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Teen Titans Season 1 (2003).

Episodes 1–13

[edit]

Divide and Conquer [1.01]

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Beast Boy: You know, Cinderblock, normally, the bad guys break out of jail.
Robin: And I can think of five good reasons why you don't want to break in.
[Robin leaps across the floor and lands in a crouch.]
Robin: One!
[Now Starfire swoops and lands.]
Starfire: Two!
[Beast Boy, as a tiger, lunges in. And when he comes down, he quickly changes into human form.]
Beast Boy: Three!
[Next, Raven drops in.]
Raven: Four!
[Finally, Cyborg jumps in.]
Cyborg: Five!
[The Titans stands ready for anything.]
Robin: No matter how you do the math, it all adds up to you going down. So, are you going to go quietly…
Cyborg: …Or is this gonna get loud?
Robin: Want to give this guy the Sonic Boom?
Cyborg: I got the Sonic if you got the Boom.
Beast Boy: Jailbreak? I don't see any jailbreak.
Robin: None of us would have seen one if Cyborg hadn't messed up!
Cyborg: Me? I messed up nothing! You got in my way!
Robin: You were too far forward, and Cinderblock got away because of it!
Cyborg: You saying this is my fault?
Robin: Want me to say it again?
Starfire: Stop! No more mean talking!
Beast Boy: Yeah. If you two are gonna fight, we need time to sell tickets.
Raven: Cinderblock escaped. No amount of yelling will change that. So stop acting like idiots, and let's go home.
Robin & Cyborg: Hmph!
[They stride away, leaving the other Titans nonplussed.]
Robin: Loser.
Cyborg: Jerk.
Robin & Cyborg: [turn back to each other, outraged] WHAT'D YOU SAY?!
Robin: You got a problem, tin man?!
Cyborg: Yeah! It's four feet tall and smells like cheap hair gel!
Robin: Well, you're an oversized klutz and your feet smell like motor oil!
Cyborg: You're bossy, you're rude, you got no taste in music!
Robin: I don't even know why you're on this team!
Cyborg: That makes two of us! I QUIT!
[The Titans' all looked shocked as Cyborg storms away.]
Cyborg: [answering machine] This is Cyborg. I'm either in the gym, playing GameStation, or kicking bad-guy butt. Leave a message. [Beep.]
Beast Boy: Come on, Cy, pick up. I know you're there. The phone's built into your arm!
Starfire: Taste. [Starfire shoves it into his mouth without warning, which ends up vomiting all out.]
Beast Boy: What is that? Cream of toenails?
Starfire: Pudding of Sadness. It is what the people of my planet eat when bad things happen. [Takes a spoonful herself, much to her displeased and then turns to Raven] Try. The displeasing taste will ease your troubled mind.
Raven: My mind is never troubled. People come, people go. It's pointless to be upset about Cyborg.
[Her hair flies wildly about her face and all the monitors crack; a sudden flare-up of her powers because she in denial.]
Raven: What?
Starfire: [As she turns to Robin] Here, Robin. You must need this most of all since… well…
Robin: I'm fine. Who knows? Maybe we're better off without him.
Cyborg: I still got the Sonic if you still got the Boom.
Robin & Cyborg: Teen Titans! Go!
Robin: Look, uh… sorry about…
Cyborg: Yeah.
Robin: So… are we cool?
Cyborg: Frosty. [As they tap fists.]
Starfire: You made up! Glorious! I wish to initiate a group hug.
Raven: Pass.
Beast Boy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, warm fuzzies all around. But we still gotta stop Cinderblock.
Cyborg: No, we don't. Thought I'd bring a present, 'case you were still mad.
[Cinderblock is wrapped in steel and being hoist up by a crane.]
Robin: Thanks. But there is one thing that's still bothering me.
[Raven, Beast Boy, and Starfire first react with surprise.]
Robin: Breaking into jail? Using Plasmus to distract us? The whole plan seems to be a little too smart for Cinderblock.
Cyborg: I've been thinking the same thing.
[The other three are relieved.]
Robin: Someone must have been pulling the strings. But who?
Cyborg: Well, whoever they are… they're no match for the Teen Titans. [He and Robin trade a high five.]
Robin: I heard that!
Slade: Next time, my plans will succeed. And the Titans will pay.

Sisters [1.02]

