Talk:Tom DeLonge

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• I have Rhea. Gonna and Dia.

• Stop yelling at me! I think I'm gonna vomit and shit in my pants because I'm tired.

• We're immature guys playing pranks on people, having fun.

• Everyone else but me surfs. I grew up skateboarding, but I don't even do that anymore. I'll get hurt and die, ... But if I die, I'll sell more records. We're thinking of doing that. Actually dying.

• Like millions of others, I have been plagued by the devastating effects of cancer hitting not one, but multiple members of my family. Keep A Breast creates events that are not only inspiring and beautiful, they provide a call to action for the millions of teens and young adults are searching for a cause to support.

• I think people buy our records because they finally see three guys that are funny and have personalities but play serious songs about things they can relate to ... Kids say they can relate to what our songs are about. They feel like we're their friends.

• "What's My Age Again?" — that's really Mark Hoppus ... He's 27 and rolling around on the floor naked. We're always like, "How old are you?"

• "I applaud anyone who thinks I'm good-loooking and invite them into my world"

• "There's too many rad things to stick in your butt besides a living animal"

• "I hated, hated, hated my job. You know those people who hate their job? That was me"

• "I think it's so incredible that there are all these boy bands out there, like the Backstreet Boys and N'sync. They're all so bad! It hurts me, I've cried!"

• "Can I please sign your cd? I'll feel pretty worthless if I don't" - during a blink instore signing

• "We speak for all males, we write songs hoping that girls will like us dirty rotten boys for a long time."

• "I was all, 'I need a word that goes "duh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh,"' and [Mark] goes, 'commiserating!' I called people to make sure it meant what we thought it did." - tom, explaining how the word "commiseratering" ended up in "All The Small Things."

• "Most people think we're just like this onstage, but we talk about poop all the time."

• "We believe that people can come to a show, take off their clothes, and run around and have a good time."

• "All those teens out there, you have to see a counselor! Mark just took every English class in the world and didn't know they had nothing to do with his major!"

• "Who ordered the naked midgit?!" - Mark "That would be me." - Tom

• "Hey, is anybody here still a virgin? That sucks. You guys should really try sex. It's a lot of fun. If feels really good."

• "Hey, my dad doesn't do anymore fuckin'. I put a stop to that about a year ago when I stayed at his place for the weekend. I'm tired."

• "My dad really didn't do the butt sex thing."

• "I'm picturing you all naked. Now I'm picturing you all in wheel chairs. Ok, sorry that was fucked up."

• "A lot of fucking poontang here man" UC2: Harder, Faster, Faster, Harder as Boomer

• "Every once in a while I like to fuck pigs" UC2: Harder, Faster, Faster, Harder

• "It's called 'Babe, babe, I need my nuts back'" LA 1997 concert introducing Mutt

• "Just tell the Backstreet Boys right now, I am ready for work, and I'm gonna dance again, and I'm on fire"

Making of All The Small Things video

• "I haven't grown up at all since I was a freshmen in high school, and neither has my penis."

• "Do I look feminine when I stand like this?"

• "We take our music very seriously."

• "Humor has become so cliché and boring that nothing's funny anymore unless it involves something totally disgusting that offends somebody or makes them feel really uncomfortable."

• After asked about getting spit on in concert he told someone - "Usually I'm too drunk to really care about it. Sometimes I'll look at my shirt and see a bunch of loogies and get all grossed out, but it's all in the name of fun."

• "For me, sex with a girl is a race to orgasm, and I am undefeated."

• "Some people say that we're idiots or perverts. Don't argue, we're both!"

• "We don't want to act like adults. Anybody who can stay in a state of adolescence will be much better off later on. Look at people who are working nine-to-five jobs out of college, and look at professional skateboarders or guys in punk bands," he says. "See who's having more fun."

• "I came up with a little formula; If you write songs about girls you get girls at show. We write a lot of songs about girls."

• "This type of music has a limited time span so we have to evolve and do the best we can now."

• "Our take on punk is really just fun: it's fun to offend people and do what we want to. But it isn't that offensive. We make music for ourselves and everybody else who gets it. It's a lifestyle scene. If you don't get it, you don't have to listen."

