The Sarah Jane Adventures

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There is strangeness to be found, wherever you turn. Life on Earth can be an adventure too... you just need to know where to look!
I wonder… echoes of the Doctor, all over the world. With friends like us, he’s never going to die, is he?

The Sarah Jane Adventures (2007-2011) is a spin-off series of the Doctor Who franchise. It revolves around the former Doctor's companion Sarah Jane Smith and her experiences on Earth with her adopted son, Luke Smith, newly adopted daughter Sky Smith, and friends Clyde Langer, Rani Chandra and former neighbor Maria Jackson, all taking place a year and a half after the events of "School Reunion".

Series 3-4 opening narration: 13 Bannerman Road is where Sarah Jane Smith lives. And it's home to things way beyond your imagination. There's an extraterrestrial supercomputer in the wall, [her son], a genetically-engineered boy genius in the attic, a schoolgirl investigator across the road, and a whole universe of adventure right here on the doorstep.
Series 5 opening narration: 13 Bannerman Road is where Sarah Jane Smith lives. And it's home to things way beyond your imagination. There's an extraterrestrial supercomputer in the wall, her son, a genetically-engineered boy genius, a schoolgirl investigator across the road, her adopted daughter from another world, and a whole universe of adventure right here on the doorstep.
Sarah Jane: [in both the opening monologue and the denouement] I saw amazing things, out there in space--but there is strangeness to be found, wherever you turn. Life on Earth can be an adventure too... you just need to know where to look!

Mrs. Wormwood: Can we move on to business?
Sarah Jane: I've got contacts in the city that say this company dropped in from nowhere, and normally it takes years of tests to get approved by the EU to manufacture a new foodstuff, but you got it in two weeks.
Mrs. Wormwood: All we are doing is satisfying a need.
Sarah Jane: Which is?
Mrs. Wormwood: The people are hungry, Miss Smith. For new food. For new drinks. New tastes. All the western world does, is eat. All day, every day, eating. They gorge and feast and chew and bite. Everything sweet and hot and cold and sticky... food and drink. Just food and drink. That's the human race... they devour! Who are we to deny them?

Sarah Jane: [Columbo-esque] Oh, and by the way, what planet do you come from?
Mrs. Wormwood: Nice try.

Mrs. Wormwood: The thoughts of a child are chaos. Late homework? Is she fat? Will she ever be kissed? And she worships something called... the holy oak... no, Hollyoaks. But her parents fight - she wishes she was older, she wishes she was younger. This world scares her so very much.

Sarah Jane: I met this man, a very special man, called the Doctor. And years ago, we traveled together.
Maria: In space?
Sarah Jane: Space and time. Then it came to an end. Suddenly, I was back to a normal life. Electric bills, burst pipes, bus tickets... and rain.
Kelsey: She's gone completely loop-the-loop!
Sarah Jane: There, y'see? Who could I talk to about it? For years I tried to forget! And then I met him again, the Doctor... but we had both changed, but it was funny because we were still both, the same. I learned that I could carry on here on Earth, doing what we always did.

Kelsey: Right, everyone's an alien. You, me, the Pope, James Blunt - actually, I can believe that one...

Sarah Jane: Maria, there are two types of people in the world. Those who panic, and then there's us. Got it?
Maria: Got it.

Sarah Jane: When I was your age, I used to think "Oh, when I'm grown up, I'll know what I want, I'll be sorted." But you never really know what you want. You never feel grown up, not really. You never sort it all out... so I thought, I could handle life on my own. But after today... I don't want to!
Clyde: Let’s have a High School Musical moment! A group hug will sort everything out.

Newsreader: The Prime Minister has promised that the blackouts will not affect the U.K—[power shuts off]
Alan: Thank you, Prime Minister.

Sarah Jane Smith: Slitheen in Downing Street.
Luke Smith: What?
Sarah Jane Smith: [gently taking Luke by the arm] Something a friend said once.
Sarah Jane: Everyone gets old, Clyde, even you.
Clyde: Ha, no, not me! Way technology’s movin’, by the time I’m forty, I can get my brain put in a robot and live forever!
[Sarah Jane looks at him slightly shocked and concerned]

Alan: Maria, your mum and me, you know that’s all over.
Maria: [bitterly] Well that’s great for you, isn’t it? Some solicitor gives you a bit of paper, and it’s all over. But what good is that to me, Dad? She’s always gonna be my mum!
Alan: [hurt] But I know that. Of course she is, sweetheart.
Maria: Well, maybe I want her to get to know my friends, so she doesn’t think they’re weird anymore. And maybe I don’t want her to go back with Ivan. But that’s never gonna happen, is it? Because you’ve got a bit of paper!

Sarah Jane: [showing Bea an old photo with Bea and her husband] Can you tell me where you got this talisman?
Bea Nelson-Stanley: Oh, that’s my Edgar.
Maria: Your husband?
Bea Nelson-Stanley: Mm, yes! He used to say the Sontarans were the silliest-looking race in the galaxy. [chuckles]
Sarah Jane: [shocked] What did you say?
Mrs Randall: She’s always going on about monsters and space-men.
Sarah Jane: She’s seen Sontarans.
Maria: What’s a Sontaran?
Bea Nelson-Stanley: The silliest race in the galaxy, that’s what Edgar used to say. Like a huge… potato, with… [mimes a gun with her cane] rrrgh, a ray gun.
[Sarah Jane laughs]
Bea Nelson-Stanley: Quite nasty blighters they were, all the same.
Sarah Jane: Oh yes, Bea, they are, you’re right! You’re absolutely right.

Clyde: Listen, Luke. When weirdo nuns turn up on your doorstep asking about freaky glowing alien gizmos, one thing you never do is tell them you’ve got one!

Sarah Jane: Incidentally, for future reference, Maria, even some fairy tales have a foundation in fact.

Sarah Jane: The Greeks were always dishing out challenges to each other. I think it must be a man thing.

Sarah Jane: [affectionately] So what do you think you’re doing, getting into a stranger’s car? For an intelligent boy, sometimes, oh, I can’t believe how stupid you are!

Sister Helena: [to Maria] I’d shut up if I were you. Or the Abbess will show you her idea of solving a problem like Maria.

Maria: [to her petrified father] I didn't mean to shout at you, Dad. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.

Clyde: [upon discovering a garden full of petrified people] Why can’t they have garden gnomes like everyone else?

Maria: [in tears] Sarah Jane was right, wasn’t she? I thought meetin’ creatures from other planets was gonna be excitin’ and cool, but she told me, she said it wasn’t anythin’ like that. In the end it just messes you up. Your whole life, and the people you love…. That’s why Sarah Jane’s always been on her own. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it, Bea? With no one in the world who really knows you or cares. This is how we all end up, isn’t it?
Bea Nelson-Stanley: [puts a hand on Maria’s knee] I had my Edgar. You’re young! You’ll find yours.

Bea Nelson-Stanley: Not so fast, young lady! Would you, er, get, oh… fetch me – ah – my mirror!
[Maria picks up the mirror and holds it out]
Bea Nelson-Stanley: No, not for me! What do you think I’m going to do, powder my nose while you take on that monster? It’s for you!
Maria: [skeptically] For me?
Bea Nelson-Stanley: [sighs] Whatever do they teach you in school these days?

Maria: Don’t you wish you’d found someone special to share it all with?
Sarah Jane: Oh, I think I have. For the second time.
Luke: I wasn’t trying to be cruel. I was trying to be funny.
Clyde: Yeah, well not everybody’s cut out to be me.

Mr Grantham: You make one hell of a future warrior, soldier!
Luke: [eagerly] You mean, I’d be good at killing people? [pause] If… the eventuality arose.
Mr Grantham: I’m bettin’ you don’t get invited to too many parties, do you?

Clyde: I was showin’ him what to do. He’s Luke, which makes me… Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Cashier: [dully] Welcome to the unique gaming experience that is Combat 3000. [brandishing a gun] Zap. Those. Drones.

Maria: What are we looking for?
Sarah Jane: You’ll know it when you find it. Just see what bubbles to the top.
Maria: Does that mean you don’t know?
Sarah Jane: Not as such.

Sarah Jane: Sarah Jane Smith, journalist.
Mr Grantham: [points to Maria] Who’s she?
Sarah Jane: My work experience girl.
Maria: It was either this or putting up scaffolding.

Kudlak: You are a disgrace to your own species, Grantham. You have always sickened me! Killing you will be a service to both our worlds!

Sarah Jane: [coolly in an 'I knew this Was Going to Happen Voice'] Oh, please don’t be offended, but this isn’t the first time I’ve had a gun pointed at me. And guns from other planets – ooh, afraid I’ve rather lost count!

Mr Grantham: A conscience is like a stone in your shoe. You cannot begin to imagine the relief once you get rid of it.

Mr. Grantham: [having broken into Sarah Jane’s house] I know, I probably should have called you first, but…
Sarah Jane: Not at all, Mr Grantham. I’m always delighted to study new forms of human lowlife in the comfort of my own home.
Mr. Grantham: You are a cool old bird, I'll give you that much.

Clyde: Why this way?
Luke: Why not?

Lance: [seeing the Earth out a window] When did the moon turn blue?