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Starfire: [Gasps] Beautiful, tell me again what they are called?
Robin: Fireworks.
Starfire: On my home planet, such explosions would mean the Gordanians were attacking. You are sure certain Earth is not under attack?
Robin: Positive. Cotton candy? [Offers some]
Starfire: The last time I ate a ball of cotton, it was white, and it did not taste very-
Robin: This is different. [he pulls off a piece and eats it]
Starfire: [She eats some] Mmmm… [Squeal] It vanished!
Robin: [Chuckles] Yeah, it'll do that.
Starfire: [Sighs] When I first came to this planet, I did not think I would ever fit in. Earth was full of strange things. But now, I see that-
Robin: Here comes the finale! Yes!
[In the sky, the display of fireworks are being presented as the finale.]
Robin: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Ah, amazing!
Starfire: Earth is full of amazing things, too.
Robin: Best planet I've ever been to. [a pink squid-like bot flies out of nowhere and grabs Starfire] STARFIRE!
Starfire: Friends! I invite you to join me in the togetherness of a stay-home movie night. I bring you popcorn and non-cotton candies. Tell me, what sort of movie shall we view?
Robin: Action.
Beast Boy: Comedy.
Cyborg: Sci-fi.
Raven: Horror.
[Starfire drops her load of goodies, due to her surprise.]
Starfire: Perhaps a double feature?
Blackfire: [Chuckles] Now don't tell me you big tough superheroes are afraid of a little dancing.
Beast Boy: Betcha Cyborg can do the Robot.
Raven: This party is pointless.
Goth Boy: Everything's pointless. Wanna go talk about it?
Starfire: Perhaps I do not belong here after all.
Robin: Of course you don't. You belong down there, having fun with the rest of us. What's wrong?
Starfire: Nothing is wrong. Everything is wonderful. [He sits by her.] The pounding music and blinding lights are quite enjoyable.
[Starfire mood changes quickly and Robin looks at her with concern.] Everything is not wonderful. I am happy to see her, but Blackfire rules the video games, and she is able to share very depressing poems, and she knows the cool moves, and she always knows when people are not talking about shovels.
[Robin looks bewildered as Starfire sighs.]
Starfire: And I am nothing like her.
Robin: No, you're not. And I think-
Blackfire: [wearing a bright pink wig] How do I look?
Robin: [uninterested] Pink. Look, can you give us a minute here?
Centauri 2: By the name of the Grand Centauri Empire, you are all under arrest. [pulls out a badge, the Titans are puzzled]
Beast Boy: Uh, you can't be the good guys. We're the good guys.
Centauri 2: And we are Centauri Police.
Centauri 1: The Tamaranean girl is a liar and a thief! [points to Starfire] She's committed high crimes throughout the entire Centauri system.
Starfire: I have never even been to the Centauri Moons.
Robin: But I know someone who has.
[He takes the necklace off Starfire, showing the gem Blackfire gave her earlier. Starfire gasps.]
Robin: [to the police giving back the necklace] You've been chasing the wrong girl. [turns to the others] Where's Blackfire?
Beast Boy: [sees a dark figure zooming through the sky] Uh...
Robin: Don't worry, Starfire. She won't get away with this!
Starfire: [enraged] No, she will NOT!
Starfire: Hello, sister.
Blackfire: Aww, you're mad. I know, I should have told you I was leaving, but you know how I hate goodbyes and-
Starfire: You are a criminal, and you were going to let me take your place in jail!
Blackfire: Oh… well… yeah.
Starfire: You will give back what you have stolen and turn yourself over to the police!
Blackfire: And what will you do if I don't?
[Blackfire warms up a starbolt and lets her have it.]
Blackfire: I always was the better fighter.
Starfire: Not anymore!
Robin: Hey. How are you doing?
Starfire: I am… sad for my sister.
Robin: And for yourself?
Starfire: I am just glad that the truth was discovered before I was replaced.
Robin: What are you talking about?
Starfire: Well, you… everyone was having such fun with her, and then Cyborg said-
Robin: Look. Your sister was... interesting, but she could never take your place. No one could ever take your place.

Final Exam [1.03]

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Cyborg: How could you lose the remote?
Beast Boy: What makes you so sure I lost it?
Cyborg: Uh, 'cause you're you.
Beast Boy: Hey! Just because I lost that video game-
Cyborg: -and the waffle iron.
Cyborg: Come on, man, how could you deny me the all-meat experience?
Beast Boy: Dude, I've been most of those animals!
Starfire: I suggest a large pizza with pickles, bananas, and mint frosting.
[She smiles brightly as the others look at her, nonplussed.]
Robin: [after a moment of awkward silence] Uh, Starfire, not everything on the menu is a pizza topping.
Starfire: Oh.... [she sweatdrops]
Cyborg: Double pepperoni!
Beast Boy: I'm not eating meat!
Cyborg: There's no meat in pepperoni!
Beast Boy: So, uh...who else never wants to go surfing again?
Cyborg: Not now, man!
Beast Boy: Hey, I was just trying to- [Raven puts a hand on his shoulder to cut him off. Cyborg extends a small acetylene torch from his left forefinger. The panel on his thigh opens, revealing a plethora of sparks and short circuits. Pull back to behind him; Starfire approaches as he bends down to the self-repair work.]
Starfire: Perhaps I could be of some assistance.
Cyborg: I got it!
Starfire: But you are so damaged and-
Cyborg: I GOT IT!
Beast Boy: Hey! She only wanted to help! What is your problem!?
Cyborg: What do you think!? We got kicked OUT of our house, a pint-size Poindexter took me for a joyride, and in case you haven't noticed, I just became left-handed!
Raven: Enough! We need to control our emotions.
Cyborg: Or what!? Our bad vibes will keep you from meditating!?
Starfire: I wish Robin were here.
Cyborg: Well, he's not! Don't you guys get it!? THEY won, we lost! IT'S OVER!
Beast Boy: Then...the Teen Titans are finished?
Robin: Not yet! Not if I can help it!

