The Adventures of Pinocchio (1996 film)
Directed by Steve Barron. Written by Steve Barron and Sherry Mills.
- (First words) Papa? Papa? Papa?
- What's a family, Papa?
- (Realizing his love for Gepetto) I love you, Papa...
- (Catchphrase) Excuse me, coming through!
- I like bugs...
- (To Lorenzini) I love being a star!
- (On his ambition) I don't think I'll ever become a real boy.
- (On meeting Pepe) Who said that?
- (To the boys at Pleasure Island) Come, over here! Come, listen to me! Look, they're trying to trick us! They want us to act like jackasses, if you do that's what you'll turn into! Please, don't listen to them! Don't go on the Rides! Please!!!!
- Gepetto made them! I won't let them burn!
- (To Gepetto) But... I want to stay with you.
- (Lying to save them from Lorenzini) I hate you, Papa. I wish I'd never, ever met you. I never wanted to be your son... I wanted to remain a puppet!
- Long, long ago, in a far-away land, a woodcutter took secretly to the forest. His name was Geppetto, and he was shy, and quiet, oh, and he was very much in love.
- Miracles don't grow on trees! Miracles are made in the heart!
- (To Pinocchio, regarding Lorenzini) That's not love, he's fooling you! He's got evil plans in the works, and he's using you to make them come true!
- No pain, no gain!
- (Regarding Pinocchio's dilemma concerning Geppetto) The human dilemma. Or is it, the puppet dilemma? You've still got cake on your face. Say, you always squash someone before you're properly introduced?
- Allow me to introduce myself! The name is: Pugnacio Eleguzio P. Elegante! Give me a P., and give me an E., give me a P., and another E.: Put them all together and call me...Pepe!
- When the heart is full, and the heavens are listening...magic...is bound to happen
- We can't all be called Pinocchio.
- I carve this heart for dear Leona, while in this peaceful meadow. With dreams of hope, my love endures. Forever yours...Geppetto.
- (On Pinocchio) Tino, am I going crazy?! I have no idea how this happened! They're gonna burn me at the stake!
- No, no, I'm not your Papa!
- (Whilst chasing the puppet throughout the town) Ooh, ooh - Come down right now! What are you doing?! Come down this instant young - man! Come down here! I'm not going to go chasing after you!
- Leona, please don't tell me about the forest - I've been coming out here for years with my brother Enzio - may he rest in peace - since I was a little boy!
- (To Leona) In this case, this is why you should have never married my brother! Because you should have married me! The day I carved that heart in the tree, you accepted my brother's proposal!
- Gentlemen. Next week's puppet show must be the most spectacular ever. Every single child must be in attendance.
- The honour is mine to call again, my good man.
- Felinet. Looking for employment?
- (On Pinocchio asking what is a family) Oh, my goodness... Such a heart-breaking question! One no one should ever have to ask. Pinocchio... I can give you a life, all the little boys only dream of.
- (To Gepetto) I am making my grandest production ever, and I am going to purchase... Your newest creation. Whatever it may be. Heh.
- (To Pinocchio, after he has destroyed Lorenzini's theatre) Come here, you little... (Gets struck by fire) Ah!!
- I see all of them... Little specks of gold!
- Now for the fireworks. (Munches chili)
- (To Volpe and Felinet) I will kill you if you don't bring me that puppet.
- Act like a jackass, if you have the nerve. Drink up the water, get what you deserve. Be wicked, be naughty, come drink from my fountain. Then I will be rich, King of the Mountain!
- Geppetto: (He is fixing Pinocchio) There, that didn't hurt, did it?
- Pinocchio: Nah. Didn't hurt.
(Lorenzini knocks hard on the door)
- Geppetto: Now what can he want?
- Lorenzini: Open up!
- Geppetto: No good can come of this.
- Lorenzini: Open up!
- Geppetto: (grabs Pinocchio) Stay there and be quiet! (Pinocchio looks round and sees other puppets sitting there; gasps) Don't even breathe! (To Lorenzini) Signore Lorenzini, what can you want?
- Lorenzini: The honor is mine to call again, my good man.
- Geppetto: You see Lorenzini, I have been spending a lot of time in the forest lately, perhaps I can carve you something grand... at the first chance I've got.
- Lorenzini: I have heard rumors. I bring good news, Geppetto. I am making my grandest production ever, and I am going to purchase... Your newest creation. Whatever it may be. Heh.
- Gepetto: (holds up two puppets) These puppets are made, from the finest cherry wood. You can have these.
- Lorenzini: (snarls) Don't...toy with me, Geppetto. I would not buy those puppets from you two years ago, and I will not buy them today. So show me your best, and show me NOW!
(Pinocchio falls off his perch)
- Pinocchio: Oooh! (Runs at Lorenzini and ducks under his legs) Excuse me, coming through!
- Lorenzini: He is perfect... (Catches a fly) Stay! (Opens his glove, revealing the fly standing on his palm) Boys do like bugs.
- Pinocchio: Bugs?
- Lorenzini: They like to tease them, and twist them...and...
- Gepetto: Please, Lorenzini!
- Lorenzini: Ssssssh.
- Pinocchio: (Imitating) Sssshh...
- Lorenzini: He is magnificent. Name your price.
(Upon Pinocchio causing a disruption in class, the Professor turns round)
- The Professor: What is going on in my classroom?
- Prefect: The new boy punched Lampwick, professori.
