The Producers (musical)

The Producers is a musical adapted by Mel Brooks and Thomas Meehan from Brooks' 1968 film of the same name, with lyrics written by Brooks and music composed by Brooks and arranged by Glen Kelly and Doug Besterman.

Max

• "Dear Lord, I want all that MONEY!!!"
• "Books! Fat! Books! Fat! Books! Fat!"

'Leo'

• "I'm hysterical, I'm having hysterics. When I get like this, I can't stop. (Max throws water on him) I'M WET!!! I'M WET!!! Cause, I'm hysterical!!! (Max slaps him) I'M IN PAIN!!! I'M IN PAIN!!! And I'm wet and Cause, I'm still hysterical!"

ACT I

• Hold Me, Touch Me and Max: "Send me to the moon you animal, send me to the moon" "Thursday, darling, I'll send you to the moon on Thursday. I may even join you"

Max They come here. They all come here. How do they find me? [stands over Leo] How can I help you?
Leo [Screaming]
Max What now?
Leo You're going to jump on me.
Max What?
Leo You're going to jump on me. I know you're gonna jump on me and squash me like a bug. Please don't jump on me.
Max I'm not gonna jump on you. I'm not gonna jump on you! Will you please get a hold of yourself?
Leo Leave me alone, and don't touch me please, don't touch me!
Max What is your problem?
Leo I'm hysterical, I'm having hysterics. When I get like this, I can't stop.
Max Will you stop that, and don't panic please.
Leo I'm hysterical, I'm having hysterics. I'm still panicking, and I can't stop.
Max Hold on I'm coming (throws water on Leo)
Leo I'M WET!!! I'M WET!!! Cause, I'm hysterical!!! (Max slaps him) I'M IN PAIN!!! I'M IN PAIN!!! And I'm wet and Cause, I'm still hysterical!
Max Stop it, you're making me hysterical!!!

• Max: We may be sitting down, but we're giving you a standing ovation!

ACT II

Leo "Askewing? Never Max! Hugs and kisses yes, but that's as far as I go."
Max"I believe it, so."

• Judge: it pains me to break up such a beautiful friendship, so I won't! Five years in the State Penitentiary at the prison, Sing Sing!