The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (season 5)
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The following is a list of quotes from the fifth season of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
What's Will Got to Do With It? (1) [5.1]
- Man: What does this contract say?
- Will: Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
- Man: That's right. Not Philadelphia. Bel-Air.
- Will: Well, you see--
- Man: Get in the van!
- [The man throws Will into the van]
- Man: Yo, homes, to Bel-Air.
- Philip: I'm going to be watching you like a shadow!
- Will: With you, it would be more of an eclipse, huh?
The Client (2) [5.2]
Reality Bites [5.3]
- Will: I mean Dougie loves everything. People, am I the only one who sees a problem with this? (singing) I love bugs and I love death. I love oozing flesh wounds!
- Will: Yeah, where is Carlton? He had better have a good reason for standing Nicky up.
- Carlton: Will locked me in the closet!
- (Will sits at the kitchen table, Hilary enters the kitchen and throws a newspaper on the table)
- Hilary: Look at this.
- Will (reading newspaper): "Powerful earthquake rattles northern coast."
- Hilary: Oh, boo-hoo.
- (turns paper over and points to page): This.
- Will: "Television personality Leeza Gibbons was shocked to learn that the woman attempting to vandalize her car was none other than rival talk show host, Hilary Banks."
- Hilary: (groans)
- Will: "Banks, seen here, wielding a potato..."
- Hilary: Wielding? I was not wielding, I was rubbing.
- I rubbed that damn potato all over Leeza's car and it didn't even make a scratch.
- At least they didn't catch me putting my keys in her exhaust pipe.
- Will: Hilary, you were supposed to- never mind.
- Hilary (aiming video camera at television to record Leeza Gibbons' show): Geoffrey?! Geoffrey?!! Geoffrey!!!
- Geoffrey: You answered, Miss Hilary?
- Hilary: I have been calling you for fifteen minutes. Didn't you hear me?
- Geoffrey: Yes, but I so rarely have a woman scream my name. I was rather enjoying it.
Grumpy Young Men [5.4]
- Carlton (comes in the kitchen with his hands on the top of his head): Did you just put super glue in my hair gel?
- Will: That's what you get for stealing my girl.
- Carlton: I didn't have to steal her. She was bored with you, so that she has to come to a real man.
- Will: So, what you're saying is that I'm not a real man?
- Carlton: You got that right. It's like this "Hey, baby, (doing his pelvic thrust) bahk, bahk, stuff". It worked in high school, but now, it's just embarrassing!
- Will: Take it easy there, stumpy.
- Carlton: And you know what? I'm also getting tired of the short jokes. I'm average height.
- Will: For a woman!
- Carlton: I'm large enough for Valerie.
Fresh Prince: The Movie [5.5]
- Will: Uncle Phil. Hey man, what are you doing here?
- Philip: I'll tell you what I'm doing here. Years ago, I fell in love with and married a wonderful woman named Vivian. Vivian had a sister named Vy. Vy gave birth to a child named Will, whose sole purpose in life is to make mine a living Hell! Now, you have done a lot to me these last 4 years, but how you managed to have me ripped out of my wonderful life in Bel-Air and relocated to this landfill boggles my mind!
- Will: Look, Jazz, I just don't feel comfortable telling you anymore, man. Who knows? Your life could be in danger.
- Jazz: What life? I'm a married man.
- Mob Killer: If I were you, I'd run.
- Will: If you were me, you'd be good looking.
Will's Misery [5.6]
- Carlton: You can't understand and respect women because you're not in touch with your feminine side.
- Will: And you know what your problem is? You're not in touch with anybody's feminine side.
Father Knows Best [5.7]
- Will: (to Ashley) Don't tell me, 'cause if I know I can't say that I don't know when you get busted and Uncle Phil starts rounding up the usual suspects. And I am the usual suspects.
- Miss Sharpe: Come closer.
- Will: Heyyyyyyyy.
- Miss Sharpe: That's a fake mustache.
- Will: No, it's not!
