The Mary Tyler Moore Show
The Mary Tyler Moore Show (1970–1977) is an American television sitcom that aired on CBS. Actor Mary Tyler Moore stars as Mary Richards, a single woman who, at age 30, moves to Minneapolis, Minnesota to work as an associate producer for the news broadcast on WJM-TV. Her new friends at work include her tough boss, Lou Grant; sympathetic newswriter Murray Slaughter; and buffoonish anchorman Ted Baxter. Mary's acquaintances and friends outside of the job include self-deprecating ex-New Yorker Rhoda Morgenstern and their insincere, self-centered landlady Phyllis Lindstrom. Later cast additions include acerbic, man-hungry Sue Ann Nivens, host of WJM's cooking program, The Happy Homemaker, and soft-spoken Georgette Franklin, Ted Baxter's girlfriend.
- Love is all around, no need to waste it.
You can have the town, why don't you take it?
You might just make it after all.
- Season 1
- Love is all around, no need to waste it.
You can have the town, why don't you take it?
You're gonna make it after all.
- Seasons 2-7
Love Is All Around [1.01]
- Lou: How old are you?
- Mary: Thirty.
- Lou: No hedging! No 'how old do I look'?
- Mary: [smiles and shrugs her shoulders] Why hedge?
- Lou: Yeah.
- Mary: How old do I look?
- Lou: [pauses] Thirty. [opens booze bottle in his desk drawer] What religion are you?
- Mary: Uh, Mr. Grant, I don't quite know how to say this, but, uh, you're not allowed to ask that when someone's applying for a job. It's against the law.
- Lou: Wanna call a cop?
- Mary: [sweetly] No.
- Lou: Good! Would you think I was violating your civil rights if I asked if you're married?
- Mary: Presbyterian. [Lou stares at her] Uh, well I, I, I decided I would answer your religion question.
- Lou: Divorced?
- Mary: No.
- Lou: Never married!
- Mary: No.
- Lou: Why?
- Mary: Why?
- Lou: Do you type?
- Mary: Mr. Grant, there's no simple answer to that question!
- Lou: Yes there is! How 'bout 'no I can't type' or 'yes I can'?
- Mary: There's no simple answer to why a person isn't married.
- Lou: How many reasons can there be?
- Mary: [nervously] 65.
- Lou: [exasperated] Words per minute. My typing question!
- Mary: Yes.
- Lou: Look, miss! Would you try answering the questions as I ask them?
- Lou: You know what? You've got spunk.
- Mary: Well, yes…
- Lou: I hate spunk.
Today I am a Ma'am [1.02]
- Rhoda: [after learning her date is married] Next time I'm asked out, no matter how lonely I feel, I'm not going to say 'yes' unless it's a couple I really like.
- Rhoda: [to Howard, who is enthralled with Mary] Allow me to introduce myself. I am another person in this room.
Bess, You is My Daughter Now [1.03]
- Lou: Mary, where are the idiot cards?
- Ted: Cue cards, Lou! Cue Cards!
- Lou: Excuse me, Ted. Mary, could you please give those cue cards to this idiot?
- Mary: Do you ever wonder what kind of mother you'll be?
- Rhoda: I don't care so long as it isn't unwed.
Divorce Isn't Everything [1.04]
- Rhoda: And on top of that you speak French.
- Mary: Spanish.
- Rhoda: Eh, they speak everything in Paris.
- Ted: Mary, I need your advice about something. Not that you think it's any big deal or anything, but do you think it's too risque for an anchorman to say that he sleeps in the raw?
- [Mary turns away in disbelief]
Keep Your Guard Up [1.05]
- Rhoda: Life insurance, huh? I still haven't met a beneficiary.
Support Your Local Mother [1.06]
- Ida: I never eat, I just nibble.
- Mary: Well, if you're still hungry, there's half a chicken in the refrigerator.
- Ida: Not anymore--that's what I nibbled.
Toulouse-Lautrec is One of My Favorite Artists [1.07]
- Rhoda: There are no men friends when you're thirty. They're either fiances or rejects.
- Rhoda: My father's short.
- Mary: See, it didn't bother your mother did it?
- Rhoda: Bother her? She made him that way.
