The Ladykillers (1955) is a British dark comedy film.
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- There is a wheelbarrow out there, would you mind fetching it please. The major has a train to catch.
- Simply try for one hour to behave like gentlemen.
- [as Mrs Wilberforce is leaving, the superintendent follows her out with her umbrella]
- The Superintendent: Mrs. Wilberforce, wait! Just a moment! (Holding out the umbrella) You forgot it, mum.
- Mrs. Louisa Wilberforce: (Reaches for it, then changes her mind) Oh. Oh, no I don't think I want it. I never liked it. Now I can buy a dozen new ones.
- [Mrs. Wilberforce has knocked on the door and the Major is about to open it]
- Louis: (Aside to Harry) Excuse me, Major Courtney, I wonder if perhaps you'd like some tea?
- [the Major opens the door]
- Mrs. Wilberforce: I wonder if perhaps you'd like some tea, Major Courtney?
- [after Louis has 'dealt' with the Major on the roof]
- Professor Marcus: Well, where is he? Where is the Major? Is he up there still?
- Harry: No, no, he, uh, he come down.
- Professor Marcus: Well bring him here!
- Harry: He come down... with the chimney-pot.
- Professor Marcus: With the chimney- ?(chuckles)
- Professor Marcus: Is he hurt?
- Louis: I shouldn't think he felt a thing.
- One-Round: I said nobody was to do her!
- (Begins attacking Louis, who beats him continuously over the head with a blackjack. Mrs. Wilberforce comes out of the next room)
- Mrs. Wilberforce: Mr. Harvey!
- One-Round: I said - I said nobody was to do Mrs. Lopsided!
- Mrs. Wilberforce: Stop that!
- (Louis hits One-Round one last time with the blackjack)
- Mrs. Wilberforce: What "are" you doing?
- (Adjusting her hat)
- Mrs. Wilberforce: And who is 'Mrs. Lopsided,' may I ask? Where is Mr. Robinson?
- One-Round: He's, uh, he's outside.
- Mrs. Wilberforce: Somebody took the key. The cello case is gone!
- One-Round: It's, uh, out there too.
- Mrs. Wilberforce: Well... bring it in.
- (One-Round heads outside)
- Mrs. Wilberforce: I fell asleep. Somebody took the key out of my pocket. I'm *very* angry!
- Professor Marcus: As you have every right to be. It's disgraceful, Mrs. Wilberforce, shameful! Mr. Robinson will answer for it.
- Mrs. Wilberforce: (One-Round brings in the cello case] I'll take that, thank you. Professor Marcus, this is another black mark against you. I shall certainly tell the police.
- [she goes back into the nextk room)
- Professor Marcus: (as she shuts the door) What happened?
- One-Round: I thought they'd, uh, done 'er in. I thought, uh, I thought Harry done 'er.
- Professor Marcus: So?
- One-Round: So all right, I made a mistake!
- Professor Marcus: (Puts his face in his hand) Put him in the barrow...
- (Harry and Marcus are distracting Mrs. Wilberforce while Louis deals with the Major on the roof)
- Mrs. Wilberforce: It won't do any harm to tell you now that Major Courtney has gone to the police. They'll be here shortly.
- (there is a loud crash from outside)
- Mrs. Wilberforce: Oh! Whatever is that?
- Harry: I expect something fell off the roof, mum.
- Mrs. Wilberforce: The roof?
- Harry: Probably a... chimney-pot.
- Mrs. Wilberforce: A chimney-pot?
- Professor Marcus: See who it is, Harry
- (pushes Harry out the door)
- One-Round: (looking blankly at his cello) Are we supposed to make noises with these things? What kind o' noises?
- Louis: Who is she?
- Professor Marcus: Not 'noises,' One-Round, "music"!
- Louis: I said what does she mean, you...
- (Professor Marcus shushes him and turns on the record, dancing a bit to the music)
- Mrs. Wilberforce: ...May I ask you where you studied?
- One-Round: ...Well, I didn't really study any place, Lady... I just sort of... picked it up.
- Mrs. Wilberforce: You know, I was so surprised when I heard what you were playing. It brought back something that, really, I'd completely forgotten all about: my 21st birthday party. You see, my father had engaged a string quintet to come in and play in the evening; and while they were playing Boccherini, someone came in and said the old queen had passed away. And everyone went home. And that was the end of my party, all that time ago, in Pembroke. (Silence)
- Mrs. Wilberforce: Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll run and make the tea. The kettle "must" be nearly on the boil.
- (She leaves)
- One-Round: Who's she talkin' about? Old queen who?
- Meet "The Unholy Five"...The Most Befuddled Set of Assorted Thugs That Ever Fouled Up a Million Dollar Bank Robbery!!
- Who was that lady I saw you outwit last night? That was no lady...That was 'Mum' Wilberforce, a lovely old doll, well known to the police, and landlady to the shadiest bunch of characters in London!
- Be kind to your friends - Don't disclose the ending
- Katie Johnso - Mrs Louisa Alexandra Wilberforce
- Alec Guiness as Professor Marcus
- Cecil Parker - Major Claude Courtney
- Herbert Lom - Louis Harvey
- Peter Sellers - Harry Robinson
- Danny Green - 'One-Round' Lawson
- Jack Warner - police superintendent
- Philip Stainton - police sergeant
- Frankie Howard - the barrow boy
- Phoebe Hodgson - Constance
- Helene Buris - Appolonia
- Evelyn Kerry - Amelia
- Edie Martin - Lettice
- Kenneth Connor - taxi driver
- Harold Goodwin - railway parcels clerk
- Lucy Griffiths -Miss Pringle
- w:Vincent Holman - station master
- Stratford Johns - the security van guard
- Jack Melford - detective
- Leonard Sharp - the pavement artist