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The Magic Christian (film)

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Ladies and gentlemen, this is what is commonly known as money. It comes in all sizes, colours, and denominations — like people. We'll be using quite a bit of it in the next two hours... luckily, I have enough for ALL of us.

The Magic Christian is a 1969 British comedy film directed by Joseph McGrath and starring Peter Sellers and Ringo Starr, with noteworthy appearances by John Cleese, Raquel Welch, Christopher Lee, Richard Attenborough and Roman Polański.

Quotes

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You're certainly putting everybody on today, Dad.
Dad, do you think words corrupt?
Guy: [voiceover, as a $10 note appears onscreen] Ladies and gentlemen, this is what is commonly known as money. It comes in all sizes, colours, and denominations — like people. We'll be using quite a bit of it in the next two hours... luckily, I have enough for ALL of us.
Hamlet: [Laurence Harvey, onstage] "To be..."
Youngman: [loud enough to be heard, turning to Sir Guy] I've seen it.
Hamlet: "Or not to be... that is the question."
Youngman: Shakespeare, right?
Guy: [whispers, eyes toward the stage] Right, and double right.
Ginger: Ah! My Second World War Nazi atrocity book came at last. [turns to Youngman, dog in her lap, and browses the book]
Ginger: Do you know what Bitsy and I do? We sit down and imagine all those atrocities being done to sex criminals. - Yes, sex criminals and the like. And that Dr. Thorndike!
Guy: [overhearing] What's that, Ginge? Bill Thorndike a sexy criminal?
Ginger: The man you sent me to. He behaved VERY strangely.
Youngman: You're certainly putting everybody on today, Dad.
Guy: Well, you know, Youngman. Sometimes it's not enough merely to teach. One has to punish as well. A little bit of the old pause.
Youngman: Cause for pause?
Guy: Yes.
Youngman: Dad, do you think words corrupt?
Guy: I don't know, let's try. Agnes?
Agnes: [looks up from the television] Yes?
Guy: Nipple.
Agnes: Shh! [turns back to the television]
Guy: [watches her for a moment] Well, there's no immediate physical change.
Traffic warden #27: What's your game, Mister?
Guy: [riffling a wad of bills under the warden's nose, to persuade him to eat a parking ticket] Grand is the name, and, uh - money is the game. Would you care to play?
Guy: [as he and Youngman admire a painting] I like school of Rembrandt.
Youngman: St. Rembrandt's High.
John: [Oxford has just purposely rammed Cambridge, at the annual Boat Race] It would never have happened in my day!
Guy: Nor mine!
Youngman: Well, it's happening in mine!
Herbert: [pleads with Laurence, the ship's doctor] If you could please just give me some tranquilizers...
Laurence: Escape into drugs? Mask your fears in an artificial fog? Oh, surely you can't be serious.
Herbert: Oh, well... give me some decent English aspirin!
Laurence: [pulls out a lit marijuana joint] Here, Sir Herb. Try this. It's just what the doctor ordered.
Herbert: What is it?
Laurence: It's cannabis, Sir Herb. [Herbert inhales, then chokes]
Laurence: It'll tighten your wig.
Esther: [as all hell breaks loose, aboard the Magic Christian] Youngman, what IS going on?
Youngman: [innocently] Ship's concert, I shouldn't wonder.
Guy: [on being told a Rembrandt might fetch $10,000 at auction] In that case, my final offer is 30.
Mr. Dougdale: [stunned] Thirty - thousand - pounds? Shit! I beg your pardon, I do beg your pardon.
Announcer on 'Magic Christian': [as the 'Magic Christian' starts to sink] Go to B-Deck immediately! I repeat: Go to C-Deck immediately!
Guy: [a police car drives up to Grand's car] Could be routine, or... mere damnable harassment.
Guy: [Lawrence Harvey performs a strip tease while playing Hamlet] This chap's taking license in my view?

Cast

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