There's Something About Mary
There's Something About Mary is a 1998 film about an awkward high school boy who gets a prom date with his dream girl Mary, only to have it only to have it ruined by a very humiliating zipper incident. Thirteen years later he gets another chance.
- Directed by Bobby Farrelly and Peter Farrelly. Written by Ed Decter, John J. Strauss, Bobby Farrelly, and Peter Farrelly.
- Is that... is that hair gel?
- [about Mary] I couldn't believe that she knew my name. Some of my best friends didn't know my name.
- Here you've been in therapy, you know, thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and really it turns out that getting your dick stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you.
- [while spying on Mary] Husband... negative. Children and a Labrador... negative. Tight little package... affirmative.
- The last time I had a pap smear, the guy needed leather gloves and an oyster shucker.
- Warren: Have you seen my baseball?...Have you seen my baseball?
- Student: Hey buddy! I think I know where your ball is!
- Warren: You seen my baseball?!
- Student: Yeah, you see that girl over there? She's got it. Only she doesn't call it a baseball, she's got another name for it. [Whispers in Warren's ear]
- Warren: [Walks up to a couple kissing] Have you seen my....wiener?
- Girl: What?!
- Warren: Have you seen my wiener?!
- Boyfriend: What the hell did you just say buddy?!
- Warren: Wiener....
- Boyfriend: Get your hand off my car, I'm gonna fuckin' kick your ass!
- Ted: Look, I didn't solicit any sex, OK? This is a huge misunderstanding. I was really going out to pee, I was walking to the bushes, I tripped over this guy - and suddenly all those cops and their helicopters...
- Detective Stabler: Ted, Ted, it's OK, we believe you. [about the dead body in the trunk] The problem is we found your friend in the car.
- Ted: [smiles] Oh, the hitchhiker? That's what this is about, the hitchhiker? Oh, oh, great. This is my luck - I get caught for everything.
- Detective Krevoy: [pats Ted's shoulder] So... you admit it?
- Ted: Ah, yeah, guilty as charged. Look, I know you guys got a job to do, alright? And I'm really sorry. I did it, I admit it. You know, the guy even told me, the hitchhiker told me it was illegal.
- Detective Krevoy: Well, uh, can you tell us his name?
- Ted: Ah... no, I didn't catch it. Can we cut to the chase, I mean, am I like in a lot of trouble here?
- Detective Stabler: [nods] First tell us why you did it.
- Ted: Why I did it? Ah... I don't know. Boredom? The guy turned to be a blubber mouth who just would not shut up.
- Detective Krevoy: [trying to control himself] Ted, this wasn't your first time, was it?
- Ted: No.
- Detective Krevoy: How many are we talking here?
- Ted: [confused] Hitchhikers? My whole life? Ah... I don't know - twenty-five, fifty... I mean, who keeps track? Hey, you know, I know this is the Bible Belt and everything, but where I come from this is not that big deal, I mean...
- Detective Krevoy: You son of a bitch! You're gonna fry! [slams Ted's head against the desk]
- Detective Stabler: Take it easy! Calm down! Are you OK?
- Ted: [to Krevoy] What the hell is wrong with you?
- Ted: Do you think maybe you wanna maybe, I don't know, go out to dinner, you know, catch up on old times?
- Mary: Didn't we just do that?
- Ted: Oh, uh...
- Mary: I'm fucking with you, Ted!
- Dom: You choke the chicken before any big date, don't you? Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date. Oh my God, he doesn't flog the dolphin before a big date. Are you crazy? That's like going out there with a loaded gun! Of course that's why you're nervous. Oh my dear friend, please sit, please. Look, um, after you've had sex with a girl, and you're lying in bed with her, are you nervous? No, you're not, why?
- Ted: Cause I'm tired...
- Dom: Wrong! It's 'cause you ain't got the baby batter on the brain anymore! Jesus, that stuff will fuck your head up! Look, the most honest moment in a man's life are the few minutes after he's blown his load - now that is a medical fact. And the reason for it is that you're no longer trying to get laid, you're actually... you're thinking like a girl, and girls love that.
- [When Ted gets his genitals stuck in his zipper]
- Charlie: Is it the frank or the beans?
- Ted: I don't know, both I guess.
- Warren: [from outside] Franks and Beans! Franks and Beans!
- Charlie: Oh man! How'd you get the beans above the frank?
- Pat: [after telling Mary that he's an architect] Really, it's only a side thing for my true passion.
- Mary: And what's that?
- Pat: I work with retards.
- Mary: Isn't that a little politically incorrect?
- Pat: Yeah, maybe, but hell, no one's gonna tell me who I can and can't work with, right?
- Mary: Ted? Did you mean what you said back there?
- Ted: [Tearfully] Uh huh. I just want you to be happy, Mary.
- Mary: But I'd be happiest with you.
- Ted: What about Brett Fahvra...?
- Mary: What did I tell you the first time we met? I'm a Niners fan!
- Ted: [Dejected] You're fuckin' with me, right?
- Warning: The guys who did 'Dumb & Dumber' and 'Kingpin' bring you a love story.
- Love is in the hair.
- The most fun you can have on video.
- No animals were harmed in the making of this movie. Everybody else was on their own.
- There's Just Something About Her...
- Cameron Diaz — Mary Jensen
- Matt Dillon — Pat Healy
- Ben Stiller — Ted Stroehmann
- Chris Elliot — Dom Woganowski
- Lee Evans — Tucker / Norm Phipps
- Jeffrey Tambor — Sully
- Markie Post — Sheila Jensen
- Keith David — Charlie
- W. Earl Brown — Warren Jensen
- Sarah Silverman — Brenda
- Khandi Alexander — Joanie
- Willie Garson — Dr. Zit Face / High School Pal Bob
- Brett Favre — himself
- Richard Tyson — Detective Krevoy
- Rob Moran — Detective Stabler