Thumb Wars

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Thumb Wars: The Phantom Cuticle is a 1999 film about thumbs dressed up as puppets to create a spoof of the space drama Star Wars with characters such as Loke Groundrunner (parody of Luke Skywalker), Princess Bunhead (parody of Princess Leia), Oobedoob Scoobydooby Benubi (parody of Obi-Wan Kenobi and possibly Scooby-Doo), Hand Duet (parody of Han Solo), Crunchy (parody of Chewbacca), Beboobeep (parody of R2-D2), Prissypeo (parody of C-3PO) and Black Helmet Man (parody of arch-villain Darth Vader).

Directed by Steve Oedekerk. Written by Steve Oedekerk
Every Hand Has A Thumb...(taglines)

Black Helmet Man[edit]

  • (tripping over a box) Oop! There goes my trick knee.
  • Now Loke, you shall learn the truth: I am your mother! [Rips off suit to reveal pink dress] Now Momma's gonna teach you a lesson in manners! [Han Duet shoots Black Helmet Man, saving Loke, and making Black Helmet Man fly off into space] Wait till your Father gets hooooooooome!


Black Helmet Man: Do not underestimate the power of the Thumb.
Thumb Officer: Oh, don't try to scare us with your ooby-dooby magic talk, Helmet Man. Your "I'm a horrifying warlock and I'm going to get you wit my mystic potions!" talk sickens me. I laugh at your "I'm a frightening wizard" threats of hostility. Why don't you gather some frog legs and eyes of a newt, and cojure up a potion that can get you your face back, and perhaps make you one mere ounce less pathetic than you truly are? [Helmet Man starts to choke him] Or not! [Helmet Man pops the Thumb Officer's head off]
Black Helmet Man: Any other comments?
British Thumb Officer: I have a question. Why do we speak with British accents when we're from outer space and there is no Britain?
[Black Helmet Man pops the officer's head off.]

Loke Groundrunner: Who are you?
Oobeedoob Benubi: I am Oobeedoob Benubi, I have the silliest name in the galaxy.
Loke Groundrunner: What's your middle name?
Oobeedoob Benubi: Scooby-dooby.
Loke Groundrunner: Oobeedoob Scooby-dooby Benubi?
Oobeedoob Benubi: One and the same, and you must be... the crybaby.!
Loke Groundrunner: No one understands me. What do you want?
Oobeedoob Benubi: I've come to collect my digits.
Prissypeo: WOOOOO!
Loke Groundrunner: But, my uncle just bought those!
Oobeedoob Benubi: [mocking voice] But, my uncle just bought those! [sighs and speaks in normal voice] Man, you are a whiner. Come! The answers will be... [crosses his eyes] Rrrevealed.

Loke Groundrunner: Who are you?
The Puppet: I am... a puppet.
Loke Groundrunner: I'm sorry?
The Puppet: Hand goes into puppet. Arm follows Hand. Hand manipulates mouth.
[Loke stares in confusion.]
Loke Groundrunner: I'm... not following.
The Puppet: Beneath the floor, the Man does control me, yes!
Loke Groundrunner: I feel in my spirit, I am to train under you, so I too, can become a Thumb Master.
The Puppet: Train you will I. Train you I will. Yes! Step one: Touch your tongue to mine.

Black Helmet Man: Tell me, old man, are you still as easily tricked as you were before?
Oobeedoob Benubi: Not on your life, sonny!
Black Helmet Man: TOUCH DOWN!!!!
[Oobeedoob does a cheering pose, leaving him wide open for Helmet Man to kill him.]
Loke Groundrunner: [slow motion] NOOOOOOOO!
Hand Duet: [also in slow motion] NOOOOOOOO!
Prissypeo: [same as the other two] NOOOOOOO!
Crunchy: [Roars in slow motion]
Beeboobeep: [slow motion] BEE-BOO-BEEEEEEEEP!

Voice of Oobeedoob Benubi: Run, Loke!
Loke Groundrunner: Oobeedoob? You're still here?
Voice of Oobeedoob Benubi: Yes, in spirit!
Loke Groundrunner: That's kinda creepy.
Voice of Oobeedoob Benubi: [clearly annoyed] Run.

Princess Bunhead: Help me, Oobeedoob Benubi. Oobeedoob, oobeedoob, oobeedooby dooby.

Princess Bunhead: I escaped somehow. Let's go.
Loke Groundrunner: Who could've done such a thing as this?
Oobeedoob Benubi: This is the work of Black Helmet Man.
Loke Groundrunner: Who?
Oobeedoob Benubi: Your father -- I-I mean a man who's farther...a farther away man.
Loke Groundrunner: Whoever he is, he must be bad. I will go with you and fight.
Oobeedoob Benubi: Oh, big sacrifice; everyone you know is dead. Glad you could tear yourself away.

Hand Duet: All right, you thumbs, listen up. A one-armed man killed my wife Sabrina, a working girl. And now I'm a fugitive and in clear and present danger. I should be presumed innocent, but they're playing patriot games with me; Raiders, regarding Henry, Blade Runner, Air Force One...
Loke Groundrunner: I'm sorry, what was that last part?
Hand Duet: Look, I'm trying to keep a low profile here. I owe Gabba the Butt a lot of money and he's right over there.
[Right over there]
Gabba the Butt: Look over there, it's Indiana Ford! Oh ho-ho-ho-ho!

Loke Groundrunner: I’ve got three fist fighters coming from my left.
Pilot: Copy, Stray Dog.
Loke Groundrunner: I-I don’t think I’m Stray Dog.
Pilot: Copy that, Red Rooster.
Loke Groundrunner: I-I don’t think I’m Red Rooster either.
Pilot: No problem, Nasty Butler.
Loke Groundrunner: I’m ending this transmission.

Pilot: We got company, Swollen Ostrich.
Loke Groundrunner: Oh man, it's you.
Loke Groundrunner: [Fist fighter blows pilot's ship up] Thank you.

Loke Groundrunner: I'm going to trust my feelings and use the power of the thumb.
Voice of Oobeedoob Benubi: Use the instrument panel, Loke.
Loke Groundrunner: What?
Voice of Oobeedoob Benubi: The instrument panel. That's what it's there for. Advanced weaponry designed to hit tiny targets.
Loke Groundrunner: Ok, ok.


  • Every Hand Has A Thumb...
  • If there were thumbs in space and they got mad at each other there would be... THUMB WARS


External links[edit]

Wikipedia has an article about: