User:Tino768/Superbad (website)
Superbad is a web art website created in 1997 by Ben Benjamin, that, along with its wacky images, contains many bizarre quotes.
Pages
[edit]- Brad came over and we were
- playing with stuff in the
- garage.
- We were making secret
- potions out of the
- cleaning chemicals. And we
- were laughing really hard.
- And one secret potion
- stained part of the
- floor of the garage a greenish
- yellow color.
- And my Dad put his head in
- to say it was time for
- dinner and then he wanted
- to see what was so funny.
- But we didn't want to say.
- Then Dad came over to see
- and Brad was
- eating
- foil
Once upon a time there was an ugly man. He lived in the Jungle.
He was half man half monster. He ate green gorillas. When he was 3 he was very nice. Then when he was 12 he turned into a monster! His name is the purple graveyard monster.
His planet was called oookkyy. He has a space ship. It can go 8,000,000 miles a day. On thursday 1980 he went to earth that very day.
Then he saw another planet. It was called earth.
Then he landed in the Mississippi river.
Then the monster saw something. It was captan America!
Captan America fainted. He was hypnotized. Then he got unhypnotized. For that he shot a laser at him. Captan America took his shield out
and Palaaka! It reflected back to the monster!
...to be continued...
Laughing and smiling. Having a good time. Being silly. (alternate text of the picture of the kids.)
- <! Baaah>
- <! I am in command.>
- <! How dare you.>
(Seen when viewing the source)
Bees. Swarming buzzing bees. Tickling temperamental bees. Bees with pointy painful stingers.
The boy poured honey down his back and shook his buttocks left to right.
The naked crazy boy. He passed by the beehives, jogging not running. Taking his sweet innocent time, through the grass, toward the white perfumy clover field. The bees rose in a fuzzy brown boil, filtered out their hive, cleaved the air like an arrow aiming for honey-dripping bare-bummed Johnny. Little Johnny boy smiled broad and white, his feet advancing toward the clover, tossing his hips from side to side, breathless voice issuing forth, "Beeeeez. Zzzzzzzhahahahahaaaaaaaa."
Little Johnny boy slipped a finger between his perspiring crack, taking
away honey as if from the stale edges of a white bread sandwich. Johnny loved the bees, almost as much as the sticky sweet clinging of honey that formed and hung like stalactites from his perineum, dripped dripping drops.
The bees closed in. Thousands of bees, their murmuring buzzing chorus
titillating little Johnny boy, stingers angry and shining in the sun, quivering mad. Johnny jogged toward the clover field, licking his finger of the sweet sweaty honey. Honeybuns, Johnny thought, and laughed until he fell rolling over the start of clover. Honeybuns, thought Johnny, and he laughed, giggled, a smile playing over his bare freckled puss. "Beeeeeeez!" Johnny exclaimed, as a fuzzy buzzing cloud converged on little Johnny's honey sticky ass.
The sun rolled in golden fury, and hours later, when it had turned a dark
red, and sunset swollen, little Johnny boy lay stiff and puffy, pink and happy, dead stinking sweet.
I am hello. (Alternate text of the image of the man with red eyes.)
- The time: the distant future. The place: planet Earth.
- One hundred and one buttons.
- A brand of chips? A vitriolic tirade against monotheism? A Valentine's Day card from The Almighty?
- O fun? A wonder is sired now: an UFO
- Featuring the smell of a Kindergarten classroom.
- Keep hands and arms inside the puppet at all times.
- Everyone else is sick of them. Why aren't you?
- If The Three Stooges were alive today, they would probably go for some pancakes.
- Now it's your turn to wear the leather pants.
- Somebody stop him. He pet the goat; now he's licking his hands.
- What's cooking
- in the Superbad kitchen:
- 0. The bees.
- 1. Crown.
- 2. X Ray.
- 3. Chair.
- 4. Puppet.
- 5. o¬.
enjoy
Episode 7: Message from a dead man. (seen when viewing source)
- How hot dogs are made
- How to eat a hot dog
- How to wear discarded hot dog casings
- How to speak hotdog
- Show a hotdog you care
The Superbad Company creates balanced, self-sustaining communities where residents can live close to their employment. Today more than ever it makes sense to live, learn, work, shop and play in a masterplanned environment that offers all the benefits and enjoyments of a completed community. The Superbad Company Communities offer a range of housing, employment, educational, cultural, recreational and retail opportunities.