Forces of Nature [1.04]

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Starfire: Is this punishment? I did something wrong?
Raven: You didn't. He did.
Beast Boy: Star, it was... You weren't supposed to... I didn't... Heh, just remember to change that oil every 3,000 miles. Heh heh.
Starfire: [stands up] On my planet we have a name for those who do such horrible things! You are a...A KLORBAG VARBLENELK!
Beast Boy: I'm a what-bag??
Cyborg: You heard the lady.
Raven: You are such a klorbag.
[Beast Boy crawls out as a spider from under a pile of rubble that seemingly fell on top of Starfire. Turns back into normal form]
Beast Boy: Star? Starfire? Where are you? [climbs down] Come on! Gimme a sign here! [He starts to dig.] You have to be alright, okay? 'Cause I-it was just a joke, you know? Back at the Tower, and...I'm sorry. I never said it, but I'm really, really sorry. It was supposed to be funny. And you could've been hurt, and... [softly] ...I'm a total klorbag.
[A shadow comes over him. Beast Boy looks over his shoulder]
Beast Boy: Huh?
[It is revealed to Starfire who is standing behind him, a forgiving smile on her face]
Beast Boy: Starfire!
[Turns into kitten again and jumps into her arms]
Starfire: [laughs] I am glad you are unharmed as well.
[Beast Boy takes normal form again and kneels before her]
Beast Boy: I am so sorry. You gotta forgive me.
Starfire: [helping him up] I already have. Now those evil brothers must be made to apologize.
Beast Boy: I don't think they are evil. [close up of his pensive expression] I think they're just like me.

The Sum of His Parts [1.05]

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Cyborg: Mmm-mmm. Would you look at that. A little sunshine, a little breeze. Only one thing could make this day better. Four and a half pounds of baby back ribs! Man, I love picnic food! [starts scarfing away]
Starfire: Agreed, Cyborg. This tangy yellow beverage is truly delightful.
[starts slurping more of her drink. Robin and Cyborg slowly stop eating and start looking at her, flabbergasted]
Cyborg: Um .. Starfire?
Robin: That's mustard.
Starfire: [lovingly rubs the mustard jar on her cheek] Is there more?
[Robin & Cyborg stare at her weirdly]
Starfire: Cyborg? Cyborg!
Raven: What's wrong with him?
Beast Boy: Is he gonna be okay?
Robin: Shh. I think he's coming to. Cyborg! Are you all right? [He and Starfire pulls him up.]
Cyborg: Yeah. [Grunts] Thanks.
Raven: What happened?
Cyborg: Something musta gone wrong with my systems. [Checks his power cell.] Oh, man! My power cell's dying.
Starfire: [panics] Dying?!?
Cyborg: It's only a battery. I'm fine. Happens every couple of years. Just a natural part of being unnatural.
Robin: So what do we do?
Cyborg: You keep playing. I go home and change batteries. [He starts walking away.]
Beast Boy: You sure you don't want help?
Cyborg: Just 'cause I can't have fun doesn't mean y'all can't.
Fixit: Charging is complete. The new power cell is functioning properly.
Cyborg: Yeah. I'm feeling better. Lots better.
Fixit: Of course you are. I am Fixit. Things come to me broken. I make repairs. Let me see. Yes...yes...hmm...pity. Interesting. The damage is too extensive. Perhaps if we can find another processor.
Cyborg: Well, thanks...for everything.
Fixit: [Yelling] You cannot leave.
Cyborg: I can't?
Fixit: You are not repaired, not fully.
Cyborg: I'm not?
Fixit: My examination revealed many flaws, serious flaws.
Cyborg: [panics] Serious? How serious? What's wrong with me?
Fixit: There is no cause for alarm. More repairs are needed. More repairs will be made.
Cyborg: But, I feel fine. Are you sure I'm-?
Fixit: Quite. Will you remain? It is for the best.
Cyborg: Well, yeah, I guess. Let me just tell my friends where I am.
[Fix it sabotage his systems as he jammed his communications.]
Cyborg: Whoa! Something really is wrong with me.
Fixit: Rest now. You may contact your friends later. I am sure they are not too concerned.
Cyborg: Maybe they should be.
Fixit: So... beautiful. I had forgotten how beautiful... a world... through your eyes...
Cyborg: Through human eyes.

Nevermore [1.06]

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Beast Boy: So, where are we?
Cyborg: You're asking the wrong robot. My sensors must be on the blank cause they're sayin' we're in Titans Tower.
Beast Boy: Riiight. So how do we get back?
Cyborg: Guess we start walking.
Beast Boy: Come on! I'm serious. We're on a rock in the middle of- [He gets cut off by rocks forming a path in front of the two] Oh. If sending us to Weirdsville is Raven's idea of a joke, I am so not laughing.
Cyborg: Hey, she didn't send us here! You're the one who went snooping in her room and popping zits in her magic mirror!
Beast Boy: Who booby traps a mirror?
Cyborg: Maybe it wasn't a trap, maybe its Raven's way home. Maybe this is where she's from.
Beast Boy: Definitely creepy enough.
[After being narrowly saved from falling nevermore by the ground turning 180 degrees]
Beast Boy: Raven?? How did...Where...What just... Why are you wearing PINK???
Happy Raven: 'Cause it's my favorite colour?
Beast Boy: [Completely flabbergasted] It is?
Cyborg: Look, I'd love to talk fashion, but I don't suppose you'd know how to get home?
Happy Raven: The Forbidden Door. It's the only way out. But you don't wanna go there. Not now.
Beast Boy, Cyborg: [glance at each other] Uh... yeah, we do!
Happy Raven: [cheerfully] Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you!
[She leads them to the door, pretending to be an aeroplane. Cyborg and Beast Boy follow her, deeply weirded out]
Cyborg: Have you ever seen her this happy?
Beast Boy: Dude, I didn't even think Raven could do happy.

