The Practical Pig
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Dialogue[edit]
- Fifer Pig and Fiddler Pig: You’re a pork sausage! You’re a pork sausage!
- Big Bad Wolf: Pork sausage, hm-m-m, pork pie! [comes to the pigs, then he dresses up like a mermaid while playing his harp and vocalising]
- Fifer Pig and Fiddler Pig: Look! A mermaid!
- Three Wolves: I can’t wait! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! It’s gonna be yummy!
- Big Bad Wolf: They’re in the bag. In the bag! [shows a bag of two pigs, the wolves come, then he pushes them away from the pigs] TAKE YOUR TIME! TAKE YOUR TIME!
- Big Bad Wolf: “Dear brother, we’re in trouble-“ [mumbles, then one wolf spread marmalade onto a pig’s leg] HEY!! [blows them away] Remember, No eats till pop gets back.
- Three Wolves: Okay, boss! [chop two pigs to a container with a clover]
- Fifer Pig and Fiddler Pig: Why won’t you mind your papa?
- Practical Pig: Where are my brothers?!
- Big Bad Wolf: Your brothers?! Never heard of them!
- Big Bad Wolf: I AIN’T- [looks at the meter, then replies to The Practical Pig] No listen Buddy, you’ve got to be wrong, why? I’m your pal! [the whistles blow, and multiple yaun mill traps attack him. Cuts to the Wolves’ yaun mill, the two pigs are inside a yaun mill pie]
- Fifer Pig, and Fiddler Pig: We’ll be sorry when your pop gets back, and we ain’t here.
- Three Wolves: Huh, we’ll be sorry. [laugh]
- Wolf #1: Wait we forgot the pepper!
- Wolf #2: The pepper?
- Wolf #3: The pepper!
- Wolf #1: The pepper! [sprays loads of pepper onto the pigs to sneeze, then they got stuck in a pie, then the pigs run out of the yaun mill. Cuts back to the yaun mill the wolf is shouting]
- Big Bad Wolf: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! I AIN’T- WHOA! DON’T DO THAT! PLEASE STOP! OH GOODNESS ME! PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH ME ANYMORE! OH MY GOSH! NO! NO! NO! NOOOO! THEY’E IN THE YAUN MILL!!!!!!!!!!! [a cuckoo bird plays a harp] They’re in the yaun… the yaun mill…
