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- "Progression is going forwards. Going backwards is regression. Going sideways is just gression."
- "Americans are crazy. They have this fascination with throwing their shoes on stage. I've been to a lot of shows in me life, some good and some bad. But I was never moved to take off me shoes and throw it at the lead singer."
- "There is no God." (On learning Westlife had beaten Oasis, U2 and The Beatles in an album chart battle in November 2006)
- "It all started because I was a bit of rogue when I was young. I used to wag school and be into fuckin' glue-sniffing and stuff. Then me and this lad robbed our corner shop, which is a very stupid thing to do 'cos everyone knows exactly who you are. Anyway, I was put on probation and I got grounded for six months. I had absolutely nothing to do. Everyone else was going out and I couldn't be bothered doing my fuckin' homework. So I just sat there playing one string on this acoustic guitar. I thought I was really good for about a year until someone tuned it up. Then I thought: 'I can't play the fuckin' thing at all now. I'm gonna have to start all over again."
- "I'm equal part genius, equal part buffoon" 
- "Someone was playing a joke when they made me, you know, 'Let's make this guy a writer and a guitar player, but let's make him write with his left hand but play with his right, and let's have him born in the middle of May and give him a Christmas name like Noel, and let's make him a dodgy, schizophrenic, two-faced Gemini.' Cheers!"
- "I was prolific in my youth because I had plenty of time on my hands... but the more baggage you get, the less time you have, I mean when I was 24 I had a guitar, a pair of Addidas trainers and 20 Bensons and that was all I had, that was all I cared about, so I had time on my hands to write music" (interviewed by Michael Parkinson, 2006)
- "All I ever wanted to do was make a record. Here's what you do: you pick up your guitar, you rip a few people's tunes off, you swap them round a bit, get your brother in the band, punch his head in every now and again, and it sells. I'm a lucky bastard. I'm probably the single most lucky man in the world."
- "We are the biggest band in Britain of all time, ever. The funny thing is, that fucking mouthing off three years ago about how we were gonna be the biggest band in the world, we actually went and done it."
- "If I were in the Beatles, I'd be a good George Harrison."
- "We're not arrogant, we just believe we're the best band in the world."
- "This guy came up to me from some band and he said that 'Man, I'd hate to be you right now, no privacy at all' and I was thinking, 'Sure thing man, I have a fucking Rolls Royce, a million dollars in the bank, a fucking mansion and my own jet and you think you'd feel sorry for me? What are you? I'd hate to be you, broke as hell living in the dole.'"
- -On Morning Glory:
- "There's no new direction. It's not more poppy or more rocky. They're just rock 'n' roll tunes. I'll never change the music I write."
- "The thing about us is we're honest. If we're asked whether we take drugs, we say yes. I was brought up by my mam not to be a liar."
- "I've got a bit of a headache, a bit of a lump gathering over my eye but if I have another 75 cigarettes and a couple of bottles of gin I'll be all right. I might go to sleep tonight."
- - Question: "Did you write any songs about your mom or for your mom?"
- "Live Forever is sort of about me mum, regardless of what you might have heard from anybody else. It's about me mother."
- "With every song that I write, I compare it to the Beatles. The thing is, they only got there before me. If I'd been born at the same time as John Lennon, I'd have been up there."
- "People think [I'm] controversial for the answers [I] give to silly questions in interviews, but if somebody asks me what I think about Live 8 or Robbie Williams or Madonna, I'm not thinking about insulting those people; I say what I genuinely feel is in my heart. My conscience is clean, d'you know what I mean? Y'know, I'm true to myself — fuck everybody else"
- "I know I've got Irish blood because I wake up every day with a fuckin' hangover."
- "I'm a songwriter because I'm no good at anything else and it pays well" (Interviewed by Frank Skinner)
- "Once you've been knocked virtually unconscious on the floor by your Dad and you know you're not going to die, you're not afraid of anything." (on how his childhood shaped him) 
- "I've got a bit of a headache, a bit of a lump gathering over my eye but if I have another 75 cigarettes and a couple of bottles of gin I'll be all right. I might go to sleep tonight."
