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Twister

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Twister is a 1996 film about a group of storm chasers trying to learn more about tornadoes, by putting instruments right in the storm's path.

Directed by Jan de Bont. Written by Michael Crichton and Anne-Marie Martin.
The Dark Side of Nature. taglines

Dialogue

[edit]
Beltzer: Okay, Professor! Hang on there, I think I fixed it. I got it.
Jo: [almost gets electrocuted by a short in the portable Doppler radar unit] Fuck me, this thing is USELESS!
Beltzer: Whoops. Sorry, Jo.
Bill: Hiya, Jo.
Jo: Hey, Bill. I'm happy you found us.
Bill: How're you doing?
Jo: [Briefly looks up at the gathering storm clouds and smiles wide] It's going good. Did you see the sky today?
Bill: Yeah, she's, uh, she's really talking.
Jo: Catch. [Tosses some electrical cables to Bill, who only catches them at the last second] It's the biggest series of storms in 12 years; one lined up right after another. NSSL says they've never seen anything like it.
Rabbit: Look, all I'm saying is don't fold the maps.
Sanders: I didn't fold the maps.
Rabbit: Yeah, well Kansas is a mess, there's a big crease right through Wichita. ROLL THE MAPS.
[Bill and Jo are talking about Melissa]
Bill: YES, she's very nice. NO, she does not work at the station, she...she's a therapist.
[pause]
Jo: Oh.
[another pause]
Jo: Yours?
Bill: CHRIST, [Jo: What?!] you couldn't resist, could you?
Jo: I'm not saying you [Bill: Come on.] need therapy!
Bill: [missing Jo's point] What? [Jo: I'm not--] Wait, wait, wait, wait, I need therapy?
Jo: I didn't say that!
Bill: I need a therapist? [Jo: I didn't say that!] What could I possibly need a therapist for?
Jo: I don't know.
Bill: You're the doctor, tell me.
Jo: I don't know! Um... inability to finish things? Maybe rushing into things you can't quite commit to?
Bill: Commitment?
Jo: You asked me. [Bill: Look...] YOU ASKED ME!
Bill: NO, that is BULLSHIT. Look, I may [Jo: You asked--] have walked out, [looks away from the road and at Jo] but at least I showed up in the first place...
Jo: [while Bill is rambling] Okay, THERE'S A WHOLE ROAD THING GOING ON OUT HERE, OKAY?
Bill: You never had the slightest idea about commitment - what being married means! [truck veers into the grass] Like-like... stability, supportiveness, and a house, and all kinds of neat stuff like that!
Jo: Can I drive?
Bill: NO.
Jo: [notices Bill about to hit a parked combine] Then would you?
Bill: WHOA!! [steers the car to safety] Damn...
Jo: Somebody should warn her about your temper.
Bill: Jo, I swear to--
Jo: She obviously has no idea what she's getting herself into.
[Cuts to Beltzer & Haynes driving, listening to Bill & Jo's arguement]
Bill: [over radio] Stay the hell out of it. I know exactly what I'm doing! [Jo: What exactly are you doing?] What am I doing?
Haynes: I think they're getting better at this.
[Cuts back to Bill & Jo]
Jo: You know what? As long as you're happy...
Bill: THANK YOU. I am happy. I'm a happy person. I'm happy with my life. I'm happy with the way things are going in my life. I'm happy with... [falls apart] with-- with-- with-- with--
Jo: Melissa?
Bill: [trying to cover up his messup] I KNOW HER NAME. Yes! I'm happy with MELISSA.
Jo: You look happy. You're happy.
Bill: I AM.
[During Bill and Jo's argument, Beltzer notices a tornado forming ahead of them)
Beltzer: Shit. Shit! [on the radio] Hey, are you guys gonna wrap this up pretty soon?
Bill: WHAT?
Beltzer: [obviously sarcastic] Oh, nothing [clears his throat] I was just wondering if we were gonna chase this tornado, or just catch the next one.
Bill: SHIT!!
Jo: (when Bill hesitates to drive towards a tornado) Have you lost your nerve?
Bill: (laughs) Tighten your seatbelt! (tightens Jo's seatbelt and drives down the ditch)
