The Return of the Living Dead
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They're Back From The Grave and Ready To Party! (taglines)
- [on the phone with the police] Listen, there's a bunch of people from the cemetery who are stark, staring, mad, and they'll kill you and eat you if they catch you. It's like a disease. It's like rabies, only faster, a lot faster. That's why you've got to come and get us out of here now... right now!
- Freddy: [to Tina] Gee... And now you made me hurt myself again! You made me break my hand completely off this time Tina! But I don't care Darlin', because I love you, and you've got to let me EAT YOUR BRAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINS! WHERE ARE YOU!
- Casey: Chuck, I never did like you. Oh, but God, hold me tight.
- Freddy: What's the weirdest thing you ever saw in here?
- Frank: Oh, kid, I have seen weird things come and I have seen weird things go. But the weirdest thing I ever saw just had to cap it all.
- Freddy: Oh, yeah? What's that?
- Frank: Let me ask you a question, kid. Did you see that movie, Night of the Living Dead?
- Freddy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the one where the corpses start eating the people, right? Sure. Wh-what about it?
- Frank: Did you know that movie was based on a true case?
- Freddy: Come on, you're shitting me, right?
- Frank: I've never been more serious in my life.
- Freddy: That's not possible. I mean, they showed zombies taking over the world.
- Frank: They changed it all around. What really happened was back in 1969, in Pittsburgh, at the V.A. hospital, there was a chemical spill and all that stuff kinda leaked down into the morgue and it made all the dead bodies kinda jump around as though it was alive.
- Freddy: What chemical?
- Frank: 2-4-5 Trioxin, it's called. It was to kinda spray on marijuana or something. And the Darrow Chemical Company was trying to develop it for the Army. And they told the guy who made the movie that if he told the true story, they'd just sue his ass off. So he changed all the facts around.
- Freddy: So what really happened?
- Frank: Well, they closed it all down, see, and the Army shipped all that contaminated dirt and all those dead bodies out. And they kept it a secret.
- Freddy: So how come you know about it?
- Frank: A typical Army fuck up. The Transportation Department got the orders crossed, and they shipped those bodies here instead of to the Darrow Chemical Company.
- Trash: Do you ever wonder about all the different ways of dying? You know, violently? And wonder, like, what would be the most horrible way to die?
- Spider: I try not too think about dying too much.
- Trash: Mm. Well for me, the worst way would be for a bunch of old men to get around me, and start biting and eating me alive.
- Spider: I see.
- Trash: First, they would tear off my clothes...
- Chuck: Hey, somebody get some light over here, Trash is taking off her clothes again.
- Suicide: Nobody understands me, you know that? I fuckin' bust my ass for you guys, and what do I get? "You're spooky." Fuck you, man. Fuck you all.
- Trash: I like it spooky.
- Suicide: I got somethin' to say, you know? What do you think this is all about? You think this is a fuckin' costume? This is a way of life!
- Trash: [sidling up to him] Yes!
- Suicide: What's wrong with you, man? Show some fuckin' respect for the dead, will ya?
- Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Why do you eat people?
- 1/2 Woman Corpse: Not people. Brains.
- Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Brains only?
- 1/2 Woman Corpse: Yes.
- Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Why?
- 1/2 Woman Corpse: The PAIN!
- Ernie Kaltenbrunner: What about the pain?
- 1/2 Woman Corpse: The pain of being DEAD!
- Ernie Kaltenbrunner: [laughing in surprise to his friends] It hurts... to be dead.
- 1/2 Woman Corpse: I can feel myself rot.
- Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Eating brains... How does that make you feel?
- 1/2 Woman Corpse: It makes the pain, go away!
- Burt Wilson: I thought you said if we destroyed the brain, it'd die!
- Frank: It worked in the movie!
- Burt Wilson: Well, it ain't working now, Frank!
- Freddy: You mean the movie lied?
- Burt Wilson: You did what? You opened it? You stupid moron! You idiot! What's the matter with you Frank? Haven't I already told you never to even go near those goddamn tanks?
- Frank: What are we gonna do, Burt?
- Burt Wilson: I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to be sued by the Darrow Chemical Company. I might even be investigated by the government. I might become very famous. I might even lose my business. I might even go to jail, goddamn it! That's what I'm going to do!
- Burt Wilson: What about the bones Ernie?
- Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Bones are no problem. Hardest thing to burn is the heart.
- Burt Wilson: A heart, why?
- Ernie Kaltenbrunner: 'cause it's just one big tough muscle.
- Burt Wilson: Yeah, but Ernie, I mean, c'mon, we don't want the heart sticking around!
- Ernie Kaltenbrunner: Then I'll turn it up hotter for the heart.
- They're Back From The Grave and Ready To Party!
- We go to these horror conventions around the country, and we meet fans that, really, the movie impacted their lives. They really enjoyed it. So we have to see it again sometimes to do panels. I think I'm most proud of that we all played it straight. We all were schooled to do it, not knowing what the results and the tone were going to be ultimately. I didn't, anyway, so we're all playing our own personal straight thing, and that, combined with everybody else's style, turned into an interesting, watchable movie.
- Clu Gulager — Burt Wilson
- James Karen — Frank
- Don Calfa — Ernie Kaltenbrunner
- Thom Mathews — Freddy
- Beverly Randolph — Tina
- John Philbin — Chuck
- Jewel Shepard — Casey
- Miguel Núñez — Spider
- Brian Peck — Scuz
- Linnea Quigley — Trash
- Mark Venturini — Suicide
- Jonathan Terry — Colonel Glover
- Cathleen Cordell — Colonel's Wife