Switched [1.07]

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Cyborg: [About the puppets] Aww, isn't that cute? Puppet Cy has a light-up eye.
Robin: Yeah. They got all the details just right.
Beast Boy: Speak for yourself! I'm way better looking than this. And taller.
Raven: Someone certainly has a lot of time on their hands.
Starfire: [giggles] I have never seen such a whimsical device. [voicing puppet Starfire] "Hello, Starfire". [normal voice] Hello, tiny wooden replica of Starfire!
Beast Boy: [after his puppet kicks Robin's puppet] Dude, my puppet is totally kicking your puppet's butt!
Robin: Not for long.
[his puppet pushes Beast Boy's puppet and it accidentally hits Cyborg's puppet]
Cyborg: You wanna piece of me little man?
Robin: Come on, show me whatcha got, Beast Boy!
[the boys' puppets begin to battle]
Raven: [annoyed] Boys...
Starfire: Shall my tiny replica do battle with your tiny replica?
Raven: [tosses her puppet to her] Knock yourself out.
Starfire: [voiceover; whispering] The boys! Raven, what are we gonna…?
[Raven, now in Starfire's body, pulls on a string, turning the light on. She stares at Starfire, who is in her own body]
Raven [in Starfire's body]: Starfire?
Starfire [in Raven's body]: Raven?! [gasps] You're me! [gasps again as she looks at herself] And I'm you!
Starfire [in Raven's body]: Oh, Raven, this is awful! Terribly, horribly awful!
[As Raven climbs out, they walk down a path. Starfire gradually panics as she talks, causing the black telekinesis to bend three parking meters, makes two boxes shoot out sheets of newspaper like geysers, and a mailbox to melt]
Raven [in Starfire's body]: Tell me about it.
Starfire [in Raven's body]: Very well. Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy have been trapped inside tiny wooden bodies, while a nasty creature called the Puppet King has taken control of their real bodies, which he's using to hunt us down, and you and I are in the wrong bodies, and… [gasps as Raven puts her hand on her shoulder, in order to get her attention]
Raven [in Starfire's body]: Starfire! You have to calm down. My powers are driven by emotions. The more you feel, the more energy you unleash.
Starfire [in Raven's body]: But what if they find us? What if our friends are doomed? And what if I'm stuck, looking like this forever?! [her head spins]
Raven [in Starfire's body]: We'll fix it. I don't know how, but we'll rescue the boys, and we'll get our bodies back. [smiles, then looks confused after a brief pause] What's wrong with the way I look?
Starfire [in Raven's body]: Nothing.
[As Starfire holds her hands up, a walk sign explodes and she cringes]
Starfire [in Raven's body]: I'll try to calm down. [closes her eyes as she sighs, then spreads her arms out] Peace, quiet, tranquil…
[A blast causes a car to get launched in the air, then crash lands on its roof on the road. Smoke rises from its underside as the girls look on]
Raven [in Starfire's body]: We're so doomed.
[An eagle screech from Beast Boy as an eagle. The duo look up as Starfire points]
Starfire [in Raven's body]: Beast Boy!
[He dives in after the girls]
Raven [in Starfire's body]: You mean zombie Beast Boy. Run!!
[The girls run in an alley. Still in Starfire's body, Raven flaps her arms and jumps, as if trying to fly]
Raven [in Starfire's body]: Fly! Fly!
[Raven has no avail. The girls slow to a walk]
Starfire [in Raven's body]: We cannot fight them again. I do not wish to, and in our present condition we would surely be defeated!
Raven [in Starfire's body]: OK, how do you fly this thing?
Starfire [in Raven's body]: You must feel flight.
Raven [in Starfire's body]: What?
Starfire [in Raven's body]: When you feel the unbridled joy of flight, you will fly!
Raven [in Starfire's body]: Unbridled joy...Not really my thing.
Starfire [in Raven's body]: Look!
[They spot zombie Beast Boy]
Raven [in Starfire's body]: What do I have to feel to use star bolts?
Starfire [in Raven's body]: Righteous fury!
Raven [in Starfire's body]: Your alien strength?
Starfire [in Raven's body]: Boundless confidence!
Raven [in Starfire's body]: Never mind.

Deep Six [1.08]

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Beast Boy: [In reply to Starfire's comment about the marine life] If you think that's cool, wait till you see me out there kicking butt! First, I'm goin' shark.
[He starts snapping his jaws, mimicking a shark. Cyborg presses the 'off' switch controlling Beast Boy's microphone]
Beast Boy: [Now muffled] Hey! What just...is this thing on?! Hey, cut it out!
Cyborg: [Turns it back on; innocently] Goodness me, I seem to have accidentally switched off Beast Boy's microphone.
Raven: Could you go ahead and accidentally leave it off?
Beast Boy: [As a squid, chasing the Titans as they sink] I got it, I got it! [Two whales pass him] Huh? [The two whales save the Titans] They got it? How come they got it?
Aqualad: [Popping up next to him] Because I asked for their help.
Beast Boy: You talk to fish? Yeah right!
Aqualad: I'm talking to you, aren't I?
Beast Boy: [frustrated] Well I, uh... technically I'm a squid.

