The Haunting Hour: The Series

The Haunting Hour: The Series (2010–2014) is a Canadian-American original anthology horror-fantasy television series.

Season 1

Really You

Brandon Cauldwell: Maybe somebody's operating it by remote control.

Josh: The Chinese government!

A Creature Was Stirring

Timmy: You think Santa got my letter?

Janice: I'm sure he did honey.

Mark: That is so pathetic. Not only does my brother think there's a boogeyman in the closet, he also still believes in Santa.

The Dead Body

Will Johnston: What does he want?

Janitor: Why don't you tell me? You're the one who made friends with a ghost.

Nightmare Inn

Mom: You now this is the first place your father and I...

Jillian: Mom, TMI.

Mom: What? We had our first Sunday brunch here.

The Red Dress

Abigail: If you want something, you must pay for it.

Ghostly Stare

Lauren: Get out of my brother’s body evil spirit thing!

Wormy Ghost: Stop pointing at me with your finger grumpy teenage girl thing!

---

Lauren: You’re a ghost.

Alice Clairborne: Don’t act so surprised, look around, all the spirits have risen, but don’t worry we’re not all like that nasty ghost that followed you home. Selfish people make selfish spirits, but as you can see I spent my life giving to people.

Walls

Jeffrey: I mean what do I get?

Sean: Don't you like livin' in a big house, having a nice car?

Jeffrey: That stuff's for you guys! I mean what do I get? I wonder how many people would be interested in hearing about the thing that lives in our walls?

Game Over

Major Mayhem: I had to find the best to replace me.

Kelly: Just let us out of here okay?

Major Mayhem: Oh, we're getting out, but not you.

Alien Candy

Tim: One wrong move and we would have been alien kibble.

Walt: I can't believe we came that close to being eaten by extraterrestrials.

Fear Never Knocks

Fear: Tell me exactly what you are afraid of my dear.

Jenny: I’m afraid of fear, of fear itself. I’m afraid of you!

Best Friend Forever

Zmombie: Eat your breakfast.

Cheeky: Moooooooooom.

Zmombie: I’ve told you, you can’t have a pet until you prove you’re responsible enough to take care of one.

Cheeky: But mom!!!

Zmombie: And besides, your pets always die!

Jack Pierce: Cheeky, where are we?

Cheeky: Can I keep him?

Black Mask

Bill: No wonder we cared about those kids so much, they were us.

Robb: The mask wasn’t showing us the past, it was showing us the future.

Afraid of Clowns

Chris' Dad: This is who we are Chris.

Chris' Mom: We wear these human faces to blend into society but we’re clowns. You are too.

Chris: No, no, you’re lying.

Chris' Mom: Happy Birthday son.

Clowns: Happy Birthday Chris!

Chris' Dad: Welcome to the tribe.

My Sister the Witch

Pete: Billy, you’re a witch?!

Billy: Proper term is warlock.

Pete: But you’re always praising science!

Billy: The scientific revolution was a great boon to our kind, people stopped believing in magic, allowing us to thrive.

Wrong Number

Stephani Howard: Everyone wants to matter in high school, but the truth? No one really does. And I know what you're thinking okay? "Don't be so melodramatic". But you wanna know what I'm thinking? Shove it! I'm Stephani Howard, the hot girl on the left, and I actually do matter. The slightly-less hot girl on the left s my BFF, Taylor Turner. She's such a follower! Watch this... In movies, the plain girl always gets the voiceover, which is SO anti-fair. You'd rather hear pretty girl thoughts. But, honestly? Hot girls like me don't waste our time thinking! We're much too busy...

Catching Cold

Jimmy Jeffries: The Truck is yours until someone else catches you, until then it's all you can eat.

Pool Shark

Kai: I guess I lost. Are you afraid?

Alexa: If I ask you to take me for a ride will you devour me?

Kai: I did just eat, but I am new at this.

Alexa: I’ll take my chances.

Kai: Hang on tight.