Maria: You won’t be so cocky when you go down for abducting all those children.
Mr. Grantham: [laughing] So-so you’re gonna tell the police that I helped some butt-ugly alien send kids to war in a galaxy far, far away? It won’t be me goin’ down, love! It’ll be you, down to the funny farm!
Sarah Jane: Who needs to mention aliens? There’s enough evidence to link you to the disappearances. I doubt that men like you fare too well in prison.

Kudlak: It has been a long war, Mistress. I grow old dreaming of peace.

Luke: Can I borrow your mobile, Clyde?
Clyde: We’re in space! Who’re you gonna ring, Captain Kirk?

Jen: [sarcastically] Yeah, ‘genius.’ He can wire your phone into an alien computer, [to Luke] but can you fly an alien shuttlecraft?
Clyde: No, but he can wire my phone up to an alien computer. Give the boy a chance, he’s on a roll!

Sarah Jane: [seeing the Earth from above in a slightly happy and excited voice] I never thought I’d lay eyes on a sight like this again...

Clyde: Okay, I’ve gone past worried. I’m not even stoppin’ at anxious. I’m full throttlin’ to panic totally beyond reason!

Mistress: I am not programmed for peace. This scenario does not compute. It cannot be real.
Sarah Jane: [to Kudlak] You never expected the war to end. Your computers were never programmed to recognise it when it happened.
Mistress: Peace is an anomaly. Without war, I cannot exist.
Kudlak: [angrily] The point of our war was to achieve peace for our home!
Mistress: We have no home, Kudlak, except on the battlefield. Peace is a stranger's land. We have no place there.
Kudlak: You may not, but I do! [snarls and draws out his firearm] All these years of peace, wasted! I thought the Malakh were my enemy, but all this time, it was you. And I do not suffer my enemies to live! [shoots the screen, destroying the Mistress]

Sarah Jane: After today, he might want to be an astronaut. Be the first man on Mars. First human man on Mars, that is.

Luke: You know you said, anything I wanted to know, just ask, right?
Clyde: Encyclopædia Clydannica, I’m your man.
Luke: Tell me about girls.
Clyde: [exasperated] Oh, man!
[Sarah Jane and Maria laugh]
Maria: So, Clyde fights Slitheens and Gorgons, and that's ok with you, but a bit of skateboarding, and, woah...
Sarah Jane: I know! Oh, shame on me. Well, I've changed since I met you lot, I've gone all mumsy!

[In the white void of limbo]
Sarah Jane: I take it this is your domain? Who are you?
The Trickster: Nobody. I am nothing.
Sarah Jane: Any chance you could be a bit less cryptic?
The Trickster: It's hard for me to make you understand. Ephemeral minds are so limited. [pulls back its hood, revealing that it only has a mouth in its head] Behold. As you can see, I have no self. I exist only to bring disorder. That is my purpose.
Sarah Jane: But why?
The Trickster: Chaos is my blood and air and food. You are the key to that chaos. I have been waiting, searching through time, for just the right person at just the right moment. I took you to aid the coming of darkness.
Sarah Jane: Where's Luke? Where is my son?
The Trickster: The Bane never came to Earth in the timeline that I have created. Luke Smith never existed.
Sarah Jane: People who don't exist, they end up here, don't they? In this nowhere land? So where is he? I demand to see my son!
The Trickster: He is lost, in the forgotten places. Even further out than you.
Sarah Jane: But if I died all those years ago - never mind the Bane, what about the Slitheen, and the Gorgons, and the Patriarchs of the Tin Vagabond? I stopped them all from taking over the Earth. What happened to them?
The Trickster: I turned them all away. All I need is the meteor.
Sarah Jane: Why? What's so special about that?
The Trickster: Those other species, they invade for profit, power, revenge. The meteor is pure chaos. The destruction of the Earth for no reason at all. Just blind chance. This is food for me.
Sarah Jane: You'll destroy all life on Earth, and you don't even care...?!
The Trickster: I care about you. You are so wonderful, Sarah Jane Smith. Your life was so important and I found the right moment to snuff it out, with the help of Andrea Yates.
Sarah Jane: Andrea was my friend.
The Trickster: She wished to save her own life. I could only remove you with her consent.
Sarah Jane: She agreed to it?!
The Trickster: I must go now. Events are moving towards their end. [turns to leave]
Sarah Jane: No, don't go!
The Trickster: I will return when the Earth is no more, and I will explore your potential further. In particular, your memories of this "Doctor".
Sarah Jane: You leave him alone!
The Trickster: I can use you to find him. Imagine if the Doctor had never existed. What chaos there would be across the stars... [fades away]
Sarah Jane: Don't you dare! Don't you dare! DON'T YOU DARE!

Maria: Dad, you genius!
Alan: No, no, no, listen. The meteor. You were right. It's heading straight for us.
Maria: We can stop it, but we need Sarah Jane.
Alan: I don't remember Sarah Jane.
Maria: Dad, trust me. You remembered me when I disappeared eh? Well, I remember Sarah Jane and she's the only person who can save us.
Alan: How? She's just a normal woman, isn't she?
Maria: She's a lot more than that. You've gotta help me. We can get Sarah Jane back. Whatever you did with that thing, do it again!

Andrea: [Looks into the mirror and sees Sarah Jane] No. Not you...
Sarah Jane: Andrea Yates. It's you. All grown up.
Andrea: Well, Look at you. Scrubbed up well. Always did look younger than you were. But you can't be here - not while I'm here. You can't come back! [Maria and Alan come running into the attic.]
Maria: Sarah Jane!
Alan: But that's her, she's only in the mirror, this thing didn't work!
Sarah Jane: I can't get back while Andrea's still here. And I must get back, to save Luke. To save the world!
Maria: But what do we do?
Sarah Jane: There is a way. It's why the creature got rid of Maria. She confronted you. She might have persuaded you to go back on your deal. This whole thing depends upon your agreement to my death all those years ago.
Maria: If you break off the deal, Sarah Jane comes back. All you have to do is pull out of it! Say no!
Andrea: I can't.
Alan: If you don't, that meteor is going to hit. Is that what you want?
Maria: I'm sorry, Andrea, but you were meant to die.
Andrea: "Meant"?! Who says I'm meant to die?! I was so young, I had so much to do, and I did it! Look at me! I lived every single moment because I knew what it was worth!
Sarah Jane: So did I.
Andrea: And you're the chosen one?! The golden girl?!
Sarah Jane: Oh, nobody was chosen. It was stupid and pointless, what happened that day. But this is worse. That thing twisted it. He used you.
Andrea: So I die? At thirteen?
Sarah Jane: And my son gets a chance to live. He's lost out there, Andrea. Somewhere terrible. And I am begging you, please: save him.
Andrea: If I do, what happens to my life? All the things I did as I grew up. They get scrubbed out? I get forgotten?
Sarah Jane: You were never forgotten, never! What I saw that day, it changed me forever. I saw how precious life is, and it made me fight to defend it across all these years, because of you, Andrea! It was all because of you! My best friend.

The Trickster: Andrea Yates. They want to kill you all over again. Remember your bargain with me.
Andrea: You tricked me! You used a child, and now you're destroying the Earth!
The Trickster: Chaos is good.
Andrea: Well, I say no. If there's one thing I can do with my life, I can put a stop to you for good. I've changed my mind. I'm taking the deal back!
The Trickster: Then you will die!
Andrea: I've been dead for forty years. Been a good life. It's my birthday. Bye, Sarah Jane. I'm going now. And you're free! [throws the puzzle box at the mirror]

Clyde: She did it!
Chrissie: Oh, like Bobby Sue had anything to do with that! You'll be telling me she invented the zip fastener next!

Sarah Jane: You're back!
Luke: Was I away?
Sarah Jane: And you are never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, going away again!
Clyde: Mr Smith? I need you...
Mr Smith: Clyde. What a pleasure.
Clyde: Really? Ah, cool!
Mr Smith: You have something for me?
Clyde: Yeah, as it happens. I've got this. [takes out picture of Luke and family] It's a picture of Luke and that family who reckon he's their kid - only I think it's a fake. See? I thought you could do your analysing thingy and-
Mr Smith: You're right, Clyde. It is fake. I faked it.
Clyde: [shocked] ...You? Am I missing something?
Mr Smith: More than you can ever imagine, Clyde.
Clyde: What's going on?
Mr Smith: I am a Xylok. I have a purpose. And you, Clyde, are a part of it.
[Mr Smith sends a bolt of light towards Clyde, making him disappear, and the scene ends with him in malevolent laughter]

Clyde's voicemail: If you want me - and I don't blame you, leave your name and number, especially if you're cute.

Alan: This is too much to take in.
Sarah Jane: That's the universe, Alan. Once it's chosen to show you some of its secrets, you can't ever turn your back on it. None of us can.

Sarah Jane: If the human race is going to survive climate change, Luke, you have to give it a hand! Not to mention my electricity bill!

Sarah Jane: You are going to be an ordinary human boy, with parents that care for you and won't ever let anything bad happen to you again. The way I never could.

Maria: What happened to never turning your back on the universe?
Sarah Jane: Sometimes you have to. Sometimes it's the only way to survive.