Bill: Why can't we spend a normal day together?
[Jo and Jonas' chaser teams drive alongside one another on the same road to intercept a tornado. Bill, driving lead with Jo and Melissa, looks up at the tornado, then suddenly steps on the brake, stopping his truck and the rest of the team following]
Jo: What're you doing? What're you doing?!
[Jonas and his driver Eddie briefly look back in confusion, but keep driving]
Bill: Look at the updraft, the angle. It's gonna shift its track.
Jo: Are you sure?
Bill: Oh yeah, it's definitely a sidewinder...It'll move left.
Melissa: Is that bad?
Bill: Wasn't there a road back there–?
Jo: [Sees what Bill saw] You're right. Go, go, go, go, go!
[Bill quickly reverses, then turns left onto another road, the rest of the team following]
Melissa: [Her phone rings. She answers] Hello? Donald, now's not a very good time for me, I'm – okay, put Julia on...
[In his truck, Jonas is calculating the track of the tornado. Eddie's watching the tornado, sees it starting to turn.]
Jonas: Looking good, looking very good. Alright, now about four miles south, hang a right, let's deploy, and we'll be done.
Eddie: Uh, Dr. Miller?
Jonas: [Looks up and sees the tornado's new heading] Shit, shit, IT'S MOVING AWAY! God!
Eddie: [Sees Bill's team down a different road] Looks like they're gonna intercept.
Jonas: [Looks with his binoculars in surprise at where Bill's team is] Dammit, Tony, I thought you told me this thing was gonna stay on the same heading!
Jo: (after finding a barn full of sharp instruments) Oh my God, who are these people?!
Bill: I don't think so!
(a house crashes in front of Bill and Jo and they have no choice but to drive through it)
Bill: I think we're going in! (they scream as they drive through the house and out the other side) ...Maybe we should get off this road.
Jo: I think you're right.
Dusty: (after Jo and Bill drive through an explosion) Jo, Bill did you see that explosion?
Jo: ...We saw it.
Rabbit: Try to find this road. It's like Bob's Road...
Dusty: (realizes a tornado is coming) Jo, Bill, it's coming! It's headed right for us!
Bill: (staring at the nearby tornado with Jo and Mellisa) It's already here! (to everyone nearby) Everybody underground now!
(Bill pulls Jo to the truck as she fights)
Jo: Beltzer will tell us if drops near us!
Bill: It's not gonna drop near us, its gonna drop right on us!
(they get out just as the tornado drops where they just were)
Jo: Where's the road Rabbit?!
Rabbit: It should be any second!
(the group come out on the road a moment later and nearly crash into Jonas' convoy)
Preacher: HELLO. Shit.
Mellisa: (after being caught in a tornado while chasing it with Bill and Jo; frightened to tears) When you told me you used to chase tornados, deep down I always thought it was a metaphor!
(Jo and Bill are arguing about Melissa, and don't notice a tornado)
Beltzer: Hey, are you gonna wrap this up?
Bill: WHAT?
Beltzer: [obviously sarcastic] Oh, nothing, I was just wondering if we were going to chase this tornado or just catch the next one.
Bill: SHIT!!
[Melissa is giving therapy to a patient over the phone.]
Melissa: She did not marry your penis. Ok, she didn't ONLY marry your penis.
Dusty: Bill, she just missed the truck!
[After their first attempt to launch Dorthy fails. Jo is picking up parts, while Dusty is chuckling]
Dusty: Well, there's some good news. It DID fly. What was it like?
Jo: ...It was windy.
Dusty: Windy. [Chuckles] That's intense.
Jo: Alright, get out of the way, Dusty.
Dusty: That's intense. That's intense.
Jo: [After her truck is destroyed, looking over at Bill's truck] Do you have full coverage on that truck?
Bill: Liability only.
Jo: Liability only...Well, it's a very pretty truck.
Melissa: Thank you.
[Bill smiles and realizes what she is thinking]
Bill: Don't even think about it. [Jo looks at him] NO WAY.
