- Bush told the people to rise up against Saddam. They thought they'd have our support. They don't. Now they're getting slaughtered.
- [Troy sees an Iraqi Army soldier up a small mound]
- Troy Barlow: Are we shooting?
- Soldier: What?
- Barlow: Are we shooting people or what?
- Soldier: Are we shooting?
- Barlow: That's what I'm asking you!
- Soldier: What's the answer?
- Barlow: I don't know the answer! That's what I'm trying to find out!
- [During an argument outside a tent when Archie Gates and Cathy Daitch are caught cleaning up after sex]
- Cathy Daitch: Adriana, look at what's become of you.
- Adriana Cruz: Hey, look at me, I've got my clothes on!
- Archie Gates: Good afternoon. Would this be the proctology tent?
- Chief Elgin: No, sir.
- Gates: Maybe it's the urology tent. Or the neurology tent. Or the nose and throat tent.
- Troy Barlow: Captain's at a staff meeting, sir.
- Gates: Captain of proctologists?
- Conrad Vig: What's a proctologist, sir?
- Troy Barlow: Hey, would you take those fucking things off?
- Walter: I never got to use night-vision.
- Barlow: They do not work during the day!
- Walter: Yeah, they kinda work.
- Troy Barlow: I'm gonna buy a set of Lexus convertibles in every color.
- Chief Elgin: I told you, Lexus don't make a convertible.
- Barlow: I'll bet you a Lexus they do.
- Elgin: Alright, but it won't be a convertible.
- Amir Abdullah: You know what I think? You're stealing gold, that's what I think. We're fighting Saddam and dying, and you're stealing gold.
- Archie Gates: You're wrong.
- Abdullah: They have half a million men in the desert and they send four guys to pick up all this bullion? I don't think so.
- Troy Barlow: Conrad, you've washed your hands like ten times.
- Conrad Vig: Lord knows what kind of vermin live in the butt of a Dune Coon.
- Chief Elgin: Why do you let this cracker hang around with you, man?
- Barlow: He's all right, man. He's from a group home in Dallas. He's got no high school.
- Vig: Don't tell people that.
- Elgin: I don't care if he's from Johannesburg. I don't want to hear Dune Coon or Sand Nigger from him or anybody else.
- Vig: Captain uses those terms.
- Barlow: That's not the point, Conrad. The point is that Towel Head and Camel Jockey are perfectly good substitutes.
- Elgin: Exactly!
- Troy Barlow: I heard a lot of bad shit happened in Kuwait.
- Capt. Said: Yes... bad shit happened... I'm not proud of that. Yes Saddam is very crazy, but then you are crazy for coming here.
- It's good to be kings.
- In a war without heroes they are kings.
- George Clooney - Major Archie Gates
- Mark Wahlberg - Sergeant First Class Troy Barlow
- Ice Cube - Staff Sergeant Chief Elgin
- Spike Jonze - Private First Class Conrad Vig
- Cliff Curtis - Amir Abdullah
- Nora Dunn - Adriana Cruz
- Jamie Kennedy - Private First Class Walter Wogaman
- Saïd Taghmaoui - Captain Said
- Mykelti Williamson - Colonel Ron Horn
- Holt McCallany - Captain Doug van Meter
- Judy Greer - Cathy Daitch
- Liz Stauber - Debbie Barlow