The Curse of the Jade Scorpion

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The Curse of the Jade Scorpion is a 2001 film about an insurance investigator and an efficency expert who are both hypnotized by a crooked hypnotist with a jade scorpion into stealing jewels.

Directed and written by Woody Allen.

C. W. Briggs[edit]

  • I hate her just like I hate that German chancellor with the mustache.
  • My clergyman - who happens to be wanted for pederasty - will vouch for me.
  • It's a match made in heaven... by a retarded angel.
  • A lot of women have passed through this apartment. I can't say they were all winners, but...
  • The New York City Police want to give me a lifetime achievement award.

Betty Ann Fitzgerald[edit]

  • You don't have a kosher bone in your body.
  • You hate any woman that doesn't have a double digit IQ.


  • Gosh, all this passion in a lousy insurance office!


Al: [Watching Jill walk away] My God, that girl's got a body that won't quit!
C.W.: Quit? It won't take five minutes off for a coffee break.

C. W.: They say I always get my man.
Laura: Me, too.

C.W.: There's a deck of cards with naked women on it.
Laura: Let me guess, you use it to play solitaire.
C.W.: I used to date the six of spades.

Betty Ann: So what, you always get your kicks fondling women's shoes?
C.W.: Once in a while I'll fondle a whole woman.

Betty Ann: You're searching my desk!
C. W.: I wasn't searching. I was rummaging.

Laura: I'll slip into something a little bit more comfortable. Wait for me in bed.
C.W.: More comfortable than that? What are you gonna put on, Jergens lotion?

Chris: You know, there's a word for people who think everyone is conspiring against them.
C. W.: I know, perceptive.

Betty Ann: You wormy little ferret!
C. W.: Now, you're mixing metaphors.


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