosmic thinking."

"I started teaching in 1964, right after the invention of the steam engine..."

"You can't surf and smoke now." - on smoking laws

"I'm going to teach this class this class like a rave... you're going to have to find out where I am."

"Is it amazingly hot in here, or am I just having a change of life?"

"If the mid-term is ten pages, times one-hundred-thirty-four... that's like reading War and Peace twenty times over."

"I'll try to have a mid-term and give it back in 2007."

"Have you ever traveled cross-country on a train... trying to make conversation with chicks and people?"

"I'd like to be a French magician for some reason."

"I had more money than the Donald" - On his very first "History of Laughter" class

"(It's like) a psychic bypass (operation)" - on laughter

"I would go to the Catskills with my dad... (and be with him) when he was not with his friend Jack Daniels... or James Beam... or Mr. Turkey"

"I became an opossum... nocturnal... I don't know, eat rats, insects... howl at the moon... and hang out with Lenny Bruce at night" - On his first year of college

"I figured that the next best thing was to have a captive audience and teach... and grade people on how well they received my material." - On his failed attempt at being a stand-up comedian.

"They are available at fine bookstores, or the back of my car... I have watches, anyone want a watch?" - On four of his books.

"Genius is just untapped hysteria." - quote currently available on 'Barry Sanders' shirts everywhere.

Retrieved from "" May 19th, 2006