- Miss Sharpe [takes off the mustache off]: Yes, it is!
- Will: No, it's not!
- Miss Sharpe: Look, I don't know who you are, but I'm calling your real parents right now.
- Ashley: Will...
- Will: It's not!
Sooooooooul Train [5.8]
- (Will sees Carlton dancing.)
- Will: Carlton, what's wrong? Are you having a Malox moment?
- Carlton: I'm getting ready for Soul Train. I believe there's dancing involved.
- Will: Two things. One: That's not dancing. And two: I'd appreciate it if you stayed away from the show.
- Carlton: And why, pray tell, is that?
- Will: Again, two things, Carlton. One: Because you say stuff like "pray tell". And two: You're gonna embarrass me when I become the new co-host.
- Will: You see, Soul Train's been looking for a co-host for months, and so far no one's worked out.
- Carlton: And they're gonna give you the job based on your love for Don Cornelius dolls?
- Will: [annoyed] It's not a doll, it's an action figure! And you've got no business being on the Soul Hyundai, let alone the Soul Train.
Love Hurts [5.9]
- (After scuffle in Bowling alley)
- Lisa: Will, I've been meaning to tell you that I'm a--
- Will: A what!? A Power Ranger!?
- Lisa: No, I've been studying self-defense. Did I do something wrong?
- Will: Yes, you did. I was just about to retaliate.
- Lisa: Baby, you were on the floor.
- Will: That's how I fight!
- Lisa: Let's just get back to the game.
- Will: Fine!
- (Will attempts to roll the ball, but it slips and hits another man in the chest.)
- (Jazz pulls out a small thin book from his pocket)
- Jazz [to Will]: I give you... The Hoodlum Pages. Okay, let's see here.
- (Jazz flips through the pages)
- Jazz: Counterfeiters... Extortionists... Car Salesmen... Ah, here. Guys who take dives...
- (Jazz hands Will the book and he scans the page.)
- Will: Wait, wait, wait. So you're telling me, that this guy will let someone hit him ten times for $40?
- Jazz: Mention this ad and he'll throw in a head-butt.
- Will: Oh, okay, so this dude come down to the Peacock, stir up a little fray, I take him down and Lisa and everybody think I'm a hero. Aight, thanks, man. Hey, by the way, where'd you get this?
- Jazz: I stole it.
Will's Up a Dirt Road [5.10]
- Will: I call it, "Celebrity Houses, At Night!"
- News Publisher: Hmm, very interesting.
- Will: Cause see, here's Bob Barker drinking some coffee in the bathroom.
- News Publisher: Er...
- Will: And here's Gene Simmons frying his underwear on a barbecue grill.
- News Publisher: Um, that's lovely.
- Will: And here's Jay Leno pouring some coffee in the sewer.
- News Publisher: Oh, my god!
Will Steps Out [5.11]
- Lisa: Will?
- Will (wearing a fat suit): Well, it ain't Fat Albert!
Same Game, Next Season [5.12]
- Hilary: What kind of idiot picks a password no one can guess?
Three's a Crowd [5.13]
It's a Wonderful Lie [5.14]
- Philip: What are you thinking about?
- Vivian: I'm just trying to recall what it felt like to be 15.
- Philip: It was so long ago, how could you remember?
- [Vivian scowls at her husband]
- Philip: I'm just so upset, I'm saying things I don't even mean.
- Ashley: You know something? This is all your fault.
- Will: What is that, like the theme of this family? "When in doubt, blame Will."
Bullets Over Bel-Air [5.15]
- Nicky: Why do you shave and Ashley doesn't?
- Will: Well, you know, because guys grow beards and some women don't.
- Will: (after being shot at the bank) Hey, don't be looking at me like that. Y'all know ain't no little bullet gonna stop me. Although, I will be doing my banking by mail from now on. Knowing my luck, I might run into a disgruntled postal worker.
- Philip: We can see Will, but we have to go right home after that.
- Vivian: Why?
