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The Absent-Minded Professor

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The Absent-Minded Professor is a 1961 science fiction comedy film from about a college professor who invents an anti-gravity substance that a corrupt businessman wants for himself.

Directed by Robert Stevenson. Written by Samuel W. Taylor and Bill Walsh based on the short story "A Situation of Gravity" by Samuel W. Taylor.
The Most AMAZING DISCOVERY since LAUGHTER!

Professor Ned Brainard

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  • We just discovered it. We've got to give it a name, Charlie. Let's see, flying rubber. Flying rubber! Flubber?
  • Substance X, we dub thee... Flubber!
  • Corners beautifully, doesn't it?
  • I'm an American! See it? My credit cards!
  • Mr. Hawk, let me get this straight. You want me to turn my discovery over to you so you can blackmail our government?
  • I'm a desperate man, Charlie, and desperate men do desperate things.

Others

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  • First Referee: There's nothing in the rule book that says one team can't jump higher than the other.
  • Biff Hawk: Oh, it's just Neddy the Nut out flying his old Model T.

Dialogue

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[The fire crew has arrived to rescue Alonzo Hawk, who is now bouncing out of control.]
Fire Chief: [shouting through a megaphone] Mr. Hawk! This is the Fire Chief speaking! We'll have everything under control in just a moment. Now Mr. Hawk, try to relax.
Alonzo P. Hawk: Relax? How can I relax, you fat-head?
[The fire crew's net has been accidentally broken by Alonzo Hawk during their attempt to rescue him.]
Fireman: I told you we needed a new one.
Fire Chief: You told me? What do you think I've been telling the town council? How am I supposed to buy a new net without an appropriation?
Fireman: Well, don't get hot. I only mentioned it.
Fire Chief: Well, you just keep the kinks out of the fire hose. That's all I want from you. I'm the Chief!
[Prof. Brainard has repeatedly slammed his "Flubberized" Model T down of Prof. Ashton's car roof while in motion, causing to go out of control and crash into a police car.]
Prof. Shelby Ashton: [as he and the two officers get out of their crashed cars] Officer! Help me! It's after me! Help me!
Officer Hanson: I do hope that you will excuse my appearance, but I was just having a cup of boiling hot coffee.
Prof. Shelby Ashton: But it's after me!
Officer Hanson: What's after you?
Prof. Shelby Ashton: I don't know, some kind of a... thing!
Officer Hanson: A thing? Can you describe it?
Prof. Shelby Ashton: I don't know. I didn't see it. But it flies. And it made a noise, like, uh, "Aaa-OOO-gah! Aaa-OOO-gah!" And then it banged down on the top of my car! BOOM, BOOM, BOOM! And when I looked, there wasn't anything there.
Officer Hanson: Oh, that kind of a thing.
Alonzo P. Hawk: Well, I guess we shook them up a little, huh? Nobody's gonna push us around.
Biff Hawk: You're kidding, aren't you, Pop? I mean, about closing down the college and turning the grounds into a housing tract?
Alonzo P. Hawk: Son, I'm gonna teach you some of the facts of life. The small college, like the small country store and the little drug store, they're all in the same boat. Well, they're sinking. Today is the day of the supermarkets, the super colleges. The little man is gonna get squashed.
Biff Hawk: But you graduated from Medfield. It's your college.
Alonzo P. Hawk: All right, so what do you want? Some total stranger to close it down? Or some loyal, friendly alumnus to take care of things?
Biff Hawk: But isn't there something you could do? I mean, give 'em some more time on the loan or something?
Alonzo P. Hawk: Now, look, son, I'm sentimental about Medfield just like you, but it's like shooting a horse that has a broken leg. I want to do it to put it out of its misery. Now, if I happen to make a few extra bucks on the side, well, that's just something you're going to have to learn to accept.
Biff Hawk: Yes, sir.
Alonzo P. Hawk: Oh, about the game tonight. Has the word gotten around that you're not playing?
Biff Hawk: Not that I know of. Not yet.
Alonzo P. Hawk: [to driver] Say, Lenny, see what the point spread is on the Medfield/Rutland game tonight, will you?
Lenny: How much you wanna go for?
Alonzo P. Hawk: Oh, whatever the traffic will bear. 8,000 or 10,000 bucks.
Biff Hawk: Pop, you're not betting on Medfield? Without me on the team, we'll get murdered.
Alonzo P. Hawk: Who said I'm betting on Medfield?
Biff Hawk: You're not betting against us?
Alonzo P. Hawk: Now, son, we have access to some very valuable information about that game tonight. There's an old saying, "It's an ill wind that doesn't blow a few extra bucks into the coffers of the Auld Lang Syne loan company." Get the point?

Cast

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