The Snow Must Go On [1.08]
Bob & Rhoda & Teddy & Mary [1.09]
Assistant Wanted, Female [1.10]
- Lou: [asking Mary about Phyllis, her new assistant] How's Princess Margaret Rose working out?
- Lou: [about Phyllis] Mary, she's dangerous. She's actually got Baxter convinced he's capable of human thought.
1040 or Fight [1.11]
- Mr. Brand: I just want you to know that I'm really very happy for you.
- Mary: You know, your face doesn't look happy for me.
- Mr. Brand: Oh, really? That's funny. Because it's really very, very happy for you. Really. In fact, my entire body is very pleased.
- Rhoda: [taking a piece of candy] I don't know why I'm putting this in my mouth. I should just apply it directly to my hips.
Anchorman Overboard [1.12]
- Ted: [bragging] I even got cheered for cutting a ribbon at a supermarket!
- Murray: That's because they didn't think you could do it.
- Lou: If you've noticed, I'm one of the few producers without a peptic ulcer. One of the reasons for that is, I'm able to delegate blame.
He's All Yours [1.13]
- Lou: [about his nephew, Allen] What that kid needs is a little understanding, a little compassion, and all that other crap.
- Rhoda: [about Mary's date Allen, who is much younger] Mary, what are you doing, managing little league?
Christmas and the Hard Luck Kid II [1.14]
- Mary: [on the phone with Rhoda] I know no one's supposed to be here, but I just heard the elevator...no I can't call the police, what am I going to say, that I heard an elevator? I have to wait until the killer's off the elevator... [hearing people at the door] There he is! And he brought his gang!
Howard's Girl [1.15]
Party is Such Sweet Sorrow [1.16]
- Ted: [lamenting at the party that he isn't where he should be in life] I might as well face it. I'm a no-talent!
- Murray: Did somebody put truth serum in the punch?
Just a Lunch [1.17]
- Ted: [showing up to the newsroom much earlier than usual] I'm here because I'm upset about being awakened by a 2 A.M. obscene phone call. I've never had anyone say things like that to me.
- Lou: What are you tellin' me about it for?
- Ted: Because it was you!
Second Story Story [1.18]
- Mary: [about Ted's gift to her] It's the thought that counts.
- Murray: I know, and he has cheap thoughts.
We Closed in Minneapolis [1.19]
- Milt: You don't think I want to stay in the mail room all my life? I've got my eye on another job.
- Mary: Oh, yeah? What's that?
- Milt: Yours.
- Mrs. Kuhne: [upon seeing Mary wearing her nightie that Rhoda sneaked into her hospital bag] Ah, swell. They didn't tell me I'd be sharing a room with a go-go dancer.
- Mary: At our age, having your tonsils out can be dangerous.
- Rhoda: At our age, having your hair done can be dangerous.
The Boss Isn't Coming to Dinner [1.21]
- Lou: [inviting Mary to dinner] We're having leftovers from [Edie's] Home Economics class.
- Mary: That's OK, I love leftovers.
- Lou: She got a C minus.
- Lou: I look at a separation like two boxers who are going to their corners between rounds. That doesn't mean the fight is over, Mary. They're just resting!
A Friend in Deed [1.22]
- Rhoda: When you're single in college you don't care who gets married. Now, I can't stand to see a girl walk down the aisle in a movie!
- Lou: Word to the wise, Mary. The best kind of reunion is one where you don't know anyone.
Smokey the Bear Wants You [1.23]
- Ted: [badly mispronouncing German] This is Ted Baxter, saying Oof Weederzane.
- Lou: Now that he's demolished English he's branching out.
- Rhoda: [about her boyfriend, Chuck] I don't know what I'm being so picky about. Back home in New York, anyone out on bail would be considered a professional man.
The 45-Year-Old Man [1.24]
- Ted: I don't think Barry likes me.
- Lou: Ted, he hasn't been here long enough not to like you. He's only been here a couple weeks. It takes at least three weeks not to like you.
- Lou: [upon learning his age has become a discrimination factor for hiring him] I'm forty-five years old. If I were in politics, they'd call me 'the kid.'
The Birds . . . and . . . um . . . Bees [2.01]
- Gordy: [fielding the stream of obscene phone calls for Mary] Yes, this is Miss Richards speaking...uh-huh...uh-huh...[other phone rings] Hey look, man. I got another obscene caller. Let me call you back.
