Tough Guys (1986 film)

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Tough Guys is a 1986 comedy film about two elderly gangsters who are released from prison only to find they have trouble fitting in as old men who still take no guff from anyone.

Directed by Jeff Kanew. Written by James Cruikshank and James Orr.
They're Out To Teach A New World Some Old Tricks.taglines

Harry Doyle[edit]

  • I never met so many stupid people in one day.


  • Gang Leader: I don't know how old you is, but you ain't getting any older.
  • Leon: [after being in the sewer for days, suddenly sees an exit] Daylight! This must be the way out.


Harry: And I ain't going to your funeral!
Archie: You ain't invited!

Leon: I'll shoot a hundred of those coppers!
Harry: There's only 50 of them, Leon.
Leon: Well... I'll shoot them all twice!

Belle: I warn you, I know karate!
Leon: [points his shotgun at her] I warn "you", I know Winchester!

[Archie had just landed a job at Penguin's]
Archie: What'll it be, sport?
Yogurt boy: Let me have strawberry yogurt. No, chocolate. No... Strawberry!
Archie: Look, kid... Just take your time, okay? Let me know when you've made up your mind.
Yogurt boy: I've already made up my mind.
Archie: So do you want chocolate or strawberry?
Yogurt boy: Neither. I want amarillo.
[Archie starts to get it for him]
Yogurt boy: Hey, that's GELLOTTI! I asked for YOGURT!
Archie: [peering at it] I don't see any difference.
Yogurt boy: GELLOTTI is made out of CREAM! YOGURT is made out of BACTERIA CULTURE! Where were you raised, in a cave?
Archie: All right, all right...
[gets the yogurt for him]
Archie: ... What, did I leave something out?
Yogurt boy: What about my toppings? You're supposed to ask me what kind of toppings I want.
Archie: Okay... What kind of toppings do you want?
Yogurt boy: Do you have peanut butter M&M's?
[Archie starts to put those on the yogurt]
Yogurt boy: Hey, what are you doing? I didn't say I WANTED M&M's! I just asked if you HAD them!
Archie: Yeah, we got them.
Yogurt boy: Well, I don't want them! Do you have OREO pieces?
Archie: [holding those up] You want them?
Yogurt boy: That's why I asked. And walnuts... NOT peanuts, WALNUTS. And jellybeans... NOT M&M's; I HATE M&M's... JELLYBEANS. And almond slices instead of walnuts.
[the sweating Archie brings him the completed yogurt]
Yogurt boy: Forget it; I'll just have it plain.
Archie: [forcing himself not to faint, Archies scrapes everyting off the yogurt] You sure you still want it?
Yogurt boy: Of course I do! What do you think I came in here for?
[Archie throws the yogurt in the boy's face]
Archie: [smiling] You got it, kid. That'll be a $1.60, please.

Leon: How can you live in a hell hole like this? If I lived in a place like this, I'd kill myself in an hour.
Belle: You've been here 45 minutes.

Leon: [a gang leaves their boombox behind] Hey, pissant! You forgot your jukebox!
[blasts the boombox with a shotgun]
Leon: I hate noise pollution!

Jimmy: [shouts across the diner] Hey, Vince!
Vince: [annoyed] What?
Jimmy: Where's Philly?
Vince: Pennsylvania!
Jimmy: No, no! Not "that" Philly! Philly the Mouse! Harry and Archie need him for a stick-up!

Derek: Our colors are cherry, peach, lime, olive, and avocado.
Archie: I don't want to eat the suit, I just want to wear it.


  • They're Out To Teach A New World Some Old Tricks.
  • Friends for years. Legends for life. Tough guys forever.


External links[edit]

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