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The Inbetweeners Movie

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The Inbetweeners Movie is a is a 2011 British coming-of-age teen adventure comedy film based on the E4 sitcom The Inbetweeners. It was written by series creators Damon Beesley and Iain Morris and directed by Ben Palmer

Will McKenzie

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Jay Cartwright

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Neil Sutherland

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Simon Cooper

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Dialogue

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Will: (voiceover) I'm case you were wondering, that was me with my father. And this is where I live - not with him, but with my mother. It's a long story. Well, not that long. He snagged the work experience girl and then left us. So, just clichéd, really. Plus, it only happened two years ago, which means I don't even get the luxury of blaming my various personality defects on their divorce. Anyway, that's how I ended up here - the very definition of suburbia. Safe, comforting, stifling, boring - and I couldn't wait to fucking leave. Maybe that's unfair, as they do say that you never know what goes on behind the net curtains of suburbia. Although, in my friend Jay Cartwright's case, you can have a pretty good guess.
Will: (voiceover) It was our last ever day of school, something my new stepmum had experienced only four years ago herself. So the head of Sixth was going to say a few inspirational words. And if ever there was a man for the job, it wasn't lunatic giant Mr Gilbert.
Will: (voiceover) Dads are like arseholes. Everyone's got one, yes, but also, they're arseholes. Which is why they make excellent cab drivers.
Will: (voiceover) I was learning a lot about holidays. And not just what they did to Mrs Cooper's front bottom. I was also learning that on a lads' holiday, it's compulsory to wear "hilarious" matching T-shirts.
Check in Woman: Malia flight?
Will: Yep.
Check in Woman: Delay, seven hours. And please remove those T-shirts, or we won't allow you to board the plane.
Will: (voiceover) When people now ask me if I like football, I say yes. I do like football. But not Burnley. Burnley can fuck off.

(The boys enter their holiday apartment and wander around. It's disgusting and has the kind of decor that it's hard to break and cheap to replace.)

Will: (voiceover) As we entered our new home, wondering if our human rights had been breached, I couldn't help thinking a shit on the floor might have cheered the place up a bit.

(Will opens the door which is empty apart from half a can of dog food. Will and Simon then walk into the living area, which has a sofabed in it. They pull out the sofa bed, and it has huge light brown stain on a white sheet in the middle of it.)

Jay and Neil: Shotgun this room!
Simon: Shotgun the sofa bed!
Will: Well, where am I gonna sleep, then?!
Simon: Not really my problem.

(In the bathroom)

Neil: What's that? Is that the bath?
Jay: Course it's not the bath, you fucking idiot. There's the bath there! That's the...kids' toilet.
Neil: Is it?
Jay: Yes!
Neil: Why's it got a plughole and a tap, then?
Jay: Cos it's for checking your kid's shit before you flush it.
Neil: Ugh, that's grim!
Jay: Yeah, I know. That's the Continentals, innit? They're dirty.

(Simon and Will walk in)

Simon: See? (pointing at the bathtub) That looks nice!
Will: I'm not sleeping in a fucking bathtub for two weeks, Simon! We'll have to share the sofa bed.
Jay: (High-pitched) Ooh, 'ello! (Normal voice) Right, well, while you two decide who gets first go on each other's cocks, I'm getting ready and getting out there. The gash isn't gonna fuck itself, you know.
Will: Charming(!)
Will: (voiceover) Finally, smelling like an industrial accident at the Lynx factory, and looking like the world's shittest boy band, we hit the town.
Jay: Feed the pony.
Simon: Yeah, OK, I'll introduce us, but we've all got to go over there.
Will: Great.
Jay: You fucking sad cases. You don't just walk up to a girl in a club and introduce yourself! That's creepy. Clubs have different rules, you dick. Look, you dance over near them, make the eyes, then get 'em to dance with you.
Simon: Really?!
Will: Annoyingly, that does sound right.
Jay: Thank you! And then, after a bit, you stand up to them, pretend to slap 'em and fuck 'em up the arse.
Will: That might be a bit much.
Simon: Yeah, I dunno.
Neil: Oh, fucking hell, I'll do it.
Simon: What about Nicole?
Neil: It's only dancing, she likes my dancing. Stick with me, you'll be fine.
Will: Right, then, Si.
Simon: Looks like the holiday starts here.
Will: (voiceover) Unsurprisingly, the girls' hotel was nicer than our hotel. There are North Korean prison camps which are nicer than our hotel. But, like a North Korean prison camp, it was overcrowded, so we had nowhere to sit.
Neil: What about there?
Will: They've got towels on them, Neil.
Neil: So?
Will: That means people have bagsied them. We can't take those.
Neil: Fuck that!

(Jay goes to move the towels off the beds.)

Will: No, Jay, we can't!
Jay: Watch me! It's probably just a load of Kratus that got down early in the morning to reserve 'em.
Simon: That towel's got Finding Nemo on it.
Jay: Oh. What, so Nazis can't like Disney too?

(And with that, Jay grabs the towels and chucks them into the middle of the pool.)

Will: Jay!
Jay: Besides, I really need a lie down. My dad's more fucked than Neil's dad's arsehole.
Will: Jay, please!
Will: (voiceover) Jay and Neil were off to, as they put it, "check out the chicas". But I had a serious problem. In the absence of my mother, or a teacher, I needed help with my sunblock.
Will: (voiceover) It was the day of the boat party, and it looked like literally everyone in Malia had a ticket. Well, everyone except me and Simon, whose mood was now bluer than his balls.

Cast

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