Masks [1.09]

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Robin: Tell Slade if he wants this, he can come get it himself!
Robin: Now talk! Who's Slade? Why does he want this chip? And why are you working...for...him?
Slade: Excellent work, Robin.
Robin: Slade!
Slade: Really, I think your skills are improving.
Robin: No more games! What do you want?
Slade: But you do lack patience. If you're really so curious about my intentions, perhaps we should meet face to face.
Robin: Tell me where you're hiding and I'll be there in a heartbeat!
Slade: Patience, Robin. Patience.
Beast Boy: O.K, all work and no flicks makes me a dull Beast Boy. So my fellow couch potatoes, what'll it be? Super Ninja Showdown 8? Or Maniac Fury: Attack of the Protozoids?
Raven: [Sarcastically] Gee. They both sound so good.
Cyborg: [Not sarcastically] Yeah, it's really hard to pick. Wanna watch 'em both?!
Starfire: Perhaps Robin would enjoy potatoing the couch with us? Tell me, is he-?
Beast Boy: -In the exact same place he's been since his little chat session with Slade? Uh, yeah.
Starfire: Robin? I am wondering if you might wish to-
Robin: [bitterly] No... [then gently] thanks. But I need to figure out why Slade wanted that chip.
Starfire: Agreed; and perhaps if you were to take a break, the answer would be easier to-
Robin: I can't. You almost got hurt. Next time could be worse. He's planning something; I have to find out what.
Starfire: But Robin, I am sure that- [he closes the door in her face, leaving her upset]
Red X: Rumor has it, you're interested in this.
Slade: I'm interested in many things, Mr. …
Red X: X. Red X.
Slade: Hmmm. Catchy. So, are you proposing a sale or a gift?
Red X: A partnership. I give you the chip, you cut me in on your plans.
Slade: Partnership. My, my, we are ambitious. But an alliance cannot be forged from one small chip. If you're going to win my trust, I'll require more.
Red X: Just tell me what you want.
Slade: Impressive, Red X. I tapped into the security cameras to catch your performance. You treated the Titans to quite a show.
Red X: Glad you enjoyed it. Is the audition over?
Slade: Patience. Trust is easy to destroy, but it takes time to build. One last test. Prove yourself and we'll meet to discuss your future.
Red X: Good.
[He takes the mask off, revealing himself to be Robin.]
Robin: It's about time we met face to face.
Slade: Excellent work. Honestly, I couldn't have done better myself.
Red X: So, do we have a deal?
Slade: Indeed. You and I are so very much alike. It seems only natural that we should be partners.
Red X: What are they for? I need to know what we're planning… partner.
Slade: Patience. You can't expect me to trust you with such sensitive information right away… can you… Robin?
Slade: Careful. I wouldn't want you getting hurt.
Robin: I'm not the one who's going to get hurt. Now hand them over!
Slade: Robin. I thought we had a deal.
Robin: Sorry. I have a strict rule against giving stolen technology to psychos.
Slade: How very noble of you. But stealing in order to trap me? That wasn't so noble. Two wrongs don't make a-
Robin: Don't ever lecture me! Whatever you're planning, Slade, it's over!
Slade: On the contrary, Robin, it's just begun.
Robin: You… saved me?
Slade: I'm not through with you.
[He hauls Robin back up and tosses him across the rooftop, easily. The brawl starts all over again, until Robin seems to have the upper hand.]
Robin: This ends now!
[He pulls the man's mask off. It's revealed to be another robot.]
Slade: Patience, Robin. We'll meet face to face some other time. Oh, and speaking of time…
[The timer is set as the robot was about to self-destruct.]
Beast Boy: Heh. At least he didn't get the chips.
Robin: You want to yell at me, too? Everyone else has, and I don't blame them.
Starfire: I do not wish to yell, merely to understand. Robin, why did you not tell us the truth?
Robin: I needed to fool Slade. If you guys knew it was me under that mask, you guys would have held back. Doesn't matter anyway, Slade figured it out, and I haven't figured anything out about him.
Starfire: That is not true. Whoever Slade is, you and he are... similar. He did not trust you... and you did not trust us.
[She exits the room, disappointed, leaving Robin thinking about her words.]

Mad Mod [1.10]

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Cyborg: Make him laugh!
Starfire: [to Beast Boy] How many okarins does it take to hogie a morflark? Fimbar!
[She giggles at the joke. Beast Boy continues to drool, unresponsive.]
Starfire: Um... boogers?
Beast Boy: [immediately waking up with a laugh] Hahahahaha! Boogers! Oh, man!
Starfire: [putting down a hypnotized Beast Boy] I cannot awaken Beast Boy. I have tried the tickling, all manners of bodily noises, and the word "underpants". I fear that this time his brain is gone forever!
Raven: Beast Boy had a brain?
Beast Boy: [wakes up and laughs] Ha ha! Good one! [stops, glares] Dude, that's not funny! I totally have a brain! I just don't use it much...