- Rhoda: How d'ya like that? I flunked a sexual IQ test and passed a national driver's test...and Mary, I'm a lousy driver!
I Am Curious Cooper [2.02]
- Lou: Does anyone happen to remember this morning's memo about personal calls during business hours? Murray?
- Murray: Well, how can we forget? It isn't often you'll see the words 'don't', 'no', 'not', 'never' and 'forbid' in the same sentence.
- Lou: The man has a phone in his car! How many guys do you know who can make a call from their car?
- Mike: My cousin can.
- Lou: He's probably a big lawyer too?
- Mike: No, he's a big cop.
He's No Heavy . . . He's My Brother [2.03]
- Mary: Gustavo here is the nice man who arranged for Rhoda and me to go to San Leon. He owns that new Mexican restaurant down the street.
- Ted: No kidding? Last time I had New Mexican food was when I worked in Albuquerque.
- Rhoda: Mary, I came to Minnesota because of the cold. I figured if I was frozen, I'd keep better.
Room 223 [2.04]
- Phyllis: Believe it or not, I too once had a feeling of inadequacy.
- Rhoda: Oh, no. We're not going to hear about your honeymoon again, are we?
- Ted: [on air] I've just been handed a bulletin. [reading in announcer's voice] You've got something between your teeth.
A Girl's Best Mother Is Not Her Friend [2.05]
- Rhoda: [about her mother] I think she's holding a grudge because I didn't go into the profession she wanted.
- Mary: What's that?
- Rhoda: A housewife.
- Ida: As a matter of fact, I'm not wearing a bra.
- Rhoda: Ma! Go upstairs and put some clothes on!
- Ida: What's the matter, you can't handle somebody who's a little 'with it?'
- Rhoda: You're not with it. You're without it. Now go upstairs and get it.
Cover Boy [2.06]
- Rhoda: [looking at an advertisement of Hal in a magazine] That's the first time I've ever seen my date in his underwear before we went out.
- Rhoda: [after a date with Hal Baxter] I made the mistake of asking him which was his bad side. You know, we looked for it for ten minutes. We couldn't find it. We found mine right away, though. It's the front.
Didn't You Used to Be . . . Wait . . . Don't Tell Me [2.07]
- Ted: I went to my reunion a couple of months ago. Famous Announcers School.
- Murray: That's a correspondence course. Where did they have the reunion, in a mailbox?
- Estelle: Mary Richards. It's still Mary Richards, isn't it?
- Mary: Yes, it's still Mary, too.
- Estelle: So you've never been married, Mary?
- Mary: No, Estelle, I haven't.
- Estelle: I've been married twice.
- Rhoda: She liked it so much the first time.
Thoroughly Unmilitant Mary [2.08]
- Mary: Mr. Grant, you're gonna be just fine, just fine. Go in there and be natural. And remember to smile.
- Lou: You can't have both things, Mary.
- Ted: I saw you do the news, Lou. You were terrible.
- Lou: I know, but that's because I made a mistake.
- Ted: What's that, Lou?
- Lou: I started drinking after the show.
And Now, Sitting in for Ted Baxter [2.09]
- Murray: [about the new anchorman] He's already one up on Ted. He's walking and talking at the same time.
- Lou: [Ted's] contract calls for him to be a newsman. He violates his contract every time he opens his mouth.
Don't Break the Chain [2.10]
- Rhoda: How come you're not watching that documentary on TV? It's on how much fun us single swingers are having.
- Mary: How come you're not watching it?
- Rhoda: I didn't want to watch it alone. It's too depressing.
- Mary: Rhoda, why are you putting strange men in my address book?
- Rhoda: He's not a strange man. He's the guy I invited to that party you gave as my date, and he showed up with his wife.
- Mary: Oh, yes. I remember her. Nancy.
- Rhoda: I remember him. Armond.
- Mary: It still doesn't explain why you wrote him in my address book and not yours.
- Rhoda: I don't have one. I've been getting by for years on the back of a cocktail napkin.
The Six-and-a-Half-Year Itch [2.11]
- Ted: You like my new jacket, Lou?
- Lou: No, I don't like your new jacket! At this moment, I don't like your face, your voice, your fingernails, your name! Waddya say to that?
- Ted: [looks slightly troubled] Would you like it better in green?