• " I don't know why I am in this band, I am the only guy that likes girls. I am the only one that believes that guys and girls should be together and that babies should be made the penis vagina way. The old way. These guys are trying to create some weird wacky, maybe the penis in the butt will get a kid, I don't know. I don't think that works" Mark: "What?" Tom: "No, don't come here and try to act like your heterosexual!"

• "And as for signing to a bigger label .... well I'd like to make a lot of money and fuck credibility. If I did it doesn't make me any different. Just richer."

• "I've masturbated like 5 times in the last 24 hours... it hurts... it's going to fall off."

• "This is a scene and the bands that have been in it a long time deserve the breaks. Doesn't mean they've changed. We haven't. We're still writing songs about girls."

• "I study that stuff, man," he says. "UFOs ... I'll tell you that I think in the next year the US government is going to come out and admit that aliens have visited Earth. The reason I think that is that I listen to this radio show at home which deals with all this stuff."

• "Now which one of you said I suck? Which one of you called me an ugly disgusting bastard? Was it you? How old are you? How old are you? You know I once said that I would never stick anything in my butt larger than a lamp light! Anyway........you guys wanna hear a song?"

• "Hey.. How old are you? 15? OH MY GOD!!! Put those things away."

• "I'm probably the sexiest and the best in bed, even if I'm by myself in bed. I love to masturbate. I love to give myself orgasms. I love to deliver orgasms to the masses." The Urethra Chronicles

• "So we're in Wisconsin. I LOVE CHEESE!!" Mark - "You know, I really don't get the point of putting something in the fridge, let it mold, and then take it out and spread it on a cracker!!"

• Mark: "Hey Tom, tell these people about the Philippines! "

Tom: "We hear that in the Philippines, when a baby's crying, you have to suck on it's penis to make it stop crying. So I guess that makes me Filipino. It works on me to, if I'm crying, you suck on my penis." Mark: "Okay! Shut the fuck up!" Tom: "Ok!" The Urethra Chronicles

• "Travis has a lot of tattoos. I hope basically means I hope I can get laid by a guy. Can I say for can I say I'm gay. And the bird, represents a man swooshing through the clouds and coming down and sleeping with him."

• "It's so obvious that I have the most masculine attributes. If femininity were a sport, the other two guys would have a gold medal. All I hear is, "When can I wear a dress? Can I paint my house pink?" That kind of stuff. By far, I'm the only one that resembles something like a Conan-type character. You can call me Conan."

• "The only reason I bought a computer was to look up UFO sites and learn how to get probed. Anally. Wait, are you laughing at me?"

• "I really enjoy, uh, getting make-up and my butt worked on. What I do normally before a show is I get my butt spackled, shaved, waxed, massaged, and buffed..."

• "Mark's penis only turns in a 90 degree angle."

• "Well, uh, that one back there says hope, I hope I can get laid by a guy. The one on the front says Can I Say I'm gay, basically, can I say I'm gay. Like, if you look on his ghettoblaster that ghettoblaster is always playing homosexual music like Morrisey, Erasure. Uh... the bird on his right arm that you see there symbols ... a man... swooshing through the sky coming down and... sleeping with him."

• "You mean the shit people claim 'You're not punk anymore!' I think they're a bunch of little hypocrites. Punk has nothing to do with the label you're on. We still get that kind of crap, but for every hypocritical punk kid, there are hundreds out there who just like the music. It's all about music and fun anyway and I can't see anything wrong with that. All the selling out talk is really overrated, the funny thing is it hardly ever comes from bands, it comes from some kid who think they're so punk because they have a purple mohawk. And it's the one that has the biggest... ehhh ... mohawk is the most punk! Ha ha!"

• "Please don't throw up your dirty toilet paper, I'm not hungry"

• "I don't get boy bands these days. They don't write their own songs and everything is choreographed from their dance moves to how they have sex with each other after the show."

• "If I was a thief, I'd only sneak into peoples houses and steal their underwear"

• "You know, it's almost like we have a script to follow, but really we're just really funny guys. Funny, funny am I."

• "I'm sick of been known as the sexy guy who writes the songs."

• "It's cold, (The cameraman: get out of the way!) it's raining (get out of the way!!!).....and this is the most boringest place on earth. (GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!!!)" The Urethra Chronicles

• "We write songs about love, life, friendship, food.....your mom."

• "All the.....All the.....I will not gooo.....FUCK!" Preparing for the VMA 2000 performance on MTV, being nervous, obviously

• "I can't live without Mexican food."

