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- I can tell you that tonight in Des Moines, Iowa, my home town, people all across the city will be putting a hand to their ears and saying "What is that sound?", and it will be the sound of Mr De Vito, my High School Careers Officer, spinning in his grave.
- Address at investiture as Chancellor of the University of Durham; unidentified transcript source
- I was asked what I would like to be said of me in a hundred years from now. I replied "...and he's still sexually active!"
- Address at the Reform Club, London, 2006
- I have always wanted to know why, wherever archaeologists dig, do they always find red and white poles?
- Opening address at 50 Years of Durham Archaeology Conference, June 2007