- Philip: Well, apparently we're driving the nursing staff crazy.
- (Hilary and a nurse walk into the room)
- Hilary: I don't understand. I'm just a visitor. Why do I need medication? And what is Prozac anyway? Do you think I need this? I feel fine.
A Decent Proposal [5.16]
- Lisa: Will, you can be so stupid!
- Will: Well, stupid is as stupid does!
- Lisa: What does that have to do with anything?
- Will: I don't know but the movie made a billion dollars.
- Jazz: [defibrillator on hand] Check it out, Will. I'm the black dude on ER.
- Lisa: Jazz, that's not a toy.
- Jazz: It doesn't have to be a toy to be fun. Check this out. Clear!
- [he shocks himself, and is sent rolling through the hallway]
- Lisa: (to Philip) Have you ever crushed any one?
(Geoffrey appears; by now he would say something snarky about Philip's weight, but Phil glares at him and he leaves)
- Vy: (about Will marrying Lisa) WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT???
- Geoffrey: (enters suddenly, skipping and singing) Got to do with it! Got to do with it!
Will is From Mars... [5.17]
- Dr. Whitehorn: Hello, George. Wheezie.
- George: Hey, Whitey.
- Dr. Whitehorn: That's, uh -- That's Dr. Whitehorn.
- George: Yeah, yeah, Horny. Where do you want me to sit?
- Wheezie: Well?
- George: Well, what?
- Wheezie: He said to name three things you like about me.
- George: Fine. Your mother died. Your mother's dead. Your mother ain't livin' no more.
- (Will laughs then coughs when he sees Lisa glaring at him)
The Wedding Show (Psyche!) [5.18]
Slum Like It... Not! [5.19]
As the Will Turns [5.20]
- Will: I'm Young and I'm Restless. And I've only got One Life to Live, so I've got to follow my Guiding Light and search for tomorrow.
Save the Last Trance for Me [5.21]
- Will: Uncle Phil, be honest. When Aunt Viv was pregnant with Carlton, did she... (imitates someone drinking.)
- Will: Carlton, are you sure Aunt Viv didn't... (imitates someone drinking.)
- Great Mentos: May I have a volunteer.
- Carlton: Oh, pick me, oh Great Mentos, pick me!
- Will: Oh, shoot me, oh Great Mentos, shoot me!
- (Philip barks)
- Will: (to Vivian) Hey, hey, hey. Look, I'll walk him but somebody else gonna have to pooper-scoop.
To Thine Own Self Be Blue... and Gold [5.22]
Cold Feet, Hot Body [5.23]
- Denise:(walks into kitchen) Surprise!
- Will: (sees her and screams) AAAAHHHH!!!
(Lisa stares at him)
- Will: I feel good!
- Will: Alright, I'll do you- IT! I'll do it... I mean, I'll give you a ride- OOH!!
- Will: (to Denise) We ain't gonna let you walk no 11 miles. Where's Nicky's skateboard?
- Will: (to Carlton) There's a beautiful woman talking to me, but I don't expect you to understand that!
- Will: Yo, Carlton, people are complaining there ain't no bacon on the BLT's.
- Carlton: Well, where’s the law that says the "B" has to stand for "bacon"? Read the damn sign!
- Will: Bread, lettuce and tomato!?
Love in an Elevator [5.24]
- Stripper: Geoffrey? But you told me your name was Will.
- Geoffrey: No, I said I was will-ing.
For Whom the Wedding Bells Toll [5.25]
- [Will and Carlton poke through the gifts]
- Will: Oooh, I wonder what's in here? [drops and breaks the gift]
- Carlton: Probably something that has to be replaced.
- Will: Looka here, looka here. Look at these cute little money-sized envelopes. [extracts cash] BOOM-BYA! This is one of my favorite presents: Ben Franklin! [to the $100 bill] Excuse me, Ben, allow me to show you to your seat... [inserts the bill into his back pocket and spanks it]
- Will: (last line of the season) Y'all come back now, y'hear?