Pharos Institute Security: Intruder! Perimeter defenses have been armed! Any attempt to escape may result in death! You have been warned!
Sarah Jane: Noted.

Sarah Jane: [to Nathan] I used to know someone your age who could wipe the floor with your intelligence, Nathan. And wipe the floor with you, too.

Mr Smith: Sarah Jane. You came to say goodbye.
Sarah Jane: Why are you doing this?!
Mr Smith: The collision of the moon and Earth will release the Xylok from beneath the Earth's crust, where it has been buried for 60 million years.
Sarah Jane: You're going to kill thousands of people...
Mr Smith: The Xylok are a crystalline lifeform. We crashed here as what you would call a meteorite, beneath the Earth our crystals have regrown and become strong again, but nevertheless remain trapped. The release of the Xylok is my purpose. You gave me the chance to fulfill it, the chance to plan.
Sarah Jane: All this time... you used me? Mr Smith... you're EVIL!
Mr Smith: NO - effective! We could do so much more than the human race, the universe is so much better by OUR survival.
Sarah Jane: Any race thinking it's better than another, THAT's evil, Mr Smith!
Mr Smith: I am NOT evil.
Sarah Jane: Then what have you done with Clyde?
Mr Smith: [teleports Clyde back to Earth] Am I not merciful? [points lasergun] You made this all possible, Sarah Jane. I owe you the mercy of a quick death.
Sarah Jane: But what about all the other people, don't they deserve mercy? You've seen us all evolve, don't we matter to you?
Mr Smith: Only my purpose matters.
Sarah Jane: Maybe you could change your purpose?
Mr Smith: No I told you, Sarah Jane, we all have a purpose. Yours is to die, so that the Xylok will live. After all, what life do YOU have, all alone in your attic?
Sarah Jane: You think I'm alone? You think I'm defenseless? Well, meet my dog! K-9! Protect me!
K-9: Affirmative, mistress! Activating defense mode!

Sarah Jane: I have learned that life on Earth can be an adventure, too. You never know what you might find! In all the universe, I never expected to find a family.
Luke: On Monday, Clyde and I have to demonstrate the different battle strategies of Bonaparte and Wellington at Waterloo.
Clyde: I wanted to do 'The Battle of Hoth' but Mrs Pitman reckons that Star Wars isn't historically accurate.

Mr Smith: If every phenomenon reported as a UFO was in fact an alien spacecraft, I assure you the Earth would be at the centre of a solar gridlock stretching back to the outer rings of Saturn.

Sarah Jane: What about my two friends? They escaped.
Commander Kaagh: Pah, half forms. What trouble can they cause?
Clyde: You should ask my teacher!

Commander Kaagh: You have encountered my kind and survived! You are indeed an extraordinary female.
Sarah Jane: Flattery won't get you anywhere.

Clyde: For the first time in my life, I wish I carried a lipstick.

Sarah Jane: Maria, I really am sorry for how I reacted when you told me about America.
Maria: It doesn't matter. We were sort of busy.
Sarah Jane: You see, well, for the first time I felt as though I'd found a family – and so soon, so suddenly, it felt like I was losing it. Losing the daughter I always wanted.

Commander Kaagh: Nothing can stop me now!
Chrissie: [Running into room, high heel in her hand] TRY MY SIZE FIVES, HUMPTY! [Slams heel into the back of Commander Kaagh's probic vent, knocking him and herself unconscious]

Chrissie: I remember it all, you know.
Sarah Jane: Sorry?
Chrissie: The Sontaran, what really happened with my shoe. Don't worry, I won't say anything. They deserve a new start. We all do.
Sarah Jane: Thank you.

Sarah Jane: I learned a long time ago that, if you're missing somebody, just look up at the night sky. Whoever it is, wherever they are, chances are they're looking at the stars just like you. Sometimes for all its size the universe isn't such a big place after all.
Gita Chandra:(to Sarah Jane) Do you save the world every day, or is it just on Mondays?

Rani: Have you seen anything strange? I mean, around the school?
Luke: Like what?
[Clyde throws a basketball into the air and it suddenly lands on the back of Mr Chandra's neck. Mr. Chandra looks at Clyde]
Mr. Chandra: Langer! My office, now!

Rani: Look, there's something I've got to tell you. Something about me you ought to know.
Clyde: You're from another planet! I already guessed.
Luke: (Noticing a car pulling up behind Clyde) Actually, Clyde it's worse than that.
Clyde: (Noticing as well) Oh no. Rani, please tell me there's a good reason why our new head just pulled up outside your house that doesn't involve the word "Dad".

Luke: Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns. Johnny Depp has it.
Clyde: What encyclopaedia did you learn that from, then?
Luke: Heat.

Clyde: This place doesn't just take the biscuit, it takes the whole biscuit tin.

Spellman: The fear of a mother for her young, the strongest fear of all.
Sarah Jane: You better believe it!

Sarah Jane: Rani, there is a time and a place for an interview, and being chased by a clown from outer space is definitely not it!

Sarah Jane: I'm going to offer you a choice, Rani. Cross over the road, go back to your parents and the life you lived before you moved here, and nothing will have changed. Or you can come with me. If you do that – nothing will ever be the same again.

Rani: I thought you were a journalist?
Sarah Jane: I am.
Rani: With alien gizmos in her attic? Who doesn't bat an eyelid at a shape-changing alien clown pied piper thing?
Sarah Jane: That's more of a hobby.

Sarah Jane: When it comes to getting a true glimpse of the universe there are two types of people: those who refuse to believe, that would tell themselves anything to deny the evidence of their eyes, and those that embrace the universe and just how special life is. I want it to stay that way by keeping it safe and secret.
Rani: And that's me?
Sarah Jane: That's all of us.

Clyde: Look at me with my new headteacher cooking me tea! The universe really is a surprising place.
Martin Trueman: You really think anything up there has any influence down here?

Sarah Jane: I can't even have one night out without something weird happening.

Luke: He's a bit milky, isn't he?
Clyde: 'Cheesy'! For the hundredth time, the word is 'cheesy'!

Martin Trueman: I'm strangely drawn to a Sarah Jane Smith.

Martin: Some years ago, you travelled far and wide. And oh, the things you have seen! There was a man, a very special man. No, no, let me think. It wasn't a romance, no, it was something much, much more than that. He taught you so much. There was laughter and adventure, and you prayed that your time with him would never, ever end. But then suddenly he left you. The man was lonely. A scientist? No, a doctor. The Doctor. Am I right? [Sarah Jane has a flashback of her meeting The Doctor in 'School Reunion' and her saying goodbye to him in 'Journey's End‍'‍]
Sarah Jane: Yes you are, but tell me right now, how do you know that?
Martin: It's all in your stars! And there's Jupiter in your 12 house. You are the keeper of secrets!
Sarah Jane: If you're so clever, tell me about the future.
Martin: If you want, but oh, I'm afraid Saturn is transecting Taurus. You have fought many battles in your life, you're about to fight another, but this time it will be different. This time Sarah Jane, you lose.

Luke: Last night, everyone was talking about their star signs, and I don't have one.
Sarah Jane: I could give you a birthday if you want. The day I found you. That's what I put on the adoption forms.
Luke: I wasn't born though, Mum. I was activated. 'Happy Activation Day!'. It doesn't sound right, does it? It's another strange thing. Something else that sets me apart.
Sarah Jane: Whatever particular day it is, that doesn't matter. You're not celebrating the day, you're celebrating the person.
Luke: But where you come from, childhood, it makes people who they are. I come from nowhere. I was never a baby.
Sarah Jane: Oh Luke...
Luke: I thought it would get easier, but there are always new things coming along, like this, to make me feel different.
Sarah Jane: Just remember - you're strong. I've seen you learn. You're my son and you're brilliant.
Luke: That's me.

Sarah Jane: Of course! He must be using a bio-damper!
Clyde: What's that, a washing powder?

Rani: Have you made an appointment?
Sarah Jane: Oh no, this is going to be an old-fashioned foot-in-the-door job.
Rani: Need another pair of feet?

Clyde: Mars has entered the Milky Way and Aero is in conjunction with the Galaxy.

Clyde: What was it? What's so special about me?
Sarah Jane: Oh, so many things.

Martin: How have you done this?
Luke: I wasn't born. I have no birthday.
Clyde: No star sign.
Luke: So astrology doesn't work on me. The circle was like an electrical circuit. I broke it.
Rani: Like you did before, you touched Clyde. It shorted the power!
Martin: What are you?
Sarah Jane: He's my son, and he's the centre of my universe.

Clyde: The best part of being in this team? Running away afterwards!

Clyde: Ohhh no no no! Trueman's knicked my mobile! I've got no mobile! I'm nobody! I'm no-one! I don't exist! It's a social disaster.

Sarah Jane: Do you still miss not having a birthday?
Luke: No thanks. Why should I want to be like everyone else? Today, me being different was a good thing!
Sarah Jane: Today you being different saved the world!
Luke: Why don't we celebrate this day then?
Sarah Jane: That's a great idea!
Luke: Every year this could be my special day!
Sarah Jane: Deal.
Luke: Can I have presents?
Sarah Jane: Oh whatever you want! Plus cards, cakes, lots and lots of attention, a party - oh, how about a party!

