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  • Left-wing politics like poor people so much they create them.
  • In a dictatorship you're told: "Shut up!". In a democracy it's: "Keep talking!"...
  • While we were havin' dinner, on the TV, they showed starving little Africans! On African TV, they don't show people eating!
  • When it comes to nuclear weapons, I'm neither for, nor against - on the contrary!"
  • There are two kinds of justice : the lawyer who knows everything about the law, and the lawyer who knows everything about the judge.
  • [In France,] we have politicians that make the rest of the world jealous. They could come and take'em!
  • A neutral country is one which does not sell weapons to a country at war... unless it pays cash.
  • Yuri Gagarin was extremely unlucky: after orbiting earth 17 times, he fell back down in the USSR!
  • God said: let's share. The rich will get enough to eat, and the poor will have an appetite.
  • People say, "we live in a world full of morons!" They are right. But they still underestimate their number.
  • Just because there are so many of them being wrong doesn't mean they're right.
  • I know I look stupid, but most of the credit goes to the uniform (posing as a cop).
  • Some people get a kid just because they can't afford a dog.
  • Society didn't want us? Well, it can rest assured that we don't want it either!
  • Long term credit means that the less you can pay, the more you pay.
  • Death: if you're hit, you'd better make fun of it; if you're not, there's no reason not to make fun of it.
  • I'm not a nouveau riche, I'm a former poor.
  • From every one of those who have nothing to say, the nicest are those who keep it for themselves.
  • They say the crisis is making the rich richer and the poor poorer. I can't see how that's a crisis.
  • Politicians are to politics what holes are to cheese. More cheese means more holes. But more holes means less cheese.
  • If we are to believe what is said, then the rich are the bad guys and the poor are the good guys. Then how come everyone wants to be a bad guy?
  • They say 3 million people are looking for a job. False: all they really need is money.
  • (as a cop :) If we're not allowed to punch them in the face, kick them in the balls, or in the butt, how are we supposed to interrogate them ? Sometimes they don't even speak our language !
  • The speed of light is faster than the speed of sound, which is why sometimes people look bright until they start talking.
  • I'm not a racist; my dog is black.
  • There are fewer foreigners in France than there are racists.
  • Instead of blind we say "sight-impaired", instead of deaf we say "hearing-impaired", so should fools be called "understanding-impaired"? (possibly inaccurately paraphrased)
  • I'm following two diets simultaneously because with only one I wasn't getting enough to eat.
  • Sportsmen are stupid, right. But that's the team spirit! Guys in a team, they have but one spirit. So they have to share it...
  • You can get AIDS on a toilet seat, but there are more comfortable places.
  • Earning a living isn't worth the sweat: you're already living. Job opportunities are scarce, so rather let who likes it have some.
  • Besides gangster or politician, what can you do without qualifications ? All there's left is artist.
  • One half of the politicians can't do anything, the other half would do anything.
  • Our immigrants would live better back in their country. To prove this: we love going there for vacation!
  • I went to Dakar [Senegal] for vacation... However, when checking my map of Paris: not a street matched each other!
  • If one day you feel useless and depressed, remember: one day you were the fastest spermatozoon of all.
  • Do you know what I think of morons who listen to music while standing in uniform ? The answer is in the question.
  • I don't mean that all cops are intelligent - that would be too gross a generalization.
  • (in a campaign speech:) I'll quit politics when politicians quit comedy - they steal my job, I steal theirs.
  • Can you make fun of everything? Well, my opinion is: if it was funny, you were right to do it.
  • If there were a tax on stupidity, the government would be self-financing.
  • What I hate the most about foreign countries, they just don't speak french. And depending on the countries, they don't even speak the same foreigner!
  • Playing the fool can be useful, but really it's easier just to be one.
  • I don't have any message... any wickedness... However, I am still being hated by half of you all...
  • I am capable of the very best and the very worst, but I'm the best at being the worst!