- Lou: I haven't been this mad at anybody since…1944. Yeah…1944. That was the last time I let it all out.
- Mary: Did anything – much - happen?
- Lou: Huh? Oh. I captured a town in Germany.
...Is a Friend in Need [2.12]
- Mary: Why are you smiling at me?
- Lou: Because you just reaffirmed my faith in human nature.
- Mary: You mean what I did wasn't rotten?
- Lou: Oh, no, that was rotten all right. It's just nice to know that everyone's rotten. Up to now, I thought you were one of the few holdouts.
- Phyllis: [to Mary and Rhoda] I thought I'd see how you swingin' singles spend your evenings!
- Rhoda: They're not much different than yours. We sit around at night wondering what it'd be like to have a happy marriage.
The Square-Shaped Room [2.13]
- Murray: When will Edie be back from this reducing place?
- Lou: Oh, she was pretty mad. She ought to be gone for about eight to ten pounds.
- Mary: [to Rhoda who is having doubts about decorating Lou's living room] You want a challenge, don't you?
- Rhoda: Sure, Mary, I want a challenge. I just get the feeling that this room might win.
Ted Over Heels [2.14]
- Mary: He had his arm around her and everything was very cozy. Then he saw us, he pushed her away and started treating her like a stranger.
- Rhoda: I know that feeling. I once had a date do that to me when I ordered steak.
- Murray: Ted has been in love ever since he was a baby and saw his reflection in the bathwater.
The Five-Minute Dress [2.15]
- Mary: [refuting the notion that the governor's aide was interested in her] He...didn't even get my name.
- Rhoda: Well, he got mine. I took off my name tag and pinned it to his jacket.
- Murray: Happy Birthday, Ted. [hands him a gift]
- Ted: [shakes it] I'll bet it's a book. [opens it] It is a book. [Reads aloud] Dick and Jane Visit a Farm.
- Lou: I guess I'm what you'd call a male chauvinist pig.
- Mary: She, uh, she wasn't right.
- Lou: I'm glad we're communicating.
- Mary: What was wrong with her?
- Lou: Well, for one thing, when she walked out of here, I didn't watch her.
- Mary: Oh. You mean, uh… she-she didn't have any, uh-- [Mary motions at her backside]
- Lou: Right. No caboose whatsover.
- Mary: Well, if that is the case, Mr. Grant, why have I been wasting my time for the last two days screening them for skills? I mean, why don't I just march them in here in bathing suits?
- [Lou chuckles]
- Lou: How many more applicants are there?
- Mary: Uh, two. Uh, the first is Doreen Skinner. Her skills are excellent, and she seems to measure up, caboose-wise.
- Lou: Good. Back her in here.
The Slaughter Affair [2.17]
- Rhoda: [about her ride home in a cab] The driver was Murray.
- Mary: Murray? My Murray?
- Rhoda: Yeah, from the newsroom.
- Mary: That's impossible. Murray's teaching at night.
- Rhoda: Yeah? Well, tell him the ashtrays are full in his classroom.
- Mary: Murray is working nights driving a cab to earn extra money.
- Lou: Why didn't he just come and tell me he needed more money? Then I could have told him why I can't give it to him.
Baby Sit-Com [2.18]
- Mary: You know, Rhoda, you could get yourself much sicker going out tonight.
- Rhoda: Yeah...
- Mary: Did you tell your date you have a temperature?
- Rhoda: I would have, Mare. However, I make it a rule never to discuss flu symptoms with a six-foot-one Yale grad with dark, curly hair.
- Mary: You could give him your cold.
- Rhoda: Uh-huh. [smiling] If I play my cards right!
- Phyllis: [disdainfully eying an unkempt Rhoda, who is standing in Mary's doorway in her robe] Yes, well...uh...I always said looks aren't important when you have good clothing sense.
- Rhoda: Phyllis, I'd like to tell you something.
- Phyllis: What?
- Rhoda: It is so hard for me to tell you this.
- Phyllis: What is it, Rhoda? You can tell me.
- Rhoda: [leans over and kisses Phyllis on the cheek] I'm extremely contagious.
More Than Neighbors [2.19]
- Ted: [about his antacid pills] They're not for my personal use. I never have any stomach trouble myself.
- Murray: No, but you're a carrier, Ted.
