Time Squad is an American animated television series created by Dave Wasson for Cartoon Network, and the tenth of the network's Cartoon Cartoons. It follows the adventures of Otto Osworth, Buck Tuddrussel, and the robot Larry 3000, a trio of hapless "time cops" living in the far distant future who travel back in time attempting to correct the course of history. During their adventures, they run into major historical figures such as Julius Caesar, Abraham Lincoln, Sigmund Freud, Leonardo da Vinci, the Founding Fathers, and Montezuma, who have taken a drastically different course of life than history dictates. The mission of the Time Squad is to guide these figures onto the correct path and ensure the integrity of the future.
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Eli Whitney's Flesh Eating Mistake [1.1]
- Tuddrussel: Oh, hey kid, watch this. [He clears his throat] Com-pu-tor, how a-bout a re-fresh-ing be-ve-rage? [Larry sullenly walks over with a canned drink]
- Tuddrussel: Sir, it is my duty to inform you that this particular robot is not a flesh eater, okay? At least, I don't think he is...
Napoleon the Conquered [1.2]
- Larry 3000: Think of time as a section of rope. As Earth moves forward through time, more rope is formed. Recently it was discovered that as time grew older, it began to decay, or “unravel,” as it were, and this disintegration of the past begins to create disastrous results in our future. Let’s say that because of this instability in the past, the dodo bird never becomes extinct, and because of this, a young Henry Ford is attacked by one of these filthy creatures. He is so traumatized by the experience that he never invents the auto assembly line, or the Model T. Without this primitive automobile as a jumping-off point, we in the future are suddenly without our fancy solar-powered hover cars. That’s why we have to constantly repair the past and keep our future strong.
To Hail, With Caesar
- Otto: Larry, why are you going along with this?
- Larry 3000: Sorry, Otto, but as you know, I was originally designed to assist kings and diplomats. Now that Rome has achieved its full potential, and Tuddrussel has become so popular, I'm finally able to fulfil my true destiny: as the doting lackey of a great leader.
- Tuddrussel: Et tu, Larry? Et tu?
- Larry 3000: (after a pause) Caesar! Caesar!
Planet of the Flies [1.14]
- Tuddrussel: This is a mad house!... A MAD HOUSE!!!
- Larry: Ya' finished?
- Tuddrussel: Pretty much...
- Tuddrussel: A bee! (He squashes it. Everyone gasps)
- Past Tuddrussel, Larry 3000, Past Larry, Otto Osworth, Past Otto: Tuddrussel!
Ex Marks the Spot [2.12]
- [Larry is making a roast turkey for Buck. He is oddly giddy and chipper. Otto comes in and witnesses the scene]
- Otto: Uh, don't take this the wrong way, but why are you being so nice to Tuddrussel? Making his favorite meals, cleaning his phasers, fumigating his underwear?
- Larry: Well, Otto, as you know, I'm programmed to be a humble housekeeper and a delightful companion. So, recently, I decided, 'Why fight it?' Well, sure, he's a stupid, repugnant, arrogant, smelly, ignorant, selfish, insulting man child.
- [Larry puts a cherry on top of the gravy-smothered turkey, which promptly sinks]
- Larry: But he's my stupid, repugnant, arrogant, smelly, ignorant, selfish, insulting man child!
- [Otto shoots Larry a confused and suspicious look]
- Larry: Oh, you'll understand when you're older.
Floundering Fathers [2.17]
- Buck Tuddrussel: Well, mission accomplished. It took some doing, but we talked Karl Marx out of building the world's largest igloo and back to writing the Communist Manifesto.
- The Larry 3000: Yes, once you kicked him in the belly.
- Buck Tuddrussel: Hey, if you're gonna make an omelet, you gotta break a few eggs.
Forget The Alamo [2.19]
- Otto: Let me hear that Time Squad motto.
- Tuddrussel: Ensuring the pat to protect our farmers.
- Otto: Close enough.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Monty Zuma [2.20]
- Buck Tuddrussel: That's it, no more Mr. Nice Tuddrussel.
- The Larry 3000:[Sarcastically] Oooh, I'm soo scared!
- Buck Tuddrussel: Well you should be, maestro, when I tell everyone what a lousy artist you are.
- The Larry 3000:[sarcastically] That really hurts. [Facing Tuddrussel with anger] Especially coming from a man who sleeps with a nightlight and a teddy bear!
- [Crowd begins howling with laughter, while Tuddrussel is angered]
- Buck Tuddrussel: Hey, you leave Mr. Binky out of this!
- [The crowd continues howling with laughter.]
- Montezuma: So, they say dogs, man's best friend, but when you have a friend who goes on the sofa, who needs enemies. You know it's real bad.
- [The crowd ignores Montezuma, enticed in the insult match between Larry and Tuddrussel.]
- Buck Tuddrussel: What about the time I caught you putting on make up?
- The Larry 3000: That isn't as bad as the time you were having a drink and got your head stuck in the toilet.
- [The crowd continues howling in laughter as Tuddrussel grows furious with Larry]
- Montezuma:[nervous knowing Larry and Tuddrussel are serious competition in their insult match] And how about those relationships. It's like men are from Chalpauche and women are from Yakipipi.
- Buck Tuddrussel: I checked your Blue Book value, Larry, and it said you were worthless.
- The Larry 3000: I tried to check your I.Q., but numbers don't go that low.
- [The crowd continues howling with laughter as Tuddrussel grows more furious with Larry]
- Montezuma: Anyone form Yakipipi?!
- Buck Tuddrussel: You're mother's a blimp.
- The Larry 3000: You're mother's a shaved ape.
- [Everyone including the host erupts in laughter as Larry and Tuddrussel fight. Otto is overjoyed.]
- Otto Osworth: They're laughing. They're really laughing.
- Host: They sure are kid. These guys are killin'!
- Otto Osworth: Yeah, each other
- [Tuddrussel is attacking Larry as the host walks up to the stage with the trophy in hand.]
- Host: The winners, come up here you two.
- [The crowd cheers as Tuddrussel and Larry are confused at first, but then understands they've won the Amateur night Comedy Contest in Casa de Ha-Ha and runs up the stage to accept the award.]
- Host: Montezuma is good, but you guys are comedy gold.