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- Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
- An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the "William Tell Overture" and not think of "The Lone Ranger."
- I leave CBS News with tremendous memories. But I leave now most of all with the desire to once again do regular, meaningful reporting. My departure before the term of my contract represents CBS's final acknowledgement, after a protracted struggle, that they had not lived up to their obligation to allow me to do substantive work there. As for their offers of a future with only an office but no assignments, it just isn't in me to sit around doing nothing. So I will do the work I love elsewhere, and I look forward to sharing details about that soon.
- CBS Evening News
- One good thing about having a birthday on Halloween is that people tend to remember it.
- Readers Digest, Quotable Quotes
- Ratings don't last. Good journalism does.
- The difference between love and sex is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
- The press is a watchdog. Not an attack dog. Not a lapdog. A watchdog.
- I got addicted. News, particularly daily news, is more addictive than crack cocaine, more addictive than heroin, more addictive than cigarettes.
The 1984 US president election
- Walter Mondale has seen the light at the end of the tunnel - and it's out.
The 1988 US president election
- George Bush is sweeping through the South like a tornado through a trailer park.
The 1992 US president election
- The excitement is so great that it can "make the wax pop out of your ears if you love politics."
- Texas is "the big enchilada or, if not an enchilada, then a huge taco."
The 1996 US president election
- Discussion about poll showing Bill Clinton would have lost to Colin Powell: "Woulda, coulda, shoulda. If a frog didn't have long hind legs, he wouldn't have squat to jump with."
The 2000 US president election
- This race is shakier than cafeteria Jello.
- He swept through the South like a tornado through a trailer park.
- Don't bet the trailer money on it yet.
- It's a ding dong battle back and forth.
- Look at that. Can't get a cigarette paper between'em.
- His chances are slim right now and if he doesn't carry Florida, Slim will have left town.
- We said earlier in the evening at one point that Governor Bush would probably be as mad as a rained-on rooster.
- This will show you how tight it is - it's spandex tight.
- The polls have been veering and wobbling so much that neither NASA nor the Russian Cosmodrome could track 'em in some cases.
- If you're disgusted with us, frankly I don't blame ya.
- I think you would likelier see a hippopotamus run through this room than see George Bush appoint Ralph Nader to the Cabinet.
- Turn the lights down, the party just got wilder.
- It's cardiac-arrest time in this presidential campaign.
- It's too early to say he has the whip hand.
- It's about as complicated as a wiring diagram to some dynamo.
- This election swings like one of those pendulum things.
- Al Gore has his back to the wall, shirt tails on fire with this race in Florida.
- Smelling salts for all Democrats please.
- This race is tight like a too-small bathing suit on a too-long ride home from the beach.
- We've lived by the crystal ball and learned to eat so much broken glass tonight that we're in critical condition.
- You would sooner find a tall talking broccoli stick to offer to mow your lawn for free.
- The big burrito.
- This thing is as tight as the rusted lugnuts on a '55 Ford.
- Maybe you can bring some perspective on this, we're plum out.
- When the going gets weird, anchor men punt.
The 2004 US presidential election
- Let's hit these biscuits with another dab of gravy (referring to voting results so far)
- This is more complicated than the wiring diagram for some hydroelectric dam dynamo.
- If a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a handgun.
- Don't taunt the alligator before you've crossed the creek.
- Missouri, the Show-Me State; show me … insufficient data!
- George Bush, he’s got the hot dice right now.
- It won’t mean a thing if they don’t get those swing … states!
- The results are swinging like Count Basie.
- Only a vote talks; everything else walks.
- In Southern states, they beat him like a rented mule.
- We’re all on these returns like white on rice.
- To err is human, but to really foul up requires a computer.
- If you try to read the tea leaves before the cup is done, you can get yourself burned.
- This race is hotter than a Times Square Rolex.
- When it comes to a race like this, I'm a long-distance runner and an all-day hunter.
- Turn the lights down, the party just got wilder.
- We don't know what to do. We don't know whether to wind a watch or bark at the moon.
- John Kerry’s at the point when he’s got his back to the wall, shirttails on fire, and the bill collector at the door.
- The situation in Ohio would give aspirin a headache.
The 2006 US Midterm Elections
From Comedy Central's 2006 Daily Show / Colbert Report Midterm Midtacular on November 7th, 2006:
- Ran away with it like a hobo with a sweet potato pie.
- If you ain't got the yolk, you can't emulsify the hollandaise.
- If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
- Mouth is alive with juices like wine, and I'm hungry like the wolf.