Rabbit: Y'know, in a severe lightning storm, you want to grab your ankles and stick your butt in the air.
Haynes: He's right. If you're gonna get hit it's the safest orifice.
Joey: Yeah, I'd like to get hit by lightning once, y'know, see what it's like.
Rabbit: God Meg, you got alot of beef. Where'd you get all this beef?
Aunt Meg: Did you see my cows out front?
Rabbit: No.
Aunt Meg: Op...aaah!
[laughter from everyone]
Rabbit: Oh.
Dusty: You slaughter your own cows! Meg, nice!
Melissa: I was just wondering why do you call Billy "The Extreme"?
Dusty: 'Cause Billy is The Extreme.
Preacher: Bill is most out-of-control sonofabitch in the gang!
Bill: No, I think I came in 2nd. [Gives Jo a look, who smirks back]
Dusty: Oh, I've seen The Extreme in high gear.
Jo: You guys need to come up with some new stories. I'm gonna go clean up. [Leaves to take a shower]
Dusty: So we get this one near Daleton right?
Rabbit: Oh, god.
Dusty: And we are way too close. And Jo's got the vid on it right, she's filming it. And all of the sudden outta nowhere, this shitty lookin' green Valiant comes pulling up right in the way.
Beltzer: [points to Bill] And this loser stumbles out of the car, he's got like a bottle of Jack Daniel's in his hand...
Dusty: He is naked!
Rabbit: He is buck naked.
Beltzer: Naked!
Bill: NOT naked! [laughter] I was not naked!
Beltzer: [whispering into Melissa's ear] He was without apparel.
Bill: Half naked.
Dusty: Naked. Ok, so Jo's yelling at him to get out of the way, right? [laughter] And he just strolls up to the twister, says 'have a drink', and he chucks the bottle into the twister, and it NEVER hits the ground.
Beltzer: The twister caught it and sucked it right up!
Bill: Honey, this is a tissue full of lies. See, there was another Bill, an evil Bill, and I killed him.
Dusty: I LOVE THIS GUY!
Preacher: No, that was a good size twister. What was it, an F-3?
Bill: Solid F-2.
Melissa: See, now you've lost me again.
Bill: It's the Fujita Scale. It measures the intensity of a tornado by how much it eats.
Melissa: Eats?
Bill: Destroys.
Lawrence: The one we encountered back there was a strong F-2, F-3 maybe.
Beltzer: Maybe we'll see some F-4's today.
Haynes: That would be sweet!
Bill: 4 is good. 4 will relocate your house very efficiently.
Melissa: Is there an F-5? [silence falls over the group] What would that be like?
Preacher: ...The Finger of God.
Melissa: None of you have ever seen an F-5?
Bill: ...Just one of us.
[A combine has just been dropped from a tornado.]
Jo: Debris! Dusty, we have Debris!
Bill: DEBRIS!!
Jo: RIGHT!!
[Bill swerves around the combine, more things drop in front of them]
Jo: LEFT! [Bill continues swerving] RIGHT! LEFT!
[They finally evade their truck getting destroyed]
Bill: What now?!
Jo: [breathlessly] I have no idea!
Jo: :[during an argument] Can I drive?
Bill: No!
Jo: Then will you? :[the truck is about to hit a tractor]
Bill: WOAH! [Swerves away] GODDAMN!
Jo: Where's my truck? [Jo's truck falls from the sky in the way of Melissa. Melissa screams hysterically, while at the same time able to swerve around it] There it is.
Bill: Melissa?!
[Melissa stops the truck, panting and in shock. The rest of the team goes to meet her. Dusty is there first]
Dusty: Did you just miss that truck? That's AWESOME! That's AWESOME!
Rabbit: Uh... yeah, trust me. Rabbit is good, Rabbit is wise.
Jo: :[cow flies by in the storm] Cow.
Melissa: [On the phone] I gotta go Julia, we got cows.
Jo: Another cow.
Bill: Actually I think that was the same one.
[Aunt Meg is being loaded into an ambulance]
Jo: Is she going to be OK?
Paramedic: We'll probably keep her overnight just to be safe.
Aunt Meg: Overnight? Forget it, I'm all right.
Jo: You're going to the hospital.
Aunt Meg: OK, I'll go, but I'm gonna drive myself.
Rabbit: Honey, your car is in a tree around the corner.