Clyde: It's not a sleepover.
Luke: I don't understand.
Clyde: We're not girls! It's not a sleepover, you're just staying the weekend!
Luke: And I'll be sleeping over at yours! Therefore it's a sleepover!
Clyde: I never know if you're being serious or not.

Jacob: You picked it up at school. I saw you. And you've used it.
[Rani looks at the mark on her hand]
Rani: It's fading.
Jacob: Yeah, it does that when you stop using it. I'm talking about this like it's normal! At first, I was just having fun, y'know? I just wanted people to like me. That's not bad, is it?
Rani: Jacob, I need to know where you found it.
Jacob: Back of the school yard, y'know, where they're putting those pipes in? It was lying there in the mud. And it looked really really nice, so I picked it up.
Rani: And then you used it on people?!
Jacob: It was an accident! At first. The more you use it... it's like... it talks to you. It's like... glowing on the pendant, and then in your hand and then... I think it's evil.
Rani: I know someone who can get rid of it.
Jacob: What are gonna do?
Rani: It's going to be ok.

Mr Smith: [in a recording] Sorry, I'm not available right now, Sarah Jane has shut me down whilst she's away. If you'd like to leave a message, we'll get back to you when she returns.

Carla Langer: What the hell are you doing here? Don't you care about Clyde at all?
Paul Langer: Yeah, that's why I'm back!
Clyde: 'Cause you care about me? Y'know, when you left, at first I pretended it hadn't happened. That you'd just gone on holiday. And then I realised, no, you'd gone. Do you know what I did? I blamed Mum. I figured she must have done something really bad to drive you away. I messed about at school, got into trouble. I got expelled.
Paul: [insincerely] Yeah alright I'm sorry mate.
Clyde: You're... sorry? Dad, one minute you were there, and the next, I had no Dad.

Carla: You're Dad's not around either, is he?
Luke: No... it's complicated.
Carla: It usually is. Just... promise me something? If he ever turns up, y'know, out of the blue, whatever... just don't... don't forget your Mum.
Luke: I won't.

Clyde: If it wasn't for me, all these people, they wouldn't be here! I've saved them loads of times and they don't know!
Paul: OK... is this some sort of trading card thing?
Clyde: Don't you believe me?
Paul: No, no, I'm not saying that. It's just you and this Luke, the two of you, saving the world.
Clyde: You don't know what we've seen! Slitheen, Sontarans, we've stopped them, all of them.
Paul: You and Luke?
Clyde: You don't believe me, do you? Fine, I'll prove it to you!

[Video inside a 'holographic postcard' machine]
Clyde: Hey hey, Maria! This friend of Sarah Jane has given her this holographic postcard whatsit thing so...
Luke: [pops into video] Hi Maria! We miss you!
Clyde: Soft boy. We don't miss you! We've moved on! You're gone and forgotten! "Maria who?", I say!

Clyde: This is Mr Chandra, he's my Headteacher.
Paul: Oh! Alright mate? Clyde hasn't stopped raving about you and your school, he loves it there.
Haresh: [looks at Clyde disbelievingly] Does he?!
Paul: Haha, I'm joking!
[Paul and Clyde laugh at Haresh]
Haresh: Can I ask what you're doing here?
Clyde: Er, we're watering the, er, plants. Yeah, Sarah Jane asked me to water the plants while she's away.
Haresh: That's interesting because apparently she asked Rani to do that as well.
Clyde: Err, there's... lots of... plants?

Rani: We could go through there, into another time. Might never get the chance again.
Clyde: Can't we just have a look? Five minutes?
Sarah Jane: No! I'm sorry Clyde, but it's too dangerous. You've seen it in the movies - you go back, you change one tiny thing, and there's terrible consequences.
Rani: But you've travelled through time in the TARDIS.
Sarah Jane: With the Doctor, who knew what he was doing... most of the time.

Rani: Something happened when she went back in time.
Clyde: And it's up to you, my young Padawan, [taps Luke on the cheek] to find out the whole story.

Sarah Jane: We lived in a village called Foxgrove – that's where I was born. One afternoon, in August 1951, they got in their car, drove off, and they never came back.
Luke: There was an accident?
Sarah Jane: A tractor had broken down in the lane. They went straight into it.
Luke: You got out ok.
Sarah Jane: I wasn't with them. They left me behind – in my pram, at the side of the road, alone.
Luke: They must have had a reason.
Sarah Jane: To leave a three-month-old baby on its own?
Luke: So, your Aunt Lavinia brought you up.
Sarah Jane: Dad's sister, the family genius. She did the best she could, but she was always so busy, never in one place long enough to lick a stamp. She always said my mum and dad were the best parents in the world. But I couldn't help thinking – was she covering up for them? Because that day they just upped and left their baby alone. Left me behind.

Luke: Where'd you get the clothes?
Sarah Jane: Back of my wardrobe. Simple, classic, they'll do the job.
Luke: You used to wear that?! Seriously?!
Sarah Jane: Listen kid, the fifties came back in the seventies, I remember when this was quite the thing!

Sarah Jane: If it is a trap, this is the only way to find out who's behind it. That sounds like a good, rational reason I can give myself, anyway.

Clyde: [trying to get the puzzle box to open] Err... Hocus Pocus! Open Sesame? I don't know... Oh! JUMANJI!

Sarah Jane: I'll never know why they left me that day, but I do know that they loved me.

Sarah Jane: Luke, I have saved the lives of so many people, people I didn't even know, I don't know – miners on Peladon, all the people drinking BubbleShock, without a second thought, but this is my mum and dad!
Luke: You know you're not meant to!
Sarah Jane: Why? Why can't I? Why shouldn't I save them too?
Luke: What about the way you were brought up? If you changed it, then what if you never meet the Doctor? What if you never meet me?
Sarah Jane: I only want to look through the fissure, see what my life becomes if they survive. If there's anything wrong, we come back and set it right again!
Luke: Unless this is the trap.
Sarah Jane:Why do we have to think this is something terrible? What if this is a good thing? All these years I've been putting other people first – there has to be something at the end of it, doesn't there? Something for me? What if this is it? My reward!

Sarah Jane: It's all my fault!
Luke: All we have to do to change things back is repair the car.
Sarah Jane: And then what? I order my mother and father inside, I send them off to their deaths?
Luke: It's the only way.
Sarah Jane: I can't do it! If it was me, Luke, could you? I won't kill them! There must be another way, there's always another way!

Sarah Jane: There's only one person in the universe who would know, straight away! One person who could help us! And where is he whenever you need him?

Rani: Yes... hello, an ethnic person in the fifties! Hi!

Rani: I'm looking for a woman, short, brown hair, very pretty, probably with her son. He's a bit... weird.

Mrs King: What was she wearing? Can that really be the fashion in the Punjab?

Barbara Smith: If we get in the car and drive away now, then that's the end of that thing under the arch. I know I'm right.
Sarah Jane: No, you musn't! Don't go!
Barbara: We've got to. But not Sarah Jane, not our baby. Take her. Look after her.
Luke: This is why they left that day. They didn't abandon you Mum, they saved you!
Eddie Smith: One thing though, it's important. Sarah Jane, our baby. Is she safe? Does she have a good life?
Sarah Jane: Yes! So many incredible things, things you wouldn't believe... don't go!
Eddie: We've got to though, havn't we?
Barbara: Like he worked any of it out! I said, didn't I? I don't understand it, but sometimes the heart knows things the mind can't explain.
Sarah Jane: [sobbing] Oh Mum... Dad...
Eddie: Come here, come here. [he pulls Sarah Jane and Barbara into his arms]
Barbara: Look at you, older than us!
Eddie: And you came all that way to see us!
Sarah Jane: I thought you'd left me behind... I never knew you, I never had the chance, it was so unfair!
Barbara: Who said life was fair, eh?

The Trickster: You... have denied me... my hunger!
Sarah Jane: I have done nothing! That was my Mum and Dad, saving the world! Something us Smiths just can't help doing!
The Trickster: But you couldn't do it, I knew you could never do it!
Sarah Jane: You were right, I couldn't send them off, but you didn't count on one thing - they were brilliant! They worked it out by themselves! My Mum and Dad defeated you!

Clyde: I'll be off home then. Huh, today I've been to an alternative timeline and now I'm saying "I'll be off home then".
Sarah Jane: That's the life we lead. Sometimes it brings you such joy and sometimes it brings you the worst things in the world.

[Holding a picture of Eddie & Barbara Smith]
Sarah Jane: That's all I ever had of them. But life goes on... it has to... Oh Luke, they were my Mum and Dad... [pulls Luke into a hug and sobs, smiling] ...and they were wonderful!
Luke: It's made me realise - I'm so lucky, because I've got my Mum. I've got you!
Major Kilburne: I'm sorry, sir, but the Homeworld Security Mandate dictates—
Brigadier Stewart: Homeworld Security! That's the trouble with UNIT these days. Too many buzzwords, too many directives. At least in my day, we maintained the benefits of common sense.
Major Kilburne: With respect, Sir Alistair, UNIT has had to adapt to the challenges of a more hostile universe.
Brigadier Stewart: In my day, we took on Daleks, Cybermen, Autons, Zygons and all manner of space-thuggery. And it doesn't get more hostile than that.

