The Absent-Minded Professor
Professor Ned Brainard
- Let's see, flying rubber... Flubber!
- Corners beautifully, doesn't it?
- I'm an American! See it? My credit cards!
- Substance X, we dub thee... Flubber!
- Mr. Hawk, let me get this straight. You want me to turn my discovery over to you so you can blackmail our government?
- First Referee: There's nothing in the rule book that says one team can't jump higher than the other.
- Biff Hawk: Oh, it's just Neddy the Nut out flying his old Model T.
- [The fire crew has arrived to rescue Alonzo Hawk, who is now bouncing out of control.]
- Fire Chief: [shouting through a megaphone] Mr. Hawk! This is the Fire Chief speaking! We'll have everything under control in just a moment. Now Mr. Hawk, try to relax.
- Alonzo J. Hawk: Relax? How can I relax, you fat-head?
- [The fire crew's net has been accidentally broken by Alonzo Hawk during their attempt to rescue him.]
- Fireman: I told you we needed a new one.
- Fire Chief: You told me? What do you think I've been telling the town council? How am I supposed to buy a new net without an appropriation?
- Fireman: Well, don't get hot. I only mentioned it.
- Fire Chief: Well, you just keep the kinks out of the fire hose. That's all I want from you. I'm the Chief!
- [Prof. Brainard has repeatedly slammed his "Flubberized" Model T down of Prof. Ashton's car roof while in motion, causing to go out of control and crash into a police car.]
- Prof. Shelby Ashton: [as he and the two officers get out of their crashed cars] Officer! Help me! It's after me! Help me!
- Officer Hanson: I do hope that you will excuse my appearance, but I was just having a cup of boiling hot coffee.
- Prof. Shelby Ashton: But it's after me!
- Officer Hanson: What's after you?
- Prof. Shelby Ashton: I don't know, some kind of a... thing!
- Officer Hanson: A thing? Can you describe it?
- Prof. Shelby Ashton: I don't know. I didn't see it. But it flies. And it made a noise, like, uh, "Aaa-OOO-gah! Aaa-OOO-gah!" And then it banged down on the top of my car! BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! And when I looked, there wasn't anything there.
- Officer Hanson: Oh, that kind of a thing.
- Fred MacMurray - Professor Ned Brainard
- Nancy Olson - Betsy Carlisle
- Keenan Wynn - Alonzo P. Hawk
- Tommy Kirk - Biff Hawk
- Leon Ames - President Jeffrey Daggett
- Elliott Reid - Professor Shelby Ashton
- Edward Andrews - Defense Secretary
- David Lewis - General Singer
- Jack Mullaney - Air Force Captain
- Belle Montrose - Mrs. Chatsworth
- Wally Brown - Coach Elkins
- Wally Boag - TV Newsman
- Don Ross - Lenny
- Forest Lewis - Officer Kelley
- James Westerfield - Officer Hanson
- Gage Clarke - Reverend Bosworth
- Alan Hewitt - General Hotchkiss
- Raymond Bailey - Admirial Olmstead
- Ed Wynn - Fire Chief