The Cable Guy
- I learned the facts of life by watching The Facts of Life.
- You know, the problem with real life is there's no danger music. [begins humming]
- I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.
- Time to take a ride on the information superhighway.
- Yeah, I was taking a shower and I heard the phone ring. Has that ever happened to you? Call me back later, we'll talk about it.
- You can watch the Louvre on one channel or watch female mud-wrestling on another. You can do your shopping at home or play Mortal Kombat with a friend in Vietnam.
- He's projecting all of his anger onto me. Maybe I should go.
- Doth thou have a mug of ale for me and me mate? He has been pitched in battle for a fortnight, and has a king's thirst for the frosty brew that doth might brow for doth!
- Cop: Play us a song!
- Chip: Oh, no! I couldn't... all right, already. I fought the law, and the law won. You might recognize this song as performed by Jefferson Airplane, in a little rockumentary called Gimme Shelter, about the Rolling Stones and their nightmare at Altamont. That night the Oakland chapter of the Hell's Angels had their way. Tonight, it's my turn.
- Steven: Can I get a knife?
- Melinda: There were no utensils in medieval times, hence there are no utensils at Medieval Times. Now, would you like a refill on that Pepsi?
- Steven: There were no utensils, but there was Pepsi?
- Melinda: Dude, I've got a lot of tables.
- He Can Be Your Best Friend Or Your Worst Enemy.
- For Steven Kovacs, The Price Of Cable...Just Went Up.
- There's No Such Thing as Free Cable.
- Once You're Hooked...You're His.
- Jim Carrey - Chip/Ernie Douglas/Larry Tate/Ricky Ricardo
- Matthew Broderick - Steven Kovacs
- Leslie Mann - Robin
- Jack Black - Rick