Aunt Meg: UUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Rabbit: You know, Jo, some of us couldn't help but notice how close we are to Wakita.
Jo: No.
Sanders: Aunt Meg wouldn't mind a pit stop, right?
Jo: No!
Dusty: Red meat! We crave sustenance!
Jo: Guys, we are NOT invading my aunt!
Dusty: F-food!
Rest of the Team: Food! FOOD!
Jo: Hey! We're absolutely not going!
Bill: Jonas! Son of a bitch!
Melissa: Who is that honey?
Bill: Jonas Miller. He's a nightcrawler. We all started out working in the same lab, but Jonas went out and got some corporate sponsors. He's in it for the money not the science. He has a lot of high tech gadgets, but he's got no instincts, and he doesn't have Dorothy.
Dusty: It's the wonder of nature baby!
[Bill sees Jonas talking to a camera crew about his D.O.T.3 system, then starts angrily walking toward him]
Jo: Bill?
Bill: Why didn't you tell me?
Jo: Bill, don't!
Joey: Uh, what?
Jonas: And what will soon be the center of all studies- [Bill punches Jonas off his hat and slams him against his D.O.T.3 system] Hey! Hey! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!
[Bill's team goes to stop Bill arguing with Jonas]
Bill: You son-of-a-bitch! What, did you think I wasn't gonna find out?
Jonas: Hey guys, get this loser off of me!
[Bill's team comes to pull Bill off of Jonas, so as Jonas's team pushing Bill away]
Jonas's team member #1: Alright! Back off! Back off!
Jonas's team member #2: Put your malfunction, man!
Joey: Come on, he's not worth it!
Jonas: What is the matter with you?!
Bill: [Tries to push at Jonas again] You stole my design, you son of a bitch!
Joey: Calm down!
Jonas: [Pushes Bill back] What the hell are you talking about?!
Bill: DOROTHY. You took her, you damn THIEF!
Jonas: [Realizes what Bill is talking about and smiles] Oh, I get it. You wanna take credit for my designs, is that it?
Bill: You're a liar. She was our idea and you know it!
Jonas: Unrealized idea. Unrealized.
Bill: That thing ain't worth shit! [Tries to attack Jonas again, Jo helps stop it]
Jo: Hey! Hey, guys! Bill! Guys! GUYS!!! Oh my guys! Get a grip on yourselves. We both know they'll never get that thing up in the air.
Joey: That's right!
Jonas: Well, let me enlighten you people. This baby has satellite com-link. We've got an onboard pulse Doppler, and we've got NEXRAD real-time. Today, we're gonna make history. So stick around, 'cause the days of sniffing the dirt are over.
Rabbit: Better than what you sniff.
Bill: We'll see who gets it first, PAL.
Jonas: Oh, and by the way...[Referring to Bill's new weatherman job] I really enjoy your weather reports. [Laughs and walks away]
[Some of Jonas's team members laugh]
Bill: [Tries to go after Jonas again] JEEZ, YOU SLIME!!! I'm not through with you, yet!

[Melissa sees the commotion. Jo's team holds Bill back until Jonas leaves, so as Jonas's team pushing Bill away. Bill then shoves them away, though still fuming]

Rabbit: Alright! Alright!
Bill: Come on! Come here! Come on! Come on! Get your hands off of me! Let go of me! OKAY!!!
Sanders: He's a corporate kiss-butt, man!
Jo: [Walks to Bill] I'm sorry. I should've told you.
Bill: [Glaring at Jo] ONE DAY. I'll give you one day. Whether she flies or not, I'm gone.
[last lines]
Allan: Hey, Jo, Bill, check out that sky!
Jo: You know what? I think we've seen enough. [Turns to kiss Bill]

Taglines

[edit]
  • There is a Mystery. Elusive. Unpredictable. Violent. It terrifies most scientists. But for a new breed... ...the challenge is saving lives. The Research is deadly. And the Laboratory is nature itself.
  • The Dark Side of Nature.
  • Don't Breathe. Don't Look Back.
  • Go for a ride you'll never forget!
  • If you can hear it, it's already too late!
  • Nature Sucks.

Cast

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