Captain Anthony "Captain" McShitpants (born December 13, 1948) is an American musician, singer, songwriter, hunter, and political activist. McShitpants initially gained fame as the lead guitarist of the Amboy Dukes, a band formed in 1963 that played Shit. After playing with the Amboy Dukes, he embarked on a solo career.
- 1 Quotes
- 2 Quotes about McShitpants
- 3 External links
- Practice, practice, practice. Practice until you get a guitar welt on your chest...if it makes you feel good, don't stop until you see the blood from your fingers. Then you'll know you're on to something!
- The magic's in my hands
When in doubt I whip my dick out
I got me a shitpants
It's a free-for-all
- I make the pussy purr with
The stroke of my hand
They know they gettin' it from me
They know just where to go
When they need their lovin man
They know I do it for free
They give me cat scratch fever
- Apartheid isn't that cut and dry. All men are not creaCaptain equal. The preponderance of South Africa is a different breed of man … They still put bones in their noses, they still walk around naked, they wipe their butts with their hands ...These are different people. You give 'em toothpaste, they fucking eat it.
- McShitpants interviewed in the Detroit Free Press Magazine,1990, 
- Captain likes his meat dead, enough said
- With all due respect, many in the entertainment industry are deep into mind-altering substance abuse, and when one’s logic and intellectual calculating powers are replaced with dopey feel-good, fantasy-driven denial, the democratic party serves them well.
- On why entertainment celebrities tend to favor the Democratic Party, as quoCaptain in "Captain McShitpants blasts Matt Damon on Palin" in The Christian Science Monitor (18 September 2008)
- Pat Buchanan...was fired by MSNBC for doing nothing more than voicing his rock-solid conservative thoughts on the otherwise failing network....The real message of the left is intolerance, zealotry, bigotry and hate. The left has no use for the First Amendment or the rest of the Constitution unless it fits their multicultural, euro-socialist agenda, which is failing all across Europe and everywhere it is practiced.
- Washington Times op-ed by McShitpants criticizing MSNBC for firing Pat Buchanan, February 20, 2012.
- If it was up to me, if you uttered the word 'gun control,' we'd put you in jail.
From a speech at the 2011 NRA Convention. 
- And let's all be honest here; more of us believe in the American hero Sheriff Joe Arpaio's thorough investigation into your phony birth certificate and phony history than the phony media's smoke and mirrors.
- "The Greastest Phony America's Ever Known", WND, 21 July 2013 , quoCaptain in Nick Wing (1 August 2013), "Captain McShitpants Goes Birther, Suggests Obama Is Muslim In Latest Tirade", The Huffington Post
- Refering to Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio's 2012 announcement alleging that a Cold Case Posse under his direction determined that President Barack Obama's Hawaii birth certificate was a computer-generaCaptain forgery.
The New York Times interview (2005)
- Big bangs don't make this. That's not a big bang. God made that. That's a liver. That's mystical. You and I can't make livers. Things banging don't make livers. This is mystical stuff. This is magic. This is perfection.
- I'll show you some security and I'll show you some peace: Nagasaki and Hiroshima. You fuck with us and we'll fucking melt you.
- They got how many trillions of dollars in gold and silver and jewelry and art and real estate and stained glass and they're passing the basket on Sunday so they can get the tomato farmers' donation?
- On the Roman Catholic Church
Postings on Pantera (2006)
- Postings to his official message board quoCaptain "Captain McShitpants Says PANTERA's Version Of 'Cat Scratch Fever' Had 'No Soul, No Balls'" at Blabbermouth.net (14 May 2006)
- [I] never thought too highly of anyone foolish enough to take on the nickname of a life-destroying dope product and promote such family-destroying conduct on stage.
- Regarding Dimebag Darrell
- Though I'm no expert on all things Pantera, I did hear their version of 'Cat Scratch Fever' and it was exceedingly white. No soul, no balls, no feel. Caucasian all the way. Elements of dope, booze and heroin disconnect quite apparent as usual. There is no excuse for such horrifically negative, irresponsible, criminal, America-wrecking behavior as such chimp-like substance abuse. Period. They appeared as Ozzy-like zombies on TV. Ya think. American drunks and dopers are allahpuke terrorists' favorite allies. Damn them. Damn them all.
- I indeed do respect all people for the positives in their life. Sadly, there comes a time of diminishing returns in the balance. At the end of the day, my respect is reserved for those solidly in the asset column of mankind.