Car Trouble [1.11]

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Cyborg: You lost my car?... My car lost a race?!
Thief: No way, we beat him easy. She handled like a dream!
Cyborg: She did? How'd she take the curves 'cause, Y'know, I've been working on the suspension, and-d-d-d-d- Don't try to distract me! Who has her now?
Raven: Fourteen milkshakes. Not a good sign.
Cyborg: What are you doing here?
Raven: Looking for your car. Soon as we turned Overload in to the police, we all split up to search the city.
Cyborg: Might as well stop looking. T-Car’s probably halfway to Metropolis by now... from the day I designed her, I knew she was gonna be special. And I work so hard every fuel injector every spark plug. I made her perfect. I put my heart, my soul, and my circuits into this car. And now she's gone forever. Maybe you were right, maybe it was just a car.
Raven: Maybe. Maybe not. When I use my powers, I have to put a little of my soul into whatever I'm moving. I become a part of it, and it becomes a part of me. That's kinda what happened here. It wasn't just a car. It was… your baby.
Cyborg: Yeah. Thanks, Rae.
[Raven smiles]
Raven: And someone's eating onion rings in your baby.
Cyborg: [Sees Gizmo drive off in his car; About Gizmo] He'll get ketchup on the seats!

Apprentice

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Part 1 [1.12]

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Slade: Dangerous behavior, Robin. You must be very eager to see me. I'm flattered.
Robin: I'm not here to see you. I'm here to stop you.
Slade: Hmm. But how can you stop me, when you don't even know what I'm planning?
Robin: Like this.
Slade: Excellent, Robin. We appear to be evenly matched and equally ruthless. Not surprising. You and I are so very much alike.
Robin: I'm nothing like you! [He punches him to the ground and then pulls him up.] You're a criminal, a psychopath! All you care about is destruction!
Slade: And all you care about, you destroy. [Showing the crumbled rocks that look like the Titans.]
Robin: No... who are you?! [He rips off Slade's mask and is horrified of the reveal of his own face laughing evilly. He wakes up sweating and panting in shock revealing it was just a dream.]
Slade: [On computer screen] Good morning, Teen Titans. I do hope I didn't wake you.
Beast Boy: [Yawning] What are you, an insomniac? Who calls at five in the morning-? [Raven elbows him in the side to cut him off.]
Robin: What do you want?
Slade: Well, that's precisely what you've been trying to find out, isn't it? And in spite of all your efforts, you're still in the dark about my intentions. Disappointing, Robin. I expected a little more from you.
Robin: Like I care what you-
Slade: But since you've been unable to discover my plan, I suppose I'll just have to reveal it myself. I'm sure you're all familiar with the concept of a Chronoton Detonator...
Cyborg: No!
Starfire: [Gasps]
Raven: Uh-oh.
Beast Boy: No way! ...um, what's a crouton detonator?
Starfire: It eradicates all chronotons within a localized area, utterly destroying the temporal component of the space-time continuum.
Beast Boy: Hmm?
Raven: It stops time. Permanently.
[Beast Boy faints.]
Cyborg: If he triggers that thing downtown, it'll freeze-frame the entire city.
Robin: Tell me where!
Slade: You're a clever boy, Robin. I'm sure you and your little friends can figure it out. However, since I control the detonation, time is not on your side.
Slade: Hurry, young Titans. Your time is running out.
Robin: [appearing behind Slade] Actually… we just went into overtime.
Slade: Robin. Welcome. I've been expecting you for some time. I was beginning to wonder if Cinderblock was too much of a challenge. Looking for this? Well… here it is. If you want it, come and take it.
Slade: Come now, Robin. You'll have to do better than that. I haven't even broken a sweat.
[As Robin is terminated to win, Slade grabs his hand as his counter move]
Slade: Good technique.
[Slade bends his arm and throws Robin across the room.]
Slade: Good, but not perfect.
Slade: I understand your frustration, Robin. You hate losing as much as I do. One of the many qualities we have in common.
[Robin is enraged by this, which gives him the push he needs to knock Slade down, he picks up the remote]
Robin: It's over, Slade!
Slade: On the contrary, Robin.
Robin: Huh?
[It breaks apart in his hand.]
Slade: This is only the beginning.
Robin: Where's the real trigger?
Slade: Trigger? There is no trigger. Because there is no detonator.
Slade: Nanoscopic probes. The Chronoton Detonator was merely the bait for a much larger trap. You see, with the push of a button… [He shows that his thumb it's on the trigger] …my probes will destroy your friends from the inside out.
Robin: You can't control them. No matter what you threaten, they'll never obey you.
Slade: This isn't about your friends, Robin. It's about you. It's always been about you.
Robin: What?
Slade: Sending trouble your way. Leaving cryptic clues for you to unravel. I was testing you. For some time now, I have been searching for… an apprentice. Someone to follow in my footsteps. And Robin, I've chosen you. Congratulations.
Robin: No way would I ever work for-
[Slade shows Robin the kill switch attempting to use it]
Slade: If you join me… if you swear to serve me… if you never speak to your friends again… I will allow them to live. But… if you disobey even the smallest request… I will annihilate them, Robin - and I will make you watch. So, do we have a deal?
[Closing line]
Slade: I know it seems bad now. But trust me, you'll learn to like it.