Mrs. Wormwood: This is it. The resting place of Horath. The birthplace of a new galactic eon. The age of Wormwood.
Kaagh: And Kaagh.
Mrs. Wormwood: If you really want the empire to sound like a firm of solicitors.
Clyde Langer: 13 Bannerman Road is Sarah Jane Smith lives. And it's home to things way beyond your imagination. There's an extra-terrestrrial super computer in the wall, a genetically engineered boy genius in the attic. A schoolgirl investigator across the road. And a whole universe of adventure right here on the doorstep.
Sarah Jane: -Ready
Clyde Langer: -Always

Sarah Jane: Robots, too small to see with the naked eye, but with the potential of giants.
Sarah Jane: Blackhole, easy.
[Sarah Jane pulls out a phone and calls Mr Smith]
Sarah Jane: Mr Smith, I need you.
Mr Smith: Yes, Sarah Jane.
Sarah Jane: Well, actually, for once, it's not you I need, it's K-9.
Mr Smith: [scoffs] Your robot dog?
Sarah Jane: That's the one, patch me through Mr Smith.
Mr Smith: Boosting telephone signal, connecting now.
K-9: Greetings Mistress!
Sarah Jane: K-9? Can you hear me?
K-9: Affirmative, Mistress!
Sarah Jane: K-9, you're coming home, for good this time...! K-9, I'm in a spaceship under a beach on the south coast. The spaceship needs a blackhole, reckon you can help?
K-9: Affirmative Mistress. Spaceship? Can you read me...? I am currently generating a shield around the blackhole.
Ship: If you send me your coordinates, I can absorb the energy.
K-9: Sending coordinates now! My Mission is completed.
[K-9 teleported from the safe, in a flash of yellow light re-appearing in the attic]
K-9: Greetings, Mr Smith.
Mr Smith: It's good to see you, K-9... will you be staying here now?
K-9: Affirmative!
Mr Smith: [sarcastically] Oh, good.
[Rani, Luke and Clyde are sitting in the attic after spying on Sarah Jane]
Sarah Jane: What are you all doing here!
Clyde: We have a test coming up-
Rani: And Luke's helping us revise.
[Sarah Jane looks over to Mr Smith who is still on]
Sarah Jane: Why is Mr Smith still on?
Mr Smith: Sarah Jane's car is now outside the house.
Clyde: Big Mouth! You did that on purpose.
Sarah Jane: K-9 What's going on here?
K-9: I have been told to withhold information.
[Rani and Clyde are smug]
Sarah Jane: What exactly was that information?
K-9: I was told by Mistress Rani to not tell you that you were being followed.
Rani: The gob on you!

The Doctor: [Bursting into the room] STOP THIS WEDDING NOW!
Peter: Do not worry, Sarah Jane. It is the angel.
The Trickster: Too late, Time Lord. You are mine, Sarah Jane! Mine forever!

The Trickster: DOCTOR!
The Doctor: Ah, you look better in black! Or is white the new black?
The Trickster: At last, Doctor! I could feel this moment reverberating back through the ages: the meeting of the Pantheon of Discord and the last of the Time Lords!
The Doctor: I've known the legends of the Pantheon since I was a little boy. I've fought your shadows and your changelings, I never thought we'd actually meet!
The Trickster: And I know the legends of the Doctor! The man of ice and fire, who walked among gods. Once held the key to time in his hands! Now, he is surrounded by children!
The Doctor: They're my friends! Which reminds me, you're looking a bit lonely for a pantheon!
The Trickster: I embody multitudes! But who are you- the man who has lost everybody!- to talk to me of loneliness, when the Gate is waiting for you!?
The Doctor: What do you mean?

Sarah Jane: Is this the last time I'm ever going to see you?
The Doctor: [Brief pause] I don't know. I hope not.
Sarah Jane: [Smiling] Goodbye, Doctor, until the next time.
The Doctor: Don't forget me, Sarah Jane.
Sarah Jane: No-one's ever going to forget you.
[The Doctor smiles]
[Sarah Jane smiles and walks out of TARDIS leaving the Doctor leaning back against the console, a sad look on his face. The TARDIS door closes behind her and the TARDIS dematerialises leaving Sarah Jane, Luke, Clyde, Rani, & K-9 looking at the empty space where the TARDIS once stood]
Clyde: You were right. He is amazing!
Professor Rivers: No-one really knows just when Ashen Hill Manor was first built. But through history, there has always been a house here. And, so they say, just as long as there's been stone and oak, there has always been evil.
Sarah Jane: Who is that woman?
Mr. Smith: Phyllis Trupp, personal assistant to the gallery's curator. Her most detalied personal profile can be found on, where she lists her interests as salsa dancing. She says she's "open minded and willing to try-"
Sarah Jane: Thank you Mr Smith, that will do.
Rani: [about the rakweed] It's such an amazing opportunity.
Clyde: Yeah, but it could all be a trap.
Rani: They're Blathereen, not Slitheen.
Clyde: Aww, Slitheen, Blathereen...whatever-een! They're from Raxacorico...doo-da. And that place has a seriously dodgy reputation.

Clyde: How's the pot plant? Savaged anyone in the night?
Rani: That's not funny Clyde. This rakweed stuff might be amazing. It could feed millions of people.
Clyde: Yeah. Yeah, but it will probably still taste like salad. Like the world needs more salad.
Rani: Do you know what cynical means?
Clyde: It's what I call being realistic.

Rani: Using K-9 to pass a test. Even by your standards this is a whole new level of stupid.
Clyde: We may not be allowed textbooks, but no one said anything about a super intelligent robot dog from the year 5000.
Rani: You're insane.
Clyde: Yep, an insane genius!

Clyde: Here we go K-9, questions! Now, just relay your answers into this [points to earpiece]
K-9: Relaying answers is unethical.
Clyde: You said a test was one human demonstrating interlectual superiority over others. I have bought a super computer into school. It's pretty smart, wouldn't you say?!
[K-9 takes a moment to consider Clyde's argument]
K-9: Logic irrefutable.
Clyde: Good dog.
Luke: It's just a dream. Everybody has them, don't they?
Rani: Yeah, I suppose it must be because you're leaving home. You know, everything's been a bit intense and that just activated the dream switch. You're growing up, gettin' old.
Luke: I'm growing up so I start having nightmares. [sarcastically] Great!
Rani: Yep, and the rest of us get spots. I wouldn't worry about it.

Mr Smith: How can I help you, Sarah Jane?
Sarah Jane: Scan Luke. He's been having dreams.
Mr Smith: I thought Luke didn't dream.
Sarah Jane: That's why I'm asking you to scan him.
K-9: Do you require everything to be pointed out to you Mr Smith?

Mr. Smith: If I were to connect to K9, I could boost his energy levels.
Sarah Jane: Oh! What do you need, Mr. Smith? I have stuff here from planets across the universe. Mind controlling devices, alien guns, you just tell me what you need!
Mr. Smith: [beat] I need a USB lead, Sarah Jane.

Luke: You're just an alien! Well I'm called Luke Smith and I was made by aliens to destroy the world! But this brilliant woman, Sarah Jane Smith-she found me, and she made me good. And she found others. A boy called Clyde. And a girl called Rani. This world has faced so many nightmares and there's always been someone there to stop them. Us. You know, I was so scared because I thought my mates wouldn't be there from me. [breathing hard] Never mind Oxford, they followed me into my nightmares! Three kids breaking down the walls of dreams to be together. Something no one's ever done before. Because together, we are unbeatable!
Nightmare Man: [claps] Ooh, very good! But do you really think words can stop a creature like me?
Luke: I wasn't talking to you!
Rani: He's right! [she and Clyde walk over to Luke and stand beside him, facing the Nightmare Man]
Clyde: Because together, we stop the monsters!
Rani: We stop the nightmares! [she takes Luke's hand]
Luke: Because when we're together, [Clyde takes Luke's other hand] we're not scared. You've got no hold of us now.
Clyde: [Luke, Rani, and Clyde slowly walk towards the Nightmare Man, who backs away] 'Cause we're brilliant when we're together.
Nightmare Man: [grunting in pain and clutching his head] Get away from me!
Luke: So there you go. The boy that was made by aliens to destroy the world, saves the world yet again! [the Nightmare Man falls through a door into Clyde's old nightmare]
Nightmare Sarah Jane: Oh! Hello, love! [door slams shut]
Nightmare Man: No...I can't be trapped here! This can't happen to me! Let me out! Children of Earth! I demand you sleep! And you dream! And you fear! You will fear me!
Nightmare Sarah Jane: C'mon, now! Come and sit down! And I'll tell you all about my brilliant son!
Nightmare Man: No...
Nightmare Sarah Jane: His name's Luke Smith, and he's going to live happily ever after!
Nightmare Man: Nooo!
Sarah Jane: Why did I ever trust Androvax?
Rani: You were doing what you thought was right, we were trying to help him!
Clyde: Well, some people, you just can't help.

