Talk:Finley Peter Dunne
(Translated from the Irish brogue into modern English)
"Politics ain't beanbag: 'tis a man's game, and women, children 'n' pro-hy-bitionists had best stay out of it."
"A fanatic is a man who does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case."
"Trust everybody, but cut the cards."
"A man that would expect to train lobsters to fly in a year is called a lunatic; but a man that thinks men can be turned into angels by an election is a reformer & remains at large."
"An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court."
"There is one thing to be said in favor of drink, and that is that it has caused many a lady to be loved that otherwise might have died single."
"Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals."
"Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting."
"You can lead a man up to the university, but you can't make him think."
"Alcohol is necessary for a man so that now and then he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts."
"Among men, Hennessy, wet eye means dry heart."
"Comfort the afflicted, afflict the comfortable."
"The best husbands stay bachelors; they're too considerate to get married."
"Many a man that could rule a hundred million strangers with an iron hand is careful to take off his shoes in the front hallway when he comes home late at night."
"Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while."
"High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts."
"A man has more fun wishing for the things he hasn't got than enjoying the things he has got."
"I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you never can read his prescription."
"One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need money the most, are the very ones that never have it."
"When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy."
"If you go to the zoo, always take something to feed the animals, even if the signs say 'Do Not Feed Animals'. It wasn't the animals that put them signs up." - Made popular by Forrest Gump
"Like most poets, preachers, and metaphysicians, he burst into conclusion at a spark of evidence."
"A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable."
"The first thing to have in a library is a shelf. From time to time, this can be decorated with literature. But the shelf is the main thing."
"No matter whether the country follows the flag or not, the Supreme Court follows the election returns."
"A man doesn't reform until his will has been impaired so he hasn't power to resist what the papers calls the blandishments of the tempter. And that's truer in politics than anywhere else."