The Odd Couple (film)

The Odd Couple is a 1968 film about two divorced men who decide to live together, despite their clashing personalities.

Directed by Gene Sachs. Written by Neil Simon, based on his play of the same name.

...say no more.

Dialogue

[At the hotel's reception desk.]

Felix Ungar: Room please.

Receptionist: You alone? [Felix nods.] Luggage? [Felix shakes his head.] How long you want it for?

Felix Ungar: Not very long.

Receptionist: [He hands Felix the guestbook.] Five dollars. [Felix starts registering.] Five dollars. [Felix takes out his wallet and gives the five dollars. The receptionist goes and gets a key and leaves it by Felix.] 307. [Felix stops writing and looks up.]

Felix Ungar: Uh, haven't - haven't you anything uh higher?

Receptionist: Higher? [Felix nods. The receptionist goes and checks.] 914? [Felix nods. The receptionist hands him the key, and Felix heads to his room.]

---

[Speed, Roy, and Vinnie watch as Murray slowly shuffles the cards.]

Speed: 'Scuse me sir, but aren't you the one they call the Cincinnati Kid?

Murray: You don't like it, get a machine.

Roy: Jeez, it stinks in here.

Vinnie: What time is it?

Speed: Again what time is it?

Vinnie: My watch is slow. I'd like to know what time it is.

Speed: You're winnin' $95. That's what time it is. Where the hell are you runnin'?

Vinnie: I'm not runnin' anywhere. I just asked what it was.

Roy: [looks at his watch] It's 10:30.

Vinnie: [pauses] Gotta leave by 12.

Speed: [laughs] Jeez!

Vinnie: I told you that when I sat down. I gotta leave by 12. Uh, Murray, didn't I say that when I sat down? I said I gotta leave by 12.

Speed: Don't talk to him. He's dealin'. [To Murray] You wanna rest for a while, Murray? Go lie down, sweetheart.

Murray: You want speed or accuracy? Make up your mind. [He continues shuffling slowly while Speed puffs on his cigar angrily.]

Roy: Hey, you wanna do me a really big favor? Smoke towards New Jersey. [Speed blows smoke into Roy's face. Roy gets up and walks around.]

Murray: No kidding. I'm really worried about Felix. He's never been this late before. Maybe somebody should call.

Vinnie: Hm.

Murray: Hey, Oscar! Why don't you call Felix?!

Speed: Listen, why don't we chip in three dollars apiece and buy another window. How the hell can you breathe in here?

Murray: How many cards you got? Four?

Speed: Yes, Murray, we all have four cards. When you give us one more, we'll all have five. If you gave us two more, we'd all have six. You understand how it works now?

Murray: Is Oscar playing or not? [Yells off.] Hey, Oscar! [Cut to Oscar in the kitchen.]

Oscar Madison: [Yells off.] Yeah?

Murray: [Yells.] Hey, Oscar, you in or out?

Oscar Madison: [Yells.] Out, pussycat, out!

Vinnie: I told my wife I'd be home by one the latest. We're making an eight o'clock plane to Florida. I told you that when I sat down.

Murray: Who goes to Florida in July?

Vinnie: Well, it's off-season. There's no crowds, and you get the best room for one-tenth the price. No cards.

Murray: Hm.

Speed: Some vacation. Six cheap people in an empty hotel.

Murray: Dealer takes four. Hey, you think maybe Felix is sick? I mean he's never been this late before.

Roy: [picks up a piece of junk] You know, this is the same garbage from last week's game. I'm beginning to recognize things.

Murray: I'm out.

Speed: Two kings.

Vinnie: Straight.

Murray: Hey, maybe he's in his office locked in the john again. [laughs.] Did you know that Felix was once locked in the john overnight? Yeah. [laughs.] He wrote out his entire will on a half a roll of toilet paper [cracks up. The others laugh with him. Murry is still laughing.] What a nut.

Speed: [to Vinnie] Don't play with your chips. I'm askin' you nice. Don't play with your chips.

Vinnie: I'm not playing. I'm counting. I mean, leave me alone, will you?

Speed: I'll leave you alone if you stop playin' with your chips. [Oscar comes out of the kitchen with a tray of food and drinks and heads over to the table.] I can't stand a guy who's winnin' who plays with his chips.

Oscar Madison: This is my house, Vinnie. You wanna play with your chips, you play with them, darling. [He puts his tray down on the coffee table next to the poker table.]

Cast

• Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison
• Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar
• John Fiedler - Vinnie
• Herb Edelman - Murray
• David Sheiner - Roy
• Larry Haines - Speed
• Monica Evans - Cecily Pigeon
• Carole Shelley - Gwendolyn Pigeon
• Billie Bird - Chamber maid
• Iris Adrian - Waitress
• Angelique Pettyjohn - Go-Go dancer
• Ted Beniades - Bartender
• Bill Baldwin - Sports announcer