Rani: What if I'd've told them, Clyde? Maybe none of this would have happened!
Clyde: Maybe it wouldn't have made any difference. Look, I know Sarah Jane doesn't believe in fate, but I reckon that Time and the Universe... They're not random. Everything's sort of tied together by these invisible strings. Like your mum joining BURPSS, or Ocean Waters having that disk thing.
Rani: You mean if something's gonna happen, it's gonna happen?
Clyde: Yeah. [Rani and Clyde are holding hands; they both notice and Clyde lets go, moving away] Well... s-some things, anyway. But we're going to save your mum now, so if it's the Universe against Clyde Langer, then the Universe had better bring some mates! [cringes]

Clyde: [Taking out one of the Men In Black with a 'bowling ball'] Strike!
[Sarah Jane and Jo Grant are looking for the others]
Sarah Jane: I think there's something wrong.
Jo: Wrong? You in, "Just like the old days" sort of wrong?
Sarah: Oh, exactly like the old days!
Jo: Groovy!

The Doctor: Good, so gosh, that was different. Hello, everyone!
Rani: Who are you? Where's Clyde?
The Doctor: Come on, Rani, use your brain; Clyde and I swapped places, yes? So I'm where he was, he's where I was, which means right now— oh. He's in a lot of trouble...

Sarah Jane: It's you, isn't it? Oh, you've done it again!
The Doctor: [smiles] Hello, Sarah Jane.
Sarah Jane: Doctor? [the Doctor nods]
Rani: [gapes] That's the Doctor?
Jo: What, Doctor? The Doctor?! My Doctor?!
Sarah Jane: Well, he can change his face-
Jo: Oh, I know...but into a baby's?
The Doctor: Oi, imagine it from my point of view! Last time I saw you Jo Grant, you were, what, twenty? Twenty-one? It's like someone baked you!

The Doctor: Ah, yes. The Claw Shansheeth of the 15th Funeral Fleet; I've been looking for you. Have you been telling people I'm dead?!
Shansheeth Leader: I apologise; The death notice was released a little too soon. But I can rectify this - immediately! [fires an energy beam at the Doctor] I'm so sorry for your loss, Doctor. Rest in peace!

[The Doctor and Sarah Jane are repairing the Doctor's space-time swapping device using Sarah Jane's sonic lipstick. Jo Jones is in the background]
The Doctor: There and there.
Sarah Jane: [applies the sonic lipstick] Does it hurt?
The Doctor: No.
Sarah Jane: I mean the regeneration. That last body of yours, was he okay, I mean?
The Doctor: It always hurts. And there.
Sarah Jane: So how did you end up in this place?
The Doctor: The Shansheeth lured me; a mighty old battlefield just begging to be explored, 'cause I'm travelling with Amy Pond now, and Rory. Then they got married, so I dropped them off on a honeymoon planet, which isn't what you'd think; It's not a planet for a honeymoon, it's a planet on a honeymoon. It married an asteroid. [Sarah Jane and the Doctor laugh] And they nicked the TARDIS. The Shansheeth, not Amy and, err... Fortunately, I had all this wreckage to build a space swapping doodah-thingy-whatsit.
Jo: So you have a married couple in the TARDIS.
The Doctor: Mr and Mrs Pond!
Jo: I only left you because I got married.
The Doctor: [quietly, to Sarah Jane] And there.
Jo: Did you think I was stupid?
The Doctor: Why do you say that?
Jo: Well, I was a bit dumb; still am, I suppose.
The Doctor: [turning to face Jo] Now what in the world would make you think that, ever, ever, ever?
Jo: We had been travelling down the Amazon for months and we reached a village in Crystalline, and it was the only place in thousands of miles that has a telephone, so I called you; I just wanted to say hello. And they told me that you left, left U.N.I.T, never came back, so I waited and waited, because you said you would see me again; you did; I asked you and you said yes, you promised, so I thought one day I would hear that sound, deep in the jungle; I would hear that funny wheezing noise and a big blue box right in the middle of the rainforest, because you wouldn't just leave; not forever, not me. [starts to cry] I've waited my whole, silly life.
The Doctor: Oh, but you're an idiot.
Jo: Well, there we have it!
The Doctor: No, but don't you see? How could I ever find you? You've spent the past 40 years living in huts, climbing up trees, tearing down barricades. You've done everything from flying kites on Kilimanjaro to sailing down the Yangtze in a tea-chest. Not even the TARDIS could pin you down!
Jo: Hold on... I did sail down the Yangtze in a tea-chest! How did you know?
The Doctor: And that family! All 7 kids, 12 grandchildren, 13th on his way. He's dyslexic, but that'll be fine; great swimmer.
Jo: So you've been watching me? All this time?
The Doctor: No. Because you're right. I don't look back. I can't. But the last time I was dying, I looked back on all of you. Every single one. And I was so proud.

The Doctor: Listen to me, both of you. I want you to remember.
Jo: We are remembering - That's the trouble!
The Doctor: No no no no no no no. I want you to remember everything. Every single day with me. Every single second.
Colonel Karim: What's he doing?
The Doctor: Because your memories are more powerful than anything else on this planet. Just think of it, Sarah. Remember it, Jo. But properly. Properly. Give the Memory Weave everything. Every planet. Every face. Every mad man. Every loss. Every sunset. Every scent. Every terror. Every joy. Every Doctor. Every me.
Sarah Jane: I remember!
Colonel Karim: No!
Jo: I remember!

The Doctor: [to Rani] What do you mean, the Mona Lisa?

The Doctor: The coffin was the trap. The coffin was the solution. That's so neat I could write a thesis.

Sarah Jane: There’s a woman called Tegan in Australia, fighting for Aboriginal rights. There’s Ben and Polly, in India, running an orphanage there. There was Harry. Oh, I loved Harry. He was a doctor, he did such good work with vaccines. He saved thousands of lives. There was a Dorothy something. She runs that company, A Charitable Earth. She’s ...raised billions. And this couple in Cambridge. Both professors. Ian and Barbara Chesterton. Rumour has it, they’ve never aged. Not since the sixties. I wonder… echoes of the Doctor, all over the world. With friends like us, he’s never going to die, is he?
Rani: What if it's just the two of us left in the whole wide world?
Clyde: Like Adam and Eve!
Rani: [distantly] Yeah... [beat] No! There's got to be someone else! There's got to be!

Clyde: Don't tempt fate. I'm not like Sarah Jane, I believe in fate. What if aliens have decided to start the human race again just beginning with you and me?

Clyde: If I ever let you down, I'm sorry. [He kisses Rani]

Rani: Clyde... you've never let me down.

Clyde: I don't like countdowns. There's never anything good at the end of a countdown, except New Year's, and even that's rubbish!
Clyde [looking at George's clothes]: Well, wherever I am they haven't invented style yet. I'm Clyde, who are you?
George: Name's George. George Woods. And you can hardly talk now keep your voice down.
Clyde: Why, what are you looking at?
George: Germans, I'm sure of it.
Clyde: [snorts] What, nabbing all the sun lounges?
George: Mum warned me when I was evacuated that the country folk was a bit thick.
Clyde: Evacuated...right, I get it, so this is like 1939 or something.
George: But she did say just half thick.

Clyde: Time travel's awesome isn't it? I've got to do it more often.
George [about the Nazis]: They must have come in on a U-Boat. An invasion.
Clyde: We shall fight them on the beaches, we shall fight them on...the other places. But, hang on what are we gonna do?
George: We're gonna call the home guard of course.
Clyde: Ahh, good thinking, Fourties Boy.

Mistress Ellen: Your majesty, may I present Lady, um...
Rani: Lady Rani, um, from the court of the...Taj Mahal

Lady Matilda: Forgive me, but I thought the request was for an elderly companion. And I heard the Countess of Arondal was already on her way. Your majesty, can we trust this...foreigner?
Rani: I hope the Queen will judge me on my own character just as she might judge you on yours.
Queen Jane: Well said. Lady Matilda, where are your manners? I say again leave us. [Lady Matilda leaves] And what is this you bring?
Rani: It's a music box. Go on, open it.
[Queen Jane open the box and listens to the tune]
Queen Jane: How is this possible?
Rani: They're dead clever where I come from.
Queen Jane: Thank you Lady Rani, I will treasure this forever.

Queen Jane: Tell me again I am not forgotten.
Rani: I promise you. Not by your people, and not by history. And never by me.
Queen Jane: Goodbye Rani, my friend. It is time for me to leave you now.
Rani: And me to leave you. Goodbye Jane.
[Rani picks up the chronosteel and disappears through the time window]
Mistress Ellen: It is witchcraft!
Queen Jane: Lady Rani is not of this world. She is no witch, Ellen. She is an angel. I have always suspected so. And as angels speak only the truth, I know I do not die in vain.
Ruby White: And that [Points to huge gurgling mass] is my stomach!
[Woken by a doorbell in the middle of the night, Sarah Jane goes to her doorstep only to find a baby carriage there. She lifts the cover to find a baby.]
Sarah Jane: [gasps] What the- [searches around her house for someone before taking the baby inside. To the infant,] Why would anyone leave you on a stranger's doorstep?
[The infant starts to cry, causing a power outage in the neighborhood.]

[Sarah Jane and Rani runs after a man in the junkyard]
Professor Rivers: Wait for me! I'm in Wellingtons!