• "I'm in my own personal hell."

• "Is this healthy? The rain, the cold, the Germany? The snot, the nose, the fever?"

• "Fuck me, I'm losing respect for myself as an artist.....and as a lover."

• "Go fuck your dad kids!"

• "I wet myself at night when I'm asleep, just like everybody.....I spy on my dad when he's taking a shower just like everybody else in this world.....we're not just a joke band"

• "My nuts taste better with fudge!" The Urethra Chronicles

• Mark: "Watch out for the big columns of Styrofoam!"

Tom: "I usually stuck them in my pants....... It makes it look bigger!" The Urethra Chronicles

• "Toiletpaper, toiletpaper! You make me blow my nose on you! All I want is my ears to pop out" Tom doesn't feel well!

• "I think Travis is cute."

• "I drank a shitload of caffeine. That shit shrinks your balls but it wakes you the fuck up!"

• "It's the boobie monster!!" Atlanta show

• "I bet this camera would make my penis look really big" San Diego concert

• "Look! Look! I'm getting a blow job right now!! Thanks whakeem.. wait, wait, I don't know if I can recover that fast" San Diego concert

• "Why do you keep throwing clothes at me? Obviously you don't like what I'm wearing" San Diego concert

• "Yeah, I've been trying to get back on that type of diet, with the calcium and all but my mom won't let me...but my dad will" San Diego concert

• "HEY, HEY, HEY!!! We're artists, alright? Shut the fuck up!!!" Sandjob 2000

• "Guess what! We got calls from Tony Blair's wife and kids because they want to come to our show" Tom

"Do you think they'll enjoy it?" Q reporter "I don't know. Once they hear the things we say they'll probably throw us out of the country" Tom in Q magazine in December 2001 (February 2002 issue)

• "When my daughter get's her period, I am gonna be like oh god and get a band-aid...maybe we should get you to the hospital"

• Jabba: "What is ‘Dammit’ about? What is that film clip about?"

Tom: "It’s about the political unrest in south east Asia …"

• "We like to fuck dead bodies, that's what we do. They don't say anything" Inglewood 2002

• "You only know us for this one song, but we've been here six years long... ahh who cares everyone's getting laid tonight!"

• "We just write down a bunch of words, and pray to god they make sense. And if we don't, it doesn't matter, were artists."

• "To tell you the truth, this album has less joke stuff than the other albums, but at the same time we promise that we haven't gotten any more mature -- although people might think so after listening to the music."

• "I know I am not good at this, fuck you guys, I'll play over here"

• "To you, this is a bra, but to me, i'm a fly, bzzzzzz!"

• "All the hot women come to the front row and get naked!"

• "I'm installing a security system so nosey little kids don't watch me run around my house naked smearing peanut butter all over me"

• "Tom's good in bed"

• "I'm a gayboy and your mother eats chedder bunions"

• Tom- "Hey what's the best gift you can give anyone for Christmas?"

Mark- "What?" Tom- "An orgasm!" Mark- "Hey, you put one of those in my stocking last year." Tom- "Yeah (laughs)" Mark- "I'm wearing it right now"

• "I was kicked out of middle school a few times. This guy who was kind of a dick and a bully got hit by a car. I jumped up and went, YEAH!' Apparently that wasn't cool with some people 'cause I got kicked out"

• "i still have to go pee and im holding it in still i'll piss my pants though for money".

• "New Found can fucking keep him. We're looking for a new bass player. just call 1-800-fucking-guys-in-the-ass."

• "I'll eat a nugget of my own poop for 20 bucks. I'll pay you 20 bucks and I'll eat it."

• "Everyone who's heard it says it's the best thing I've ever done, and I'm inclined to believe them. We haven't picked the first single yet because all 10 songs are absolute singles. That's been the hardest thing of all, trying to determine the first single."

• Tom DeLonge Promises 'The Greatest Rock And Roll Revolution'

• "I love my fans, and I promise, I will not let you down. The music that we all grew to cherish that was made, not only will continue, but will be much, much better," his statement read. "All I can say is hold on, and prepare ..."

• "This is the best music made in decades ... It is so much more powerful, emotional and melodic than Box Car and Blink put together, that I am currently sh---ing my pants," the statement continued. "You all must know, I didn't want Blink to go on hiatus, but it had to ... you all will learn why ... soon."