- "I'm not John Lennon. I'm not trying to say anything. I'm just trying to entertain people"
- "Liam's the King of the Lads. Not me. I'm the King of Kings!"
- "If I ever get to go to the moon, I'll probably just stand on the moon and go: 'Hmmm, yeah, fair enough, gotta go home now."
- "What would you rather read? 'The guy from Keane's been to a rabbit sanctuary 'cos one of the rabbits needed a kidney implant, so he swapped his with it' — or 'Liam Gallagher sets fire to a policeman in cocaine madness while his brother Noel runs down Oxford Street nude'?"
- "Someone told me 'Supersonic' was about teenage prostitution. Shit. It's about a nine-stone Rottweiler called Elsa who was in the studio where we were recording."
- "We just believe we're the best band in the world. We're not arrogant, that's just a fact."
- "We're not pop stars, we're lads"
- Liam Gallagher:"We're the best band in England"
- Noel Gallagher: "We're the best band in the World"
- "It's actually becoming a bit sad now 'cos that's the third tour I've walked off, and even the rest of the band were going 'ha ha ha, yeah, see ya in a bit!', 'Nah, nah, I'm actually leaving this time!', 'aye, right, yeah'" (interviewed by Frank Skinner on his 2001 departure from an Oasis tour)
- "Me and Andy [Bell] look at things more objectively. I’m not going on the road when I’m 50! And it depends on how I look. We’ll still be touring in five years but I don’t ever want to end up like Pink Floyd. Now I fucking love Pink Floyd but on stage at Live 8, well I’m not going out like that. I want our last photo shoot to look good. I don’t see an end to it yet but we’re not going to be like the Rolling Stones, no fucking way — all that macrobiotic food and tights? No way"
- "I love our kid. Just not as much as I love pot noodles." (On Liam Gallagher)
- Dani Behr: Do you [and Liam] still have physical fights?
- Noel: No. The last time was in March or May and we haven't done since because...
- Dani Behr: Who won?
- Noel: I did. He claims it's because he was drunk, but I claimed I had won because I had a cricket bat in my hand.
- "(Noel sitting on Soccer AM)
- Tim: "It was Liam's birthday the other day weren't it?"
- Noel:"It was."
- Tim:"What did you get him?"
- Noel:"(laughs) Nothing, we're not girls, Tim.."(Noel on Liam's birthday)
- "If I lived in America, I would have blown his head off by now and completely regretted it. Since I live in England, though, I just give him a black eye or something every now and again. I don't hate him, but fuck me, he pisses me off sometimes"
- "As bad as things get in Oasis there’s always this sibling thing that draws us back together or my Mum gets involved"
- "Liam sees things very differently to the rest of us. After The Brits I don’t know. Liam needs to go to anger management classes and get some manners and then maybe we’ll make another record." (speaking in 2007)
- "He's like a man with a fork in a world full of soup."
- "I liked drugs, I was good at them. But I'd had panic attacks for about a year and I stopped because I wanted to. After you make the decision, it is quite easy... [between 1993 and 1998] I can hardly remember a thing."
- "Why would you check into a hospital to pay somebody four grand an hour to tell you things that, really, you should already know bout yourself? If any of you are watching... give me the money, I'll sort it out for you!" (on The Priory)
On success as a musician
- "All I ever wanted to do was make a record. Here's what you do: you pick up your guitar, you rip a few people's tunes off, you swap them round a bit, get your brother in the band, punch his head in every now and again, and it sells. I'm a lucky bastard. I'm probably the single most lucky man in the world -- apart from our Liam."
- "Rock 'n' Roll is about music. Music. Music. Music. It's not about you, it's not about me, it's not about Oasis. It's about the tunes."
- Frank Skinner: "You're probably one of the most down to earth rock stars I know... but you do wear shades when the sun's not shining?"
- Gallagher: "Well it's in the manual isn't it. It actually says in the rock star book 'Thou shalt wear shades at all times, preferably indoors'"
- "It is hard to be modest at times like these so I won't even try...you are all shite!" (on collecting a Brit Award)
- "What, you askin' me if I'm happy? Listen, I've got eighty seven million pounds in the bank. I've got a Rolls-Royce. I've got three stalkers. I'm about to go on the board at Manchester City F.C. I'm part of the greatest band in the world. Am I happy with that? No I'm not! I want more!"