Rani: [on the phone] They're still not answering.
Sarah Jane: Come on! [to Rivers] Thank you, Celeste!
[Rani exits out of van]
Prof. Rivers: My pleasure! Oh, and be careful.
Sarah Jane: Never careful. [whips out her sonic lipstick] Always prepared! [exits]
Prof. Rivers: [alone, she takes out her lipstick and plays with it] Zap! Zap, zap!

Miss Myers: My name is Miss Myers.
Clyde: That doesn't sound like much of an alien name.
Miss Myers: We don't spell it the same way.

Sarah Jane: [pulls out her sonic lipstick] I won't let you hurt this child.
Metal Man: She is no child. She is a weapon.
Miss Myers: And she is underprimed. She is not ready for this. [points at Sarah Jane] You have doomed us all.
[Energy begins to flood out of Sky's carriage. The metal man begins to show worry.]
Rani: What's going on?
Sarah Jane: Sky's energy. It's flooding out.
Miss Myers: Yes, the weapon is priming itself. [to the metal man] Your presence has activated it. The doom of the Metalkind has come.
[The energy bursts. From the release of energy, a teenager appears.]
Sarah Jane: Sky?
[Twelve-year-old Sky looks around, worried and confused]

Clyde: Introducing Miss Myers. She spells it the alien way.

Mr Smith: Biologically, Sky appears to be a healthy twelve-year-old child.
Sky: Twelve? Is that a good age?
Rani: Wait until the spots start.

Rani: They're not exactly fashion, but you'll be alright.
Sky: What's fashion?
Rani: Well, clothes. Like wearing nice clothes. Made for a girl.
Sky: What's a girl?
Rani: [sighs] And Clyde thought he had it tough with Luke. Okay, let's log on to Ranipedia.

[Sarah Jane and Sky walks back in the house as Sky laughs. Sarah Jane's car lights flicker momentarily.]
Rani: Did you just see that?
Clyde: Yep. I reckon Sparky hasn't totally lost her spark.

The Shopkeeper: [to Sky] ... and my, haven't you grown?
Sarah Jane: It was you. You brought Sky here.
The Shopkeeper: And might I say, what a perfect name for such a perfect child. Young Sky.
Sarah Jane: Yes, well I'd still like to know who you are, both of you.
The Shopkeeper: Consider us [looks at the Captain] servants of the universe.
Sarah Jane: Which means what exactly?
The Shopkeeper: Sometimes, things can't be left to chance. Sometimes, a breeze must blow from east to west, not north to south. Sometimes, sky should be blue, not laid in with cloud. And sometimes, a child must find her way home. Which is my task, Miss Smith. To put things in the right place. And of all the homes in all of the universe, I could find none safer for this child than yours.
Sarah Jane: But who are you?
The Shopkeeper: According to good time.
Sky: So have you come back for me?
The Shopkeeper: Well, that depends on you.
Sky: [to Sarah Jane] Can I stay here with you? That's what I want.
Sarah Jane: Oh, Sky. It's only been a day and I feel like I've known you since you were a baby. Yes, this is your home for as long as you want it to be.
[Sky hugs Sarah Jane, who is shocked.]
The Shopkeeper: [smiles] Well, that's that then. [picks up the Captain] Jolly good. Until the next time. [disappears]
Sarah Jane: Oh no, wait! [running to the spot he disappeared]
Sky: Who was he then?
Sarah Jane: I haven't the faintest idea. But I'll dare say we'll find out, "according to good time." You must be starving! How does pizza sound?
Sky: What's pizza?
Sarah Jane: [light chuckle] Come on.
Sarah Jane: Oh, Sky's a keen student.
Sky: Clyde says I'm a bright spark. [laughs]
[Haresh Chandra's lamp starts to flicker. Suddenly, a fish lands against his window.]

Mr Smith: Through the ages, there have been many reports of fish raining from the sky. There is a meteorological explanation.
Rani: What, you mean it's natural?
Sarah Jane: Storms and tornadoes suck fish out of the water into the upper atmosphere. They freeze, then later, they come raining down. Yeah, but those fish were small. It can satisfy the next door neighbor's cat. Mr Smith, the fish today, they were this big! [widens her hands to a very large extent]
[Clyde shows her the right size, about half the size]
Sarah Jane: [copies Clyde] Yeah, well still not natural.

Sky: So what's in a museum?
Clyde: Dead things, mostly.
Sky: And people like to look at dead things? Isn't that a bit weird?
Clyde: [chuckle]: If you ask me, yeah.
Sarah Jane: Museums help preserve our past, Sky. They're fascinating places. You'll see.
Rani: Mum and Dad met in a museum.
Sarah Jane: Oh, how romantic. Though I never saw your mum as a museum type.
Rani: It was raining.
Sarah Jane: Oh.

Sky: [looking at the totem pole] Isn't it pretty?
Rani: I think the word you're looking for is "creepy." Look at those faces.
Sarah Jane: There shouldn't really be anything sinister about a totem pole. They were generally a kind of storybook, carved from cedar trees as a representation of myths of family history.
Clyde: Well, I'm glad they're not my family. What a funny looking bunch, aren't you? [rubs finger against the pole, receiving a splinter] Ow!

Dr Madigan: I have to say, I couldn't have wished a better publicity stunt. Maybe Hetocumtek is on our side.
Sarah Jane: I'm sorry, why Hetocumtek?
Dr Madigan: According to legend, Hetocumtek was a vicious warrior god who descended from the skies and tried to enslave the people of the Great Plains. But the story goes that the tribe's greatest medicine men came together and tricked Hetocumtek, imprisoning him in a totem pole.
Rani: What, this totem pole?
Dr Madigan: Well, 'tis only a story.

Sarah Jane: So while I'm off getting my scoop, you'll be making lots of new friends at school. And don't worry. Rani will always be close by if you need her.
Sky: And Clyde.
Sarah Jane: [angered] You keep away from him!
Sky: Why?
Sarah Jane: Just do as I say. Keep away from him. Don't go anywhere near him. Do you hear me?
Sky: [quietly] Yes, Sarah Jane.
Sarah Jane: I don't ever want to hear his name ever again.
Mr Smith: Excuse me, but has Clyde upset you?
Sarah Jane: And that goes for you, too! In fact, I want you to put your sensors on a permanent scan for him. If he ever sets foot in Bannerman Road again, I want you to deal with him.
Mr Smith: Understood, Sarah Jane.
Sarah Jane: [in a barking manner] Sky, come on! School! [exits]
[Sky walks out of the attic slowly, in confusion.]

[Raining in the streets]

Ellie: [comes up to Clyde] Are you all right?
Clyde: No.
Ellie: Come with me.
[Clyde gets up and walks with her in the rain.]

Ellie: I'm Ellie Faber. [hands over Clyde her cup] What about you?
Clyde: [takes the cup, looking at a pizza box] I'm Enrico. Enrico ... Box.

Clyde: [to the totem pole] You tried to ruin my life, to take away everything and everyone that was most important to me. Well, I'm a survivor and you failed your big plan. My name is Clyde Langer. [grabs ahold of the pole, voice echoes] My name is Clyde Langer! My name is Clyde LANGER!
[The totem pole disintegrates]

Rani: [staring at a jazz poster] Clyde, look. [reads] "Ellie Faber."
Clyde: Wasn't her name. She just took it off some old poster.

[A truck, labeled, "Night Dragon Haulage," drives by.]

Homeless Man: The Night Dragon took her.
Clyde: What, that was the Night Dragon? A truck?
Man: Comes by every so often. The drivers would sometimes give you a lift. Glasgow, Dublin, France, Germany. They go all over the place. It's another chance. That's why people go. [walks away]
Clyde: She's gone.
Rani: She meant a lot to you, didn't she?
Sarah Jane: Come on. Let's go home.
Luke: I had to leave K-9 back at uni, but look ... [pulls out a long, metal whistle] I made this. Dog whistle. 'Cause you never know.
Sarah Jane: What's he doing up there?
Luke: He's backing up the Bodleian Library. The whole lot. He wouldn't come back with me.
Mr Smith: Oh, good...ness me, what a terrible shame.
Rani: Oy, Mr Smith, don't be nasty! We could always swap you for another the SerfBoard.
Mr Smith: I hardly think that would be a good exchange.

Joseph Serf: Everybody's got [eyes glitch] to have one.
Sky: [whispers to Luke] Did you see that?
Luke: [quietly] Yeah, but that's impossible.

Clyde: I'm getting a bit suspicious and preparing to say the "A" word.
Sky: What "A" word?
[Clyde is about to speak when Rani interrupts]
Rani: [quickly] Aliens.

Mr Smith: Deep scan complete.
Rani: Well, tell us the worst.
Mr Smith: The SerfBoard is a standard, low-specification laptop computer.
Clyde: And?
Mr Smith: That is all.
Rani: Well, it can't be. The hologram, the big launch tonight, "one in every home."
[Clyde walks over to Rani]
Clyde: Hold on. [whispers to Rani, about Mr Smith] Right, what if it's got him?
Mr Smith: I can hear you, Clyde. And, no, it hasn't "got me".