- Mary: You're going to have your lawyer look over a simple lease?
- Ted: An ounce of perversion is worth a pound of cure.
The Care and Feeding of Parents [2.20]
Where There's Smoke, There's Rhoda [2.21]
- Rhoda: [looking through Mary's clothing, trying to find a size that will fit her] Seven...seven...seven. The last time I wore a seven was on the back of a softball uniform.
You Certainly Are a Big Boy [2.22]
- Matt: I guess you know this house is a Frank Reich?
- Mary: A Frank Lloyd Wright?
- Matt: Oh, no, no,no. Reich!
- Mary: Reich?
- Matt: Right. The two were often confused, but, in fact, Frank Reich died in 1936 of acute frustration.
- Mary: Phyllis, I didn't say he doesn't want to talk about marriage. I said he doesn't seem to ... want to talk.
- Phyllis: Mary, when they don't seem to want to talk, marriage is what they're always not talking about.
Some of My Best Friends Are Rhoda [2.23]
- Joanne: [speaking to Mary in the newsroom about the tennis club] A lot of great-looking guys have lunch there.
- Ted: You talking about Antonio's? You're right, I just had lunch there.
- Mary: Ted, we were talking about the tennis club.
- Ted: Oh, I'll have to go there some time.
- Mary: [talking about playing tennis] I gotta warn you, Rhoda and I sort of make up our own rules as we go.
- Joanne: Like what?
- Mary: Well, for one thing, we don't play with a net.
His Two Right Arms [2.24]
Chuckles Bites the Dust [6.07]
- (25 October 1975)
- Minister: Chuckles the Clown brought pleasure to millions. The characters he created will be remembered by children and adults alike: Peter Peanut, Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo, Billy Banana, and my particular favorite, Aunt Yoo Hoo. And not just for the laughter they provided—there was always some deeper meaning to whatever Chuckles did. Do you remember Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo's little catch phrase? Remember how, when his arch rival Señor Kaboom hit him with a giant cucumber and knocked him down, Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo would always pick himself up, dust himself off, and say, "I hurt my foo-foo"? Life's a lot like that. From time to time we all fall down and hurt our foo-foos. If only we could deal with it as simply and bravely and honestly as Mr. Fee-Fi-Fo. And what did Chuckles ask in return? Not much. In his own words, "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants."
The Last Show [7.24]
- (18 March 1977)
- Lou: The owner's been asking about you, about how important you are to the station.
- Ted: What you tell him Lou?
- Mary: He told him to watch you do the news and decide for himself.
- Ted: Oh my God!
- Murray: That was a terrific speech you made up there, Ted.
- Ted: Think so, Murray? Gee, I thought you'd be mad because I didn't quit too.
- Murray: No, that's okay, Ted. When a donkey flies, you don't blame him for not staying up that long.
- Lou [hugging Mary]: I treasure you people.
- Ted: Lou… [everyone joins in a group hug]
- Lou: I think we all need some Kleenex
- Georgette: There's some on Mary's desk.
- Mary: Mr. Grant. Could I say what I wanted to say, now. Please.
- Lou: Okay, Mary.
- Mary: Well I just wanted you to know, that sometimes I get concerned about being a career woman. I get to thinking my job is too important to me. And I tell myself that the people I work with are just the people I work with, and not my family. And last night I thought, "what is a family anyway?" They're just people who make you feel less alone and really loved. And that's what you've done for me. Thank you for being my family. [group hug]
- Murray: Now for the hard part. How do we leave this room?
- Lou: That's not so hard. Remember what Ted said?
- Ted: What was that, Lou?
- Lou: It's a long way to Tipperary, It's a long way to go…
- Lou: If I don't like you, I'll fire you. If you don't like me, I'll fire you.
- Lou: You don't have to be a whale to write Moby-Dick.
- Mary: Violence never solved anything.
- Lou: Au contraire, Mary. Violence has solved every war, most football games, and a few marriages I can think of!
- Mary Tyler Moore — Mary Richards
- Ed Asner — Lou Grant
- Gavin MacLeod — Murray Slaughter
- Ted Knight — Ted Baxter
- Valerie Harper — Rhoda Morgenstern
- Cloris Leachman — Phyllis Lindstrom
- Georgia Engel — Georgette Franklin
- Betty White — Sue Ann Nivens