- The Professor: (he walks slowly and menacingly up to Pinocchio) Is that true?
- Pinocchio: Uh... no.
(his nose grows)
- Boy: Hey, how'd you do that?
- The Professor: Silence! (looks at Pinocchio) You wouldn't be lying to me by any chance, would you?
- Pinocchio: Uh... uh... no. (His nose grows longer)
- The Professor: It seems, that there are two kinds of liars. (he is now walking through the room) Liars with the short legs, and liars with the long noses. So, I will give you one last chance to redeem yourself: If you did not punch Lampwick, how did he end up on the floor?
- Pinocchio: (struggling) Nobody punched Lampwick... Lampwick punched.. himself. (his nose is now extremely long) Uh, I mean, a - a man - climbed - in - through the window and punched Lampwick, Lampwick tried to punch him back but - he missed (his nose is now the length of the classroom) and fell on the floor!
(inevitably, the class laugh hysterically)
- The Professor: Silence! (fails to keep order) SILENCE!
(he suddenly notices Pinocchio's nose right in front of his. Pinocchio has a sneeze coming)
- The Professor: No... come on... (gestures at the prefect) A handkerchief... quick!
(as the class urge Pinocchio to sneeze, the prefect runs up with a handkerchief and Pinocchio disastrously sneezes all over the Professor's face, sneezing sawdust on him)
- The Professor: If there is one thing I will not tolerate in my classroom, it is a liar. Now get out!
- Pinocchio: (he walks miserably up from his desk but can't because of his nose, so he decides to tell the truth) I was the one who punched Lampwick. I'm sorry. (his nose shrinks)
- The Professor: OUT!
- Pinocchio: And it's my fault Lampwick ended up on the floor.
- The Professor: OUT OUT OUT, I said!
- Pinocchio: (his nose now back to normal) But I want to stay with you.
(he finally leaves the room)
- The Professor: Now the class will review what we have learned today.
(Pinocchio runs into Volpe and Felinet)
- Felinet: Helloooo...
- Pinocchio: Hellooo....
- Felinet: Ooh, what a charming little item you are. (Holds out hand) May I? (Raps Pinocchio's head, makes a hollow thud) Ooh...empty as a witch's dowry. Ooh, look how smoothly his arms move. (Geppetto comes up)
- Geppetto: Now Pinocchio, don't do that again. (To the thieves) Er, excuse me, but don't you two have a pushcart or something to rob?
- Volpe: Uh, we've already done that. (Felinet glares at him)
- Geppetto: Come on Pinocchio. I don't want you doing that again.
- Felinet: Oh but Geppetto darling, we were just playing with him.
- Geppetto: He'll play with his own sort, thank you.
- Felinet: (suspiciously) And what sort would that be?
- Geppetto: Come on son. Don't ever do that again.
- Volpe: (confused) I don't get it...is he a boy, or a puppet?
- Felinet: He's a puppet, fur-face. He's going to be worth a fortune...and I know exactly where to cash him in! (Both giggle)
- Father: Don't worry, son! I'll get your ball back! (Felinet glances at Pinocchio's ball, realizes who it belongs to, and runs off, tossing the ball at Volpe) (Boy and his father round the corner, boy points at Volpe, who is foolishly holding the ball)
- Father: Steal my son's ball, would you?? (Punches Volpe viciously)
(At Pleasure Island)
- Pepe: Rather cruel of you to shoot my cousins into outer space.
- Pinocchio: All I'm doing is having a little fun.
- Pepe: Yeah, fun, good idea! Fun gets my antenna waaaay up! But what about your Papa, you said you bought him up?
- Pinocchio: I didn't bring him up.
- Pepe: Precisely my point! You know what comes from actin' like a jackass? And if you act like one, then you'll become one!
- Pinocchio: Come, over here! Come, listen to me! Look, they're trying to trick us! They want us to act like jackasses, if you do that's what you'll turn into! Please, don't listen to them! Don't go on the Rides! Please!
- Lorenzini: Now, now, what's all this? I've created this wonderful playground for you all to play in. And all for what? (Angrily, to Pinocchio) You steal my donkeys?
- Pinocchio: They're not your donkeys! This one's Lampwick!
- Lorenzini: (Tuts) Pinocchio, a good little boy does not go around spreading lies!
- Pinocchio: It's not a lie! (Points to his nose) My nose grows when I lie!
- Lorenzini: (Straightens up) Come on, boys! Take the Rides! Drink the water! (Throws tickets to the eager boys)
- Pinocchio: No, don't! (Lampwick donkey snorts) Lampwick, come on! (Lampwick snorts again) Do it! (Lampwick neighs and knocks a stunned Lorenzini into the fountain, where he mutates into a sea monster thanks to the curse. When he climbs out, the boys yell in shock)
- Boy 1#: He's turning into a monster! Look at his face! (Lorenzini is unable to breathe and smashes through a mirror, jumping into the water which leads to the ocean)
- Boy 2#: He was a monster! He got what he deserved!
- All Boys: YEAH!
- Jonathan Taylor Thomas - Pinocchio
- Martin Landau - Meister Gepetto
- Udo Kier - Lorenzini
- Bebe Neuwirth - Felinet
- Rob Schneider - Volpe
- Carlo Lorenzini, the author of the original novel
- The Adventures of Pinocchio
- Pinocchio, the fictional character and protagonist of the franchise
- Ampullae of Lorenzini, microorganisms which live on sharks and whales