Lights Out

Haley: This is wrong, faking a ghost-hunt, you're mocking the dead.

Teddy: Look, if there are ghosts and they're dumb enough to stick in a dump like this, they deserve to be mocked!

The Perfect Brother

Josh: I'm your son!

Mom: No you're not, you're just our experiment.

Scary Mary

Hanna: Mary, can you see me? I don’t want you to be sad. You want me to make myself look nice for you, don’t you? That’s why you sent me this gift. Do you want me to use your brush, is that what you want?

Season 2

Creature Feature: Part 1

John: Looks like you’ve got a nervous tick.

Dr. Emil Mangle: You know what they say. There’s a sucker born every minute.

Lisa: John was right about one thing. The dialogue is terrible.

Creature Feature: Part 2

John: Fade to black.

Swarmin' Norman

Mr. Dunwood: The bugs outnumber us by a factor of trillions, there's no way to stop them, if it ever comes down to us or them, we surely don't stand a chance.

Flight

Josh: See you later.

Reaper: Without a doubt.

Pumpkinhead

Dave: But it'll still be light out! It's not trick-or-treating if it's not dark!

Scott: So? You're trick-or-treating in the school cafeteria. Whooo, scary MEATLOAF!

Brush with Madness

Emma: These brushes have given you a serious case of the crazies.

Corey: They given me a serious case of inspiration.

Sick

Male TV Host: You have to go back downstairs. Go now.

Alex: Whatever you say TV.

Mascot

Asst. Principal Thompson: Uh, so yeah, you guys want to get rid of, uh, Big Yellow right?

Drake: Yeah.

Asst. Principal Thompson: Yeah, I haven’t made it out to a lot of games. I’ve been really busy, kind of swamped here.

Willie: Yeah, we have a petition here to audition for a new mascot, all we need is a teacher sponsor.

Asst. Principal Thompson: I never did understand what that thing was anyway. Have a pen? Just so you know, you’re supposed to inform the current mascot that he’s getting sacked, school protocol.

Bad Feng Shui

Jessica Chen: Do you think I stirred up a bunch bad chi?

Mr. Ming: When you invite guests to your house, expect him to eat what you serve.

The Hole

Rob: I’m going to record the sinkhole, if anything else comes out we’ll catch it.

Carrie: What if the ghost don’t want its picture taken?

Scarecrow

Bobby: Where do you come from?

Stranger: Do you know what that poem's about? The end of the world. I wonder why a lot of folks get so... edgy... about that. The end of the world, I mean... it'd be quiet. Nice and quiet.

Dreamcatcher

Meg: No, no, no, I'm awake, I'm Awake!

Dream Catcher: If you were awake, I wouldn't be here!

The Most Evil Sorcerer

Ned: I want to learn magic.

Gresilda: If you’re a trustworthy apprentice to me, you will.

Stage Fright

The Witch: Do you people honestly believe the cliched witch from this play is what real witches are like? No one tells my story properly, which is why I cursed it. I didn’t eat Hansel and Gretel ,that’s not how the story went. I ate their parents.

Night of the Mummy

Seth: To spend eternity with my brother is my true destiny

Headshot

Lexi: But the choice wasn’t mine to make, it was Gracie’s, and Gracie’s alone. It’s strange how thinks worked out, Gracie finally got her wish.

The Return of Lilly D.

Dollmaker: Be alert, if she misbehaves, call me.

Gramps: Natalie’s a good girl.

Dollmaker: I meant the doll.

Season 3

Grampires (Part 1)

Gladys: What’s wrong, you don’t like my signature scent? It’s called Sanguine Secrets.

Shirley: Who are your friends? They look so sweet and fresh.

Walt Montgomery: These are my grandchildren.

Grampires (Part 2)

Harold: You’re grandpa thinks he can hurt me, but he’s a new vamp, I’m 273 years old, you know what that means?

Mike: It means you’re old enough to know how precious life is?

Harold: Sorry food, it means I’m much stronger than your gramps and I’m going to have to drink you.