Part 2 [1.13]

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Starfire: Robin? Robin! Please, Robin, where are you?
Raven: Starfire, enough. You've been calling for forty-five minutes.
Starfire: Perhaps if I just try one more-
Beast Boy: Come on, Star. If he's gonna pick up, he'd have done it by now. Besides, you're kinda giving me a headache.
Starfire: But why does he not respond? Where could he be?
Cyborg: Robin and Cinderblock definitely went a few rounds, but I can't tell who won, or where they went.
Raven: No sign of him here, either. His locator is still offline. I've been monitoring all the frequencies, but he hasn't checked in.
Starfire: Oh, we are bad friends! We should never have left Robin to do battle alone.
Beast Boy: Yeah, especially since Slade's big doodad was a dud.
Raven: The Chronoton Detonator wasn't a dud. It was a decoy to lure us away from Robin, and we fell for it.
Cyborg: [Cyborg groans loudly and slams a fist against the wall.] I shoulda known that thing was a fake!
Starfire: But why? Why did Slade wish to separate us from Robin?
Beast Boy: And if the detonator was a decoy…
Raven: …what was Slade's real plan?
Cyborg: Titans! Trouble!
Slade: Excellent, Robin. I'm pleased. You're already proving to be the perfect apprentice.
Robin: This deal can't last forever.
Slade: It can. And it will. The Titans still have no idea that my Chronoton Detonator was more than a decoy. Now that my probes are inside their bodies, they could remain undetected for years, decades. Unless, of course, you disobey me, and I decide to destroy your former friends with a push of the button.
Robin: Sooner or later, you'll let your guard down. I will get that controller, and the instant they're out of danger, you will pay.
Slade: That sounds like a threat, young man. Quite a good threat, actually. Betrayal, destruction, revenge. We really do think alike.
[Robin yells as he tries to get the kill switch, but Slade grabs him]
Slade: I monitored your vital signs during the mission. Elevated heart rate, adrenaline, endorphins. You won't admit it, but at some level, you enjoyed stealing for me. It was a thrill, wasn't it? [He lets go of Robin.] You're going to keep stealing, Robin. And you're going to keep getting that thrill. And sooner or later, you will see things my way. Who knows? I might even become like a father to you.
Robin: [Icily] I already have a father.
Cyborg: You're not walking outta here, Robin! Not without a fight.
[Robin yells and charges.]
Cyborg: Titans! Go!
[As the Titans are ready to fight him, Robin dodges their attacks and escape through the air vents to go to the roof]
Slade:[through earpiece] Not so fast, Robin. You have yet to achieve your objective.
Robin: The device was too heavily guarded. I'll have to steal it another-
Slade: NO! Go back. Unless you want me to destroy them, go back and fight.
Cyborg: Robin! Look, I don't know what's going on, but we don't want to fight. We just want to talk.
[Robin uses a high flying kick that drives Cyborg back past the other three.]
Beast Boy: Guess there's nothing to talk about.
[Beast Boy tries to take him down, but Robin easily manages to pin him on the 'A' in Wayne Enterprise sign.]
Starfire: Please-
[He runs pass her to fight the others instead.]
Cyborg: [aiming his proton cannon] Don't make me…
[He powers it down]
[While Raven and Cyborg tries to subdue Robin, Beast Boy escapes the sign letter as a snake and then turns into a bullhorn sheep and ramps him until it looks like he may be down for the count.]
Beast Boy: Dude! Are you okay?
[He then kicks BB and hurls him at Cyborg.]
Slade: Fight to win, Robin. Use the thermal blaster.
Raven: Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!
[She uses spell lifts up and binds Robin. However, he scales a disc at her and explodes on the sign causing in her face a blinding flash.]
Raven: I…can’t…see!
[Raven falls to the roof]
Starfire: No!
[Cyborg is blocking Robin’s punches.]
Cyborg: Come on, man, don’t make me do this! I don’t want to do this!
[Activates the weapon again. Robin low foot sweeps him, making Cyborg to lose his balance. Robin goes to run off the top of the building, only to be stopped by Starfire raising her starbolt at him.]
Starfire: Stop! Do. Not. Move.
Slade: I thought I told you to use that blaster. Attack! Now!
[Robin raises the weapon and points it on Starfire.]
Starfire: [voice trembling] Robin, you are my best friend. I cannot be in a world where we must fight. If you are truly evil, then go ahead. [She lowers her arm.] Do what you must.
[That hit him like a bowling ball to the chest]
Robin: [He lowers his arm as well.] Starfire, no! I- [the earpiece screeches feedback in his ear]
Slade: ROBIN! I gave you an order. If you won’t attack, my probes will.
[He pushes the button. The nano probes slowly begins to kill Starfire. She glows in orange and white with flashing red spots screaming painfully, she is about to fall]
Robin: [catches her] Starfire!
[He sees that it's also happening to the other Titans too.]
Robin: Stop! Please stop!
Slade: Attack, Robin. It’s the only way to save them. Attack with everything you’ve got.
[He carefully puts Starfire down]
Starfire: [weakly] Robin…