- neverdothis
- stalecrackers
- heisyourgodfather
- iwasgoingtotakethattowork
- OSHArequirement
- grilledfig
- chemicalplant
- dirtdevil
- littlelearnersmagicanswermachine
- feedtheneighborscats
- nosedropsareinaisle2
- itdrivesthesquirrelsbatty
and boy are my arms tired. (seen when viewing source)
what in the sam hill (alternate text of the blue superbad image)
Thanks for visiting
no msg (seen when viewing source)
- <! There's a long message for you from Arnie on the machine.>
- <! It starts like this: > (seen when viewing source)
Just so you know, we don't blame you.
I told you not to eat all the Raisinets.
<! There's a long message for you from Arnie on the machine.> <! It starts like this: > (seen when viewing source)
<! Steve tries to win Laura a computer by creating UrkelBot, a mechanical
Urkel that walks, talks, and thinks like Urkel.> (Seen when viewing source)
URKEL'S ROBOT HAS GONE HAYWIRE!
I'll be the one wearing the red cape, carrying the horsehead cane.
And I'll have on white gloves, a monacle, riding boots, and brown leather pants. (seen when viewing source.)
There's a long message for you from Arnie on the machine.> It starts like this:(seen when viewing source)
And smear some, of that cream cheese on my arm.
you
are
in
images
The pinto doesn't have a trunk. It is a hatchback. (alternate text of the picture of the pinto.)
what's in the trunk
- ««¦»» from outer-space
- ««¦»» wallpaper
- ««¦»» crown
- ««¦»» pancake
- ««¦»» circles
- ««¦»» scratchy
love is... superbad
- <! --3.what the world needs now.>
- <! -- .with luv from luv@superbad.com>
(seen when viewing source)
Superbad Behavior Modification Systems, Inc. (alternate text of the picture of the man in a tank top)
[bear] [stars] [foil] [crown]
Featuring:
- Lucky U Roulette!
- Crazy slots!
- And more!!!
Thousands of Jackpots Daily!! Superbad!! (alternate text of the picture of the neon cowgirl)
Characters
[edit]Listen, right now I'd tell you about how I almost won the Daytona 500, but when I told your father, he said never to discuss it with you. Because I respect your father, the story will have to wait.
So your father, your Uncle Jay and I were having a few drinks the other night. God bless your Uncle Jay, he serves a fine glass of whiskey. Anyway, your father and I were knocking a few of those back. And I was entertaining the both of them, reliving great moments from my racing days. As usual I had them both on the edge of their seats, when the alcohol started making your father drowsy.
I should tell you at this point that I mean no disrespect toward your father in telling you this, but he passed out cold on the concrete floor of your garage. In fact, he fell out of his folding chair, and his head somehow ended up sort of beneath his handsome '68 Corvette. Your Uncle Jay and I might have been concerned, but frankly, your father does this a lot. Again, I respect the man and I know you respect him equally if not more so.
Jay thought it would be kind of funny to dress your father up in your mother's clothes. I have to admit that Jay sure was right about that one. It was funny. It was damn funny. Unfortunately, we did get oil stains on some of her garments that your mother has apparently been unable to remove. And your father hasn't been willing to explain exactly how they got there. Well, your Uncle Jay also found your mother's camera and took several pictures of your father in your mother's green stretch pants. Mind you, they look fine on your mother. I often admire them on her, but on your father... He's a large man, you know.
Well, there should be some pictures coming back relating to this incident. I should hope that you, respecting your father as I know you do, would be interested in disposing of those pictures and the negatives--preferably before your mother has a chance to look at them. I would hope that you would not even be interested in looking at the pictures yourself, except to ensure that you're throwing away pictures of your father, and perhaps Jay and myself, but not of your family's recent trip to Tahoe.
-Wayne L. Hubris
Dear Kids,
Your Aunt Viv and I would both like to apologize for the incident which occured on Thanksgiving this year. We both felt strongly about the turkey neck, but certainly those feelings are not as strong as the feelings for the members of our family.
Please accept our apologies. I'm sure next year will be much better.
Love,
Uncle Jay
Dear Everyone,
I'm sorry, I can't write to
each of you individually, but
our family counselor said
it was important to get
this letter out to everyone
as quickly as possible.
It's sad that we have to
send a message like this.
We realize that almost all
of you who gave money to
Little Jay gave it in good
faith, but please, DO NOT
loan Jay Junior any
more money.
Jay Junior wasn't trying to
take advantage of anyone.
He just wanted to be certain
that he was getting enough
foods from the Meat Group.
The meat that can be returned,
will be. The meat that has
already gone bad, Jay Junior
will pay for out of his own
pocket. All of your money
will be returned.
Sincerely,
Viv