- "I'm not like John Lennon, who thought he was the great Almighty. I just think I'm John Lennon."
- "Next year I hope to get a stalker or two because I don't believe you've arrived until you get a stalker."
England & British politics
- "We are a nation of moaning sissies, regardless of who governs. The British get on my nerves. They moan about the weather, about the French, about the Germans. They moan about cricket, football — they should just keep their mouths shut."
- "Politics is like football for me. Labour is my team and even if you don't like a striker you don't give up supporting the whole team... Labour is the lesser of two evils. What else should we have? Anarchy? Someone has to be responsible".
Damon Albarn and Blur
- "We had no problem with [Blur] up until the point they started pissing about moving singles backwards and forwards, and then they started booking gigs in the same towns as us when we went on tour and had this big stupid projection of "#1" which they would project onto our gig... so we phoned their management and said 'look, we're going to pull this gig, right, because if one of your fans gets his head smashed in with a bottle by one of our fans then, y'know.' So they started the ball rolling." (On the origins of "The Battle of Britpop")
- "I've got nothing against him... I just think his bird (Justine Frischmann) is ugly."
- "Blur is way better than my band, and so is Phil Collins."
- "That [Albarn's concern about elements about US culture pervading the UK] just goes to show what a pompous arse [Albarn] is. If you've got the time to sit down and worry about American culture creeping into British society then I would get a proper fucking job, y'know. Other people are too busy trying to make a living." (interviewed for Live forever, the rise and fall of Britpop, 2003)
- "He's [Albarn] such a condescending cock."(interviewed for Live forever, the rise and fall of Britpop, 2003)
- "The thing about Blur is I respect them totally as musicians - the guitarist, Graham Coxon, is one of the most talented guitarists of his generation, and Damon's written some good songs but he'll always come out with a condescending comment."(interviewed for Live forever, the rise and fall of Britpop, 2003)
- "What does [Albarn] know about British culture? He knows nothing. He's from Colchester, he's a fucking student, he took A-level music. He knows nothing. Nothing."(interviewed for Live forever, the rise and fall of Britpop, 2003)
- "The thing about Damon Albarn is he's so defensive, and no matter what accusation you level at him he'll have to defend himself. He'll be sittting there watching this now going [stamps foot] 'I'm not, I'm not, I'm not! I fucking swear I'm not!' and it's like, you fucking started it mate."(interviewed for Live forever, the rise and fall of Britpop, 2003)
- "I wish Blur were dead, John Lennon was alive and the Beatles would reform."
- "They [Blur] are a great band." (Friday Night with Jonathan Ross, 10 September 2004)
- "I've got a lot of respect for Damon, I really do mean it. Because I'm indifferent to Damon, he thinks that I think he's a cunt. Our Liam will talk to him, I won't because he's just another singer in a band to me, but I don't think he's a cunt. Good luck to him!" (speaking in 2007)
- "The bloke's on another planet!"
- "The fat dancer from Take That"
- "He's a fucking circus monkey!"
- "Fucking dog shit... even he knows just how bad his music has become." (On Williams' flop 2006 album Rudebox)
- "What would you like me to do? Would you like me to slag him off? I'm not interested… If you take drugs, you end up in rehab unless you're a fucking rock like me — and then you just give them up." (On Willams being admitted to rehab in 2007)
- "People fucking hate cunts like Phil Collins, and if they don't — they fucking should"
- "Why did he sell so many records in the '80s? I mean, fucking hell"
- "Vote Labour. If you don't and the Tories get in, Phil Collins is threatening to come back from Switzerland and live here — and none of us want that." (on the 2005 General election)
- "You can't kill the anti-Christ"
- ""Phil Collins knows he can't say anything about me because I'm the fucking bollocks and that's the thing that does his head in, and the fact that he's bald."
- "What's masquerading itself as hip-hop-slash-R&B is fucking horrible. These guys will go on the telly going: 'Hey kids, stay in school, don't do drugs', and then they'll be shooting each other down at the shopping mall. The disregard for women, stuff like that, I find it quite sickening. And the clothes they wear, and it's all about 'me, me, me', and 'I wanna fuck you up…' Give it a rest you bunch of idiots."