Robin: [He points the blaster down at her and whispers] I’m sorry. [He fires.]
Slade: That’s my boy.
Slade: Thrilling. My apprentice is progressing even faster than I had hoped. All he needed was a little motivation.
Robin: [He reaches into view and grabs a wrist and fist cocked back.] Motivate THIS!
[Slade counters this easily and hurls Robin towards the ground.]
Slade: Robin. That was vicious, dishonorable, and ruthless. Excellent work. You're becoming more like me every second.
Slade: Good, Robin. You're doing much better than last time. A few more years of training, and you might actually pose a threat.
Slade: You're going to wish you hadn't done that.
Robin: I only wish I'd done it sooner. [he rips the S badge off]
Slade: I have much to teach you. But the first thing you need to learn is gratitude.
[Robin tries for another go at the kill switch, but Slade seizes his arm and bends it back cruelly past the shoulder before dumping him onto his back.]
Slade: [As he's pinning him down.] I made you my apprentice. All my knowledge, all my power, all for you. But the only thing you care about is your WORTHLESS, LITTLE FRIENDS! [They both get up] If the Titans are so distracting, maybe I should just get rid of them.
[He prepares to finish the Titans off for good.]
Robin: [defeated] Don't. I'll do whatever you say.
Slade: Good boy. And, from now on, I'd like you to call me Master.
[A starbolt blasts him away to land right in front of the monitors. Then come the Titans.]
Starfire: Leave. Him. Alone!
Slade: Robin! Attack!
Robin: Get out of here! Go! You don't know what those beams did to-
Beast Boy: Dude…
Raven: …We know…
Cyborg: …And we don't care.
Starfire: We are your friends, Robin. We are not leaving without you.
Slade: How very touching. [puts his finger on the button] But Robin doesn't need any friends.
[He presses it, bringing the rapparatus to life; red energy bolts blaze out across the space. The Titans collapse on the ground as Robin, helplessly, watches them while Slade stands behind him.]
Slade: This is the price for your disobedience, Robin. Now do as I command. Attack!
[As Robin sees Starfire tears running down her cheeks, he looks off in the direction of the device.]
Robin: No. [He dashes off.]
Slade: Robin!
[Robin runs towards the device and gets himself infected with nano probes. His name and infected bloodstream appear on a 5th monitor. He starts to glow in pain but manages to rise and walk up to Slade]
Robin: [painfully] New deal, Slade. If I lose my friends, you lose your apprentice. And I know how you hate to lose.
[Robin falls down on his knees as he continues to die slowly. Because of his ego, Slade finds himself no choice but to destroy the kill switch. Enraged he tries to attack again, but Robin quickly counters his move, leaving him flying across the room.]
Robin: Titans! Go!
[Beast Boy, now a tiger, is first to do damage with a clawed swipe that pierces the armor. Cyborg and Starfire move in next, starbolts and cannon going full throttle to blast Slade backward. As he tumbles, Raven casts a spell to bind his feet and sling him hard onto the platform. Only now does Robin go on the attack, delivering a flying kick that pastes a boot sole across that masked face. The right half of his mask drops away and skids across the floor, and he now stands up with one big hand covering the exposed portion of his visage. He turns and runs off.]
Slade: Another day, Robin.
[He has slotted his fingers into holes bored for a better grip, similar to a bowling ball, and he turns it.]
Slade: Another day.
[The whole lair was set to self-destruct. Slade gets away, and before the Titans can leave, Cyborg grabs the device that contains a solution to get rid of the probs inside them.]
Robin: Let's go home.
Beast Boy: [hooked up to a probe removal machine, impatient] Am I done yet?
Cyborg: That's it, y'all. The Teen Titans are officially probe-free.
Beast Boy: [Doing "the robot"] YEAH! Go, Beast Boy, you're probeless, no probes now, go Beast Boy, go Beast Boy... get funky! [Moonwalks] Uh-uh, that's right...
Raven: Um...I know this isn't my style, but we just kicked Slade's butt. Shouldn't we celebrate or something?
[Cyborg and Robin stare at her, flabbergasted.]
Beast Boy: Yeah!
Cyborg: All-you-can-eat…
Beast Boy: …free-form…
Beast Boy and Cyborg: Breakfast explosion!
Raven: Sorry I asked.
Robin: Everything okay?
Starfire: I am sorry.
Robin: You're sorry? For what?
Starfire: When things were bad, there was a moment where I truly believed that you were...like Slade. I doubted you. And for that, I am sorry.
Robin: I doubted myself, Star. Focused, serious, determined...as much as I hate to admit it, he and I are kind of alike. But there's one big difference between me and Slade. [Smiles] He doesn't have any friends.
Beast Boy: Who wants tofu waffles?
Cyborg: Man, nobody wants tofu waffles.
Beast Boy: I do. Pass me the soy milk.
Cyborg: I'm telling you, you're not getting anywhere near the soy milk.
Beast Boy: Man, pass me the soy milk!
Cyborg: Is there meat in the tofu?
Beast Boy: No, there's no meat in tofu, it's tofu!
Cyborg: Nobody wants it...

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