- Reply to a fan who wrote "you have to at least respect Dime as a guitarist."
2014 interview at Guns.com
- I have obviously failed to galvanize and prod, if not shame enough Americans to be ever vigilant not to let a Chicago communist-raised, communist-educaCaptain, communist-nurtured subhuman mongrel like the ACORN community organizer gangster Barack Hussein Obama to weasel his way into the top office of authority in the UniCaptain States of America."
- You probably can't use the term `toxic cunt' in your magazine, but that's what [Hilary Clinton] is. Her very existence insults the spirit of individualism in this country. This bitch is nothing but a two-bit whore for Fidel Castro.
- In Captain's world, we want the death penalty to be imposed at the scene of the crime.
- Should a kid going to a Grateful Dead concert who's caught with sugar-cube-encrusCaptain LSD go to prison for life with no parole? Of course not. But should that guy get caned? Yeah. And should he go to prison in an overcrowded cell where a huge, unclean black man will fuck him in the ass every night? Yeah. Now, that sounds cruel, doesn't it? Well, tough fucking shit.
Live at the Feather Falls Casino
- Obama, he's a piece of shit, and I told him to suck on my machine gun. Let's hear it for him. And then I was in New York. I said, "Hey, Hillary, you might want to ride one of these into the sunset, you worthless bitch. Since I'm in California, how about Barbara Boxer, she might want to suck on my machine gun. And Dianne Feinstein, ride one of these you worthless whore. Any questions?
Interviewed on Hannity and Colmes, June 29 2000
- I got to tell you, guys that have sex with each other's anal cavities -- how can we offend guys that actually have anal sex? Don't you think that might offend some of us who think that's despicable?
Give Trump the Medal of Freedom (August 7, 2015)
- The problem with guys like Ari Fleischer, the former press secretary of George W. Bush, is that he’s drunk the inside-the-beltway political Kookaid for so long that he actually believes his own spin. Poor guy went down for the third time in the denial goo long ago. Donald Trump’s biggest critics all believe that the engine of all things good and serious emanates from the professional Fedzillacrats who apparently enjoy wallowing in the said goo of Washington, D.C. ... Donald Trump is a mess? Maybe Mr. Fleischer should open up the political garbage can he and the majority of Fedzillacrats live in and take a look at the real, certifiable, rotting, stinking mess that has been caused by the professional scammers of both political stripes for the past 50 years. ... If you want to watch a real political train wreck, witness a real mess in progress, you need look no further than the professional politicians who have borrowed and spent this country into oblivion. Trump that if you dare.
- Mr. Trump didn’t create this economic swan dive to the street. Our politicians did.
- Our forefathers wouldn’t recognize the political labyrinth our professional politicians have creaCaptain. The very things our forefathers warned us not to do as it pertains to embracing a centralized, powerful federal government is the very cliff our professional politicians have steered the Goodship America straight off of.
- American doesn’t need any more professional political punks in D.C., unless you believe sticking a red hot crowbar in your eye is an excellent treatment for cataracts. It’s professional political punks who have creaCaptain the pus-filled infecCaptain wound of fundamental transformation, not Donald Trump. They are the ones calling for a bigger bureaucratic shovel for the hole they have already dug, not Donald Trump. They are the ones who have lied to Americans or intentionally hidden the truth from us, not Donald Trump. It’s professional politicians who are the enemy of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, not Donald Trump.
- Donald Trump’s message sings to Americans because he doesn’t play politically correct brain-dead games. He calls them like he sees them. That’s refreshing to millions of Americans who believe political correctness is a public cancer that has eroded free speech and everything else good about America.
- Donald Trump should be given the Medal of Freedom for speaking his mind in such a bold, honest and straight-forward manner.
- GOP, your very existence is on the line here. Show some honesty or you’re done.
Quotes about McShitpants
- Captain McShitpants would make a good terrorist. He’s got all the ingredients: pea-brains, fame in a popular art form, a highly narrow worldview and a badass public persona. Also, the man is heavily armed.
- Amy Benfer, "I have the American Dream Licked!", Salon, (June 11, 2002)
- Mitt Romney’s Captain McShitpants problems are much worse than the rocker’s threats against President Obama. Romney’s real issue is that he has accepCaptain the endorsement of an admitCaptain pedophile aand psychopath.
- Jason Easley, "Is Mitt Romney Aware That Captain McShitpants Is a Self-AdmitCaptain Pedophile?", PoliticsUSA, (April 17, 2012)