- "Gangsta Rap's just a load of old flannel really, isn't it ??" (During a chance encounter with Ruby Wax, who was making a documentary about Gangsta Rap at the time.)
- "Traditionally speaking, the three biggest twats in any band are the singer, the keyboardist and the drummer. I don't need to say anything else." (On Keane, a band comprised of a singer, keyboardist and drummer)
- "Bloc Party are indie shit... Every time I read an interview by them, they're talking about their favourite music; 'Yeah, I heard a Björk B-side that was interesting'... It's either good or it's bad. So it either makes sense to your brain or it doesn't... There's no such thing as 'interesting'."
- "I'm just glad I lived long enough to hear the shittiest band ever" (On Sum 41, who put the quote on their official website)
- "Do you ever look at the sky and think, I'm glad I'm alive? After I heard Sum 41, I thought, I'm actually alive to hear the shittiest band of all time. Which is quite something when you think about it. Of all the bands that have gone before and all the bands that'll be in the future, I was around when the worst was around."
- "Nirvana had this song called 'I Hate Myself and I Want to Die', and I thought 'I'm not fucking having that. He's got everything I fucking want. He's in the most fucking critically acclaimed band in the world, he's got millions of dollars. Courtney Love, well he can have her, but he's got everything I want and he wants to fucking die? Fuck that, fuck the song and fuck him. You and me mate? We're gonna live forever!"
- "If you listen [to Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams] you'll find it is exactly the same arrangement as 'Wonderwall'... [I've been accused of taking riffs and bits of lyrics] but not whole songs! They should have the decency to wait until I'm dead. I at least pay the people I steal from that courtesy."
- "Thom Yorke sat at a piano singing, This is fucked up, for half an hour. We all know that, Mr Yorke... Who wants to sing the news? No matter how much you sit there twiddling, going, 'We're all doomed,' at the end of the day people will always want to hear you play Creep. Get over it. I never went to fucking university. I don't know what a paint brush is; I never went to art school." (On Thom Yorke of Radiohead)
- "George was always the 'Quiet Beatle', maybe he should keep that up" (After George Harrison described Oasis as "a passing fad")
- "I respected him when he was proper artist before he started getting into all this cosmetic surgery shit. When he was in the Jackson Five, he was a genius.(On Michael Jackson)
- "To be honest, I think it's a nice tribute... but to release it on his own label with one of his own songs on the b-side seems like, shall we say, lack of foresight on his behalf... it's like Eric Clapton writing songs for his dead son. Then again, people aren't stupid... death sells doesn't it?" (On Elton John's "Candle in the Wind") (), which beat Stand By Me to #1 in October 1997.
- "Do I think we should leave? I don't think we should be given a vote. I see politicians on TV every night telling us that this is a fucking momentous decision that could fucking change Britain forever and blah, blah, blah. It's like, okay, why don't you fucking do what we pay you to do which is run the fucking country and make your fucking mind up. What are you asking the people for? 99 percent of the people are thick as pig shit. They didn't fucking ask us for a referendum when they were going off to war, did they? No, fucking assholes."
- "I love dogs, dogs are brilliant. Is there anything funnier than a dog, going down the high street with his face hangin' out the window? Y'know when you see dogs in the passenger seat, someone's wound down the window and the dog's got his face out the window and he's like "Whoa! We're goin' 43 miles an hour!" and he's got his tongue out! The second funniest thing is dogs in hats! Is there anything funnier than a dog wearing a hat on holiday?! Is there anything funnier than a dog in sunglasses?! I don't think so. I don't think so. Dogs smoking cigarettes is out of order... but have you ever seen a dog when he's going down the street and he's got his face out the window? The most joyous thing a dog will ever do is go over 30 miles an hour! They love it! They love it. The next time you see a dog, get on the utter joy on his face, with his tongue hanging out (imitates dog). By the way for the people listening to the radio, I just pulled a really, really funny face, it was worth at least a hundred grand a week from the BBC, but I won't get it..."
- BBC Radio 1 with Chris Moyles (?)