Mike: Please let me go, I haven’t even kissed a girl yet, I have much more life left to live.

Walt Montgomery: I wouldn’t do that if I were you! Give me the boy or I’ll stake her!

Harold: You wouldn’t dare!

Gladys: Do as he says Harold! I haven’t put up with being married to you for 251 years to you to end up a pile of dust on our porch!

---

Shirley: Tell me, what year where you born?

Cristen: Please, just let me go. Please.

Shirley: Just answer the question.

Cristen: 1995.

Shirley: What a lovely year! Trust me folks, I had a small taste before we tied her up. It's a hearty red blood with a hint of licorice and a wonderful velvet finish. Let the games begin!

The Cast

Ms. Hibou: I came by to thank you for doing the right thing, for telling the truth about those boys.

Lex Johnson: You’re welcome.

Ms. Hibou: My darlings seem to be interested in your arm, I wonder why that is. Oh, looks like you have a nest in there. Don’t worry my cats will get them. Oh, no, no, don’t take that cast off son, you’ll ruin the nest! What will I feed my cats? Oh, let them feed, let them grow big and fat!

The Weeping Woman

Chi: It’s La Llorona, she’s a legend.

Chad: She a saint or something?

Chi: Not exactly. She’s a ghost.

Intruders

Lyria: Well know this Changeling, we fae are many, as numerous as the stars themselves, and we are not merely dancing lights and pretty flowers.

Eve: Enough talk, now leave!

Lyria: I promise you will rue the day.

---

Mom: Can you believe this? It’s like a fairy tale.

Eve: Don’t say that.

Spaceman

Aaron Ackerman: Thanks. See ya.

Mrs. Hollinger: Enjoy it and enjoy your childhood!

Red Eye

Mailman Tim: Hey Georgia, how was you day?

Georgia Lomin: Alright, I had a math test, fractions. How was your day?

Mailman Tim: Well, I got chased by Mrs. Edson’s Pomeranian, again.

Georgia Lomin: Fractions are worse.

Mailman Tim: Well, Pomeranians are a fraction, a fraction of a dog.

My Imaginary Friend

David: Why do you hang out with that guy?

Shawn: Because he’s my friend.

David: He’s your imaginary friend.

Travis: Why does he make that sound like it’s a bad thing?

Poof De Fromage

Jean-Louis: There is nothing funny about le Poof De Fromage!

The Golem (Part 1)

Nadia: What we did, was dark necessity.

Jeremy: I don’t understand, what was it? Was it a weapon, a spell?

Nadia: Oh Jeremy forgive me, perhaps I crossed line, but after the war I made sure it never hurt anyone. I could keep it quite while I was strong, but now I am weak. Promise me when I am gone, it’s up to you, take me back me back to my village, promise!

Jeremy: I promise, of course!

The Golem (Part 2)

Luca: The creature your Nana and I created has returned.

Jeremy: Creature? For real?

Luca: We were desperate so we created a golem. I watched as they fashioned the creature out of the earth itself, my own hands gave it shape. The old professor taught her the ancient life-giving incantation, for he knew she was a very powerful woman.

Jeremy: Like a witch?

Luca: More than a witch, in our language what we call vedma, woman who knows. You see, I was afraid of the creature we created, but your nana, she never flinched, it was she who said the sacred words to give life to the golem.

The Girl in the Painting

The Girl's Mom: They see want to see. That’s what they’re like out there, they don’t understand that things aren’t always what they seem. You’d better get back into position.

The Girl: I just wish it would never come back.

The Girl's Mom: But it always does.

The Girl: Do you think someone else will come and look?

The Girl’s Mom: They always do.

The Girl: Us or them.

Checking Out

Mr. Brady: It doesn’t work that way, the Benefactor wants your children, if he can’t have them, he’ll take you all.

Terrible Love

Brendan Fletcher: You had me shot up with a love potion by an ancient god?

Maggie: Yes and I am so sorry.

Séance

Carla: It was Cyrus’ idea.

