The Adventures of Ford Fairlane
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The Adventures of Ford Fairlane is a 1990 action comedy film about a "rock n' roll" detective who solves crimes in Los Angeles' music scene. The movie starred comedian Andrew 'Dice' Clay, as Ford Fairlane.
- Unfucking believable!
- So many assholes, So few bullets!
- Why do I wish the music industry and the whole globe would just suck my dick Tracy?!
- I am so terrifical I even have my own toll free numba, 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE!
- Bird Brain, why have you come to my planet!
- Fuckin' Australians! I hate that country, you know, that continent, whatever the hell it is. Don't we do nuclear testing there? [spots koala bear on Jazz's lap] What is that? Some kind of giant fucking mouse?
- [recalling joke he told to Jazz's parents] What's the definition of a vagina? A box a penis comes in.
- What are you two, Neil and Bob or is that like what you do?
- Have a Twinkie, Snapperhead.
- (Notices his strat) Hey Zuzu. I found my guitar, I found my guitar.(Brings it closer and notices its scratched) It's all scratched up, it's all scratched up.
- Jazz: Maybe I should be thankful that was a foodless kiss
- Neil: You couldn't even find a handle on a coffee cup.
- Melodi: You're that guy, the private eye.
- Ford: You're a poet and you didn't even know it.
- Melodi: You heard Bobby Black od'd right?
- Ford: Yeah, so?
- Melodi: Do you suspect foul play and stuff?
- Ford: I'll let you know when someone pays me to give a shit and stuff!
- Tourist: Can you tell us how to get to Mann's Chinese Theater?
- Ford: Ah, go back to Michigan, asswipe!
- Tourist: Oh no, we're from Wisconsin.
- Ford: Yeah, and I'm from my dads penis. Get lost!
- Kid: When are you gonna let me work with you? Why you always fucking with me?
- Ford: Excuse me! You say the F word again, I'll bang you right the fuck out, you understand me? Now get the fuck outta here.
- Kid: I got something serious to discuss.
- Ford: Yeah, what is it? Premature ejaculation?
- Kid: You know, Ford, sometimes you can be a real dick.
- Ford: "Dick", "fuck". What kind of kid are you?
- Ford: Scalping at a funeral. You're a pretty sleazy guy.
- Scalper: Thanks, you interested? It's festival seating so you get a good, uh-
- Ford: How much?
- Scalper: 300.
- Ford: 300? You charged the chicks one.
- Scalper: Hey, they blew me.
- Ford: 300 coming up!
- Ford: Hey, who killed Bobby Black? Who killed Johnny Crunch? Who's Art Mooney? Talk to me.
- Zu Zu Petals: I don't now.
- Ford: Talk to me!
- Zu Zu Petals: I--I'm so scared! [gets on her knees] Help me!
- Ford: Hey, baby, a simple thank you would suffice.
- Zu Zu Petals: Fuck you!
- Zu Zu Petals: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
- Smiley: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
- Ford: MY HAIR!!! MY HAIR!!!
- Kojak. Columbo. Dirty Harry. Wimps.
- He's on the money, off the record, and over the top.
- Meet Ford Fairlane. To his clients, he's the world's greatest rock n roll detective. To everyone else, he's just a dick.
- Ford Fairlane, rock 'n roll detective. To clients he's the greatest. To everyone else, he's just a dick.
- Private Detective. Public Offender.
- Andrew Dice Clay- Ford Fairlane
- Wayne Newton - Julian Grendel
- Priscilla Presley - Colleen Sutton
- Lauren Holly - Jazz
- Gilbert Gottfried - Johnny Crunch
- Maddie Corman - Zuzu Petals
- David Patrick Kelly - Sam the Sleaze Bag
- Brandon Call - The Kid
- Robert Englund - Smiley
- Ed O'Neil - Lt. Amos
- Vince Neil-Bobby Black
- Morris Day - Don Cleveland
- Sheila E. - Club singer
- Lala Sloatman - Sorority Girl (credited as Lala)
- Kari Wuhrer - Melodi
- Linda Atkinson - Nona'
- William Shockley - Punk Gunslinger
- Mark Zuelke - Punk Gunslinger