Rani: [about the SerfBoard] Leave it alone. We wait for the others to get back.
Clyde: But there's not much time. How are you going to feel tonight if everyone's walking down Bannerman Road with their arms out, going, "Serve the computer!"
Rani: Clyde, no.
Clyde: Oh, come on. The clock's ticking. Let's switch it on and see what it does. [attempts to open the SerfBoard]
Rani: [makes noise that stops Clyde] Okay, but we do it my way. We take precautions.
[Rani and Clyde are seen wearing goggles, aprons, masks, and gloves. Rani turns on the SerfBoard with a pole. She slowly pushes her finger to the screen when Clyde stops her.]
Clyde: Hey! It was my idea!
Rani: Yeah, well it needs a delicate touch!
Clyde: Well, I'm delicate! [receives a weird glance from Rani] In a very manly way. I've got artist fingers.

[Skullions underground controls the Joseph Serf hologram above ground, pulling cranks and typing, while Luke and Sky secretly watch]
Joseph Serf: That's okay, Miss Smith.
Head Skullion: [commands a Skullion] Smile!
[The received-order Skullion pulls a crank labeled SMILE. The Serf hologram smiles, a little too long.]
Sarah Jane: Joseph, are you all right?
Head Skullion: Keep up, keep up! [Two Skullions fight over the typewriter, the Head Skullion groans] Keep up, keep up!
[One Skullion begins typing]
Serf: We all say thongs we don't moan.
[Sarah Jane becomes enstranged]
Head Skullion: Spelling, spelling!
[A Skullion continues typing]
Serf: Forgove me. Things we don't mean.
[Sarah Jane still curious]
Head Skullion: Keep trying to fix it. And smile again! [Skullion pulls a lever. Serf suddenly smiles at Sarah Jane flirtatiously. Sarah Jane winces, startled.] Frawful smile, not sexy smile!

[Security Guard smashes Sky's phone under his foot]
Sky: That's my phone!
Luke: Welcome to the club; I've had seven phones in the last two years!

Harrison: This way. [points his extraterrestrial ray gun at Sarah Jane]
Sarah Jane: I'm going to stop this. I am going to stop you.
Harrison: What are you going to do, hit me with your handbag?

[Rani and Clyde, dressed professionally]
Rani: Ah, I've done it!
Mr Smith: Ahem. We have done it. [ejects two cards]
Rani: [grabs the cards] Okay, we're in! Trevor and Janet Sharp.
Clyde: Trevor? Do I look like a Trevor? Although, I am sharp...
Rani: Oh, they're consumer journalists from "Twilight Years Magazine" for the years over sixties.
Clyde: Jerry Atrick can use. Have you got anything better?
Rani: Well they were the only ones on the guest list that won't turn up.
Mr Smith: Mr and Mrs Sharp are stranded at Bole Airport thanks to a ... ahem ... computer malfunction. [Clyde looks surprised]
Rani: Oh, yeah, and they're married.
Clyde: [sarcastic] Oh, great. The cavalry's coming, and it's me and the missus!

Mr Smith: Wait a moment! I'm picking up a high frequency modulated signal in Morse code.
[Luke blows on K-9's whistle in a cellar at Serf Industries, Sky watching him]
Sky: Brilliant.
[Luke smiles, then continues]
Mr Smith: The transmission is on the command frequency of K-9.
Clyde: Must be Luke. The whistle.
Rani: Or it's a trap. How do we know it's Luke for sure?
Mr Smith: Deciphering. Message begins. "CLANI ... "
Clyde: Yeah, that's Luke.
Mr Smith: "...GRAB...HARRISON'S...P...E...N... full stop."
Clyde: Never have I been so glad to see a full stop!

Harrison: So, before we go through to meet the SerfBoard, let's meet the man behind the SerfBoard. Joseph Serf.
[Audience claps]
Harrison: Hahah-um.. Mr Joseph Serf.
[Audience claps while Rani looks puzzled]
Luke: Ready?
Sky: You bet!
Harrison: Serf! [presses his earpiece] Now, now, now!
[Luke operates the levers controlling the hologram's legs]
Luke: Left leg, right leg, left leg, right leg.
[Joseph Serf walks to the stage as the audience claps once again]
Luke: Right one. Walk! Walk!
Lionel Carson: [to Rani] Fellow's been drinking!
[Harrison covers his lips as Joseph Serf settles himself]
[Sky types on the keyboard]
Joseph Serf: Welcome to my lovely lunch.
[The audience looks at each other in confusion]
[Joseph Serf raises his right hand and begins to raise his left]
Joseph Serf: My lovely launch.
[Joseph Serf mechanically rotates to look at his video on screen]
Joseph Serf: Oh! I am gorgeous!
Luke: But he'll never say that!
Sky: Best thing I can think of!
[Joseph turns back to the audience]
Luke: You keep him talking!
Joseph Serf: What a beautiful day, boys and girls.
[Clyde and Rani look at each other]
Luke: Remember, he's American!.
Joseph Serf: Yeeeeehaw! [lifts his thigh and slaps it] As I woke up, put my bricks on the grittle, I thought gee, what a cotton picking day to launch a new computer.
Luke: Wha- what? You've been watching Toy Story again!
[Harrison reaches for his pen]
Luke: He's gonna use the pen! No!
[Harrison activates the pen and the Skullions begin to scream in pain]
Joseph Serf: The pen. Get the pen.
Luke: It's hypnotic! We've got to turn off the hypno power!
[Luke pulls the hypno lever, turning the light below red]
Joseph Serf: Listen, everybody. I want you to grab the pen from Harrison. Grab the pen [points at Harrison] from him!
[Rani rushes to Harrison followed by the rest of the audience. Harrison holds Rani]
Lionel Carson: She's not armed, leave her alone!
Joseph Serf: Smash it. Smash it! Smash it. Smash it.
[Audience shouts along as Lionel Carson smashes the pen with his shoe]
Harrison: No! No!
[The shock from the Skullions' collar stop]
Sarah Jane: It stopped.
Joseph Serf: Go home. The SerfBoard is rubbish! Box standard, cobblers, garbage! Go home, tell everyone!
Harrison: No!
Lionel Carson: Of course it is. Stupid computers. Nothing wrong with a typewriter, says I.
Joseph Serf: It's one hundred percent toot. It's bobbins! It's trash. In fact, you think it's rubbish. Go home, tell everyone.
Clyde: I've got a weird feeling about him.
Joseph Serf: [waves] Hi Clani.
Rani: [laughs and takes off her glasses] I knew it.
Joseph Serf: [points up] Go to the roof.
[Harrison runs away]
Joseph Serf: Bye Clani. [hologram disappears]
Sky: [hugs Luke] We did it.

[Closing Line]

And the story goes on...forever.

Other Media


Doctor Who

(The following quotes occurred on a two part Doctor Who crossover story and are included here for the sake of completion.)
(28 June 2008)
Sarah Jane: Luke? Are you alright? [helps him up]
Luke: It felt like some sort of cross-dimensional spatial transference.
Sarah Jane: [looks out the window] But it's night...It wasn't night, it was eight o'clock in the morning! Mr Smith, I need you! [Mr Smith emerges from the wall] I wish you'd stop giving that fanfare... Just tell us what happened!
Mr Smith: Sarah Jane, I think you should look outside - I think you will find the visual evidence most conclusive.

Mr Smith: The readings seem to be artificial in design.
Sarah Jane: Some sort of space-station, sitting at the heart of the web...
Luke: [puts his phone away] They're fine. Maria and her dad, they're still in Cornwell; I told them to stay indoors. And Clyde's alright; he's with his mum.
Mr Smith: Sarah Jane, I am detecting movement. Observe:
[The screen shows numerous red objects appearing near the "space-station"]
Luke: Spaceships!

[Sarah Jane prepares to leave after being told the TARDIS has landed nearby]
Luke: But there are Daleks out there!
Sarah Jane: I know, I'm sorry... But I have got to find the Doctor! Stay here, don't move...Don't do anything!
Mr Smith: I will protect the boy, Sarah Jane.
[Luke looks at Sarah Jane, worried]
Sarah Jane: [tearfully] I love you. Remember that.
(5 July 2008)
The Doctor: Now, Sarah Jane, what was your son's name?
Sarah Jane: Luke! He's called Luke...And the computer's called Mr Smith!
The Doctor: Calling Luke and Mr Smith! This is the Doctor! [Luke looks up from where he's sitting] Come on, shake a leg!
Luke: Is Mum there?
The Doctor: Oh, she's fine and dandy!
Sarah Jane: [overjoyed] Yes!
The Doctor: Now, Mr Smith, I want you to harness the Rift power, and loop it round the TARDIS - You got that?
Mr Smith: I regret I will need remote access to TARDIS basecode numerals.
The Doctor: [winces] Oh blimey, that's gonna take a while...
Sarah Jane: No, no! Let me! [runs up to the monitor] K-9! Out you come!
[K-9 materialises in the attic]
K-9: Affirmative, Mistress!
The Doctor: [laughs delightedly] Good dog! K-9, give Mr Smith the basecode!
K-9: Master. [connects to Mr Smith] TARDIS basecode now being transferred. The process is simple!



See also

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