Naomi: Cyrus? That was a joke.

Carla: He had an older sister too, so he knows what it’s like. You don’t believe me? Hey Cyrus, they don’t believe me!

Cyrus: That was funny, now which one of you is gonna give me a leg?

Detention

Janitor: Look kid, some people never get out of this place, even after they leave, but I think you might make it.

Funhouse

Carnie: Feeling better?

Chad: I am.

Carnie: It’s funny what a little bit of fun can do. Now hurry on home kiddies, you don’t want to miss another family dinner night.

Worry Dolls

Jodanna: I think there’s something weird about the dolls you gave me.

Tracy Hardin: Oh Jo, I know you don’t want us to go, but you don’t need to make up things to worry about.

Jodanna: I’m not. The dolls disappear then just show up places.

Lovecraft's Woods

Erica: The land is cursed. Trapped here. Can’t get out. Hard to write. My friends are gone, I told them to run. No choice. We were right. The place loops in time. Things keep happening over and over. I’m already transforming and I don’t think it’s the first time. My nails started growing first. My fangs have already grown in. Can’t speak. I’m scared. That tree that scratched my arm must have infected me. These woods are pure evil. Why did I ever convince Margret and Nick to ever go to that stupid party?

Coat Rack Cowboy

Brett: So what they hang you for anyway?

John 'Mad Dog' McCoy: No fair reason I can discern, except I shot the town sheriff. Posse up and chased me into the hills, I killed five of them with my bare hands before they finally strung me up. See? Not a pleasant way to die, I assure you.

Brett: You really killed five men at once with you bare hands?

John 'Mad Dog' McCoy: You callin’ me a liar?

Brett: No sir.

John 'Mad Dog' McCoy: Last man that called me a liar wound up with more lead in his belly than biscuits.

Long Live Rock and Roll

Holden White: I’m looking for a new guitar.

Sir Maestro: A guitar eh? I used to strum back in the day until I sold out to a big record company, they’re the real evil, believe you me, made me the man I am today: cynical, bitter, irrepressibly competitive. I see you’re entranced with this old instrument.

Dead Bodies

Jake Skinner: I will say this: life's changed since I was here last. Music stinks, gas is ridiculously expensive... Oh, and what the heck is a blog?

Will: Maybe you shouldn’t be here.

My Robot

Tim: So what went wrong?

Philip: The Robot started to learn.

Tim: Learn, what do mean learn? It’s a machine.

Philip: He has artificial intelligence, with a high functioning quantum optical processor. He read books, he surfed the net, and he that decided the best way to help me was to make me do my own work because it builds character.

Bad Egg

Jason Berkley: I have a feeling we’re going to get into a lot of trouble together.

Toy Train

Switchman: like I said, some things won’t stay buried.

Hank: I’m really sorry. I never had a chance to thank you for saving my life.

Switchman: I was just doing my job, now do yours, forgive yourself, the boy needs you.

Hank: Logan’s in trouble.

Switchman: I can’t help if I’m not there.

Uncle Howee

Jared: What do you want from me?

Loomis: The same thing Uncle Howee wants from all his little buddies! He want’s to be your friend!

Uncle Howee: That’s right Jared, just like the song says! Do you want to be my friend?

Loomis: I’d say yes if I were you!

Uncle Howee: Do you Jared, do you want to be my friend?

Jared: I guess.

Loomis: A guess is not a yes!

Season 4

I'm Not Martin

Sean Daly: Her cell phone number is...

Operator's voice: I'm sorry, sir, I don't know what a cell phone number is.

Sean Daly: But she only *has* a cell phone number. We got rid of the regular line when we go cable TV.

Operator's voice: What's cable TV?

Lotsa Luck

Seamus: Balance is restored. Now if you don’t mind I’ll have your soul.

Cast

• Bailee Madison - Lilly Cauldwell
• Dan Payne - The Golem
• Brendan Meyer - Nathan

External links

• The Haunting Hour quotes at the Internet Movie Database